sorry to hear that pearljgirl2010. your beaming smile in your avatar makes me smile whenever i see it. you have lots of virtual friends on here... only 8% of us are robots too. ...but which 8%.
Thank you...I'm usually a Happy Janet...and I think robots are pretty cool :-)
So, re: other comments...we've been married for 6 years and together for 10 (1/3 of my entire life!). we also keep saying, "what happened?? we were so happy..." big sigh...I guess some things change.
PB--I'm sorry you're also going thru something less-than-fun. If you need anything, or want to vent, feel free to PM me.
i have no advice...never been through it......just want to wish you the very best. i've watched my oldest sister go thorugh it, 2x, and it's definitely not an easy process to say good-bye to someone you loved....even if it's what you want and necessary. i think any long-term committed relationships goes through some very tough spots at times, i know we have....but i cannot truly even imagine what it's like to actually be at the stage you're at. so i wish you peace of mind and to focus on the future when you WILL absolutely be happy again. good luck with it all!
edit - i've just read the other comments in the thread, and to patrickbateman....have you two tried counseling? i know it sounds trite....but it sounds like you DO still want to give it a go, try and salvage your marriage. not saying it is a cure-all, but if either one of you at all hopes to work through it, couseling CAN work wonders for you both, if you both trull go into it with an open attitude. not saying it can *save* your marriage...you'd both still have to do the heavy lifting, but it certainly could arm you with tools to make it possible. and if not, you'll probably both learn a lot about yourselves, your relationship...and still come out ahead, knowing you gave it every shot....and armed with tools to help you in your life, even if seperately.
good luck to all going through difficult times.....no matter how cold the winter, there IS a spring time ahead!
PJG2010 I hope things get better for you soon and I may take you up on that venting someday;)
D2D- we tried the counseling a couple years ago. I took my lumps the first session, listened to everything they had to say and realized that I need to make some changes, no problem. Next session was my turn to say how I feel and the counselor agreed with my points and basically told my wife she also needs to change (compromise). Well, that was the end of counseling because according to my wife, she is perfect and shouldn't have to do anything.
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
PJG2010 I hope things get better for you soon and I may take you up on that venting someday;)
D2D- we tried the counseling a couple years ago. I took my lumps the first session, listened to everything they had to say and realized that I need to make some changes, no problem. Next session was my turn to say how I feel and the counselor agreed with my points and basically told my wife she also needs to change (compromise). Well, that was the end of counseling because according to my wife, she is perfect and shouldn't have to do anything.
:(
sad to read that.
does she still think she's *perfect*...?
idk, obviously i don't know you...her...your relationship....but i just always hope couples who were once obviously in love, especially a couple like yourself with 4 children.....would truly WANT to work it out, rediscover their love, etc. obviously, as long as it once was there....it CAN be rediscovered, and even BETTER....but absolutely BOTH of you have to truly want it. it is sad when ego gets in the way of healing and growth, especially when it affects others. perhaps if things are *bad* enough, she may reconsider her perfection...new counselor, new shot? otherwise, if things are just status quo, at a standstill.....seems communication and expressing what you want to happen, one way or another, is the only option at some point. well.....wish you the best. sometimes going it alone Is the best option, and i too wish you peace of mind, and much love for your children...
I haven't gone through this but I did end an engagement recently and that was really hard. I wish you luck! You'll get through it. I've had some hard hits but somehow life always goes on and I do believe things happen for a reason. Sorry you're going through it... at least you have good friends! That always helps!
me:
together 9 yrs (married 4)
split almost 3 yrs ago
separated 1.5 yrs
STILL not divorced.....
Been single ever since. Happy some days, miserable others - just like my marriage, just like bein single before I was with my ex, and just like my time with the girl before...'life is what you make it'.
My split was pretty amicable, but the actual, legal divorce has been a bitch so far...
I went thru a couple of tough months while adjusting...used another board to vent and found a lot of helpful advice that helped me thru. A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
I have to agree with this..... as lame as it sounds.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
I understand, I was like that too... since my ex was my only at the time.
my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
I have to agree with this..... as lame as it sounds.
yes, it sounds lame...but there aren't many people in the world that are not slaves to their ego...(tho I'm sure many are egotistical enough to claim that they're not )
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
Don't worry, it's not you....I seem to have that affect on women
A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. Not sure if that applies to everyone.
Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
Don't worry, it's not you....I seem to have that affect on women
my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.
If it wasn't for the 'share yourself' part, I'd have said that it doesn't sound like you really agreed with what I said...would've sounded like you're saying 'once you fall in love, things will start looking up'....which would be a little like telling someone with a dead dog to go get a puppy....is 'share yourself with' girl-code for 'someone you've always wanted to fuck'?
my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.
