What is it like to be attractive?

in_hiding79

iluvcats wrote:

I loved that movie, "Shallow Hal."

Me too.....it was a great fantasy!

in_hiding79

Heineken Helen wrote:

in_hiding79 wrote:

A woman not shaving or waxing her lip is really gross...who wants to talk to you if you have hairy legs, armpits and have a mustache...ewwwww. I hope you're kidding! If you're not, then being single is really not by choice! :?

ehhh... not all of us HAVE a moustache to begin with... or even hairy lips You're silly!

No, not all of us have a mustache , but some women do and it's hideous! (Waxing is affordable)

The whole thing is that everybody can be attractive if they took just a little bit of time to make themselves look better. Woman could Put a little bit of blush on, brush their hair, and smile. You will be surprised how wonderful a smile can be and what it makes a person look like...I feel everyone is attractive in their own way and with a little help everybody will be happy!

mfc2006

i'm so glad that i don't have to wax anything. just the thought of it makes me cringe. ouch!

_

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

I wouldn't necessarily leave... that might be hard on the kids and when you leave them they take half your money and property, so it might be a pricey proposition. But I'd stop having sex with her and seek sex elsewhere.

I hope you're at least up-front with her about that so she knows what she's getting into. And I hope you're okay with her seeking sex elsewhere as soon as your looks take a turn for the worse.

Of course I am. Fair is fair. Women are selfish and shallow too. I learned very well not to be surprised or bothered when she decides she can find better. That's human nature. I can't fight it and neither can she.

The fact is, there's no such thing as eternal marital love. There's just settling... being too tired or bored to bother anymore, so you become willing to take what you've got in order to have a long-term friend/roommate with easy access to sex. All marriage is is finding a good friend you can put up with for a while that will also let you screw them from time to time. Yeah, it's love. But it's not special or different or better than the love you feel for your best friends or your family. It just is.

And the thing to keep in mind is that no matter how much you THINK you love each other, it's only because you both figure you can't do a whole lot better. You've reached a good balance of attractiveness and livable personality and you're willing to stop. But when it comes down to it, the second your significant other thinks they can do a bit better and finds someone or something that fits the bill, they will toss you aside and go for it. Humans aren't built for monogamy. What's the divorce rate? Over 50%. Of the remaining 50% how many have cheated and stayed together? Have open relationships? Are miserable and stay together only out of obligation or because it's easier? Tons. You're talking maybe 25% of marriages TOPS being happy loving marriages, and probably 90% of those are from wet-brain religious folks. Look around here... how many members just since this board switch have been divorced, cheated on, dumped, had their hearts broken. Compare that to the number of people on here who married one person and stayed with them ever since and are happy as pigs in shit about it and never once strayed from said spouse or vice versa... how many such couples are there here? 3? 4?

The reaction I get is priceless... feigned, self-righteous pity about how I'm shallow and just don't understand true love. Bullshit. I understand it quite well and also felt firsthand just how cheap and disposable it is in the end. The desperate attempts to act like I'm not speaking true or I'm some sort of shallow bastard are such transparent attempts by people to cling to what they know isn't true... that life can have a fairy tale happily ever after disney ending... where an ugly person is seen as gorgeous and some deep spiritual bond overpowers all our base animal characteristics developed over millenia of evolution. The great part is that so much of it comes from single people... still hoping one day they'll find this nonexistent selfless "higher plane" of human sentiment and activity.

I'm not living in a fairy tale; I'm just as cynical as you are. I get it. Relationships suck. People cheat. You fall in love with someone you feel you can trust and they leave you. (Sorry that happened to you, by the way.)

But here's the difference between what you and I are saying: You seem to think it's natural for life/love to be this way and are willing to settle. I don't and I'm not. Guys ask me out all the time, but I choose not to start relationships with people who like me only for my physical appearance. But you're fine with that system. I would rather be alone (what's wrong with that anyway?) than be with someone who loves me only until the next hot girl comes along (and there will ALWAYS be someone hotter out there somewhere) or because they settled.

Fuck settling. Why would I want to share my home and my life with someone who doesn't make me genuinely happy? That would be more trouble than it's worth. Women used to do it for the financial stability, but now we are able to provide for ourselves. For the sex, you say? When I want to have sex I have no problems getting laid. Being tied down would only limit my options.

