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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Because of all the cutting into her own flesh and the constant drinking. Nothing in her live is stable, she runs from one disaster to the next. We had to take her to the hospital the time before lost. I'm afraid one day she'll actually do what she says she hasn't. The will come a time that she'll pushed herself to far. She never got over our childhood, not that you ever fully do get over it. But she's so self destructive and she always has been. If she goes on like this, there will come a day that she loses control and she won't get it back. I don't want anything to happen to her.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    my slow clapping didn't win any fans. but the whithering looks i got were exactly what i was expecting.

    'well let's see shall we freya. our father drank and hit his wife. then when he was through with her he'd come after me because i was a stubborn little mule, which of course made me an easy mark because i'd go off at him. after a few months i learnt to steer clear of him. but more often than not he'd find me. and when he didn't then you were as good as anyone. he'd yell and break stuff. including us. he'd call mum a whore and said the same thing to us until i at least, made it true. he was a vicious man who thought it was okay to make his children stand on a cold kitchen floor in the dead of winter in
    bare feet and underclothes. he beat me so bad i ended in hospital. you remember that don't you freya? he'd ramble on about fuck knows what and confide in me that he knew that i understood cause he and i were the same. i was nine years old when i started to think i was losing my mind. i saw him hit by a car. i saw him beaten up more than once for mouthing off to strangers. he hit me for crying that day. said i had to toughen up. i was nine years old. then mum died and i hated her for leaving. i hated her for not taking me with her. i'd watch other kids with their dads and damn God for not giving me a real father. i just wanted it all to stop. drinking didn't help. so i drank more. thought maybe guys would. strike two on that account. but it didn't stop me from doing either. don't you see freya, i am in control. that's what the problem is. i don't cut myself because i'm out of control. i do it to hold myself together. it's my decision and no one elses.'

    i had to stop. if i kept talking i would've said things i didn't even want to admit to myself. things that'd do no one any good to know. i was tired. i wanted to go back to my room. when i looked at freya, she was crying. toughen up girl. toughen up.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    You are talking about control like you know what it is. Let me tell You Anna Palmer you know nothing about it. Do you seriously think making your body bleed has anything to do with control. Is opening your legs for every motherfucker that buys you some booze your idea of control. It is not you in control Anna it is your hurt that has control.
    You confront people with all sort of shit that you can throw at them, but when you are confronted yourself you react as a little child. You turn your back and never stay to listen to a reply anyone wants to give you. You in control don’t make me laugh little sister. You run from everything you ether do it literally or you do it buy drinking or fucking, and if that all fails, well, hell why not see if we can cut the pain out. Oh, now I’m forgetting something that goddamn painting of yours. You go run into that imaginary world and try to hide there. Why not confront your problems for once Anna. Stop with all your lame excuses and look at your life. It is a mess! Do something about it, you said dad told you to toughen up, he was right. You attention horny, thrill seeking egocentric cry baby.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    i couldn't believe what i hearing. all these years and freya finally has the balls to tell me what she really thinks of me.good for her. bitch. i could outshout her, i knew that. now was the time for a little calm. i lowered my voice and stared at my everloving sister.

    'screw you freya. that's so not fair. you know there has been no one since davey. you talk to me about my lack of control. what about you? stuck in a loveless marriage to a man who does screw everything in his sightline. the only reason vincent is still with you is because he knows you'll always be there for him. you think my cutting is a sign of lack of control. that i hide in my painting. take a look at your own life. i never said i was perfect. perhaps if you fucked a few more guys you'd have a little more self respect and stop judging my life.'

    that was mean. but she pissed me off. i'm not going sit there and take it while my sister calls me a whore. He did that enough times.

