Question about girls

soulsinging

ItsEvolutionBaby74 wrote:

And the question is, is there really anything wrong with that? Since when is being nice such a bad thing, it just kinda pisses me off you know that you or me could actually get dumped becos of that.

it's bad becos 1) nice all too often is a polite way of saying "insecure needy pushover" and 2) the fact is that nice people in general are taken for granted, guys and girls, in love or business or school or whatever else. you know they will forgive you for things and give you second or third chances, so you can afford to step on them now and again for your own benefit becos you know you can probably get away with it most of the time. it's why assholes are always in management and always getting laid. becos they're stab you in the back to get ahead at the business (squeaky wheel thing) and they'll go for what they want without the risky and time-consuming polite path. it's the way of the world. hell, im doing it to a girl right now. she's perfectly sweet and kind and whatnot, but she doesn't exactly fire my engines or get the passions a-roaring. so im pondering leaving to see what else i can find out there, becos nice just isn't enough i'm afraid. i know a lot of nice people. doesn't mean i want to spend my life with them or love them as a soulmate.

AmentsChick

soulsinging wrote:

it's bad becos 1) nice all too often is a polite way of saying "insecure needy pushover" and 2) the fact is that nice people in general are taken for granted, guys and girls, in love or business or school or whatever else. you know they will forgive you for things and give you second or third chances, so you can afford to step on them now and again for your own benefit becos you know you can probably get away with it most of the time. it's why assholes are always in management and always getting laid. becos they're stab you in the back to get ahead at the business (squeaky wheel thing) and they'll go for what they want without the risky and time-consuming polite path. it's the way of the world. hell, im doing it to a girl right now. she's perfectly sweet and kind and whatnot, but she doesn't exactly fire my engines or get the passions a-roaring. so im pondering leaving to see what else i can find out there, becos nice just isn't enough i'm afraid. i know a lot of nice people. doesn't mean i want to spend my life with them or love them as a soulmate.

OMG! Ain't that the truth. I've never seen it spelled out like that. As much as it sucks...it's true.

ItsEvolutionBaby74

soulsinging wrote:

it's bad becos 1) nice all too often is a polite way of saying "insecure needy pushover" and 2) the fact is that nice people in general are taken for granted, guys and girls, in love or business or school or whatever else. you know they will forgive you for things and give you second or third chances, so you can afford to step on them now and again for your own benefit becos you know you can probably get away with it most of the time. it's why assholes are always in management and always getting laid. becos they're stab you in the back to get ahead at the business (squeaky wheel thing) and they'll go for what they want without the risky and time-consuming polite path. it's the way of the world. hell, im doing it to a girl right now. she's perfectly sweet and kind and whatnot, but she doesn't exactly fire my engines or get the passions a-roaring. so im pondering leaving to see what else i can find out there, becos nice just isn't enough i'm afraid. i know a lot of nice people. doesn't mean i want to spend my life with them or love them as a soulmate.

It's life and it's a result of human nature, but I've found a loophole to it, but as a result I tend to be very guarded in certain situations and a lot less trusting.

romybian

soulsinging wrote:

it's bad becos 1) nice all too often is a polite way of saying "insecure needy pushover" and 2) the fact is that nice people in general are taken for granted, guys and girls, in love or business or school or whatever else. you know they will forgive you for things and give you second or third chances, so you can afford to step on them now and again for your own benefit becos you know you can probably get away with it most of the time. it's why assholes are always in management and always getting laid. becos they're stab you in the back to get ahead at the business (squeaky wheel thing) and they'll go for what they want without the risky and time-consuming polite path. it's the way of the world. hell, im doing it to a girl right now. she's perfectly sweet and kind and whatnot, but she doesn't exactly fire my engines or get the passions a-roaring. so im pondering leaving to see what else i can find out there, becos nice just isn't enough i'm afraid. i know a lot of nice people. doesn't mean i want to spend my life with them or love them as a soulmate.

Yup, plus if it's not hard to get it's not really that exciting, it's a natural thing that both men and women tend to go for the almost "impossible" one, either cause they don't really pay attention to them, or because they're taken, or they live in another country... There's always that need for a challenge. And when you do get what you've been fighting for it's just priceless!.
I know I'm like that, I've never really set eyes on someone that I knew I could immediatly get. It's either my brother's best friend or the guy that's here for just 3 months, or the one who's taken, and so on.
Of course MANY times I've realized that the only reason I was after them was because they were a challenge, but some other times I just fell for them. Like right fuckin' now!... sorry got carried away.