If you want to live with that attitude, go for it. As I said before, the primary problem I have with it is when someone convinces someone else to fall in love with them - and, God forbid, get married & have kids - without being honest that they have no intention of being faithful long-term. If you are, in fact, totally honest about your values, I give you props for that.

_

JordyWordy wrote:

LongRd. wrote:

Is this a weird feeling to have regarding being attractive? ....perhaps it's more to do with with confidence, I don't know.

All my life, I've always had a hardtime keeping a steady job so at times I'm very low on money. I tend to be much less active and less motivated. For example: If I'm chatting up with a chick at a bar or someplace, and I find out she has a respectable job or career, I try my best to void going any further- regardless of how hot she is.

I don't know, is this just a guy thing? :oops:

i kinda know what you mean.... ive had times where im like that. eventually stopped doing it, but yeh, for me it was definitely a confidence thing. ill probably get it again at somepoint, hopefully not. its a very non-sensical thing to do really, but it was definitely tied in to the "not motivated, not feeling that attractive" thing.

I've known guys like this and to me it's analogous to the women who feel insecure about their looks. Just as I wish it weren't that way for women, I also wish it weren't that way for men. You don't have to have money to be valuable. (I will admit, however, that I don't want to financially support you.) You don't have to buy women drinks and pay for everything when you go out. And you certainly don't have to be intimidated by women with good careers.

On a side note, I have a female friend who's a doctor and I'm sure this works against her when it comes to finding guys to date. It's a lose/lose situation all around then.

Heineken Helen

in_hiding79 wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

ehhh... not all of us HAVE a moustache to begin with... or even hairy lips You're silly!

No, not all of us have a mustache , but some women do and it's hideous! (Waxing is affordable)

The whole thing is that everybody can be attractive if they took just a little bit of time to make themselves look better. Woman could Put a little bit of blush on, brush their hair, and smile. You will be surprised how wonderful a smile can be and what it makes a person look like...I feel everyone is attractive in their own way and with a little help everybody will be happy!

I'm so glad I don't live in your world... how do you find time to cook... or to live??? :shock: :(

so brushing your hair and smiling are now part of this beauty regime? Perhaps you should have made it clearer... you were giving the impression that in your world everybody has to spend hours simply making themselves presentable enough to leave the house. An attractive smile is not work nor is it part of a beauty regime

If everybody's attractive in their own way, why do they need help? Just to make others happy? If they're attractive in their own way and they're happy like that, why bother wearing some blusher?

_

Heineken Helen wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

Is this supposed to make some sort of sense? You talk about a guy that is NOT superficial and dates ugly girls and say what a jerk he was... how does that prove anything?

I haven't dated any particularly superficial women that I recall... I'm not really a hot guy so such women wouldn't have much interest in me. Though I will soon (hopefully) be making good money, so maybe a few will come my way... something to look forward to! I've dated one or two super hot, super smart girls, a few very pretty and incredibly sweet girls, a few average girls that I thought were cool, and one or two psychos. But I've never dated ugly and I won't... you can't maintain a relationship with someone that holds no sexual desire for you. And I've had my share of female friends that were very very cool but that I never even considered dating because there weren't remotely attractive.

The only difference between a good friend and a significant other is that you hook up with the latter and not the former. What does a girl offer me that I can't get from a good friend other than sex? So why should attraction have no role whatsoever in who I choose to date?

:? huh? I thought you champion the idea that men and women can't be JUST friends??? Oh and you may never have 'dated ugly' but I'm sure those 'average' girls you dated may have been ugly to some people

I think he's talking about male friends. You know, because women are only good for fucking. :roll:

Heineken Helen

scb wrote:

I've known guys like this and to me it's analogous to the women who feel insecure about their looks. Just as I wish it weren't that way for women, I also wish it weren't that way for men. You don't have to have money to be valuable. (I will admit, however, that I don't want to financially support you.) You don't have to buy women drinks and pay for everything when you go out. And you certainly don't have to be intimidated by women with good careers.

On a side note, I have a female friend who's a doctor and I'm sure this works against her when it comes to finding guys to date. It's a lose/lose situation all around then.

I think it's kind of a natural/caveman thing... women are supposed to have the kids and men are supposed to provide for them. If you're not happy with her earning more than you, I think it shows that you want to take care of her... and it emasculates you if she's doing the providing. Ehh... ok, that's my psychoanalysis of the day

Heineken Helen

scb wrote:

I think he's talking about male friends. You know, because women are only good for fucking. :roll:

I'm glad I don't live in soulsinging's world either :oops:

I'm sure these 'ideals' work for some people... but not my kinda people.

in_hiding79

Heineken Helen wrote:

in_hiding79 wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

ehhh... not all of us HAVE a moustache to begin with... or even hairy lips You're silly!