    'you want to know why i turn away when someone tries to convince me of something i usually don't want to hear? because if i didn't, i would have struck them. i would have lashed out with more than words and that would have made me just like Him. that was my deepest concern. that i would end up like my father.'

    and there it was. my sole reason for destroying myself and trying to hide in a world i didn't want to live in. i closed my eyes and pressed my fists into my eye sockets. breathe anna breathe.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    You seem to think it is a good thing that you turn away. What am I supposed to applaud you for not hitting people. You are 26 years old I think it isn’t unreasonable to expect you to bring up the courtesy to at least listen to other people when you drop a bomb on them.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    ' so are we talking about some specific incident here or just me generally disregarding everything you say freya?'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    I'm not just talking sbout me Anna. I seen you do it so many times that is more like some sort of housestyle than one incident.
    At that point Callie stood up to get the attention and told us to calm down.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    in unison freya and i looked at her. it was funny to see as sisters and as one we reacted to this 'threat'. callie turned to david.

    'i think that anna has made some progress here today. it gives you, david, something to build on with her. thank you for coming today freya. and anna i'd like to talk with you today after you've finished your chores. shall we say, my office at 3.'

    it was more a command than a request. i nodded and started towards the door. no one stopped me this time and i didn't look back at freya.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    I didn't feel like staying inside so I slipped outside. Not that I couldn't go there, I just didn't want anyone to join me. I had enough company for the rest of the day, unfortunetly I still had to meet Callie later. For now though I was free and alone.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    'what the fuck do you mean anna's locked up? i don't understand...what happened?'

    as davey stared at him, hamish tried to explain to his friend what had happened that night. as always he watched as davey stood on anna's side, railing at freya. whilst at the same time completely ignoring the fact that seeing her sister in meltdown gave freya no choice but to take the action she felt necessary. it was then that hamish realised that neither anna or davey would ever be free of each other. and that davey was as detrimental to anna's state of being as she was herself. for years he had stood by and allowed anna to continue on the path she had chosen. and been there only reinforce for anna that her behaviour was alright. when it clearly wasn't. he never pushed anna about her past, but was happy just to listen when she shared what little she did. when adalita died, the perfect opportunity arose for davey to really help anna, but as usual he took his cues from her and nothing was resolved. instead anna withdrew into her own world and davey went off and slept with that girl tanya. it occurred to hamish that davey needed anna as much as it appeared that she needed him. davey was anna's wall between the world she couldn't cope with sometimes and the world she created within her own mind. exactly what davye got out fo the situation, hamish wasn't sure about.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Well, she had a bit of an inner conflict I guess.

    Could you be a little less vague Hamish, what the fuck are you telling me?

    Alright, alright ease up friend. Anna had auto-mutilated and was drunk the night that made her end up there. I think it was the night you saw her last. Anyway, Anna had cut open herself and she was covered in paint. She was sitting against a wall unconscious when Freya found her. They brought her away to the clinic and that is where she is now.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    this was not news to davey. he had seen anna in this situation before. and in his mind, and anna's as it turns out, they had got through it. he couldn't believe that freya had freaked out enough for her sister to commit her. hamish noted with frustration that he didn't seem to be getting through to his friend.

    'you can't honestly think that anna was okay. they diagnosed her as bi- polar. bi-polar II they call it. think about it davey. the not sleeping, the days she wouldn't eat.the fact that sometimes even if you thought about touching her, she'd go off and then she'd be the opposite. that is not normal. there's this thing called hypomania where she seems off kilter but doesn't go right off her tree. that's what the drinking was about. it took a while but she's doing alright now'

    hamish hesitated before he went on.

    'anna doesn't want to see you davey. not even to say hello. she said she doesn't blame you for what happened because you thought you were doing the right thing. she said it would be too difficult for her if you were around.'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    She said that? Hamish this is not a thing I would what you joking about. I can't handle your weird shit right now. What did she say?
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    hamish always thought that davey figured anna couldn't do anything without him. he ws wrong opf course. anna did a lot of things that davey never knew about.