ItsEvolutionBaby74

romybian wrote:

Yup, plus if it's not hard to get it's not really that exciting, it's a natural thing that both men and women tend to go for the almost "impossible" one, either cause they don't really pay attention to them, or because they're taken, or they live in another country... There's always that need for a challenge. And when you do get what you've been fighting for it's just priceless!.
I know I'm like that, I've never really set eyes on someone that I knew I could immediatly get. It's either my brother's best friend or the guy that's here for just 3 months, or the one who's taken, and so on.
Of course MANY times I've realized that the only reason I was after them was because they were a challenge, but some other times I just fell for them. Like right fuckin' now!... sorry got carried away.

Ya, it's true and the only loophole to it is to be VERY careful that the person that you're after isn't a hmm how do I put this nicely...well I can't. Make absolutely sure that you're not goin after a total whore. It's kinda hard to tell sometimes, though, as I learned a few days ago.

catefrances

soulsinging wrote:

it's bad becos 1) nice all too often is a polite way of saying "insecure needy pushover" and 2) the fact is that nice people in general are taken for granted, guys and girls, in love or business or school or whatever else. you know they will forgive you for things and give you second or third chances, so you can afford to step on them now and again for your own benefit becos you know you can probably get away with it most of the time. it's why assholes are always in management and always getting laid. becos they're stab you in the back to get ahead at the business (squeaky wheel thing) and they'll go for what they want without the risky and time-consuming polite path. it's the way of the world. hell, im doing it to a girl right now. she's perfectly sweet and kind and whatnot, but she doesn't exactly fire my engines or get the passions a-roaring. so im pondering leaving to see what else i can find out there, becos nice just isn't enough i'm afraid. i know a lot of nice people. doesn't mean i want to spend my life with them or love them as a soulmate.

please do yourself and all of us a favour conor and go find a woman who truly lights your fire. maybe then you'lll stop bitching to us about 'chicks'.

romybian

ItsEvolutionBaby74 wrote:

Ya, it's true and the only loophole to it is to be VERY careful that the person that you're after isn't a hmm how do I put this nicely...well I can't. Make absolutely sure that you're not goin after a total whore. It's kinda hard to tell sometimes, though, as I learned a few days ago.

I've had guys think that's what I was just because I wouldn't let go the flirting phase that easily, but what guys don't know sometimes is that the reason we do play hard to get is not just fun (though it does get enjoyable) but that unavoidable fear of them being just after sex.
I'm known for having too much pride, I've been raised by a really strong woman who's always played the role of mom and dad (my dad is AMAZING, and a great father, but they got divorced and we lived with her). So not only I have this HUGE independance, but I tend to show everyone how I'm perfectly fine by myself and I don't need help for things most of the time. This has been both good and bad for my relationships. (more bad than good though).
So even if I really like a guy, I'm not gonna let them through unless I've fallen for them, and that sadly gets them to the point where they think I'm just not interested and I'm playing with them. Wich I'm NOT.
Anyway... it's a dirty game, someone said that already, and most of the times it doesn't work because we can't stop seeing it as a game.
But I believe when it has to, it will work. that's it.
Now wish me luck! Cause I'm in the finals here.

RolandTD20Kdrummer

this is all just very sad...

lol...

AmentsChick

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

this is all just very sad...

lol...

It's easy to laugh if you're not in the hell that is the dating world.

GreenTeaDisease

deadnothingbetter wrote:

how do you figure that? then once i DO tell her i like her what then? you think she'll say, "oh thank you thank you... i like you too"?

well you don't say it like that...when she mentions this guy, you say, well he's nuts, any man should be lining up to be with you (or whatever) or like "I'd kill to meet a girl like you" (or whatever) you know what I mean? Like you drop a signal like that. at least to start and then you've planted the seed...

romybian

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

well you don't say it like that...when she mentions this guy, you say, well he's nuts, any man should be lining up to be with you (or whatever) or like "I'd kill to meet a girl like you" (or whatever) you know what I mean? Like you drop a signal like that. at least to start and then you've planted the seed...

I agree.
The signals I got were weird.... He gave me the finger while I was talking to this guy at the bar, and then 2 days later a message asking if I realized what that guy wanted from me.
From the girl's side I'll tell you.... That works.

deadnothingbetter

soulsinging wrote:

no, it's not all good. becos if you drop some limp "i really like you" words on her, even if she DID like you, she WON'T anymore. you're no longer a challenge. you've tipped your hand. and she knows you're desperate enough that you're willing to say crap like that to her so she knows she can fall back on you. even if she goes for it, you've lost all "hand" in the relationship from the very beginning and she will use you like a toy and already start looking elsewhere.

you either get physical with her one night out of the blue, or tell her flat out you're taking her on a date and tell her when and where to show up. or if she calls to ask why you've been avoiding, you say it's becos you don't want to listen to her whine about other guys and then YOU get the hand if she gets apologetic. she needs to know you're a man who's not going to play women's head games or let her jerk you around with subtle jealousy games.

