Let us write a story sentence by sentence.

'you think that i'm the only guy who thinks you're hot. this is not news anna.
what the fuck am i doing?'

davey stepped towards anna.

' i thought you should know i'm going away on assignment and i don't know how long i'll be gone. i thought after everything you should at least know.'

he managed a weak smile and remembered wby this meeting was so difficult for him.he still loved anna. he could at least admit that much. but not to her of course. besides she knew absence of love was not the reason they parted.

the shot of electricity that ran through my body when davey grabbed my arms threw me.

' you are the most damnable woman i've ever met anna.'

not seemingly caring that i was covered in paint and smelled like turpentine, he traced his fingers over my face and didn't pull his hand away when i bit his thumb, holding it between my lips daring him to do something. anything. he held my head with his other hand and returned my gaze. kissing my cheek while managing to remove his thumb, davey smiled. he held me close and kissed me on the lips.i thoght i was gonna melt. then he pulled away.

'this is not the way to do this. it's not fair to either of us. goodbye anna'

with that, davey left. he walked away and left me standing there feeling like a fool. the air left my body and i collapsed to the floor crying. of course he was right. he was right and i felt like a worthless whore practically begging him for release.

i shivered with the cold. when i looked down at my body i was filled with revulsion. so close. so close and now i had fallen. i knew that. my face was wet with tears again and i couldn't get control of myself enough to stop. sitting on the bare floorboards rocking back and forth trying to get it out, i could feel myself dying. i'm scared. if i could break my fingers i would.just to feel the pain. i pressed my fists to my forehead. i pushed the breath out and back into my nose hoping the sound of the whoosh it made would calm me. it didn't.i crawled towards my tool box. it overflowed with brushes and sticks and rags and look at that. my paperknife. that's what i was looking for. i propped my self against the wall and pressed that blade into my skin.it wasn't easy for me to do this. it always hurt. it always hurt and that was the point. i watched the blood bloom red form beneath my skin and i knew this is what i wanted. this was my life.........

i could taste the blood. my blood. i liked the metallic taste. but not today. turpentine didn't taste so good. i had to stop. i stood up and made it back into my studio. actually it was just an area in the living space, but it's where i worked. i put my hand to my face and smelled the blood. and the turpentine. putting my hand against the wall to steady myself, i leant my shoulder against it then and slid to the floor. i closed my eyes.i must have fallen asleep again, cause i woke to the sound of my name being called and someone roughly trying to pull me to my feet. it was vincent. i tried to pull away but he was much too strong for me right now. he voice was soft for a change.

'what are you doing to yourself anna?'

if i said i didn't know he would have believed me i'm sure. i saw freya talking on the phone. great. i wonder who the fuck she was talking to.

'think you can walk to the bathroom?'

vincent didn't wait for an answer, he just picked me up and carried down the hall. i was fine.i was alive wasn't i? fuck what an idiot.

so that's how i ended up at the farm. freya freaked out and managed to convince a doctor friend of hers that i was a danger to myself. well really, that can't have been too hard considering the state i was in. she never understood. i told her once that it was when i wasn't doing something destructive that was when she should worry. naturally when i said that, she worried. freya thought i was nuts. i wasn't. i mean i'm not.
i don't know how long she expected them to keep me here. but i knew it wouldn't be long. i'd be the model patient. tell them what they wanted to hear. express remorse for what i had done, though i was adamant that i was not trying to kill myself. which was the truth. i'd do their group therapy. see a counsellor one on one. take their referral for continuing management on the outside. i'd done this all before. what i didn't count on was my counsellor. his name was david. how perverse was that. at our first meeting we sat there in silence for close to twenty minutes. i had nothing to say to him and he allowed me to say nothing. finally he said if i wasn't going to say anything that i was wasting his time and i should leave. so, i stood up and left. he didn't make that mistake again.

what did i care. i was only in here for twenty eight days. then i was gone. they always want you to talk. somehow they think that it will make everything alright. get you to face up to what you've done. how you're feeling. that way you can start to go forward. get better. i was already the best i was ever going to be, so how could i possibly get any better.

'anna!'

i looked up to see david standing in the doorway. he motioned for me to join him. oh that's right it's confession time. i pushed myself out of the chair. took two steps and found myself flat on my arse. i looked up to see half the room sniggering. and there at the centre of it all was marie, the black clad manic depressive who thought she had the corner on mental chic. all i could do was ignore her. david made no attempt to help me. he stood and watched and waited to see what i'd do. what could i do. i picked myself up and sauntered out of the room, giving him a sideways glance as i went past. by the time he shut the door of his office i was simmering and more than wishing i was anywhere but here.

i picked at my wrist and waited for david to start. i was an expert at the waiting game.

fuck this. i'm leaving.
i stood up and made for the door.

i turned and looked at david and asked him to repeat it.

yeah, it says leave me the fuck alone.