'did you not hear me? painting is my way of coping. it is my medication i guess. and i'm good at it. to me, cutting is constructive. for me it's constructive.that's how i focus my present as you put it. i live for the day. the future is something i don't put great stock into. do you want to tell you what happened with davey that last night?'
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I heard you fine the first time and I replied to it. About Davey, well, if it is something you want to pursue feel free to talk.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
I'm sorry you feel that way. I however did not dismiss it. You just don't seem aware of it's significance to your lack of well being.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'no. what i do is recognise painting's significance in my wellbeing. you don't do that. and you do it without even having seen any of my work. you sit there with your thumb up your arse and refuse to see that without my painting i would be certifiable. i need you to acknowledge it's place in my life david.'
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
If you are not willing to listen Anna what is the use of acknowledging anything? I just said that painting is a good, positive and constructive way of confronting your inner demons. You just can't seem to except the fact that it is not enough at this point in your life. Look back on your past and you'll see a woman that has had difficulty going from one day to the next.
I would like you to have some tool's that will allow you to deal with the this more balanced.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'So you see my painting as what? a distraction that's stopping me from getting to whatever the hell it is that's got me whacked out in the first place?
you say my painting is a good thing. well thank you for telling me what i already know. and then you say that it's clearly not enough. i'm sitting here and telling you that my painting is enough. davey understood that. the few friends that i do have understand that. even freya acknowledges it.why can't you? I tell you that without my painting i would go out of my mind and you say it's not enough. all you talk about it getting balanced with my past. I don't even know what that means david. do you want me to tell you that my father was a drunk. that he'd hit my mother and us when he could catch us. that my sister and i got so good at reading the signs that even if we thought we heard him coming up the path we'd hide from him. do you want to hear that when i was seven he beat me so badly that i was in hospital for weeks. my mother killed herself because she couldn't cope. she didn't have anything. she had no escape. i know she loved that son of a bitch cause she told us girls so often. she said she loved him david. after she died, my father got sober but it was too late. he spent time in prison and me and my sister ended up with cousins. i started drinking when i was twelve just to get through the day. it didn't work. i had all this anger for my father and my mother and nowhere to put it. that's when the cutting began. and you know what david? it felt good to have somewhere to channel that anger. then someone suggested i paint. someone who helped me with a lot in my life. when he went away, i used my painting to get through that.and yes i still cut myself. but it worked. i'd still get angry and there were times when i didn't speak to anyone for days, sometimes weeks. i'd hide away in my room. or wander off. but it was always the painting and the cutting that got me through. and then someone told me that what i was doing was good and it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.'
i could feel myself losing control. i hated talking about myself. i didn't want to break down in front of david. but i could feel so much anger rising in me i had to leave that room. i stood up.
'so don't sit there and tell me i may as well be pissing in the wind david. because i know what it does for me and i know there is no bad there.'
with that i flung open the door and walked out. i picked up my pace until i was running out of the building and heading towards the lake. collapsing onto the sand i dissolved in tears.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I finished crying and looked at the refective lake, it was so peaceful, just surrounded by the sound of the night. The urge to go on a journey and to see the world made me smile, stars shone in the sky and I saw a comet flash
by, I got up and walked around the lake, I'll rest here tonight.
i heard the angry voices getting closer and before i could respond i felt myself being forceably pulled to my feet. my absence, of course had not been missed and a possse was put togetehr to bring me back. i don't know what time it was but the moon had passed it's halfway point on it's journey across the night sky.
'this is unacceptable anna. we have rules here and if you can't follow them, then you will ahve to ebremoved from the facility.'
this was music to my ears. so all i had to do was spend the night in the woods and i'd get to go home? then i remembered what david had said about my being sent somewhere that was far from here. i thought at the time he was just trying to scare me into confession. but as the hands around my arms remained tight and i tried to keep pace with my captors, the thought of being in a more secure facility became anathema to me. as we got to the front doors, i was released to walk on my own. Callie, the head councellor who had found me drifted off to the side and i saw her talk with david.i couldn't imagine what he was doing here. he didn't sleep here. i can only imagine that i was the cause of his presence. callie came back to me and with spoke to me in a gentle but firm tone.
