'I'm Seeing Someone'

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

Nope... I've always avoided assholes. I've pretty much only dated so called 'nice guys' and some of them have turned out to be assholes... at least if I'd known they were assholes from the beginning it probably wouldn't have hurt so much. Even after I found out and got rid of them some people were like 'how could you, he's such a nice guy' :eek: . Some of the nice guys made me wanna date bad guys... at least there's no illusion there :mad:

the problem with self-professed nice guys is they are insecure. they say they are nice becos they believe in that bullshit "star-crossed lovers" nonsense. they are more interested in that feeling for themselves than they actually are about the girl. sure, they make elaborate and ridiculous gestures, but only so that the girl will appreciate them and stroke their ego. once that initial honeymoon period ends, they get bored. they have no idea how to be selfless and how to care about her... they start to harbor resentment and track every slight against them (basically, start acting like a chick ) and feel as though they aren't appreciated enough for how wonderful they are becos they need constant validation and reassurance. eventually, they leave for another girl who brings back the exciting early feelings, and the cycle repeats itself. these nice guys don't care about the girl, they're addicted to the rush of new love and trying to fill the hole in their self-esteem.

genie

SoapMakesUTaller wrote:

I'm just making myself feel better.....:)

Like I said, I'm a nice guy....doesn't mean I'm a doormat. And I refuse to be the 2nd place trophy on any girls mantle. I simply don't have the low self esteem to blame myself for all this. I know I didn't do anything wrong. At least I can joke about it a little.

i agree

lksammkt

soulsinging wrote:

the problem with self-professed nice guys is they are insecure. they say they are nice becos they believe in that bullshit "star-crossed lovers" nonsense. they are more interested in that feeling for themselves than they actually are about the girl. sure, they make elaborate and ridiculous gestures, but only so that the girl will appreciate them and stroke their ego. once that initial honeymoon period ends, they get bored. they have no idea how to be selfless and how to care about her... they start to harbor resentment and track every slight against them (basically, start acting like a chick ) and feel as though they aren't appreciated enough for how wonderful they are becos they need constant validation and reassurance. eventually, they leave for another girl who brings back the exciting early feelings, and the cycle repeats itself. these nice guys don't care about the girl, they're addicted to the rush of new love and trying to fill the hole in their self-esteem.

Amen! They rush to the new relationship - for example...I work in the boating industry and so often I see guys drop $60K on a new wakeboard boat. They use it for a good 3 months, they are thrilled with its performance, handling, 'bling', and new features that they did not have on the old '04 wakeboboard boat. Pretty soon they are selling the new boat with less than 50 hours on it to go back to the old 400 hour 3 year old boat. Such is life - or maybe just mine.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

the problem with self-professed nice guys is they are insecure. they say they are nice becos they believe in that bullshit "star-crossed lovers" nonsense. they are more interested in that feeling for themselves than they actually are about the girl. sure, they make elaborate and ridiculous gestures, but only so that the girl will appreciate them and stroke their ego. once that initial honeymoon period ends, they get bored. they have no idea how to be selfless and how to care about her... they start to harbor resentment and track every slight against them (basically, start acting like a chick ) and feel as though they aren't appreciated enough for how wonderful they are becos they need constant validation and reassurance. eventually, they leave for another girl who brings back the exciting early feelings, and the cycle repeats itself. these nice guys don't care about the girl, they're addicted to the rush of new love and trying to fill the hole in their self-esteem.

somehow are you trying to make the 'nice guy' asshole seem like he's just misunderstood Seriously I couldn't give a fuck how fucking bored, selfless and resentful so called nice guy IS (which doesn't make him a nice guy) how does it make him a nice guy?

Yeh, I have a past which is why it pissed me off so much when someone would say 'oh how could you dump him? He's such a nice guy' even though he was fucking engaged to somebody else????? :eek: what's nice about that? Stop trying to validate bullshit please.

