What is it like to be attractive?

soulsinging

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

"I don't expect you to look like a supermodel and you don't expect me to look like a supermodel, but I do expect you to work your ass off to pay the bills while I lay around on the couch all day watching novelas"? (All things being equal, of course.)

Exactly. I don't expect you to financially support me and vice versa, but I do expect that you will find me attractive and desire me while I lay around on the couch all day gorging on chocolate and growing bloated, farting, refusing to shower and totally unshaven... because what I look like should never have anything to do with how attractive I am.

Eh... you just don't get what I'm saying...

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

_

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

No, that's not what I'm saying and I'm pretty sure you know that and are just trying to be argumentative...

SPEEDY MCCREADY

the last few posts would make for a great thread....

discuss relationships and people pulling their weight financially in a relationship...

i know both males and females involved in relationships who just sit on their ass while the other person in the relationship works their asses off to make sure they can get by financially....

i also know a few people who are strictly involved in a relationship just because the other person can support them by feeding them...clothing them....and giving them shelter....

in other words they are whoring themselves.....because if left on their own they would be living in the gutter begging for cigarettes.......

then of course there are relationships where the hubby works while the wife stays home and raises the children......which is just fine in my eyes....but those relationships arent the norm anymore....

the norm seems to be both parents working...and forking over a boatload of money for child care....

iluvcats

we should ask Nacho what it is like to be attractive because he sure is a pretty cat.

I'm sure if he were allowed to go outside, he would get hit on.

soulsinging

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

No, that's not what I'm saying and I'm pretty sure you know that and are just trying to be argumentative...

Then I'm pretty sure you are wrong, because I'm not trying to be argumentative. That is exactly what you've been writing as far as I can tell. The guy has to put his own $ into the relationship, but the girl should never have to do anything to try to look attractive.

And since you liked saying my views on sex outside a relationship go both ways, your views on attractiveness go both ways too? I'd post an example I have in mind, but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned. Suffice to say, I suspect there are things you'd never consider doing for this man, no matter how great a guy he is:

http://sameritech.files.wordpress.com/2 ... man_03.jpg

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

pull your weight to be attractive? :shock: I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive as I am. I don't need make up to become something I'm not... cos I'm comfortable with myself as I am. Sure I wear make up the odd time... cos it can be fun... but I only wear it when I want to... not when I want to impress somebody cos that's a pretty sad way to be :(

iluvcats

Heineken Helen wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

pull your weight to be attractive? :shock: I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive as I am. I don't need make up to become something I'm not... cos I'm comfortable with myself as I am. Sure I wear make up the odd time... cos it can be fun... but I only wear it when I want to... not when I want to impress somebody cos that's a pretty sad way to be :(

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Heineken Helen

chiquimonkey wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

there is no effort needed to smile... at all see?

Also, smiling is part of a NATURAL beauty... it's not something somebody has to work at or put any effort into... or do to make somebody else happy. Smiling makes yourself happy

hang onto your hat, i agree with you :shock: hahaha actually smiling *gives* you wrinkles, i have some laugh lines, but it doesn't bother me. like you said, it makes yourself happy, and is natural

Lol, well put, any facial expression gives you wrinkles so, if you don't want wrinkles don't frown, don't laugh, get botox and then you'll be happy! I'd rather just get the wrinkles to be honest it's more fun.

Heineken Helen

iluvcats wrote:

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Honestly, most likely no. At PJ concerts, I know there's a great chance of being front row and having Mike or Ed right in front of me... and I don't wear make up to them... and I wear shit clothes cos they're gonna be destroyed. So they've already seen me in that state... no point NOW trying to impress them

iluvcats

Heineken Helen wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Honestly, most likely no. At PJ concerts, I know there's a great chance of being front row and having Mike or Ed right in front of me... and I don't wear make up to them... and I wear shit clothes cos they're gonna be destroyed. So they've already seen me in that state... no point NOW trying to impress them

your clothes get destroyed at a pearl jam concert? front row? lucky you sometimes at concerts, I might get a little beer on my shows, that's about it.

Heineken Helen

iluvcats wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Honestly, most likely no. At PJ concerts, I know there's a great chance of being front row and having Mike or Ed right in front of me... and I don't wear make up to them... and I wear shit clothes cos they're gonna be destroyed. So they've already seen me in that state... no point NOW trying to impress them

your clothes get destroyed at a pearl jam concert? front row? lucky you sometimes at concerts, I might get a little beer on my shows, that's about it.