If it wasn't for the 'share yourself' part, I'd have said that it doesn't sound like you really agreed with what I said...would've sounded like you're saying 'once you fall in love, things will start looking up'....which would be a little like telling someone with a dead dog to go get a puppy....is 'share yourself with' girl-code for 'someone you've always wanted to fuck'?
i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
I know, I'm just being an ass. sorry if I turned your stomach
Best of luck to the OP...keep yourself busy, don't wait around for time to make things better...these forums can be a lot of help when you're stuck home alone during the tough times...but try to avoid being stuck home alone!
i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
I know, I'm just being an ass. sorry if I turned your stomach
Best of luck to the OP...keep yourself busy, don't wait around for time to make things better...these forums can be a lot of help when you're stuck home alone during the tough times...but try to avoid being stuck home alone!
you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again
we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again
we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.
ah, another venus/mars thing....having my sheets graced (that's a new one!) was about the only thing I was ready to accept right away
thanks for rubbing in the 'one year - divorce is final' part :P
you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again
we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.
ah, another venus/mars thing....having my sheets graced (that's a new one!) was about the only thing I was ready to accept right away
thanks for rubbing in the 'one year - divorce is final' part :P
can I ask why yours is taking so long?
once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
can I ask why yours is taking so long?
once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.
you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(
it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
can I ask why yours is taking so long?
once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.
you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(
it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(
it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
ahhh, yeah it can be expensive. I opted to not change my name just to save the cash... LOL. We didn't argue much about the divorce when it came down to it cause money was so tight and I think we were just done with each other (sad I know). Besides he knew not to make it difficult for me since I had proof of him cheating and drug use during the marriage.
I'm sorry it's been rough for you DO, where are you that it takes so long? You have kids?
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
That was like the fucking bat signal I knew you'd show up...actually a catchy tune ha!
I don't think it would have mattered?...the money issues are over child maintenance and visitation and the way it's been handled....and no, i'm not a deadbeat dad, and have never been late on a payment...I'm trying hard not to go into too much detail here, nor give a completely biased acount of it all....but let's just say...ya...imho.....catchy tune
Comments
(does that even apply... it's getting late and I'm afraid i'm not making sense now! :? )
take care
to be continued....
same to you.
night.
Thank you...I'm usually a Happy Janet...and I think robots are pretty cool :-)
So, re: other comments...we've been married for 6 years and together for 10 (1/3 of my entire life!). we also keep saying, "what happened?? we were so happy..." big sigh...I guess some things change.
PB--I'm sorry you're also going thru something less-than-fun. If you need anything, or want to vent, feel free to PM me.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
edit - i've just read the other comments in the thread, and to patrickbateman....have you two tried counseling? i know it sounds trite....but it sounds like you DO still want to give it a go, try and salvage your marriage. not saying it is a cure-all, but if either one of you at all hopes to work through it, couseling CAN work wonders for you both, if you both trull go into it with an open attitude. not saying it can *save* your marriage...you'd both still have to do the heavy lifting, but it certainly could arm you with tools to make it possible. and if not, you'll probably both learn a lot about yourselves, your relationship...and still come out ahead, knowing you gave it every shot....and armed with tools to help you in your life, even if seperately.
good luck to all going through difficult times.....no matter how cold the winter, there IS a spring time ahead!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
D2D- we tried the counseling a couple years ago. I took my lumps the first session, listened to everything they had to say and realized that I need to make some changes, no problem. Next session was my turn to say how I feel and the counselor agreed with my points and basically told my wife she also needs to change (compromise). Well, that was the end of counseling because according to my wife, she is perfect and shouldn't have to do anything.
:(
sad to read that.
does she still think she's *perfect*...?
idk, obviously i don't know you...her...your relationship....but i just always hope couples who were once obviously in love, especially a couple like yourself with 4 children.....would truly WANT to work it out, rediscover their love, etc. obviously, as long as it once was there....it CAN be rediscovered, and even BETTER....but absolutely BOTH of you have to truly want it. it is sad when ego gets in the way of healing and growth, especially when it affects others. perhaps if things are *bad* enough, she may reconsider her perfection...new counselor, new shot? otherwise, if things are just status quo, at a standstill.....seems communication and expressing what you want to happen, one way or another, is the only option at some point. well.....wish you the best. sometimes going it alone Is the best option, and i too wish you peace of mind, and much love for your children...
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
:(
check your PMs.
to pearljgirl and all of you going thru such a difficult time.....i truly wish you strength and peace, and all the best. happiness will come back.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
you're right....there are a lot of incredible around these parts :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
together 9 yrs (married 4)
split almost 3 yrs ago
separated 1.5 yrs
STILL not divorced.....
Been single ever since. Happy some days, miserable others - just like my marriage, just like bein single before I was with my ex, and just like my time with the girl before...'life is what you make it'.
My split was pretty amicable, but the actual, legal divorce has been a bitch so far...
I went thru a couple of tough months while adjusting...used another board to vent and found a lot of helpful advice that helped me thru. A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'.
Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.
Don't worry, it's not you....I seem to have that affect on women
If it wasn't for the 'share yourself' part, I'd have said that it doesn't sound like you really agreed with what I said...would've sounded like you're saying 'once you fall in love, things will start looking up'....which would be a little like telling someone with a dead dog to go get a puppy....is 'share yourself with' girl-code for 'someone you've always wanted to fuck'?
Best of luck to the OP...keep yourself busy, don't wait around for time to make things better...these forums can be a lot of help when you're stuck home alone during the tough times...but try to avoid being stuck home alone!
we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.
ah, another venus/mars thing....having my sheets graced (that's a new one!) was about the only thing I was ready to accept right away
thanks for rubbing in the 'one year - divorce is final' part :P
once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.
you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(
it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3vjN9k-sgM
Say "we want pre-nup!"
I'm sorry it's been rough for you DO, where are you that it takes so long? You have kids?
I don't think it would have mattered?...the money issues are over child maintenance and visitation and the way it's been handled....and no, i'm not a deadbeat dad, and have never been late on a payment...I'm trying hard not to go into too much detail here, nor give a completely biased acount of it all....but let's just say...ya...imho.....catchy tune