No, not all of us have a mustache , but some women do and it's hideous! (Waxing is affordable)

The whole thing is that everybody can be attractive if they took just a little bit of time to make themselves look better. Woman could Put a little bit of blush on, brush their hair, and smile. You will be surprised how wonderful a smile can be and what it makes a person look like...I feel everyone is attractive in their own way and with a little help everybody will be happy!

I'm so glad I don't live in your world... how do you find time to cook... or to live??? :shock: :(

so brushing your hair and smiling are now part of this beauty regime? Perhaps you should have made it clearer... you were giving the impression that in your world everybody has to spend hours simply making themselves presentable enough to leave the house. An attractive smile is not work nor is it part of a beauty regime

If everybody's attractive in their own way, why do they need help? Just to make others happy? If they're attractive in their own way and they're happy like that, why bother wearing some blusher?

It doesn't take a lot of time...I get up at 7am to be at work at 8:15... and smiling is part of a beauty regime...do you know how many wrinkles you get by frowning?!?!?!

soulsinging

scb wrote:

But here's the difference between what you and I are saying: You seem to think it's natural for life/love to be this way and are willing to settle. I don't and I'm not. Guys ask me out all the time, but I choose not to start relationships with people who like me only for my physical appearance. But you're fine with that system. I would rather be alone (what's wrong with that anyway?) than be with someone who loves me only until the next hot girl comes along (and there will ALWAYS be someone hotter out there somewhere) or because they settled.

Fuck settling. Why would I want to share my home and my life with someone who doesn't make me genuinely happy? That would be more trouble than it's worth. Women used to do it for the financial stability, but now we are able to provide for ourselves. For the sex, you say? When I want to have sex I have no problems getting laid. Being tied down would only limit my options.

Who said anything about settling? I agree with all of this.

soulsinging

scb wrote:

I've known guys like this and to me it's analogous to the women who feel insecure about their looks. Just as I wish it weren't that way for women, I also wish it weren't that way for men. You don't have to have money to be valuable. (I will admit, however, that I don't want to financially support you.) You don't have to buy women drinks and pay for everything when you go out. And you certainly don't have to be intimidated by women with good careers.

On a side note, I have a female friend who's a doctor and I'm sure this works against her when it comes to finding guys to date. It's a lose/lose situation all around then.

That's a bit hypocritical. You say the pressure put on women to look good is wrong and the pressure put on men to be financially successful is wrong; then, if a guy wants a woman that cares about looking good he's shallow, but if a woman wants a guy that cares about making his own money... well that's just reasonable.

in_hiding79

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

I've known guys like this and to me it's analogous to the women who feel insecure about their looks. Just as I wish it weren't that way for women, I also wish it weren't that way for men. You don't have to have money to be valuable. (I will admit, however, that I don't want to financially support you.) You don't have to buy women drinks and pay for everything when you go out. And you certainly don't have to be intimidated by women with good careers.

On a side note, I have a female friend who's a doctor and I'm sure this works against her when it comes to finding guys to date. It's a lose/lose situation all around then.

That's a bit hypocritical. You say the pressure put on women to look good is wrong and the pressure put on men to be financially successful is wrong; then, if a guy wants a woman that cares about looking good he's shallow, ... but if a woman wants a guy that cares about making his own money well that's just reasonable.

That is very hypocritical! :?

_

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

I've known guys like this and to me it's analogous to the women who feel insecure about their looks. Just as I wish it weren't that way for women, I also wish it weren't that way for men. You don't have to have money to be valuable. (I will admit, however, that I don't want to financially support you.) You don't have to buy women drinks and pay for everything when you go out. And you certainly don't have to be intimidated by women with good careers.

On a side note, I have a female friend who's a doctor and I'm sure this works against her when it comes to finding guys to date. It's a lose/lose situation all around then.

That's a bit hypocritical. You say the pressure put on women to look good is wrong and the pressure put on men to be financially successful is wrong; then, if a guy wants a woman that cares about looking good he's shallow, but if a woman wants a guy that cares about making his own money... well that's just reasonable.

