I hope she doesnt think ur gay.... But I was in a similar position about 5 yrs ago, I liked this girl Samantha, and we talked we laughed, the only thing stopping me was her boyfriend. It was strange but without even going out with her or sharing an intimate moment with her, i fell in Love with her.
I thought we would be perfect, and i could really see us growing old. I wasn't about to cut the boyfriends grass cause i was friends with him, not great friends, but friends none the less.
Soon they broke up and i was just waiting a while because i didnt want to pounce while the iron was still hot. I was out one night (a few weeks after the break up) and this girls best friend told me that Sam had a crush on me. This was an unbelievable feeling, knowing that this girl that i liked/loved felt the same way about me. I went to try and find her only to be told that she had just left.
Being not an overly confident person especially when trying to chat a girl up, I decided to wait till the next time I saw her and no doubt i would of had a couple of drinks to ease my nerves.
The next time i saw her was about a month later, I organised for a group of us to go out. Right when i asked her if she wanted to go for a walk, getting ready to ask the question, her friend tagged along and said "Did you know Sam has a new boyfriend?" It put a spanner in the works and I thought that it would just be temporary. I met the guy, and he was really nice, and had a weird sense of humour just like I, and he was sharing the same kind of jokes that we would share. It kind of gave me comfort because i was thinking I fit into her category type thing.....
About 3 months later, I was out with my mates, and they all suspected that i liked her, though i only confirmed it with 1 mate, but someone said "Did u hear samantha is pregnant?" I have never felt my heart drop as low as that, and I spent the weekend thinking that my dreams of being with her are all but faded. On the following monday, i got a txt from her confirming what i dreaded.
About 3 years on she has a beautiful girl (2) and very nice partner (father of the baby)
3 years on for me, and it is still the only girl i have ever loved. I have had a few girlfriends, a few flings, but nothing or no one can compare.
I was listening to Black yesterday, and it made me so depressed. "I know some day you'll have a beautiful life, i know you'll be a star, in somebody elses sky, but why? why? Why cant it be mine?"
This is a long post, but mate if i can give you any advice, don't make the same mistake i did, because if she slips away you may not be able to catch her. good luck
that is absolutely gutting. I feel for you on that one.
what will turn you on, is probably that "good" man that you speak about who is stern, stable, masculine, assertive, confident, exciting, humorous and whatnot.
please do yourself and all of us a favour conor and go find a woman who truly lights your fire. maybe then you'lll stop bitching to us about 'chicks'.
that's not really doing my former best friend and current roommate any favors though. and it does me no favors to totally fuck over a girl i currently live with. but dont worry. ill get there. once the lease is up and im so distant she'll be relieved to see me go... i'll be gone
that's not really doing my former best friend and current roommate any favors though. and it does me no favors to totally fuck over a girl i currently live with. but dont worry. ill get there. once the lease is up and im so distant she'll be relieved to see me go... i'll be gone
Am I the only one who wonders what you're like in real life? My guess....you're probably a schmoozer...someone that truly has charm! It wouldn't surprise me at all!
This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper
I'm *honestly* not. And, I truly didn't say that to elicit compliments...
But, with your line of thinking, my situation is hopeless...and I really don't want to believe that.
not hopeless. but fact is, gorgeous people have options. they can afford to wait. who are the nice guys? usually average looking guys who try to make up for it by being sweet. who are the girls who want nice guys? usually average looking girls who just want someone who will find them beautiful. but the fact is, if you're drop dead gorgeous, you have too many options to truly buy into that. you don't see hot men with ugly women, or ugly dudes with hot girls (unless there is money involved). if a guy is the whole package, attractive and firm and whatever else, he's got the ability to find a sweet girl WITH the great looks. if a girl is the whole package, nice and pretty, she can find a nice guy who's also firm and has the good looks. the bottom line is, good looks give you more options, period. doesn't mean lack of good looks is a hopeless situation, just that you're probably going to have to scrap that vision of the dream guy or girl in your head. you've got to play in your leagues. which means an average looking girl is going to have to accept a guy who's probably no brad pitt, and is therefore a bit insecure, not the strong and confident protector type until he's been through the wringer. an average looking guy is going to have to accept the fact that he's not going to get the head cheerleader or sex goddess unless she's on the rebound and you're in fallback position. them's the breaks.