Heineken Helen

lksammkt wrote:

Amen! They rush to the new relationship - for example...I work in the boating industry and so often I see guys drop $60K on a new wakeboard boat. They use it for a good 3 months, they are thrilled with its performance, handling, 'bling', and new features that they did not have on the old '04 wakeboboard boat. Pretty soon they are selling the new boat with less than 50 hours on it to go back to the old 400 hour 3 year old boat. Such is life - or maybe just mine.

so why should WE waste our time on nice guys then if they're just gonna get 'bored'. And trust me, I have a lot of negative things about me... but I'm certainly not boring!

soulsinging

genie wrote:

hehe, reading this made me laugh

what men on this pit having been trying to say to us all this time is that they are saints, and the main one is St. SS and he's got a disciple Nothingman44...and few others....

i am a superior and enlightened being, but it's got nothing to do with being a guy.

as i've said in the past, humans in general are universally shitty creatures. and never more so than when trying to get laid. women aren't worse than men or vice versa, they're both just plain shitty. they just play different games. since i'm a guy, im more concerned about women's games and knowing how to beat them at them. when i offer advice about how shitty men are (as i did in this thread assuring helen her male friends would sleep with her if given the chance), it is ignored becos women don't want to believe it. they want to believe they will find a prince charming. most guys are prepared to accept the truth and reality. most women seem to prefer deluding themselves.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

somehow are you trying to make the 'nice guy' asshole seem like he's just misunderstood Seriously I couldn't give a fuck how fucking bored, selfless and resentful so called nice guy IS (which doesn't make him a nice guy) how does it make him a nice guy?

Yeh, I have a past which is why it pissed me off so much when someone would say 'oh how could you dump him? He's such a nice guy' even though he was fucking engaged to somebody else????? :eek: what's nice about that? Stop trying to validate bullshit please.

no, im saying they're pussies and liars and pieces of shit. any guy who claims to be a "nice guy" is lying and full of shit.

Heineken Helen

SoapMakesUTaller wrote:

I'm just making myself feel better.....:)

Like I said, I'm a nice guy....doesn't mean I'm a doormat. And I refuse to be the 2nd place trophy on any girls mantle. I simply don't have the low self esteem to blame myself for all this. I know I didn't do anything wrong. At least I can joke about it a little.

that's fine!

All this time I've kinda been thinking I'm nice... but I've realised I'm kinda pollyanna meets baby jane meets bridget jones It was a tough realisation to come to... but now I've decided since I'm not a nice girl, I don't want a nice guy... fuck em!

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

no, im saying they're pussies and liars and pieces of shit. any guy who claims to be a "nice guy" is lying and full of shit.

AMEN!

So let's stop with the nice guys finishing last bullshit... if you're a genuine nice guy, you'll get everything you deserve.

genie

soulsinging wrote:

i am a superior and enlightened being, but it's got nothing to do with being a guy.

as i've said in the past, humans in general are universally shitty creatures. and never more so than when trying to get laid. women aren't worse than men or vice versa, they're both just plain shitty. they just play different games. since i'm a guy, im more concerned about women's games and knowing how to beat them at them. when i offer advice about how shitty men are (as i did in this thread assuring helen her male friends would sleep with her if given the chance), it is ignored becos women don't want to believe it. they want to believe they will find a prince charming. most guys are prepared to accept the truth and reality. most women seem to prefer deluding themselves.

superior and enlightened being?! ---- ok, whatever you say. what we see in the mirror might not be how others see us

as for the rest of the post, i have nothing to disagree about

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

AMEN!

So let's stop with the nice guys finishing last bullshit... if you're a genuine nice guy, you'll get everything you deserve.

i think yo missed my point... there are no genuine nice guys, just as there are no decent women.

Odin

if you're a genuine nice guy, you'll get everything you deserve.

That could be interpreted more than one way.

SoapMakesUTaller

Sooooooooooooooooooo...

Ran into her this morning for the first time since I made this thread. I was cool... knew it was bound to happen right?

So comes walking past me, I can feel it.....a simple 'Hey'. I gave her a simple 'Good morning'. She quickly looked down and kept on walking.