'go to your room anna, we'll talk about this in the morning with david. we need to reassess your case. and don't even think about pulling a stunt like that again.'
i said nothing but trudged off to my room.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
In the conferences room that same evening me and my actions were discussed. It wasn't until weeks later that I found out why it was that I was transferred. It was more so my lack of willingness to really face the seriousness of my problems than my attitude towards the rules and regulations. I had given them nothing to work with, had I known the ugly out come of my manner then maybe I would have done things differently, but I doubt it was something that I was able to.
I had been trying to out run my tormented memories. Each day was just about dodging anything that could harm me, and apparently I did a lousy job doing so. I had been trying to avoid pain but my actions invited hurt more than they kept me from it. I could not take the things handed to me serious even in the slightest way. It was so far apart from my way of dealing that it wasn't something that I could even consider doing.
What do you make of this David?
Well, Callie, I told you before I have found no opening to reach her. I do not feel that I have or will be able to establish a connection. There is no basis trust whatsoever. She twists around my words and reacts to a distortion of what I said. I do not think we, in this setting can be of any help to her. She didn't come here out of her own free will and she does not feel the need to change. I doubt that Anna is able to recognise the seriousness of her condition.
I will advice in my report that she needs more intensive therapy than we are able to provide. Her rational and emotional being aren’t balanced and her reluctance to confront herself with her past makes it impossible for her to accept it and move past it. As far as I can tell her motivations and conduct are based on these issues. Would she be able to learn a more constructive way to deal with any problem that occurs then I see no need for medication. Also I would advice to give her some privileges she could lose rather than some she could win. I feel she needs to be clear on what is expected of her and she has to agree to that up front. She needs to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation and what the consequents are and what she needs to do to successfully end this.
The next morning I was called to the conferences room for a meeting about the night before.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
In the conferences room that same evening me and my actions were discussed. It wasn't until weeks later that I found out why it was that I was transferred. It was more so my lack of willingness to really face the seriousness of my problems than my attitude towards the rules and regulations. I had given them nothing to work with, had I known the ugly out come of my manner then maybe I would have done things differently, but I doubt it was something that I was able to.
I had been trying to out run my tormented memories. Each day was just about dodging anything that could harm me, and apparently I did a lousy job doing so. I had been trying to avoid pain but my actions invited hurt more than they kept me from it. I could not take the things handed to me serious even in the slightest way. It was so far apart from my way of dealing that it wasn't something that I could even consider doing.
What do you make of this David?
Well, Callie, I told you before I have found no opening to reach her. I do not feel that I have or will be able to establish a connection. There is no basis trust whatsoever. She twists around my words and reacts to a distortion of what I said. I do not think we, in this setting can be of any help to her. She didn't come here out of her own free will and she does not feel the need to change. I doubt that Anna is able to recognise the seriousness of her condition.
I will advice in my report that she needs more intensive therapy than we are able to provide. Her rational and emotional being aren’t balanced and her reluctance to confront herself with her past makes it impossible for her to accept it and move past it. As far as I can tell her motivations and conduct are based on these issues. Would she be able to learn a more constructive way to deal with any problem that occurs then I see no need for medication. Also I would advice to give her some privileges she could lose rather than some she could win. I feel she needs to be clear on what is expected of her and she has to agree to that up front. She needs to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation and what the consequents are and what she needs to do to successfully end this.
The next morning I was called to the conferences room for a meeting about the night before.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
like a condemned man walking the green mile. that's what it felt like in that short journey from my room to the conference room.
when i walked in, i was confronted by david, callie, my team leader faith and what do you know, my darling sister freya. i sat in the chair provided. and if i were a religious person, i probably would've started praying. but all i had to fall back on was me.
it was callie who spoke first.
'good morning anna.'
she surely didn't expect me to agree, so i said nothing.
'first i want to say that last night's little stunt wasn't unprecedented.so don't think sleeping out in the woods makes you special or different to any other client we've had here.'
so i'm a client. that makes it sound like some amount of volunteering was involved. and why would i feel special? after having my arms almost pulled from their sockets by two he-men. i bit my tongue. i knew now was not the time to share my honest opinion. callie continued.
