Men! Think back, and answer me this little question -

Sian-of-the-dead

Hinny wrote:

There's a few.

A friend told me his wife cried when she found out I'd only be visiting them for a few days.

It didn't make me feel particularly good at the time, but in hindsight... I'm just sooooooo flattered that people could feel that way about me.

awww! thats ace! It's a great feeling when you realise you mean that much to people

the wolf

Heineken Helen wrote:

That's completely untrue. My ex took our breakup pretty badly and I was genuinely concerned for him!

i agree, when my ex wife and i split, we were both genuinely concerned for the other, and would call to really see how each other were doing.

we still loved each other, just were not in love with each other.

well, she wasnt in love with me anymore, but thats another thread lol.

the wolf

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Again, I agree with Helen. This is completely untrue. I call and see my ex all the time because we're friends. He has a great life now as do I. We've known each other 8 years and shared everything for 6 of those so why shouldn't we? I for one, can't just switch off like that... life's too short for cheap ego boosts.

agreed, my ex wife and i were together for 12 years, we have only been apart for about 3 ( 2 years and 8 months but who's counting? )

there is noway to turn it off for me. she told me two weeks ago that she is engaged, and i could not be happier for her. i really hope she has found happiness.
and i believe she feels the same for me and my gf.

Heineken Helen

the wolf wrote:

well, she wasnt in love with me anymore, but thats another thread lol.

tell soulsinging that

sorry to hear though! But yeh, I'm not gonna call someone to make ME feel better... tbh I woulda preferred that he hated me and never wanted to hear from me again, but I think if you're breaking up with somebody (in a non volitile way), you have a responsibility to do it right and help them through it... even if that help is staying away from them.

AND... just to rub it in... this guy really WILL make a great husband and father for somebody else some other time... just not then and just not with me cos I wasn't ready for anything like that at the time. Doesn't make HIM a bad person or a potentially bad husband.

LONGRD

seems like women have taken over this thread.

soulsinging

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

I do see what you're saying, that feelings should be considered between friends before you pay someone attention, but tell me, you say you're conscious of how your words affect others, so why can't you just discuss the issue? For example, ask questions like: where does it end? should the friendship end? surely you're friends for a reason? is it worth it? etc, etc... I Personally think that it's more to do with the guys way of dealing with rejection or lack thereof, that paying someone a compliment (whatever their mind set towards you) will not necessarily disarrange emotion and that women are not being consciously heartless and throwing in a big "fuck you" (oh, there it is again, literary genius... :rolleyes: ) when they compliment a male friend who may be attracted to them. You see, i'd be more than willing to discuss this with you and possibly even have my mind changed were it not for your abrupt and generalising tone.

I have more of a problem with your approach, soulsinging, as apposed to your point made. Now, grow up a little, realise that talking about women as objects may just offend someone and come back when you'd had an epiphany about speaking on others behalves being rude and conceited.

people have been asking me to change my approach around here for a long time... i dont think you're going to manage it by this post

as to the rest, i've discussed it endlessly around here and my opinions have never been popular. so rather than get into it again, ill let the OP have their thread back and reiterate that if the OP wants to stroke some guy's ego and capture his attention, her best bet is to use a compliment that makes him feel like a rock star, not the guy at work that will run for a cup of coffee any time she asks. which was the original opinion that put the burr up everyone's butt here. heaven forbid somebody say truthfully that guys like to hear women are attracted to them more than they like to hear about how sweet they are.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

Awww... it really is a fantastic feeling though to feel so safe in somebodys arms... like the world outside your little bubble doesn't matter and nothing can break it

are you serious? isnt he a total sexist pig for wanting to feel like a woman's protector???

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

That's completely untrue. My ex took our breakup pretty badly and I was genuinely concerned for him!

i can assure you this much, any compliment you gave him only hurt him more.

wash_

Heineken Helen wrote:

well in fairness, I think I told you your hair looked nice the last time... it probably took me about two days to say it but yeh, I'm definitely gonna have to change this. I'm not the kind who NEEDS compliments cos I know I always look great *laughs hysterically for about ten minutes* but it's always nice to know someone else thinks you look great too.