Am I the only one who wonders what you're like in real life? My guess....you're probably a schmoozer...someone that truly has charm! It wouldn't surprise me at all!
a few people round here have met me, but it was years ago and i was a bit more fucked up then. even so, i do think most who have met me like me. as long as they don't get to talking about women or relationships with me, cos then i tend to alarm people
not hopeless. but fact is, gorgeous people have options. they can afford to wait. who are the nice guys? usually average looking guys who try to make up for it by being sweet. who are the girls who want nice guys? usually average looking girls who just want someone who will find them beautiful. but the fact is, if you're drop dead gorgeous, you have too many options to truly buy into that. you don't see hot men with ugly women, or ugly dudes with hot girls (unless there is money involved). if a guy is the whole package, attractive and firm and whatever else, he's got the ability to find a sweet girl WITH the great looks. if a girl is the whole package, nice and pretty, she can find a nice guy who's also firm and has the good looks. the bottom line is, good looks give you more options, period. doesn't mean lack of good looks is a hopeless situation, just that you're probably going to have to scrap that vision of the dream guy or girl in your head. you've got to play in your leagues. which means an average looking girl is going to have to accept a guy who's probably no brad pitt, and is therefore a bit insecure, not the strong and confident protector type until he's been through the wringer. an average looking guy is going to have to accept the fact that he's not going to get the head cheerleader or sex goddess unless she's on the rebound and you're in fallback position. them's the breaks.
you spend far too much time thinking about this crap. you really have to stop putting every human being on this earth into some arbitrary, meaningless, stereotypical category YOU'VE created for the purpose of putting yourself and everyone else down. you've got a messed up view of not only relationships and women, but just people in general.
you spend far too much time thinking about this crap. you really have to stop putting every human being on this earth into some arbitrary, meaningless, stereotypical category YOU'VE created for the purpose of putting yourself and everyone else down. you've got a messed up view of not only relationships and women, but just people in general.
that took me 2 minutes to type and i didnt think about it at all
but you may be right about the last sentence. i basically think that in general human beings are largely selfish and shitty to each other. so i expect the worst and my general rule of thumb for human behavior is that more often than not, people will do what's best for them without regard to how it affects you or anyone else. it's not sadistic, they don't even realize it. they do it becos it's normal and natural to put yourself and your needs first. nothing messed up or putting down about that.
that took me 2 minutes to type and i didnt think about it at all
but you may be right about the last sentence. i basically think that in general human beings are largely selfish and shitty to each other. so i expect the worst and my general rule of thumb for human behavior is that more often than not, people will do what's best for them without regard to how it affects you or anyone else. it's not sadistic, they don't even realize it. they do it becos it's normal and natural to put yourself and your needs first. nothing messed up or putting down about that.
I think only people who haven't been transformed by parenthood believe it's normal to always put themselves first.
I think only people who haven't been transformed by parenthood believe it's normal to always put themselves first.
exactly.
the people that have kids and put themselves first are the ones that end up either ditching their kid(s) or neglecting or abusing their kid(s) if they do stick around
I think only people who haven't been transformed by parenthood believe it's normal to always put themselves first.
im not a parent.
nor am i rare.
i don't believe it's normal to always put myself first.
nope, i don't roll that way.
selfish, im pritty far from selfish.
self-centered ego prick, no.
I think only people who haven't been transformed by parenthood believe it's normal to always put themselves first.
you've got that backwards. only people who have been warped by parenthood think it's sensible to put someone else first.
and usually, if you're a parent, none of this applies anymore anyway. you're stuck with a kid for life and kids are totally dependent on you, so you've no choice but to do good by them (although even your argument there is weak given the number of thrown away kids and children in the foster care system becos the parents don't care about them, in fact, i'd say that is proof positive that people are inherently selfish becos a huge number of them can't even put their children ahead of their own wants). everyone else is potentially just passing through, so you're a fool to not consider how THEY fit into YOUR life rather than thinking about what you can do to make their life better. they don't need you and you don't need them, so why would either of you want to bend over backwards to please another?
even a selfless act in a strong relationship is founded on selfishness. you're not going to give up your career and move for your sig other unless you feel you get enough happiness or companionship out of the relationship to justify it. if not, you will tell them to go and walk away becos it is not worth sacrificing your happiness to help the other person. relationships are selfish. they about having your needs met. period.
you've got that backwards. only people who have been warped by parenthood think it's sensible to put someone else first.