'david and i have spoken and he feels that you are not living up to your end of the bargain. he feels you're being confrontational and seem to draw pleasure from distorting what he says to you in session. you are not here because we like you anna. you are here because your sister felt that you were a danger to yourself and she thought you needed more help that she could provide. and we want to help you. but we can't do that unless you recognise that you need that help. can you do that? don't answer me now. i want you to think about it. also in your sessions you've told david that the one thing you feel has helped you is your painting. now i'm willing to concede that you may be right in that. and we think that it is a direction we are willing to take with you. now it's up to you anna to give us something. for us to extend this show of faith in you, you have to have a little faith in us. we know what we're doing. we've all been doing it for years. i know that no two people are the same, nor would we treat two people the same. do you have anything to add david?'
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I just want to add Anna that it is now up to you to make this work. If you work hard you can take something with you on your way home, how long that will take that is entirly up to you.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
did they want me to say something now? is this how the game worked? i didn't think there was anything i could say that would get me out of here. i looked at freya but she wouldn't meet my gaze. guilty conscience i bet. she could get me out of here. after the twenty eight days were up, she could sign me out. not for the first time in our lives, i was at her mercy to do the right thing. that is, the right thing as i saw it. as i opened my mouth to speak, faith beat me to it.
'i'd like to add that in group sessions, anna had been co-operative. i wouldn't say she has poured her heart out but she has shared with us her feelings about davey and the loss of her child.'
i could feel freya's eyes boring into me. i hadn't even spoken to her about adalita's death. i slowly looked at her. i couldn't tell whether she was incredulous or was about to cry.
'and we have spoken about how much her painting means and what she gets out of it. quite frankly i'm amazed that her feelings about this aren't taken more seriously. it is a genuine attempt to keep her life on an even keel and until now it's the only coping mechanism that she feels comfortable with.sure we'd like her to be more open with us about her past but i think that it'll come if we give her time. you said yourself david that anna mentioned her father. and her mother. the fact that he abused the entire family i think is a breakthrough. and i believe that art therapy in anna's case is the reason she's even here sitting in front of us today.'
i could have kissed faith. she understood.
'i think we need to give anna more time. it'll come.'
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
We have discussed this quit thoroughly Faith and as you well know her painting is not up for discussion. I told you as I told Anna herself, it is great she has this to ventilate her thoughts and feelings. It however has not prevented her from harming herself. Even with her being able to express herself this way it will remain to be as it is, not enough. She needs more tool's to prevent her from slipping into a depression and behaviour that will led to harm to herself.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'so short of medication what do you propose david? you're sitting here telling us in your opinion what doesn't work with anna. give us some alternatives. cause clearly talking to you is working as well as you think her painting does. and in honesty i think it's you that's at fault'
the look david gave faith was one i had never seen before. she was going to bat for me, at the risk of alienating a colleague.what was freya doing here? she hasn't even said hello to me.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Callie spoke before David could reply. She asked Faith to go with her out side the room.
I know you are just an trainee here Faith, but I sometimes wonder if you are aware of this yourself. You do not put a colleague on the spot like that. If you have a different opinion you had the change last night to express that. Now is not the time. What you did is not professional. We agreed on a plan for treatment last night and you have not got the position nor the expertise to make this kind of judgement. Anna needs to be able to follow the line that we agreed upon, expressing any doubts that you might have is not in Anna's best interest right now. If it were up to David Anna wouldn't even be here right now. It is my judgement call that we are able to help Anna. Really Faith this is something that we will discuss again, but not now. I will go back inside and I think it best if you weren't there.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
at least anna knows there's someone in her corner. she talks to me callie. she doesn't talk to david.that's got to count for something. and i didn't agree to anything last night. david stated his position and you agreed without even knowing anna. yuo're right. i should have said something. i think anna's being railroaded. her art, almost her sole coping mechanism, is being pushed to the side. david says it's good thing that she has that outlet and leaves it there. has he seen anna's art? have you? i don't we can discuss it's significance without at least anna having a chance to explain it to us.
