Men! Think back, and answer me this little question -

Anon

soulsinging wrote:

saying someone is nice is the most half-hearted, generic compliment out there. it always rings false, even if its true. you know you're killing the person inside, quit trying to sugarcoat it. if you truly cared about them, you'd own it, break it to them like tearing off a bandaid, and then just let them hate you, rather than trying to somehow come out of tearing someone apart like a good guy. it's not truly an effort to make them feel better, it's about making yourself feel better and assauging your guilt over breaking their heart.

I completely agree with you. You are so right with everything you have just said. How often do you hear of people who break up with their partners and then they will call their ex 'just to see how they are going, and if they are ok', They are NOT calling to make sure you are ok. They are calling to see if you think they are an asshole and looking for a massive ego stroke.

SomethingCreative

I've been told that I have dark, deep, mysterious eyes

einatshaul

SomethingCreative wrote:

I've been told that I have dark, deep, mysterious eyes

So do serial killers!

Jk...

soulsinging

einatshaul wrote:

So do serial killers!

Jk...

there's a compliment to give him... "your eyes are so intense they make me shiver more than ted bundy's!"

einatshaul

Proteus wrote:

"Oh my God it's PERFECT."

Can I have your recipe please?

Sian-of-the-dead

soulsinging wrote:

did i say i spoke for you? i dont even know what planet you're from.

*ahem*

soulsinging wrote:

for the most part. case in point... the one earlier about how a guy is so sweet and cute and would make a great husband... for someone else. that's fucking shitty. don't tell me that bullshit cos it rings false. if we were so cute and sweet we'd make a great husband for you, but we know you're just placating it and you don't mean it.

You attempted to speak on my behalf and now, now, soulsinging, i'm sure there's no need for insults, it's a very childish thing to do and afterall, we're all friends here...

soulsinging wrote:

1. the OP asked guys what girls have said to them that has been touching or memorable, not how great girls think they are for being so generous with compliments to friends.

soulsinging wrote:

and if you ARE just a friend, i dont need or want an awkward compliment from you. if im in a bar with a guy friend and he says "dude, you have the bluest eyes ever" or "you know, your sense of humor really brightens my day" id have to kick his fucking ass. so why would i want/care to hear it from a girl? the compliment is unspoken between friends. we dont feel the need to validate the friendship. so dont bother, it means nothing to us.

YOU mentioned complimenting friends, I was merely continuing the topic...

soulsinging wrote:

2. he is your BOYFRIEND. if you said that to a platonic friend you know is interested in you, it's a huge "fuck you" to them, becos you're basically telling them they are ok as a friend, but he's not attractive enough for you to actually date.

...and how do you think me and my boyfriend got together hmm? I'm not posting here because I don't know what i'm talking about. WE-WERE-FRIENDS, I-KNEW-HE-LIKED-ME... :rolleyes: I've certainly never meant anything towards him, as a friend or boyfriend, as "yeah you're nice but not nice enough" or as a big "fuck you"... as you so eloquantly put it. :rolleyes:

soulsinging wrote:

3. socially inept? not sure what you mean

social –adjective
1. pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.
2. seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.
3. of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.
4. living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation: People are social beings.

inept –adjective
1. without skill or aptitude for a particular task or assignment; maladroit: He is inept at mechanical tasks. She is inept at dealing with people.
2. generally awkward or clumsy; haplessly incompetent.
3. inappropriate; unsuitable; out of place.
4. absurd or foolish: an inept remark.

soulsinging wrote:

4. i am perfectly fine with my emotions too, but i am also conscious of how my words affect others. thus, i try not to fuck with girls that are interested in me by misleading them with comments like "damn, you look good" when there is no chance in hell i will ever get with them.

