Acquaintance Rape

Options
1…5681011…24

Comments

  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    mookie9999 wrote:
    Are you flipping back and forth from the penthouse forum and here?!?!? Where is anything pointing to anything but poor judgement here? Everything points to her wanting to fool around?!?!? Maybe if YOU invited a girl over to watch movies that would be YOUR intention, but how does it make it everyones? When you do pass the bar and start trying cases I hope the "Look what she was wearing" defense isn't in your arsenal of creating reasonable doubt!

    look what she was wearing is barred by the federal rules of evidence. it is not a defense. read my post above. that does not mean he should have gotten her to sign a legal consent form before he tried to kiss her. it is utterly reasonable for him to have thought she wanted to fool around. period. none of his behavior was horrible or extraordinary until AFTER she said no. if she had not said no and had gone for it and loved it, you'd all be here congratulating her on seducing him or him on taking the plunge and going for it. the only thing that changes this from being a steamy one night stand to sexual harassment is her saying no. prior to that, yes, all of her decisions make his reaction reasonable. that does not in any way excuse his behavior after she said no. but it does not make the fact that he thought she might want to fool around some sort of sex crime. it does not make him trying to kiss her a sex crime. he was reasonable in reading the situation and thinking "let's give it a shot." then she said no. it should have stopped there. it didnt. and THAT is why he was wrong. not becos he judged her invitation and clothing to be an appeal to fool around. but becos he wouldnt stop after she asked him. making a mistake in perception is NOT a crime. continuing with that course of action after being informed that your perception is mistaken IS a crime.
  • in_hiding79
    in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    Indian Summer wrote:
    my wife is dark complected and can pull off the Hispanic maid perfectly....accent and all.

    sweet!! How nice for you!!
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    in_hiding79 wrote:
    wrestling is fun, but we all know what happens next! (Sexy time) SO yes, I guess I am a bit kinky and I dress in my school girl outfit when I feel it, so my husband knows what's up...hehehe

    i will never forgive my gf for having gotten rid of hers. but hers wasn't hot anyway. i think she was the class prude... skirt's way longer than the ones they wore at my school :(
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    soulsinging wrote:
    look what she was wearing is barred by the federal rules of evidence. it is not a defense. read my post above. that does not mean he should have gotten her to sign a legal consent form before he tried to kiss her. it is utterly reasonable for him to have thought she wanted to fool around. period. none of his behavior was horrible or extraordinary until AFTER she said no. if she had not said no and had gone for it and loved it, you'd all be here congratulating her on seducing him or him on taking the plunge and going for it. the only thing that changes this from being a steamy one night stand to sexual harassment is her saying no. prior to that, yes, all of her decisions make his reaction reasonable. that does not in any way excuse his behavior after she said no. but it does not make the fact that he thought she might want to fool around some sort of sex crime. it does not make him trying to kiss her a sex crime. he was reasonable in reading the situation and thinking "let's give it a shot." then she said no. it should have stopped there. it didnt. and THAT is why he was wrong. not becos he judged her invitation and clothing to be an appeal to fool around. but becos he wouldnt stop after she asked him. making a mistake in perception is NOT a crime. continuing with that course of action after being informed that your perception is mistaken IS a crime.


    I agree with most of what you are saying except for you extreme version of reaching for things that are not there. Unless the OP did some drastic editing, nowhere does it mention anything about kissing, making out, etc. Furthermore, she states that she was wearing old digs she wears around the house. Put aside your speculation about what did/did not happen and we are almost on the same page.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    in_hiding79 wrote:
    sweet!! How nice for you!!

    Her punishment for not having her Green Card, is my reward!
    "It's all happening"
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV94KF82WR8&feature=related

    would that have made you all happier with the situation? is this what the women around here want? becos god forbid a guy look at what she's saying, doing, and wearing to form impressions of her intentions towards him.
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    soulsinging wrote:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV94KF82WR8&feature=related

    would that have made you all happier with the situation? is this what the women around here want? becos god forbid a guy look at what she's saying, doing, and wearing to form impressions of her intentions towards him.


    If were posting youtube clips this seems appropriate:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU_UxHC-2o8

    I know you weren't speaking directly to me, but for the record I'm a guy.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • in_hiding79
    in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Her punishment for not having her Green Card, is my reward!

    oh dear...
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    mookie9999 wrote:
    If were posting youtube clips this seems appropriate:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU_UxHC-2o8

    I know you weren't speaking directly to me, but for the record I'm a guy.

    what's your point? would the video i posted make you happy? we no longer would have to worry about the power of "suggestion" ever influencing sexual behavior again. it could always be nice and professional.
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    soulsinging wrote:
    what's your point? would the video i posted make you happy? we no longer would have to worry about the power of "suggestion" ever influencing sexual behavior again. it could always be nice and professional.

    Hang on, I didn't watch your video. Give me 5 minutes and I'll be back.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    mookie9999 wrote:
    I agree with most of what you are saying except for you extreme version of reaching for things that are not there. Unless the OP did some drastic editing, nowhere does it mention anything about kissing, making out, etc. Furthermore, she states that she was wearing old digs she wears around the house. Put aside your speculation about what did/did not happen and we are almost on the same page.

    and i do think there was significant editing. she didnt say she wore old digs. she said what she was wearing did not matter and that it's clothing she commonly wears around the house. odd considering she also says that he explicitly mentioned that and then refuses to say just what that was. she also says it was an acquaintance and then seems to act like she barely knew the guy. there are just some odd things going on here and im not entirely sure she was pure as the driven snow while he was just this side of ted bundy. regardless, im glad she's ok and that nothing too bad happened and hope she never finds herslef in this kind of situation again.
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    soulsinging wrote:
    what's your point? would the video i posted make you happy? we no longer would have to worry about the power of "suggestion" ever influencing sexual behavior again. it could always be nice and professional.

