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Acquaintance Rape

SpunkieSpunkie Posts: 6,672
edited October 2023 in All Encompassing Trip
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Post edited by Spunkie on
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Comments

  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    maybe he took it as a "booty call".....and what exactly were you wearing?
    "It's all happening"
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    tish wrote:
    Last weekend, I invited a man over to watch videos since the snow didn't call for going out for coffee. This guy took the invitation as sexual rights. Except for him (respecting) my "No's", I'd say he did everything but rape me. He said I was asking for it by the way I was dressed. And if I wouldn't do this, would I do that? And since I wouldn't do that, would I do this? In the words of Avril Lavigne, it was "badder than it sounds." I held the door open for him to leave and that took 15 painful minutes.

    The experience rates #2 in my top two worst times with a male. (The first, worst time being when I nearly divorced yet managed to help write a few hit songs...)


    That fucking sucks.
    Good thing you're ok & nuttin bad happened to you.

    btw, what hit songs are you speaking of?

    btw again, shall we break his arm?
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • MattCameronKicksButtMattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    chadwick wrote:
    btw again, shall we break his arm?

    Yeah! Get chadwick to break his arm!
  • SpunkieSpunkie Posts: 6,672
    edited October 2023
    .
    Post edited by Spunkie on
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    tish wrote:
    It doesn't matter what I was wearing.

    sure it does.....this guy was apparently picking up some sort of signals from you. Sounds like you were being sort of a tease to get behavior like that out of him. I know it still doesn't make it right for him to keep it up after saying "no"...but I feel like you're not painting the whole picture....after all there are two sides to every story.
    "It's all happening"
  • justjoshingujustjoshingu Posts: 538
    as a man i feel like this

    why would i want a woman who wouldnt want me?

    granted i know a lot of women throw mixed signals but telling a guy to leave for 15 minutes is pretty damn obvious. i'm sorry that guys can be like that.

    and "dressing like that" might make a guy come up to you and try, but when you shoot him down that really is the definitve thing.
    mean people suck!
    but nice people sw****w

  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    tish wrote:
    It doesn't matter what I was wearing. I take my garbage out in those kick around the home clothes.

    No, I don't believe in having someone fight my wars for me, and believe in non-violence...if you can believe that MCKB!

    As for the music. I'm not telling. Gag order. I told my Mom. I don't think she buys it.

    yeah fighting sucks ass.
    the quote in my signature tells all about it.

    so be it @ your gag order thingy.
    you never showed your mom the check from the hit songs you help write?
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • binauralsoundsbinauralsounds Posts: 1,357
    Your title is misleading.. He did NOT rape you. He may have been all hands and wanted some, but didn't do that to you!
    And I have to agree... It does matter what you were wearing when you invited a guy over to be all alone with you. What signal did he get from you?
    As for the music...Why not just tell.
    Don't be a drama queen.
  • GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    sounds like you didn't know this guy very well. First date or something? Let this be a lesson that you shouldn't invite guys you don't know very well over to your house. I don't even let guys know where I live until after a couple dates.
  • SpunkieSpunkie Posts: 6,672
    edited October 2023
    .
    Post edited by Spunkie on
  • small town becksmall town beck Posts: 6,691
    Rape is a terrible, terrible thing. I don't believe any woman asks for it. Maybe sometimes she puts her self in a sketchy situ without realizing it. Could be young and naive. Don't ever assume that someone coming on too strong is even close to what being raped is like. Sure if you were playing Barry White and dressed in panties and a bra only he probably thought he was getting some.. that doesn't mean you can't change your mind and he shouldn't respect your right to say no.

    "it doesn't hurt when I bleed but the memories they eat me.. bring it on because I am no victim"
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    Clearly the dude sounds like a dumb fuck to me.
    She said no, he kept at it @ different angles=well what about this or this.
    The lady kept saying no, he kept @ it.
    She asked him to go=holding the door open for 15 minutes.
    He was/is a walking hard-on without any kinda class.
    Fuck him, he's a looser who can't approach a lady very well.
    And he's a beginning piece of shit.
    The list goes on but I stop here, thank you.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Indian SummerIndian Summer Posts: 2,296
    chadwick wrote:
    Clearly the dude sounds like a dumb fuck to me.
    She said no, he kept at it @ different angles=well what about this or this.
    The lady kept saying no, he kept @ it.
    She asked him to go=holding the door open for 15 minutes.
    He was/is a walking hard-on without any kinda class.
    Fuck him, he's a looser who can't approach a lady very well.
    And he's a beginning piece of shit.
    The list goes on but I stop here, thank you.