tell me honestly callie. do you think that david is the best counsellor for anna? do you think he will be able to get through to her. i don't think she'll let him. and that's not helping her as far as i can see. and david wanting to shuffle her of to Daylesford is a cop out. let me help her. i know i'm a trainee as you've said but at least she's sharing things with me i doubt she'll never tell david.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Faith I know you feel strongly about creative therapy, and it is a good way of letting people open up and talk about issues more easily. However just talking about our problems isn’t gonna solve them. She talks to you, that is good and that is a thing that will be build upon. True as that may be it is the only thing she has going for her right now. In every other aspect she has shown only reluctance to be here. And that is not something you can blame David for. She has to make a decision to work on herself otherwise we can’t help her. It is great that she confides in you, but you need her do something with that. If she doesn’t feel the need for change she will remain a risk to herself and the only option we would have is for her to be transferred to Daylesford.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
i didn't know what was going on outside with faith and callie. but i knew because it involved me that it couldn't be good. i did know that faith was more than willing to give me more of a chance than the others. i looked at freya until she turned away from my gaze.
'i hate you for putting me in here freya'
i stood up and pushed the chair away with my foot.
' you've trapped me the way He used to.'
there was no need for me to mention his name or the fact that normally i'd have described him as my father. even the thought of the word dad
has a repugnance that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. freya wanted to say something but i stopped her.
'save it. i don't want to hear it. it's too late for you to tell me that you had no choice.'
i turned to david.
'i want to go back to my room. can i go to my room please?'
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I understand you do Anna, but this meeting really needs to be finished with a conclusion of where we are going to go together. And seeing you are the one person to make that decision You need to be here with us. After that I think you can do so.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
i paced the room waiting for callie and hopefully faith to return. at the sound of freya's voice, i stopped and turned to face her.
'i was scared anna. that's why i had to put you here. i thought you were trully broken that night and it sacred me. i didn't know what else to do. i knew that i couldn't help you and vincent wasn't helping me deal with it. so i did what i had to do and if you can't see that them that's too bad. you're selfish to always make everything about you. i grew up in that house as well. i think you forget that.'
wow. i can'tbelieve it. freya finally found a voice. good for her. i still hated her for this though.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
At that moment Callie stepped back into the room she closed the door behind her. Let us continue Anna, the sooner this is all behind you. David signaled me to my chair with his eyes.
Isn't Faith coming back?
No Anna we will have to finish without her present.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
Well you missed a mirical, Freya finally spoke. Not that she said anything.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
OK she was sorry for putting me here, but alot of good that does me.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
If Freya could sink into the ground there and then she would have. It seemed as if she wasn't going to reply for lack of words, but finally she did. I don't want Anna to feel this way. I just wish she change her ways. I am scared for her, I already lost my mother and I do not want to lose my little sister as well.
« One man's glory is another man's hell.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
Comments
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I would like you to have some tool's that will allow you to deal with the this more balanced.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
you say my painting is a good thing. well thank you for telling me what i already know. and then you say that it's clearly not enough. i'm sitting here and telling you that my painting is enough. davey understood that. the few friends that i do have understand that. even freya acknowledges it.why can't you? I tell you that without my painting i would go out of my mind and you say it's not enough. all you talk about it getting balanced with my past. I don't even know what that means david. do you want me to tell you that my father was a drunk. that he'd hit my mother and us when he could catch us. that my sister and i got so good at reading the signs that even if we thought we heard him coming up the path we'd hide from him. do you want to hear that when i was seven he beat me so badly that i was in hospital for weeks. my mother killed herself because she couldn't cope. she didn't have anything. she had no escape. i know she loved that son of a bitch cause she told us girls so often. she said she loved him david. after she died, my father got sober but it was too late. he spent time in prison and me and my sister ended up with cousins. i started drinking when i was twelve just to get through the day. it didn't work. i had all this anger for my father and my mother and nowhere to put it. that's when the cutting began. and you know what david? it felt good to have somewhere to channel that anger. then someone suggested i paint. someone who helped me with a lot in my life. when he went away, i used my painting to get through that.and yes i still cut myself. but it worked. i'd still get angry and there were times when i didn't speak to anyone for days, sometimes weeks. i'd hide away in my room. or wander off. but it was always the painting and the cutting that got me through. and then someone told me that what i was doing was good and it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.'
i could feel myself losing control. i hated talking about myself. i didn't want to break down in front of david. but i could feel so much anger rising in me i had to leave that room. i stood up.