    Your video was funny. Article 20? Good stuff! But with that being said, it is not indicative of what I want in life. However, since were in the mood for assuming, let's take the OP's post at face value and assume her intentions were to just watch videos in her comfy wear, now where is the "suggestion" other than from his own mind and perception? It is possible for someone to invite someone else over just for movies and drinks, is it not?
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • prytocorduroy
    prytocorduroy Posts: 4,355
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    Oooohh yeh, cos inviting someone over to watch a video is DEFINITELY sluttish for 'come shag, me horny' :rolleyes: It MAY well be... but you don't go EXPECTING it.

    I've experienced something similar from somebody I WORKED with and knew really well and had been out drinking quite a few times with. I was very very lucky that night and don't I know it... had to fight him off literally. Thankfully he was too off his face on all kinds of drugs to overpower me. It was a different story with the girl he brought home the following week though :( :mad: And I was in NO way asking for it and to even suggest otherwise, no matter how well meaning you put it, is just fucking ridiculous.
    Nowhere did I call her a slut, whore, whatever or imply that she was. Watching a movie at her house, alone, probably lights out, is basically a date. It's more of a date than going to the theater with someone. In a man's mind, that means that something is going down, I'd say 90% or more of the time. Again, not justifying or approving of his actions.

    And as far as your experience, the drugs are probably the culprit, not your co-worker. If he was "too off his face" then he obviously wasn't acting normal. You gotta be careful yourself.


    Anyway, this is a dead horse it seems, I just wanted to point out that you were putting words and ideas in my mouth.
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    mookie9999 wrote:
    It is possible for someone to invite someone else over just for movies and drinks, is it not?

    maybe if you're the same gender, and not gay. Or if its your sister (unless you live in Arkansas or West Virginia).
    "It's all happening"
  • MCG
    MCG Posts: 780
    tish wrote:
    Last weekend, I invited a man over to watch videos since the snow didn't call for going out for coffee. This guy took the invitation as sexual rights. Except for him (respecting) my "No's", I'd say he did everything but rape me. He said I was asking for it by the way I was dressed. And if I wouldn't do this, would I do that? And since I wouldn't do that, would I do this? In the words of Avril Lavigne, it was "badder than it sounds." I held the door open for him to leave and that took 15 painful minutes.

    The experience rates #2 in my top two worst times with a male. (The first, worst time being when I nearly divorced yet managed to help write a few hit songs...)

    That is disgusting. If you recieve anything short of a heartfelt apology you should press charges. Behavior like that should not be encouraged by letting it go unpunished.
    Which came first,
    the bad idea or me befallen by it?
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    mookie9999 wrote:
    Your video was funny. Article 20? Good stuff! But with that being said, it is not indicative of what I want in life. However, since were in the mood for assuming, let's take the OP's post at face value and assume her intentions were to just watch videos in her comfy wear, now where is the "suggestion" other than from his own mind and perception? It is possible for someone to invite someone else over just for movies and drinks, is it not?

    it is. assuming she had no designs and she was wearing ratty old clothes like she claims, i still stand by my beliefs. maybe he's hopelessly socially inept to have read that as interest, but i still see no harm in him trying to kiss her. is that the barometer of sexual assault? doesn't matter what the perp was doing, it's all about whether or not the "victim" thought he was ugly and couldnt believe he tried to kiss her? in that event, i would say his belief in her being interested was unreasonable, but there is still no crime in him trying to kiss her if he wanted. again, the issue becomes his reaction when she tells him no. whatever his reasons for initiating contact, it is not a crime. the crime is his persistence once he KNOWS she doesn't want it. not him trying to get some when he thinks she might be ok with it.
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    MCG wrote:
    That is disgusting. If you recieve anything short of a heartfelt apology you should press charges. Behavior like that should not be encouraged by letting it go unpunished.

    his word against hers, that will go nowhere.
    "It's all happening"
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    Indian Summer wrote:
    maybe if you're the same gender, and not gay. Or if its your sister (unless you live in Arkansas or West Virginia).

    LOL. But seriously, as a guy you may be hoping that movies = sex, but to assume and expect followed by being disappointed is asinine. That's the problem I've had with this thread. A lot of guys on here seem that expecting sex is ok up until the point of her saying no. As a guy in a committed relationship, I'm saying to hope is fine, to expect is foolish. That is all.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    mookie9999 wrote:
    LOL. But seriously, as a guy you may be hoping that movies = sex, but to assume and expect followed by being disappointed is asinine. That's the problem I've had with this thread. A lot of guys on here seem that expecting sex is ok up until the point of her saying no. As a guy in a committed relationship, I'm saying to hope is fine, to expect is foolish. That is all.

    I'm not saying the guy wasn't way out of line.....but to accuse him of rape is way off base.
    "It's all happening"
  • MCG
    MCG Posts: 780
    Indian Summer wrote:
    his word against hers, that will go nowhere.

    You don't necessarily need a conviction to deter this behavior. The embarassment of being accused of a sexual crime that your parents, family and friends all hear about would likely be enough of a deterent to keep him from doing it again at least. 2 or 3 accusations against this guy and the authorities would likely realize where there is smoke there is fire.

    More often than not, women don't report these things because they don't think anything will come of it and it leads to the guy thinking he has a free pass to do it again. Reporting it may not directly help the victim but it could prevent there from being future victims.
    Which came first,
    the bad idea or me befallen by it?

Categories