I'm talking about the European GA shows... where you usually get drenched in sweat... and often very little of it is your own :oops: it's quite disgusting really if you give it much thought... so I don't and you'll often be sprayed with water by security guards passing it back.

in_hiding79

Heineken Helen wrote:

in_hiding79 wrote:

It doesn't take a lot of time...I get up at 7am to be at work at 8:15... and smiling is part of a beauty regime...do you know how many wrinkles you get by frowning?!?!?!

there is no effort needed to smile... at all see?

Also, smiling is part of a NATURAL beauty... it's not something somebody has to work at or put any effort into... or do to make somebody else happy. Smiling makes yourself happy

Well Helen, you got me there!!

_

iluvcats wrote:

we should ask Nacho what it is like to be attractive because he sure is a pretty cat.

I'm sure if he were allowed to go outside, he would get hit on.

He gets his way all the time.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

pull your weight to be attractive? :shock: I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive as I am. I don't need make up to become something I'm not... cos I'm comfortable with myself as I am. Sure I wear make up the odd time... cos it can be fun... but I only wear it when I want to... not when I want to impress somebody cos that's a pretty sad way to be :(

"I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive as I am. I don't need money to become something I'm not... cos I'm comfortable with myself as I am. Sure I work the odd day... cos it can be fun... but I only work when I want to... not when I want to impress somebody cos that's a pretty sad way to be"

Easy. My point is only that people have different "deal breakers" and attractiveness is no more or less legitimate than having a cool car, liking the same band, having the right job, desiring someone that shares your religious values, or any other standard you might have.

And I'm not saying every girl needs plastic surgery and to look perfect. I'm saying exactly what I was discussing earlier. If you're an overweight slob, don't whine about the fact that the guy next door that looks like (insert whatever guy you find hot) is shallow for not thinking you're as sexy as (insert hot girl) or not wanting to date you. Make an effort to change or deal with it.

And I also think you're lying through your teeth with that last sentence. Everybody wants to impress the people they care about. You may have a point that you shouldn't have to be 100% all the time and that they shouldn't drop you in the bad times, but if you think you should never have to lift a finger or make any effort to impress someone to keep them with you, you're in for a long life of unhappiness. The few who do have successful marriages all say the same thing: it's a lot of work and you have to make an effort to keep things going.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Honestly, most likely no. At PJ concerts, I know there's a great chance of being front row and having Mike or Ed right in front of me... and I don't wear make up to them... and I wear shit clothes cos they're gonna be destroyed. So they've already seen me in that state... no point NOW trying to impress them

Not at a concert. Suppose Ed left Jill and get set up on a blind date with you... if you say you wouldn't try to look your best, you're lying.

_

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

You're saying that's it's wrong for someone to have the expectation that you will pull your weight in a relationship by trying to be as attractive to them as they are to you, but that it is ok for you to have the expectation that they will pull their weight in a relationship by making sure they contribute financially to the relationship as equally as you do.

No, that's not what I'm saying and I'm pretty sure you know that and are just trying to be argumentative...

Then I'm pretty sure you are wrong, because I'm not trying to be argumentative. That is exactly what you've been writing as far as I can tell. The guy has to put his own $ into the relationship, but the girl should never have to do anything to try to look attractive.

And since you liked saying my views on sex outside a relationship go both ways, your views on attractiveness go both ways too? I'd post an example I have in mind, but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned. Suffice to say, I suspect there are things you'd never consider doing for this man, no matter how great a guy he is:

http://sameritech.files.wordpress.com/2 ... man_03.jpg

I'm saying the guy & girl should BOTH put their money into the relationship (provided they are equally capable of working) and they should BOTH be more concerned with who their partner is on the inside than on the outside - EQUALLY.

soulsinging

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

Then I'm pretty sure you are wrong, because I'm not trying to be argumentative. That is exactly what you've been writing as far as I can tell. The guy has to put his own $ into the relationship, but the girl should never have to do anything to try to look attractive.