    What does that tell you about her taste in men?
    "It's all happening"
  • patrickredeyespatrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    Indian Summer wrote:
    What does that tell you about her taste in men?


    What a nice comment to make. I'm sure that makes Tish feel better.
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    Indian Summer wrote:
    What does that tell you about her taste in men?

    She should not/ any woman, her or whomever shouldn't invite a dude over to the house until she knows the dude a bit.

    He is prolly some hot lookin fuckin dude who has the integrity of a steaming pile of crap. (now she knows this)
    He probably can sweet talk some of the ladies a little bit, perhaps.
    He's probably not the smartest guy walking, my guess.

    edit: btw, your comment sucks ass.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • iluvcatsiluvcats Posts: 5,153
    chadwick wrote:
    Clearly the dude sounds like a dumb fuck to me.
    She said no, he kept at it @ different angles=well what about this or this.
    The lady kept saying no, he kept @ it.
    She asked him to go=holding the door open for 15 minutes.
    He was/is a walking hard-on without any kinda class.
    Fuck him, he's a looser who can't approach a lady very well.
    And he's a beginning piece of shit.
    The list goes on but I stop here, thank you.

    I agree. And, even if her outfit showed cleavage (for example) does not mean she asked for it. When our coworkers come to work with boobs displayed, does that mean they want to be attacked? I think not. It's the style.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • iluvcatsiluvcats Posts: 5,153
    avril lavigne? yikes.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • josevolutionjosevolution Posts: 29,525
    hey this is for the caveman who think that if a woman is wearing provacative clothes that she is asking to get raped get a fucking mind or beter yet jump off a building assholes ,an invatation to someones house doesn't translate to "come fuck me" guy's respect your womans words NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO means no .....
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • prytocorduroyprytocorduroy Posts: 4,355
    tish wrote:
    Last weekend, I invited a man over to watch videos since the snow didn't call for going out for coffee. This guy took the invitation as sexual rights. Except for him (respecting) my "No's", I'd say he did everything but rape me. He said I was asking for it by the way I was dressed. And if I wouldn't do this, would I do that? And since I wouldn't do that, would I do this? In the words of Avril Lavigne, it was "badder than it sounds." I held the door open for him to leave and that took 15 painful minutes.

    The experience rates #2 in my top two worst times with a male. (The first, worst time being when I nearly divorced yet managed to help write a few hit songs...)
    Perhaps you shouldn't be inviting men over to your house, alone and to watch videos, that you don't know that well. If you did know him well then I doubt this situation would have occurred because you would have predicted it or been aware of the possiblity that it would happen and avoided this man. Also seeing you describe him as "this guy", I'm under the impression that you just met or have bumped into each other a few times. I hope you know his name and a bit about him (where he works, neighborhood or city he lives in, stuff like that) at least.

    Be grateful you weren't raped and let this be a lesson. You've got to be careful!


    (Not to sound like a dick but....) I can understand why this guy thought he might score based on what you've posted, not justifying his actions or approving of them, just saying.
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    Indian Summer wrote:
    sure it does.....this guy was apparently picking up some sort of signals from you. Sounds like you were being sort of a tease to get behavior like that out of him. I know it still doesn't make it right for him to keep it up after saying "no"...but I feel like you're not painting the whole picture....after all there are two sides to every story.
    wow wow wow :o what a fucking asshole thing to say... and you're not the only one either. Believe it or not, it DOESNT fucking matter what she was wearing... guys can 'pick up vibes' but that certainly doesn't mean she's sending them. I've had guys 'pick up on vibes' from me that simply weren't there so to say that in some way he's not completely in the wrong is ridiculous.

    And yeh, unfortunately I too have learned to be pretty careful... shouldn't have to be that way at all but luckily you didn't learn the REALLY hard way :o
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    danny72688 wrote:
    Perhaps you shouldn't be inviting men over to your house, alone and to watch videos, that you don't know that well. If you did know him well then I doubt this situation would have occurred because you would have predicted it or been aware of the possiblity that it would happen and avoided this man. Also seeing you describe him as "this guy", I'm under the impression that you just met or have bumped into each other a few times. I hope you know his name and a bit about him (where he works, neighborhood or city he lives in, stuff like that) at least.

    Be grateful you weren't raped and let this be a lesson. You've got to be careful!


    (Not to sound like a dick but....) I can understand why this guy thought he might score based on what you've posted, not justifying his actions or approving of them, just saying.
    Oooohh yeh, cos inviting someone over to watch a video is DEFINITELY sluttish for 'come shag, me horny' :rolleyes: It MAY well be... but you don't go EXPECTING it.