You did compliment my hair, lots of times...thank you hun, that did bring a smile to my face

I've always thought your accent is really cool. A very calm voice.

soulsinging

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Again, I agree with Helen. This is completely untrue. I call and see my ex all the time because we're friends. He has a great life now as do I. We've known each other 8 years and shared everything for 6 of those so why shouldn't we? I for one, can't just switch off like that... life's too short for cheap ego boosts.

did he dump you or you him? how long did it take to return to normalcy?

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

are you serious? isnt he a total sexist pig for wanting to feel like a woman's protector???

All he's doing is holding me... there's no bigger meaning to it... people love human contact! I'm saying that's just how it feels and you're not talking to GTD or Cate so no, he can hold me like that all he wants

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

i can assure you this much, any compliment you gave him only hurt him more.

I've said I'm not much of a complimenting person... I dind't call him and fill him with shit, I called him to see if he was ok... since it was partly my fault I feel a responsibility to make sure he gets through it ok! He'd talk... I'd listen

inmyrvm

soulsinging is right on everything here. i don't agree with looking at women as nothing but a sex object (i don't, anyway) but he really is right about everything. i've come to realize this all recently lol. guys really do like to hear women are attracted to them. 99% of the time you want zero contact after breaking up with someone. once in a while, it works out to be ok, but it rarely does. women pretty much know just how much they have us in the palm of their hands and usually take advantage of it.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

All he's doing is holding me... there's no bigger meaning to it... people love human contact! I'm saying that's just how it feels and you're not talking to GTD or Cate so no, he can hold me like that all he wants

but he said he likes to feel like the protector. isnt that SOOOO sexist? i mean, he's acting like all women are weak and timid! he can't make generalizations about people like that! it's awful and horrible and disgusting.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

I've said I'm not much of a complimenting person... I dind't call him and fill him with shit, I called him to see if he was ok... since it was partly my fault I feel a responsibility to make sure he gets through it ok! He'd talk... I'd listen

and did it work? or did it just make it worse until the point you had to stop talking to him completely?

Heineken Helen

wash_ wrote:

You did compliment my hair, lots of times...thank you hun, that did bring a smile to my face

I've always thought your accent is really cool. A very calm voice.

thank you... you've lovely teeth and skin too

I really like that tshirt you're wearing in your profile picture!

Enough yet?

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

but he said he likes to feel like the protector. isnt that SOOOO sexist? i mean, he's acting like all women are weak and timid! he can't make generalizations about people like that! it's awful and horrible and disgusting.

You're still trying to wind up the wrong person here. What's WRONG with having someone wanting to protect me? I've said here before that a lot of women mainly want to feel protected and men the same (in a different way). A lot of it is all about supporting eachother. If you find somebody who makes you feel safe (whether it be a man or a woman) it's very very comforting. And I fail to see where he was acting like all women were weak and timid... I thought it was a cute post

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

and did it work? or did it just make it worse until the point you had to stop talking to him completely?

Nope... at least he knew he could still contact me... cos we had built up a good friendship... and we still text eachother every now and then. When you're in a relationship like that, it's hard when someone comes into your life with a bang, becomes a major part of it... and then just leaves. I've gone thruogh that and it makes it harder cos if you want to ask the person maybe about what you did wrong or whatever... you just don't feel like they're there for ya anymore and it's a big gap in your life then.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

You're still trying to wind up the wrong person here. What's WRONG with having someone wanting to protect me? I've said here before that a lot of women mainly want to feel protected and men the same (in a different way). A lot of it is all about supporting eachother. If you find somebody who makes you feel safe (whether it be a man or a woman) it's very very comforting. And I fail to see where he was acting like all women were weak and timid... I thought it was a cute post

i see. so it IS ok to make generalizations about the wants and behaviors of the sexes, but only as long as 1) HH agrees with them and 2) they are polite and complimentary, never critical.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

Nope... at least he knew he could still contact me... cos we had built up a good friendship... and we still text eachother every now and then. When you're in a relationship like that, it's hard when someone comes into your life with a bang, becomes a major part of it... and then just leaves. I've gone thruogh that and it makes it harder cos if you want to ask the person maybe about what you did wrong or whatever... you just don't feel like they're there for ya anymore and it's a big gap in your life then.

no it didnt work?