and usually, if you're a parent, none of this applies anymore anyway. you're stuck with a kid for life and kids are totally dependent on you, so you've no choice but to do good by them (although even your argument there is weak given the number of thrown away kids and children in the foster care system becos the parents don't care about them, in fact, i'd say that is proof positive that people are inherently selfish becos a huge number of them can't even put their children ahead of their own wants). everyone else is potentially just passing through, so you're a fool to not consider how THEY fit into YOUR life rather than thinking about what you can do to make their life better. they don't need you and you don't need them, so why would either of you want to bend over backwards to please another?
even a selfless act in a strong relationship is founded on selfishness. you're not going to give up your career and move for your sig other unless you feel you get enough happiness or companionship out of the relationship to justify it. if not, you will tell them to go and walk away becos it is not worth sacrificing your happiness to help the other person. relationships are selfish. they about having your needs met. period.
You're right. If you really want to pick life to pieces. Everything we do is selfish.
When my baby cries, I cuddle him because it makes him feel better-which makes me feel happy.
If he's bored, I play a game with him. It makes him laugh and then, again, it makes me happy. Humans are selfish. We'd prolly never survive as a species if we weren't a bit selfish.
You're right. If you really want to pick life to pieces. Everything we do is selfish.
When my baby cries, I cuddle him because it makes him feel better-which makes me feel happy.
If he's bored, I play a game with him. It makes him laugh and then, again, it makes me happy. Humans are selfish. We'd prolly never survive as a species if we weren't a bit selfish.
yep. if caring about another person and trying to do things to make them feel better is selfish....then okay, I'm selfish. though I certainly don't ever think of any of my friends or family as being selfish whenever they do something nice for me
that took me 2 minutes to type and i didnt think about it at all
but you may be right about the last sentence. i basically think that in general human beings are largely selfish and shitty to each other. so i expect the worst and my general rule of thumb for human behavior is that more often than not, people will do what's best for them without regard to how it affects you or anyone else. it's not sadistic, they don't even realize it. they do it becos it's normal and natural to put yourself and your needs first. nothing messed up or putting down about that.
I'm not talking about that. you put people into categories. if you haven't noticed, every person on this earth is just a little bit different. and everything is so nuanced...nothing ever seems to work out the way it "should."
I'm not talking about that. you put people into categories. if you haven't noticed, every person on this earth is just a little bit different. and everything is so nuanced...nothing ever seems to work out the way it "should."
I can sympathise with Soulsinging.... you get burned, repeatedly, and you start to think everyone is the same. Or even if they're not, there's always potential that they will be.
I'm sometimes guilty of it.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
I can sympathise with Soulsinging.... you get burned, repeatedly, and you start to think everyone is the same. Or even if they're not, there's always potential that they will be.
I'm sometimes guilty of it.
did you just leave a 4 year relationship? how is that repeatedly getting burned? you went four years without getting burned by anybody.
did you just leave a 4 year relationship? how is that repeatedly getting burned? you went four years without getting burned by anybody.
My life didn't start 4 years ago.... I've been shit on.... everyone's been shit on.... that's not news, surely. Having someone turn back on a promise is getting burned, no matter whether it's 4 weeks or 4 years.
Regardless, we were married, not in a 'relationship'....
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My life didn't start 4 years ago.... I've been shit on.... everyone's been shit on.... that's not news, surely. Having someone turn back on a promise is getting burned, no matter whether it's 4 weeks or 4 years.
yeah but so what though? soulsinging takes this stuff so seriously...you try dating people. some people are jerks, sometimes you're a jerk, sometimes nobody's a jerk but it doesn't work out. big f-ing deal. it's just romantic relationships, which contrary to convention, are not the be-all-end-all of human life. And I'm sorry, but I can't buy into soulsinging's attitudes about good looking people and bad looking people and nice guys and bad girls and whatever the hell other categories he's come up. if you think like that, it's just putting limits on yourself and everyone else and nothing will be good for you.furthermore soulsinging talks like he's personally met everyone on this earth and knows exactly what they're thinking. it's annoying.
yeah but so what though? soulsinging takes this stuff so seriously...you try dating people. some people are jerks, sometimes you're a jerk, sometimes nobody's a jerk but it doesn't work out. big f-ing deal. it's just romantic relationships, which contrary to convention, are not the be-all-end-all of human life. And I'm sorry, but I can't buy into soulsinging's attitudes about good looking people and bad looking people and nice guys and bad girls and whatever the hell other categories he's come up. if you think like that, it's just putting limits on yourself and everyone else and nothing will be good for you.furthermore soulsinging talks like he's personally met everyone on this earth and knows exactly what they're thinking. it's annoying.