'so don't sit there and tell me i may as well be pissing in the wind david. because i know what it does for me and i know there is no bad there.'
with that i flung open the door and walked out. i picked up my pace until i was running out of the building and heading towards the lake. collapsing onto the sand i dissolved in tears.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
by, I got up and walked around the lake, I'll rest here tonight.
'this is unacceptable anna. we have rules here and if you can't follow them, then you will ahve to ebremoved from the facility.'
this was music to my ears. so all i had to do was spend the night in the woods and i'd get to go home? then i remembered what david had said about my being sent somewhere that was far from here. i thought at the time he was just trying to scare me into confession. but as the hands around my arms remained tight and i tried to keep pace with my captors, the thought of being in a more secure facility became anathema to me. as we got to the front doors, i was released to walk on my own. Callie, the head councellor who had found me drifted off to the side and i saw her talk with david.i couldn't imagine what he was doing here. he didn't sleep here. i can only imagine that i was the cause of his presence. callie came back to me and with spoke to me in a gentle but firm tone.
'go to your room anna, we'll talk about this in the morning with david. we need to reassess your case. and don't even think about pulling a stunt like that again.'
i said nothing but trudged off to my room.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I had been trying to out run my tormented memories. Each day was just about dodging anything that could harm me, and apparently I did a lousy job doing so. I had been trying to avoid pain but my actions invited hurt more than they kept me from it. I could not take the things handed to me serious even in the slightest way. It was so far apart from my way of dealing that it wasn't something that I could even consider doing.
What do you make of this David?
Well, Callie, I told you before I have found no opening to reach her. I do not feel that I have or will be able to establish a connection. There is no basis trust whatsoever. She twists around my words and reacts to a distortion of what I said. I do not think we, in this setting can be of any help to her. She didn't come here out of her own free will and she does not feel the need to change. I doubt that Anna is able to recognise the seriousness of her condition.
I will advice in my report that she needs more intensive therapy than we are able to provide. Her rational and emotional being aren’t balanced and her reluctance to confront herself with her past makes it impossible for her to accept it and move past it. As far as I can tell her motivations and conduct are based on these issues. Would she be able to learn a more constructive way to deal with any problem that occurs then I see no need for medication. Also I would advice to give her some privileges she could lose rather than some she could win. I feel she needs to be clear on what is expected of her and she has to agree to that up front. She needs to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation and what the consequents are and what she needs to do to successfully end this.
The next morning I was called to the conferences room for a meeting about the night before.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
I had been trying to out run my tormented memories. Each day was just about dodging anything that could harm me, and apparently I did a lousy job doing so. I had been trying to avoid pain but my actions invited hurt more than they kept me from it. I could not take the things handed to me serious even in the slightest way. It was so far apart from my way of dealing that it wasn't something that I could even consider doing.
What do you make of this David?
Well, Callie, I told you before I have found no opening to reach her. I do not feel that I have or will be able to establish a connection. There is no basis trust whatsoever. She twists around my words and reacts to a distortion of what I said. I do not think we, in this setting can be of any help to her. She didn't come here out of her own free will and she does not feel the need to change. I doubt that Anna is able to recognise the seriousness of her condition.
I will advice in my report that she needs more intensive therapy than we are able to provide. Her rational and emotional being aren’t balanced and her reluctance to confront herself with her past makes it impossible for her to accept it and move past it. As far as I can tell her motivations and conduct are based on these issues. Would she be able to learn a more constructive way to deal with any problem that occurs then I see no need for medication. Also I would advice to give her some privileges she could lose rather than some she could win. I feel she needs to be clear on what is expected of her and she has to agree to that up front. She needs to be made aware of the seriousness of the situation and what the consequents are and what she needs to do to successfully end this.
The next morning I was called to the conferences room for a meeting about the night before.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
when i walked in, i was confronted by david, callie, my team leader faith and what do you know, my darling sister freya. i sat in the chair provided. and if i were a religious person, i probably would've started praying. but all i had to fall back on was me.
it was callie who spoke first.
'good morning anna.'
she surely didn't expect me to agree, so i said nothing.