I do see what you're saying, that feelings should be considered between friends before you pay someone attention, but tell me, you say you're conscious of how your words affect others, so why can't you just discuss the issue? For example, ask questions like: where does it end? should the friendship end? surely you're friends for a reason? is it worth it? etc, etc... I Personally think that it's more to do with the guys way of dealing with rejection or lack thereof, that paying someone a compliment (whatever their mind set towards you) will not necessarily disarrange emotion and that women are not being consciously heartless and throwing in a big "fuck you" (oh, there it is again, literary genius... :rolleyes: ) when they compliment a male friend who may be attracted to them. You see, i'd be more than willing to discuss this with you and possibly even have my mind changed were it not for your abrupt and generalising tone.

I have more of a problem with your approach, soulsinging, as apposed to your point made. Now, grow up a little, realise that talking about women as objects may just offend someone and come back when you'd had an epiphany about speaking on others behalves being rude and conceited.

End of discussion.


And... back on topic....

:cool:

Heineken Helen

wash_ wrote:

But, on the whole I find it hard to give compliments...Im going to try and rectify that asap.

Me too although I've been doing pretty well recently but in general... if a friend walks into the room and I'm sitting there thinking 'wow, she looks great today' for some reason I never say it... it's not that I don't wanna say it but I just think it and move on and the same girl might tell ME later that I look good and I say 'so do you, you look really well' and it just doesn't seem the same then... kinda like I'm only saying it cos she said it first.

Heineken Helen

markymark550 wrote:

To answer the original question...

The best compliment my wife has ever given me is that she feels safe and secure when I hold her in my arms. She has told me that has two meanings. The first is obvious with being physically safe. The second is more emotional as in that if she's having a bad day or things are too hectic, a good hug or embrace helps calm her down and helps to make things better. I guess it goes back to some intrinsic male characteristic, but I like being the 'protector' and taking care of my wife. Plus, it's always nice to have a quick way of calming her when somethings the matter.

That's not to say that she doesn't compliment me about my looks, personality, etc...I just think that one is the best.

Awww... it really is a fantastic feeling though to feel so safe in somebodys arms... like the world outside your little bubble doesn't matter and nothing can break it

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

cool. we can go to therapy together

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee finally you two are gonna get it on

Heineken Helen

Pj_Gurl wrote:

I completely agree with you. You are so right with everything you have just said. How often do you hear of people who break up with their partners and then they will call their ex 'just to see how they are going, and if they are ok', They are NOT calling to make sure you are ok. They are calling to see if you think they are an asshole and looking for a massive ego stroke.

That's completely untrue. My ex took our breakup pretty badly and I was genuinely concerned for him!

Sian-of-the-dead

wash_ wrote:

No, it's not the only I thing I go on!

I meant that an appreciation for music (key to the soul) is important. If someone doesn't understand the emotional complexities that music affords then I don't know if they would be as understanding/appreciative as someone who is in touch with all that. Having said that there might be others ways that people are in touch with emotions, just for me, its music.

But, on the whole I find it hard to give compliments...Im going to try and rectify that asap.

Oh no hunny! I didn't mean that you did!

I also respect an appreciation for music but music is very personal to me. It can prove for a better understanding between two people but i'm just saying that it's not the be all and end all, just a bonus. I believe that if you connect with a person on a non superficial (for want of a better word) level then the rest will follow. I also relate emotion with music and connect people to songs but i'm just saying it's not the first thing I consider when being attracted to someone
(although, a like/love/obsession with PJ does help in the long run... it's easier than arguing about it! )

As for compliments, I give them very easily but don't take them very well, I get really embarrassed - I am getting better of late though. I'd much rather put a smile on someone else's face and make their day

Sian-of-the-dead

Pj_Gurl wrote:

I completely agree with you. You are so right with everything you have just said. How often do you hear of people who break up with their partners and then they will call their ex 'just to see how they are going, and if they are ok', They are NOT calling to make sure you are ok. They are calling to see if you think they are an asshole and looking for a massive ego stroke.