    'she just told me that it was time. that neither of you could go on with your lives knowing that the other would always be there. she needs you to acknowledge that perhaps you weren't the best person to try and help her. you know after what happened with tanya i was surprised that she forgave you.that really knocked her about considering your timing'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    My timing? What about it Hamish?
    It happened it had nothing to do with timing. If it did then it was the logical time for it to happen. I was feeling goddamn miserable and Anna was shutting me out as usual. That period was equally heavy for me. She wasn't there for me, Hamish! I wasn't able to help her if it was going to be a one way street. I have feelings to you know, Anna is not the only one who suffered. Fuck I wasn't the only one who needed forgiving.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    'well boo fuckin' hoo davey. anna had just lost her child. and you're saying that because she pushed you away, you could go and screw some other girl. what is wrong with you? that's the lamest excuse i've ever heard. anna wasn't exactly in her right mind and you think that's an a perect opportunity to cheat on her. she needed you and you weren't there. it doesn't matter that she "pushed you away", you should have been there man, you should've been there.'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    I needed her and she wasn't there. It happend.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    'and tanya was. yeah i get it davey'

    feeling a slight disgust towards his friend, hamish decided it was time for him to take his leave. he looked at his watch.

    'i've got to be somewhere. we'll talk later.'

    with that hamish left davey's studio.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Where do you think your going? Who the hell are you to judge me?
    It wasn't about you. It was between me and Anna, you know nothing about it. Ever lost a child Hamish?
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    slowly turning to face davey, there was no joy on hamish's face.

    'yes davey i have. and i'm not judging you you're doing that yourself'

    before davey could respond, hamish left, closing the door behind him. davey for his part, was riveted to the floor in shock. fuck. people and their secrets.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    How was I supposed to know, the man couldn't keep a girl around long enough to kiss him, let along get pregnant. Fuck him. I had judged myself long ago, I'm not in the mood to do it again. Who is he that he thinks he can judge me, that was what you were doing Hamish.

    Even though Davey had no intention of thinking about what Hamish said, he couldn't forget.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    anna was sitting in david's office, biting her thumbnail as usual. she looked up when he spoke.

    'so, how do you feel about going home tomorrow?'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Good, I guess.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    ' that's it?'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Well yeah I don't know it's weird. I've been saying nothing else besides I want to go since I got here, and now I don't know.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    ' if i said you'd been my most difficult client anna , i'd be lying. but that doesn't mean it hasn't been interesting to say the least. i know what you're feeling cause i've been where you are now. but i think these past few weeks have shown how much you are willing to take control of, i mean real control not that illusory control you thought you had. and how much of it you're willing to let go of, to ask for help. the fact that you're still sitting here when you could have left ten days ago, can attest to that. i'm not going to tell you the hard part's over cause it's not. now you have to work out how to apply what you learnt in here, out there, in the real world. and don't take this personally anna, but i don't ever want to see you again.'

    david smiled and closed anna's file.

    'you've still got a session with dr. mcintyre this afternoon. and then you're almost home free. who's picking you up tomorrow?'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    I don't know yet. I made a call to a friend, but he doesn't have a car himself. I have to call him back to see if he could borrow a car. Otherwise I guess there isn't another option then to call my sister.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    'you'd expect freya to drive you home after you basically accused her husband of adultery. i wonder if there's more to that story then you're telling anna.'
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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    karma defectkarma defect Posts: 5,483
    Now you are just being curious. And curiosity killed the cat remember. Anyway she'll come if I ask her.
    « One man's glory is another man's hell.
    You’re on the outside, never bound by such a spell.
    Together in the darkness, alone in the light.
    I took it upon me to be yours, Timmy,
    I’ll lead your angels and demons at play tonight......»
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    catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    the mona lisa smile anna gave david, told him that there was no way she was going to elaborate. truth be told, anna hoped she wouldn't be seeing her sister in the foreseeable future. she'd call hamish again. she knew johnny wouldn't refuse his brother a ride. he was one of the good ones, despite the dismissive attitude hamish sometimes showed him.
    when they were younger, anna did a lot of drinking with johnny.she was sure he was the keeper of many of her secrets. she was a talker when she drank and doubted she was silent when she was with him. in the beginning of her relationship with davey, it was to johnny that anna turned. hamish was having his own problems and didn't have the time nor the patience to deal with her. then johnny went away and no one heard from him for a couple of years. maybe she'd just call johnny instead.
    anna stood up and started to leave.

    'see you around david.'

    david smiled and anna disappeared into the hall.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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