And since you liked saying my views on sex outside a relationship go both ways, your views on attractiveness go both ways too? I'd post an example I have in mind, but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned. Suffice to say, I suspect there are things you'd never consider doing for this man, no matter how great a guy he is:

http://sameritech.files.wordpress.com/2 ... man_03.jpg

I'm saying the guy & girl should BOTH put their money into the relationship (provided they are equally capable of working) and they should BOTH be more concerned with who their partner is on the inside than on the outside - EQUALLY.

I got the impression you were going one further and saying that neither should ever be concerned with who their partner is on the outside at all... ie. that it's wrong for a guy to ever be turned off by a hairy woman with unshaved legs.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

"I couldn't be with someone who didn't find me attractive as I am. I don't need money to become something I'm not... cos I'm comfortable with myself as I am. Sure I work the odd day... cos it can be fun... but I only work when I want to... not when I want to impress somebody cos that's a pretty sad way to be"

Easy. My point is only that people have different "deal breakers" and attractiveness is no more or less legitimate than having a cool car, liking the same band, having the right job, desiring someone that shares your religious values, or any other standard you might have.

And I'm not saying every girl needs plastic surgery and to look perfect. I'm saying exactly what I was discussing earlier. If you're an overweight slob, don't whine about the fact that the guy next door that looks like (insert whatever guy you find hot) is shallow for not thinking you're as sexy as (insert hot girl) or not wanting to date you. Make an effort to change or deal with it.

And I also think you're lying through your teeth with that last sentence. Everybody wants to impress the people they care about. You may have a point that you shouldn't have to be 100% all the time and that they shouldn't drop you in the bad times, but if you think you should never have to lift a finger or make any effort to impress someone to keep them with you, you're in for a long life of unhappiness. The few who do have successful marriages all say the same thing: it's a lot of work and you have to make an effort to keep things going.

I like to look nice at times but I find it's got more of an impact if it's only on occasion. If you wear make up every day, it becomes part of your face... I went through a make up phase for a while and then felt horrible when I didn't wear it... even though I was quite happy beforehand so I stopped wearing it. I wasn't wearing any makeup when I met my boyfriend and, looking back on the pics of that night, I looked like shit... but he didn't think so

I love my boyfriend but somehow I manage to impress him by just being me :shock: I'm not lying... we're all different soulsinging. There's no point working to impress somebody cos you can't keep it up and that's when the relationship dies. Sure it IS work... but we're not working to simply impress eachother. We're working to ENJOY eachother

I couldn't go out with somebody with your standards... not cos I don't meet them but because I want somebody to love me for ALL of me... not cos I'm a trophy or make them look good or something... that's not much of a basis for a relationship.

Oh and that fat slob might find another fat slob to love her and make her happy just as the shallow hals find eachother.

Heineken Helen

in_hiding79 wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

in_hiding79 wrote:

It doesn't take a lot of time...I get up at 7am to be at work at 8:15... and smiling is part of a beauty regime...do you know how many wrinkles you get by frowning?!?!?!

there is no effort needed to smile... at all see?

Also, smiling is part of a NATURAL beauty... it's not something somebody has to work at or put any effort into... or do to make somebody else happy. Smiling makes yourself happy

Well Helen, you got me there!!

If smiling's part of a beauty regime, then you win, cos I put plenty of time into smiling no effort though

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

iluvcats wrote:

would you fix your hair or apply make up if you had advance notice that you were meeting pearl jam?

Honestly, most likely no. At PJ concerts, I know there's a great chance of being front row and having Mike or Ed right in front of me... and I don't wear make up to them... and I wear shit clothes cos they're gonna be destroyed. So they've already seen me in that state... no point NOW trying to impress them

Not at a concert. Suppose Ed left Jill and get set up on a blind date with you... if you say you wouldn't try to look your best, you're lying.

I'm a realist... not a hypotheticalist Ed's a fantasy. It would never happen. Although when I go on dates, I do make an effort to look good... cos we usually go somewhere nice. I never said I'm AGAINST wearing make up or dressing up... I actually enjoy dressing up but I do it when I want to or to please me not cos I think it's something that SHOULD be done. I also think society continuing to tell people they have to look good if they wanna find someone rather than focussing on finding someone whose personality will complement theirs is just silly. Sure usually people are attracted to eachother initially cos of looks... but you need to get ON if you wanna stay together. You and Pam just seem to be trying to push the idea that looks are everything... they're far from it.