Again, I agree with Helen. This is completely untrue. I call and see my ex all the time because we're friends. He has a great life now as do I. We've known each other 8 years and shared everything for 6 of those so why shouldn't we? I for one, can't just switch off like that... life's too short for cheap ego boosts.

wash_

Heineken Helen wrote:

Me too although I've been doing pretty well recently but in general... if a friend walks into the room and I'm sitting there thinking 'wow, she looks great today' for some reason I never say it... it's not that I don't wanna say it but I just think it and move on and the same girl might tell ME later that I look good and I say 'so do you, you look really well' and it just doesn't seem the same then... kinda like I'm only saying it cos she said it first.

Im excatly like that aswell. I think, for me it's because it's not really a big deal to say that they look nice. But, then when I dont say it I realise that I should and it would make them feel good but by then it's too late!

But this is good...coz now i'm aware of it, I can change!
Ta daaaa...message pit comes good once more!!

Hinny

I get compliments quite often through my line of work, whether it's respect from colleagues, recognition from the boss, or expressions of gratitude from my clients. Well, considering how bloody hard the job is, and the comparatively ordinary pay scale, I better get some heartfelt thanks!

But I see these expressions as thing I should get just by doing the job right, and it happens so regularly I don't really react to these anymore. Besides, I TRY really hard to keep my life separate from my work, and don't let too many feelings, be it positive or negative, hang around with me once I get out of the office.

The compliments I get outside of the work environment are the ones that touch me deeply. It can be just a small little thing, but if it's about some aspect of me that isn't particularly related to my work, I'll just melt.

Sian-of-the-dead

wash_ wrote:

But this is good...coz now i'm aware of it, I can change!

Good philosophy

Sian-of-the-dead

Hinny wrote:

I get compliments quite often through my line of work, whether it's respect from colleagues, recognition from the boss, or expressions of gratitude from my clients. Well, considering how bloody hard the job is, and the comparatively ordinary pay scale, I better get some heartfelt thanks!

But I see these expressions as thing I should get just by doing the job right, and it happens so regularly I don't really react to these anymore. Besides, I TRY really hard to keep my life separate from my work, and don't let too many feelings, be it positive or negative, hang around with me once I get out of the office.

The compliments I get outside of the work environment are the ones that touch me deeply. It can be just a small little thing, but if it's about some aspect of me that isn't particularly related to my work, I'll just melt.

whats the nicest thing a woman's ever said to you outside of work then Hinn?

Heineken Helen

wash_ wrote:

Im excatly like that aswell. I think, for me it's because it's not really a big deal to say that they look nice. But, then when I dont say it I realise that I should and it would make them feel good but by then it's too late!

But this is good...coz now i'm aware of it, I can change!
Ta daaaa...message pit comes good once more!!

well in fairness, I think I told you your hair looked nice the last time... it probably took me about two days to say it but yeh, I'm definitely gonna have to change this. I'm not the kind who NEEDS compliments cos I know I always look great *laughs hysterically for about ten minutes* but it's always nice to know someone else thinks you look great too.

Hinny

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

whats the nicest thing a woman's ever said to you outside of work then Hinn?

There's a few.

A friend told me his wife cried when she found out I'd only be visiting them for a few days.

It didn't make me feel particularly good at the time, but in hindsight... I'm just sooooooo flattered that people could feel that way about me.

Heineken Helen

Hinny wrote:

The compliments I get outside of the work environment are the ones that touch me deeply. It can be just a small little thing, but if it's about some aspect of me that isn't particularly related to my work, I'll just melt.

I think any sort of human interaction outside of work, particularly from strangers, is touching. When someone takes a split second outside of their 'busy' :rolleyes: schedule to smile at you or hold a door open or something, it always puts a smile on my face and reminds me that people ARE human after all.

Hinny

Heineken Helen wrote:

I think any sort of human interaction outside of work, particularly from strangers, is touching.

Yeah, I guess I just think my work circumstances are a bit exaggerated since things get seriously personal, emotional, depressive, and all those crappy things and I have these moments when strangers thank me in tears and it's gone to the point where yeah it's nice but you're still a stranger and I'm doing my work so thanks. Now see ya so I can get away from the office already!