No it's not hypocritical. Financially supporting oneself is a nuetral position. I'm saying I don't expect a guy to take care of me financially and I don't think he should expect me to take care of him financially. How is not wanting to pay someone else's rent at all analogous to expecting someone to look a certain way? Maybe I should phrase it differently: I'll date you if you're homeless, but I won't buy you a house.

soulsinging

scb wrote:

No it's not hypocritical. Financially supporting oneself is a nuetral position. I'm saying I don't expect a guy to take care of me financially and I don't think he should expect me to take care of him financially. How is not wanting to pay someone else's rent at all analogous to expecting someone to look a certain way? Maybe I should phrase it differently: I'll date you if you're homeless, but I won't buy you a house.

Yeah, I can see how that could lead to a stable, loving marriage right there. He stays on the street and you refuse to let him into your home until he gets a job. It's not like you're putting any conditions on what standards the guy must meet in order to consider a serious relationship with them.

If it's such an unreasonable burden for women to shave their legs just to please a man, how is it reasonable to demand that your spouse or significant other give up 40 hours a week when you make enough to pay the mortgage on your own just to please you?

How is not wanting to have all sexual desire killed every time you look at your significant other completely different from expecting someone to make a certain base income?

Heineken Helen

in_hiding79 wrote:

It doesn't take a lot of time...I get up at 7am to be at work at 8:15... and smiling is part of a beauty regime...do you know how many wrinkles you get by frowning?!?!?!

there is no effort needed to smile... at all see?

Also, smiling is part of a NATURAL beauty... it's not something somebody has to work at or put any effort into... or do to make somebody else happy. Smiling makes yourself happy

_

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

No it's not hypocritical. Financially supporting oneself is a nuetral position. I'm saying I don't expect a guy to take care of me financially and I don't think he should expect me to take care of him financially. How is not wanting to pay someone else's rent at all analogous to expecting someone to look a certain way? Maybe I should phrase it differently: I'll date you if you're homeless, but I won't buy you a house.

Yeah, I can see how that could lead to a stable, loving marriage right there. He stays on the street and you refuse to let him into your home until he gets a job. It's not like you're putting any conditions on what standards the guy must meet in order to consider a serious relationship with them.

If it's such an unreasonable burden for women to shave their legs just to please a man, how is it reasonable to demand that your spouse or significant other give up 40 hours a week when you make enough to pay the mortgage on your own just to please you?

You've got to be kidding, right? For one thing, who said I make enough to pay the mortgage on my own? For another thing, are you saying it's not reasonable for people to pull their weight in a partnership? How is it a partnership to say, "I don't expect you to look like a supermodel and you don't expect me to look like a supermodel, but I do expect you to work your ass off to pay the bills while I lay around on the couch all day watching novelas"? (All things being equal, of course.)

chiquimonkey

i'm late to the thread but just wanted to throw my 2cents into the jar. not sure what it is like to be beautiful....but in general i don't want to be in anybody's shoes but my own. even the most gorgeous people have their own issues and demons to deal with, i'll keep my own. and as for society....99% of it is populated by idiots, so like i care what it thinks lol

Heineken Helen wrote:

there is no effort needed to smile... at all see?

Also, smiling is part of a NATURAL beauty... it's not something somebody has to work at or put any effort into... or do to make somebody else happy. Smiling makes yourself happy

hang onto your hat, i agree with you :shock: hahaha actually smiling *gives* you wrinkles, i have some laugh lines, but it doesn't bother me. like you said, it makes yourself happy, and is natural

soulsinging

scb wrote:

"I don't expect you to look like a supermodel and you don't expect me to look like a supermodel, but I do expect you to work your ass off to pay the bills while I lay around on the couch all day watching novelas"? (All things being equal, of course.)

Exactly. I don't expect you to financially support me and vice versa, but I do expect that you will find me attractive and desire me while I lay around on the couch all day gorging on chocolate and growing bloated, farting, refusing to shower and totally unshaven... because what I look like should never have anything to do with how attractive I am.

_

soulsinging wrote:

scb wrote:

"I don't expect you to look like a supermodel and you don't expect me to look like a supermodel, but I do expect you to work your ass off to pay the bills while I lay around on the couch all day watching novelas"? (All things being equal, of course.)

Exactly. I don't expect you to financially support me and vice versa, but I do expect that you will find me attractive and desire me while I lay around on the couch all day gorging on chocolate and growing bloated, farting, refusing to shower and totally unshaven... because what I look like should never have anything to do with how attractive I am.

Eh... you just don't get what I'm saying...