Now, here is the fun part. I had my suspicion from the beginning.....She gets off around 9am. I get back to the station, and she's still there (Noon). I look to the right. And...well, the guy who she was talking to is the one I suspected since this whole thing started. He was on crutches. (Guess karma does work!) She saw me and kinda hid. The shitty thing is.....the ease that I felt when I said the simple hello in the morning vanished when, even though I already knew, I saw her with the 'new guy'. That's him. One of my co-workers. When that feeling, which I tried to kick square in the ass so it would not affect me. Preparing for the worst.....it backfired. Once I saw them together, all bets were off. And you could cut the tension with a knife. Akward. I felt it.....I'm pretty sure she felt it, because once she had her chance to skip out, she did. (when I hit the bathroom for a minute)

The 'new guy' walks right past me with another co-worker.....or rather limped, since he's on crutches....and didn't look up, or say anything to me. He's a little bitch. Not very talkative. That made me feel kinda better. I could literally whip his ass if I wanted to with his own crutch. The REASON she fell for him is because he's painting a mural inside our building during time off. Stupid girl, fell for the romanticism of the artist and his brush....BUT, can he rip the shit out of 'Alive' on guitar like me? I doubt it.

But anyway, what do you guys think? I have to work with her....and it's all kinds of strange now. I did my best to ignore it. But that's not going to make it go away. Any suggestions? (Beyond avoiding her, or punching him?)

SoapMakesUTaller

To anyone that thinks it would be a good idea to simply talk to her.....Basically, I don't wanna look like a chump by saying, 'Hey I know it's akward right now..etc', and she responds 'What are you talking about?'

I'd look like a little bitch and an ass....so I don't think that's a good idea, unless one of you has a great way of going about it.

But think about this guys.....she's basically flaunting it in my face. And I didn't do a damn thing wrong to her ever. I did my best and it wasn't good enough for her. Pisses me off that she is too selfish to see that. And that adds to the feeling. It's kinda pissing me off.

soulsinging

SoapMakesUTaller wrote:

To anyone that thinks it would be a good idea to simply talk to her.....Basically, I don't wanna look like a chump by saying, 'Hey I know it's akward right now..etc', and she responds 'What are you talking about?'

I'd look like a little bitch and an ass....so I don't think that's a good idea, unless one of you has a great way of going about it.

But think about this guys.....she's basically flaunting it in my face. And I didn't do a damn thing wrong to her ever. I did my best and it wasn't good enough for her. Pisses me off that she is too selfish to see that. And that adds to the feeling. It's kinda pissing me off.

how is she flaunting it? she got embarrassed and tried to hide the second you saw her with him.

that's the sad fact... some people you aren't good enough for. it's hard to accept, but occasionally it is a one-way street. i would have married my ex. now she's ready to marry another dude she met while dating me. there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

ps. that girl and i worked together the summer after that. i had to take shifts so she could go spend holidays with her new bf. i suggest you find a new job before that sort of thing fucks you up as much as it did me.

SoapMakesUTaller

soulsinging wrote:

how is she flaunting it? she got embarrassed and tried to hide the second you saw her with him.

that's the sad fact... some people you aren't good enough for. it's hard to accept, but occasionally it is a one-way street. i would have married my ex. now she's ready to marry another dude she met while dating me. there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

ps. that girl and i worked together the summer after that. i had to take shifts so she could go spend holidays with her new bf. i suggest you find a new job before that sort of thing fucks you up as much as it did me.

I guess it's my pride that's really hurt here.....I want to know what the hell that jerk had to make her go from massaging my neck on a tough day, making future plans with me, my leaving a nice rose on her windshiled just because I wanted her to know I wasn't like other guys, to just in a way saying, 'Bye'. Without actually saying it. And I got dropped like 1st period Math.

Maybe she got bored in a few months....I don't know. I want, but I really don't want to know what the hell happened. I guess that happens to everyone in a situation like this.

So you quit? I'd like to think it will get easier. I guess I'll forego any calls, and simply swallow my pride and say hello and that's it from now on. I've got way too much going on right now with 2 jobs and school to need another headache. And I can't quit because the busy season is coming up and the money is too good.

soulsinging

SoapMakesUTaller wrote:

I guess it's my pride that's really hurt here.....I want to know what the hell that jerk had to make her go from massaging my neck on a tough day, making future plans with me, my leaving a nice rose on her windshiled, to just in a way saying, 'Bye'. Without actually saying it. And I got dropped like 1st period Math.

Maybe she got bored in a few months....I don't know. I want, but I really don't want to know what the hell happened. I guess that happens to everyone in a situation like this.