I never said I AGREED with Soulsinging... just that I sympathise with his outlook. And hey.. Life. What if my wife WAS the be-all-and-end-all of mine? It's not ideal, but it happens, and when that disappears, you've got to find some way of pressing on.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
yep. if caring about another person and trying to do things to make them feel better is selfish....then okay, I'm selfish. though I certainly don't ever think of any of my friends or family as being selfish whenever they do something nice for me
I think soulsinging's got a fair point.
(Going off the subject slightly). Have you ever changed a nappy? Why do you do it? Because you don't want to put up with the smell? Or because YOU would feel bad if your child were unhappy? It's just worth thinking about!
(Going off the subject slightly). Have you ever changed a nappy? Why do you do it? Because you don't want to put up with the smell? Or because YOU would feel bad if your child were unhappy? It's just worth thinking about!
Both reasons are selfish to some extent.. to get rid of the smell? Yeah that's loving!
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
that's not really doing my former best friend and current roommate any favors though. and it does me no favors to totally fuck over a girl i currently live with. but dont worry. ill get there. once the lease is up and im so distant she'll be relieved to see me go... i'll be gone
well i wasn't talking about fucking anybody over. but wait a minute...you're hoping she breaks it off with you? you already know it's basically going nowhere, youve admitted she doesn't especially light your fire, but you'll wait until she comes to that realisation? sounds like you're already fucking her over. that sucks conor.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I'm not talking about that. you put people into categories. if you haven't noticed, every person on this earth is just a little bit different. and everything is so nuanced...nothing ever seems to work out the way it "should."
that's exactly my point. nothing ever works out the way it "should." so what are you taking issue with?
and if you want to get into "spending too much time thinking about things," how many posts have you made about your weight and body?
Comments
Well hang onto her cause those ones are hard to find!
that is absolutely gutting. I feel for you on that one.
it is, yeah. you gotta play dirty.
Hey, stop talking about me.
that's not really doing my former best friend and current roommate any favors though. and it does me no favors to totally fuck over a girl i currently live with. but dont worry. ill get there. once the lease is up and im so distant she'll be relieved to see me go... i'll be gone
Am I the only one who wonders what you're like in real life? My guess....you're probably a schmoozer...someone that truly has charm!
Now now...don't be cheeky!
thats so weird, we've dated the same guy!
not hopeless. but fact is, gorgeous people have options. they can afford to wait. who are the nice guys? usually average looking guys who try to make up for it by being sweet. who are the girls who want nice guys? usually average looking girls who just want someone who will find them beautiful. but the fact is, if you're drop dead gorgeous, you have too many options to truly buy into that. you don't see hot men with ugly women, or ugly dudes with hot girls (unless there is money involved). if a guy is the whole package, attractive and firm and whatever else, he's got the ability to find a sweet girl WITH the great looks. if a girl is the whole package, nice and pretty, she can find a nice guy who's also firm and has the good looks. the bottom line is, good looks give you more options, period. doesn't mean lack of good looks is a hopeless situation, just that you're probably going to have to scrap that vision of the dream guy or girl in your head. you've got to play in your leagues. which means an average looking girl is going to have to accept a guy who's probably no brad pitt, and is therefore a bit insecure, not the strong and confident protector type until he's been through the wringer. an average looking guy is going to have to accept the fact that he's not going to get the head cheerleader or sex goddess unless she's on the rebound and you're in fallback position. them's the breaks.
a few people round here have met me, but it was years ago and i was a bit more fucked up then. even so, i do think most who have met me like me. as long as they don't get to talking about women or relationships with me, cos then i tend to alarm people
you spend far too much time thinking about this crap. you really have to stop putting every human being on this earth into some arbitrary, meaningless, stereotypical category YOU'VE created for the purpose of putting yourself and everyone else down. you've got a messed up view of not only relationships and women, but just people in general.