'first i want to say that last night's little stunt wasn't unprecedented.so don't think sleeping out in the woods makes you special or different to any other client we've had here.'
so i'm a client. that makes it sound like some amount of volunteering was involved. and why would i feel special? after having my arms almost pulled from their sockets by two he-men. i bit my tongue. i knew now was not the time to share my honest opinion. callie continued.
'david and i have spoken and he feels that you are not living up to your end of the bargain. he feels you're being confrontational and seem to draw pleasure from distorting what he says to you in session. you are not here because we like you anna. you are here because your sister felt that you were a danger to yourself and she thought you needed more help that she could provide. and we want to help you. but we can't do that unless you recognise that you need that help. can you do that? don't answer me now. i want you to think about it. also in your sessions you've told david that the one thing you feel has helped you is your painting. now i'm willing to concede that you may be right in that. and we think that it is a direction we are willing to take with you. now it's up to you anna to give us something. for us to extend this show of faith in you, you have to have a little faith in us. we know what we're doing. we've all been doing it for years. i know that no two people are the same, nor would we treat two people the same. do you have anything to add david?'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'i'd like to add that in group sessions, anna had been co-operative. i wouldn't say she has poured her heart out but she has shared with us her feelings about davey and the loss of her child.'
i could feel freya's eyes boring into me. i hadn't even spoken to her about adalita's death. i slowly looked at her. i couldn't tell whether she was incredulous or was about to cry.
'and we have spoken about how much her painting means and what she gets out of it. quite frankly i'm amazed that her feelings about this aren't taken more seriously. it is a genuine attempt to keep her life on an even keel and until now it's the only coping mechanism that she feels comfortable with.sure we'd like her to be more open with us about her past but i think that it'll come if we give her time. you said yourself david that anna mentioned her father. and her mother. the fact that he abused the entire family i think is a breakthrough. and i believe that art therapy in anna's case is the reason she's even here sitting in front of us today.'
i could have kissed faith. she understood.
'i think we need to give anna more time. it'll come.'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
the look david gave faith was one i had never seen before. she was going to bat for me, at the risk of alienating a colleague.what was freya doing here? she hasn't even said hello to me.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I know you are just an trainee here Faith, but I sometimes wonder if you are aware of this yourself. You do not put a colleague on the spot like that. If you have a different opinion you had the change last night to express that. Now is not the time. What you did is not professional. We agreed on a plan for treatment last night and you have not got the position nor the expertise to make this kind of judgement. Anna needs to be able to follow the line that we agreed upon, expressing any doubts that you might have is not in Anna's best interest right now. If it were up to David Anna wouldn't even be here right now. It is my judgement call that we are able to help Anna. Really Faith this is something that we will discuss again, but not now. I will go back inside and I think it best if you weren't there.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
tell me honestly callie. do you think that david is the best counsellor for anna? do you think he will be able to get through to her. i don't think she'll let him. and that's not helping her as far as i can see. and david wanting to shuffle her of to Daylesford is a cop out. let me help her. i know i'm a trainee as you've said but at least she's sharing things with me i doubt she'll never tell david.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'i hate you for putting me in here freya'
i stood up and pushed the chair away with my foot.
' you've trapped me the way He used to.'
there was no need for me to mention his name or the fact that normally i'd have described him as my father. even the thought of the word dad
has a repugnance that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. freya wanted to say something but i stopped her.
'save it. i don't want to hear it. it's too late for you to tell me that you had no choice.'
i turned to david.
'i want to go back to my room. can i go to my room please?'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'i was scared anna. that's why i had to put you here. i thought you were trully broken that night and it sacred me. i didn't know what else to do. i knew that i couldn't help you and vincent wasn't helping me deal with it. so i did what i had to do and if you can't see that them that's too bad. you're selfish to always make everything about you. i grew up in that house as well. i think you forget that.'
wow. i can'tbelieve it. freya finally found a voice. good for her. i still hated her for this though.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Isn't Faith coming back?
No Anna we will have to finish without her present.
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'can somebody tell me what i've missed ?'
i didn't want to be the one to talk. i waited for david. callie wasn't going to let me get away with being silent.
'anna? is there anything you have to say?'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'come on anna, it was more than that and you know it.'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
'freya. is that what was going on?'
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
i guess callie was turning this into that family therapy session freya didn't turn up for last week.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say