dude... you're totally right. that's exactly what i'll do.

i know some of these girls on here want to do what helps but in reality it doesn't help for a guy to be "honest" by telling them your "true" feelings. i appreciate the girls who are dropping the advice but i doubt that will ever make them go out with me. cause i've done it before and it always failed.

but i like your second paragraph, soul... you just confirmed what i had in mind and i agree with you completely.

deadnothingbetter

AmentsChick wrote:

The truth is...I want a "nice guy". I won't have it any other way.

the truth is you'll never be emotionally attracted to a nice guy. i bet you you've had a number of guys throwing you signals from left and right trying to go out with you by being nice but they all flew over your head without realizing it.

GreenTeaDisease

romybian wrote:

I agree.
The signals I got were weird.... He gave me the finger while I was talking to this guy at the bar, and then 2 days later a message asking if I realized what that guy wanted from me.
From the girl's side I'll tell you.... That works.

yup, it does.


you know what, there was a guy in my grad program I had quite the crush on. one night I thought he was kinda coming on to me (though he was pretty shy) and I had JUST started dating someone (like one date at this point so it didn't matter) and I [instinctively] mentioned it to him...it was like I wanted him to know that I was in demand and if he wanted me he'd better make a move kinda thing...he didn't seem to pick up on it...but anyway, that's what we girls tend to do.

AmentsChick

deadnothingbetter wrote:

i bet you you've had a number of guys throwing you signals from left and right trying to go out with you by being nice but they all flew over your head without realizing it.

LOL. Not that I know of (which may prove your point...).

But, I find it offensive that you think I wouldn't be "emotionally attracted" to someone who was nice. That's total and complete bull!

romybian

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

yup, it does.


you know what, there was a guy in my grad program I had quite the crush on. one night I thought he was kinda coming on to me (though he was pretty shy) and I had JUST started dating someone (like one date at this point so it didn't matter) and I [instinctively] mentioned it to him...it was like I wanted him to know that I was in demand and if he wanted me he'd better make a move kinda thing...he didn't seem to pick up on it...but anyway, that's what we girls tend to do.

Of course! haha, and it all goes back to the nice person thing, "I'm a good girl who doesn't go out with just anyone and I'm always available" against "This guy asked me out and that other guy keeps calling me" I'm gonna go with the second one and as you said, let them know they better do something cause we're not gonna b waiting for them for ever. (Even if most of the time pretty much everything we do we do it for them 2 react, lol)

deadnothingbetter

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

well you don't say it like that...when she mentions this guy, you say, well he's nuts, any man should be lining up to be with you (or whatever) or like "I'd kill to meet a girl like you" (or whatever) you know what I mean? Like you drop a signal like that. at least to start and then you've planted the seed...

i dunno... those are exactly the kinds of lines i used to use before when girls would blow me off. they never ended up with me.

GreenTeaDisease

deadnothingbetter wrote:

i dunno... those are exactly the kinds of lines i used to use before when girls would blow me off. they never ended up with me.

well i mean i don't guarantee it's gonna work in all situations, but there's a hight possibility that's what she's looking for. and if she's not, well no harm, no foul.

AmentsChick

AmentsChick wrote:

LOL. Not that I know of (which may prove your point...).

But, I find it offensive that you think I wouldn't be "emotionally attracted" to someone who was nice. That's total and complete bull!

In fact...I fell for someone STRICTLY because he was a good man.

deadnothingbetter

AmentsChick wrote:

LOL. Not that I know of (which may prove your point...).

But, I find it offensive that you think I wouldn't be "emotionally attracted" to someone who was nice. That's total and complete bull!

Actually, that's total and complete psychology. it's like reverse-psychology with women. a guy has to think they're not interested in a girl to get her to be interested in them, when of course the guy IS really interested in her.

think of two kids. a guy and a girl playing in the playground. the guy will usually pull the girls hair and go running and the girl will follow after him. it's the way they play. it's kinda the same way in the dating world. guys have to, figuratively speaking, pull girls hairs sometimes to get her to run after you. otherwise, if the boy acts nice all the time the girl will do whatever as she pleases, even to breaking his heart.

it's also natural that a girl denies it. so there's no way out of it. it doesn't mean you'll have to end up with a dick.

unless they were complete hotties like a brad pitt or johnny depp, a guy has to have a little cockiness to get himself with a girl.

i'm not suggesting that guys have to be dicks for women to fall for them... but what i am suggesting that wussy behavior coming from a guy will never ever ever ever attract a woman. i learned that the hard way. being nice can be a soft and wussy behavior that will lead girls away.