    I've experienced something similar from somebody I WORKED with and knew really well and had been out drinking quite a few times with. I was very very lucky that night and don't I know it... had to fight him off literally. Thankfully he was too off his face on all kinds of drugs to overpower me. It was a different story with the girl he brought home the following week though :( :mad: And I was in NO way asking for it and to even suggest otherwise, no matter how well meaning you put it, is just fucking ridiculous.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • given2fly78given2fly78 Posts: 404
    Sheesh, glad you are ok!

    No means NO! Doesn't matter where you are or what you are wearing. Guy is a jerk and doesn't know boundries or respect.

    And to anyone who made nasty remarks - how would you have felt if this were your sister or mother. Shame on you. Just because someone comes over for movies doesn't mean he/she can hop into bed. Or should have any expectations.

    I'm really sorry you had to experience that.
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
    Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

    I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,529
    tish wrote:
    Thanks anyways Chadwick. Was sweet of you to offer.

    I was not dressed sexy. I will get to know people that I think are neat on neutral/safe turf next time. This experience has taught me to have clear, strong boundaries when inviting men over.

    I'm okay with not taking pride in my accomplishments. I'm more honored to be a small part in something good these days.

    rule #1 - every heterosexual man you know will want to and/or think about sleeping with you

    rule #2 - doesn't really matter how you're dressed, rule #1 applies

    rule #3 - never forget rule #1


    follow the 3 rules above and you can't go wrong. And ladies, remember every man is vulnerable in the same spot, no matter how big or tough a guy is. hit him in the balls and he will go down.
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,529
    given2fly78 wrote:
    Sheesh, glad you are ok!

    No means NO! Doesn't matter where you are or what you are wearing. Guy is a jerk and doesn't know boundries or respect.

    And to anyone who made nasty remarks - how would you have felt if this were your sister or mother. Shame on you. Just because someone comes over for movies doesn't mean he/she can hop into bed. Or should have any expectations.

    I'm really sorry you had to experience that.

    I agree with this - can't believe some of the comments. I guess the comments in this thread show why it's so difficult to convict people of rape and why women have such a hard time coming forward in cases.
  • drivingrldrivingrl Posts: 1,448
    Indian Summer wrote:
    sure it does.....this guy was apparently picking up some sort of signals from you. Sounds like you were being sort of a tease to get behavior like that out of him. I know it still doesn't make it right for him to keep it up after saying "no"...but I feel like you're not painting the whole picture....after all there are two sides to every story.

    It's called self-restraint. If a woman says "no," that's the end of the discussion. Period. No matter what she's wearing, no matter what she says, no means no. Any other response is a lack of self-restraint on the man's part.

    If I were you, I'd be very careful about saying things like this. It is never the victim's fault.
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    pjhawks wrote:
    I agree with this - can't believe some of the comments. I guess the comments in this thread show why it's so difficult to convict people of rape and why women have such a hard time coming forward in cases.
    these attitudes don't even surprise me anymore :eek: :mad: what the fuck's wrong with some people? Ya know when they say 'I'm not saying it was your fault BUT.................... ' :rolleyes: sometimes I just wanna punch them. There is never ANY excuse. Even though Tish was lucky enough to NOT get raped, it's still a scary situation to be in, cos until you get rid of them you're wondering how far it's gonna go.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,685
    Heineken Helen wrote:
    these attitudes don't even surprise me anymore :eek: :mad: what the fuck's wrong with some people? Ya know when they say 'I'm not saying it was your fault BUT.................... ' :rolleyes: sometimes I just wanna punch them. There is never ANY excuse. Even though Tish was lucky enough to NOT get raped, it's still a scary situation to be in, cos until you get rid of them you're wondering how far it's gonna go.

    Back on topic..
    While the guy was obviously a horny douche, am I wrong in understanding that he didn't physically touch her?
  • Heineken HelenHeineken Helen Posts: 18,095
    Rygar wrote:
    Back on topic..
    While the guy was obviously a horny douche, am I wrong in understanding that he didn't physically touch her?
    I don't know if he touched her or not but he didn't rape her... she said he tried lots.
    The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
    Verona??? it's all surmountable
    Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
    Wembley? We all believe!
    Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
    Chicago 07? And love
    What a different life
    Had I not found this love with you
  • sweet adelinesweet adeline Posts: 2,191
    no means no.
  • intodeepintodeep Posts: 7,228
    Sorry to hear you had a bad time. At least things were only difficult, it could have been worse

    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=265129&highlight=neighbor

    Is it the same person you were talking about here?
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