So you quit? I'd like to think it will get easier. I guess I'll forego any calls, and simply swallow my pride and say hello and that's it from now on. I've got way too much going on right now with 2 jobs and school to need another headache.

no, i stuck it out for the rest of summer. then she had to go back to school and i moved to another city to start law school. and look what it did to me.

sure your pride is hurt. that's human and there's nothing wrong with it. that's why people always end up having that proverbial rebound. they get knocked down a peg and need to rebuild their confidence. but she will never be able to give you an answer for "what happened" that would satisfy you. trust me. i know. the only answer that would satisfy you is if she said "you're right, i made a mistake and i want to get back with you."

if you can avoid calling and get to the polite 'hi' point, more power to you. but while the pain is still fresh and the reminder of the other guy is still there to fuck with your head, i doubt that will happen. good luck though.

LikeAnOcean

SoapMakesUTaller wrote:

Why do people who you've been going out with for a month or two suddenly pull this on you? Isn't it a very inconsiderate thing to do after they dangle you along for that 1-2 months?

Happened to me today and crushed me. She couldn't even do it in person, had to be in text format.

My fault in a way, broke my own rules a) Went out with someone I work with.....don't shit where you eat right?

That bad thing is that this came out of nowhere, everything is going great....then, no return calls, no return texts, avoiding me at work. The well suddenly just dried up. I guess she'll learn her lesson in time. The bad thing is that we work together, and will run into each other. The thing that might be even worse, is that I'm pretty sure the guy she's seeing now also works with us...And here I thought I had someone I could care for, for the first time in a long time. :(

Sorry about that. I dumped her yesterday, so you can have her back. She was a lousy lay anyways.

nothingman44

soulsinging wrote:

no, i stuck it out for the rest of summer. then she had to go back to school and i moved to another city to start law school. and look what it did to me.

sure your pride is hurt. that's human and there's nothing wrong with it. that's why people always end up having that proverbial rebound. they get knocked down a peg and need to rebuild their confidence. but she will never be able to give you an answer for "what happened" that would satisfy you. trust me. i know. the only answer that would satisfy you is if she said "you're right, i made a mistake and i want to get back with you."

if you can avoid calling and get to the polite 'hi' point, more power to you. but while the pain is still fresh and the reminder of the other guy is still there to fuck with your head, i doubt that will happen. good luck though.

yup i am still in that "what happened" stage right now. things went from great all the way down to me being in a deep depression. this depression got the best of me and it showed in all aspects of life.

i'll never know exactly what happened and i am still not past the "sneaking" in an email every now and then, but i want to act civil towards her incase she ever feel like she can talk to me again. she doesnt respond to my emails, but for some reason i subject myself to that pain i was/am feeling.

whatever you do, dont be like me and dwell on it. not only does it hurt yourself, but it hurts other relationships you have. in my case, friends, parents, co-workers, etc... no matter how good you think things are, girls have this way of flipping the switch and making a guy feel like they are totally worthless and not good enough, but in all actuality, they are the ones that arent good enough for you in the long run.

yes, i am still kind of hurting from my whole ordeal but hopefully better days are ahead. i like to think that i am good judge of people and the relationships i have with them. but this one caught me totally offguard, and now i have this chip on my shoulder because i had misjudged everything about my relationship so badly.

soulsinging

nothingman44 wrote:

yup i am still in that "what happened" stage right now. things went from great all the way down to me being in a deep depression. this depression got the best of me and it showed in all aspects of life.

i'll never know exactly what happened and i am still not past the "sneaking" in an email every now and then, but i want to act civil towards her incase she ever feel like she can talk to me again. she doesnt respond to my emails, but for some reason i subject myself to that pain i was/am feeling.

this is what we call a desperate delusion. she doesnt respond becos she doesnt care. and there's no need for you to act civil. she is never going to talk to you again. not becos she cant (she can, women can make the switch to friend very easily) but becos she simply doesnt want to and there's no reason for her to bother when she knows why you're doing it.

my ex finally just cut me off. blocked me on aim and facebook, deleted any webpage she knew i could access, etc etc. you ought to quit now before you get to that point. you shouldnt be worried about keeping the door opened in case she wants to talk. she will if she wants to even if you havent spoken to her in years. anyone remember the thread from the poor dude on here whose wife left him for an ex from hs she found on myspace? you should be more worried about pissing her off and annoying her so much that she will never be willing to speak to you again.