Question about girls

soulsinging

catefrances wrote:

so tell her, once the lease it up youre outta there and away from her.

that's the plan. that's what i've been saying going to be a little while.

prism

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

Alright, well, I still disagree with you but I can't be bothered to argue. Maybe tomorrow. Grrrrr.

okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(

MattCameronKicksButt

prism wrote:

okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(

It sounds like it when you word it that way but if you really think about it. I think my opinion makes sense.
It sounds awful but if you really look at the root cause of all behaviour, to me, it all boils down to selfishness. I see it as okay, though, because that's what keeps us as a species alive.

(I need to learn to explain myself better).

soulsinging

prism wrote:

okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(

im not making presumptions about their motivations. people can act selflessly, and do. i'm not saying anytime i look at a mom feeding a baby i assume it's becos she wants it to shut up. im saying our initial nature and urge is selfishness, and that that wins out in most situations. i base my expectations on other people doing what is best and most convenient for them, not on them thinking about what would make me happy or considering my feelings when they decide how to act. i believe that applies to friends, family (maybe less so), and, yes, above all, prospective mates. there is nothing wrong with it. it's just how we're built and it's necessary.

MattCameronKicksButt

soulsinging wrote:

im not making presumptions about their motivations. people can act selflessly, and do. i'm not saying anytime i look at a mom feeding a baby i assume it's becos she wants it to shut up. im saying our initial nature and urge is selfishness, and that that wins out in most situations. i base my expectations on other people doing what is best and most convenient for them, not on them thinking about what would make me happy taking into consideration my feelings when they decide how to act.

So basicly, you're a very hurt, bitter, person?

soulsinging

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

So basicly, you're a very hurt, bitter, person?

i've been hurt, and i am cynical. but that doesn't make what i've said inherently bitter. i just don't expect much from people. i'm not offended or hurt anymore when they act as i expected. i don't blame them for doing right by them, becos i know i'd want to do right by me if i had to choose between the two. and i'm pleasantly surprised when people do step above that and go out of their way to be kind to me. it's not a bad way to live. human nature is flawed, and all i do is accept that and try not to build my life around unreasonable expectations of other people's behavior.

MattCameronKicksButt

soulsinging wrote:

i've been hurt, and i am cynical. but that doesn't make what i've said inherently bitter. i just don't expect much from people. i'm not offended or hurt anymore when they act as i expected. i don't blame them for doing right by them, becos i know i'd want to do right by me if i had to choose between the two. and i'm pleasantly surprised when people do step above that and go out of their way to be kind to me. it's not a bad way to live. human nature is flawed, and all i do is accept that and try not to build my life around unreasonable expectations of other people's behavior.

It IS a bad way to live and I'm sure, without patronising you, you know it? That's VERY bitter!

I'm talking about something that runs a little deeper, other than 'putting people in boxes', like someone said earlier.

Anyway. This thread was about not understanding women. How did the subject get on to selfishness? :mad:

soulsinging

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

It IS a bad way to live and I'm sure, without patronising you, you know it? That's VERY bitter!

I'm talking about something that runs a little deeper, other than 'putting people in boxes', like someone said earlier.

Anyway. This thread was about not understanding women. How did the subject get on to selfishness? :mad:

becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.

i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.

MattCameronKicksButt

soulsinging wrote:

becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.

i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.

If you don't open up. No one will ever love you.

harmless_little_f***

soulsinging wrote:

becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.

i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.

Once again, there's not a lot which is disagreeable here.

soulsinging

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

If you don't open up. No one will ever love you.

what does opening up even mean?

AmentsChick

soulsinging wrote:

what does opening up even mean?

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable??

soulsinging

AmentsChick wrote:

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable??

you don't have a choice in the matter. humans are vulnerable. you can't choose not to. expecting less of people is not some sort of invincible armor?

MattCameronKicksButt

soulsinging wrote:

what does opening up even mean?

Alright then. Being kinder. More compassionate. Understanding/empathasing with other people.

If everyone went around with your attitude, the world really would be a cold place!

harmless_little_f***

soulsinging wrote:

you don't have a choice in the matter. humans are vulnerable. you can't choose not to. expecting less of people is not some sort of invincible armor?

I think what they're saying is that they want a happy medium between you, and me.

We're just awkward.

soulsinging

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

Alright then. Being kinder. More compassionate. Understanding/empathasing with other people.

If everyone went around with your attitude, the world really would be a cold place!

what has any of that got to do with anything? i do understand and empathize. that's the point. i know why they do what they do, and i try not to take it personally when they hurt me. i don't fault them for doing right by them. where is the lack of kindness or compassion in forgiving those who hurt me becos it was the right thing for them to do for themselves?

soulsinging

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I think what they're saying is that they want a happy medium between you, and me.

We're just awkward.

how do you mean? who's awkward?

MattCameronKicksButt

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I think what they're saying is that they want a happy medium between you, and me.

We're just awkward.

No one's expecting anything. You're both great guys but, sometimes, (Just from what I've read), you both seem completely deluded and BITTER).

The same as the thread starter. He didn't understand women so he thinks the best thing to do is act like a prick and hope the woman understands.

soulsinging

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

No one's expecting anything. You're both great guys but, sometimes, (Just from what I've read), you both seem completely deluded and BITTER).

The same as the thread starter. He didn't understand women so he thinks the best thing to do is act like a prick and hope the woman understands.

10 to 1 if he does what i suggested, she'll have her legs wrapped around him in a matter of days. if he gives her some wilty "i really like you" bullshit over the phone, she will say "that's great, but i like this other guy... let me tell you about how much i love him and how mean he is to me and how hard it is to find a decent guy."

cynicism and bitterness are words used by the naive to discredit realism.

harmless_little_f***

soulsinging wrote:

how do you mean? who's awkward?

They're telling you to 'allow yourself to be vulnerable'...

..and I'm always getting 'be less vulnerable.' :rolleyes:

You can't win.