that took me 2 minutes to type and i didnt think about it at all
but you may be right about the last sentence. i basically think that in general human beings are largely selfish and shitty to each other. so i expect the worst and my general rule of thumb for human behavior is that more often than not, people will do what's best for them without regard to how it affects you or anyone else. it's not sadistic, they don't even realize it. they do it becos it's normal and natural to put yourself and your needs first. nothing messed up or putting down about that.
nuh uh
I would've responded sooner but I've been watching football and absolutely dreading having to go shopping tomorrow
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I think only people who haven't been transformed by parenthood believe it's normal to always put themselves first.
exactly.
the people that have kids and put themselves first are the ones that end up either ditching their kid(s) or neglecting or abusing their kid(s) if they do stick around
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
im not a parent.
nor am i rare.
i don't believe it's normal to always put myself first.
nope, i don't roll that way.
selfish, im pritty far from selfish.
self-centered ego prick, no.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
you've got that backwards. only people who have been warped by parenthood think it's sensible to put someone else first.
and usually, if you're a parent, none of this applies anymore anyway. you're stuck with a kid for life and kids are totally dependent on you, so you've no choice but to do good by them (although even your argument there is weak given the number of thrown away kids and children in the foster care system becos the parents don't care about them, in fact, i'd say that is proof positive that people are inherently selfish becos a huge number of them can't even put their children ahead of their own wants). everyone else is potentially just passing through, so you're a fool to not consider how THEY fit into YOUR life rather than thinking about what you can do to make their life better. they don't need you and you don't need them, so why would either of you want to bend over backwards to please another?
even a selfless act in a strong relationship is founded on selfishness. you're not going to give up your career and move for your sig other unless you feel you get enough happiness or companionship out of the relationship to justify it. if not, you will tell them to go and walk away becos it is not worth sacrificing your happiness to help the other person. relationships are selfish. they about having your needs met. period.
You're right. If you really want to pick life to pieces. Everything we do is selfish.
When my baby cries, I cuddle him because it makes him feel better-which makes me feel happy.
If he's bored, I play a game with him. It makes him laugh and then, again, it makes me happy. Humans are selfish. We'd prolly never survive as a species if we weren't a bit selfish.
yep. if caring about another person and trying to do things to make them feel better is selfish....then okay, I'm selfish. though I certainly don't ever think of any of my friends or family as being selfish whenever they do something nice for me
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm not talking about that. you put people into categories. if you haven't noticed, every person on this earth is just a little bit different. and everything is so nuanced...nothing ever seems to work out the way it "should."
I can sympathise with Soulsinging.... you get burned, repeatedly, and you start to think everyone is the same. Or even if they're not, there's always potential that they will be.
I'm sometimes guilty of it.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
did you just leave a 4 year relationship? how is that repeatedly getting burned? you went four years without getting burned by anybody.
My life didn't start 4 years ago.... I've been shit on.... everyone's been shit on.... that's not news, surely. Having someone turn back on a promise is getting burned, no matter whether it's 4 weeks or 4 years.
Regardless, we were married, not in a 'relationship'....
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
yeah but so what though? soulsinging takes this stuff so seriously...you try dating people. some people are jerks, sometimes you're a jerk, sometimes nobody's a jerk but it doesn't work out. big f-ing deal. it's just romantic relationships, which contrary to convention, are not the be-all-end-all of human life. And I'm sorry, but I can't buy into soulsinging's attitudes about good looking people and bad looking people and nice guys and bad girls and whatever the hell other categories he's come up. if you think like that, it's just putting limits on yourself and everyone else and nothing will be good for you.furthermore soulsinging talks like he's personally met everyone on this earth and knows exactly what they're thinking. it's annoying.
I never said I AGREED with Soulsinging... just that I sympathise with his outlook. And hey.. Life. What if my wife WAS the be-all-and-end-all of mine? It's not ideal, but it happens, and when that disappears, you've got to find some way of pressing on.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
I think soulsinging's got a fair point.
(Going off the subject slightly).
Both reasons are selfish to some extent.. to get rid of the smell? Yeah that's loving!
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
well i wasn't talking about fucking anybody over. but wait a minute...you're hoping she breaks it off with you? you already know it's basically going nowhere, youve admitted she doesn't especially light your fire, but you'll wait until she comes to that realisation? sounds like you're already fucking her over. that sucks conor.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
that's exactly my point. nothing ever works out the way it "should." so what are you taking issue with?
and if you want to get into "spending too much time thinking about things," how many posts have you made about your weight and body?