well i wasn't talking about fucking anybody over. but wait a minute...you're hoping she breaks it off with you? you already know it's basically going nowhere, youve admitted she doesn't especially light your fire, but you'll wait until she comes to that realisation? sounds like you're already fucking her over. that sucks conor.
no, im waiting until i can get out of our lease easily
and in the meantime, im raising the problems enough to either give her time to change and us to work it out or least ensure it won't be a total shock when i call it quits so she's not blindsided like i was once. yeah, it sucks for her. but it's the best solution i can come up with.
yeah but so what though? soulsinging takes this stuff so seriously...you try dating people. some people are jerks, sometimes you're a jerk, sometimes nobody's a jerk but it doesn't work out. big f-ing deal. it's just romantic relationships, which contrary to convention, are not the be-all-end-all of human life.
this is exactly my point and what i've been saying. what's the problem?
And I'm sorry, but I can't buy into soulsinging's attitudes about good looking people and bad looking people and nice guys and bad girls and whatever the hell other categories he's come up. if you think like that, it's just putting limits on yourself and everyone else and nothing will be good for you.furthermore soulsinging talks like he's personally met everyone on this earth and knows exactly what they're thinking. it's annoying.
no, i talk in rude generalizations based on the weight of my experience and observations. i've never said that everyone inevitably acts the way i've described. just that these are my general impressions of what is most likely to occur in these situations. if you don't like it or are annoyed by it, you are free to ignore it or tell me why you think it's wrong and what you think is a better explanation. but don't misrepresent my points or intentions.
(Going off the subject slightly). Have you ever changed a nappy? Why do you do it? Because you don't want to put up with the smell? Or because YOU would feel bad if your child were unhappy? It's just worth thinking about!
I have changed thousands and thousands of diapers. those of my own two kids and those of the kids that I took care of when I did daycare. of course I would feel bad to see a kid unhappy because of a dirty diaper.
but yet again how is it selfish to change a child's diaper for them not to feel unhappy? you change the kid's diaper, the kid feels better, neither you or the kid or anyone else around has to put up with the smell anymore, so everyone feels better. I don't think that it's selfish of me to change that kid's diaper anymore than I think that it's selfish of the child to need their diaper changed
this is exactly my point and what i've been saying. what's the problem?
no, i talk in rude generalizations based on the weight of my experience and observations. i've never said that everyone inevitably acts the way i've described. just that these are my general impressions of what is most likely to occur in these situations. if you don't like it or are annoyed by it, you are free to ignore it or tell me you think it's wrong. but don't misrepresent my points or intentions.
i think what greenteadisease is trying to do is stop you from spreading the word out cause she likes her "men" nice and well-behaved.
This isn't the land of opportunity, it's the land of competition.
no, im waiting until i can get out of our lease easily
and in the meantime, im raising the problems enough to either give her time to change and us to work it out or least ensure it won't be a total shock when i call it quits so she's not blindsided like i was once. yeah, it sucks for her. but it's the best solution i can come up with.
well does she thinks everything is kosher between the two of you? or do you have an inkling that perhaps she feels the same way you do and might just be waiting for you to bring it up?
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
well does she thinks everything is kosher between the two of you? or do you have an inkling that perhaps she feels the same way you do and might just be waiting for you to bring it up?
i have brought it up repeatedly. she knows things aren't kosher, though i think she doesn't care or figures she can just live with mediocre.
I have changed thousands and thousands of diapers. those of my own two kids and those of the kids that I took care of when I did daycare. of course I would feel bad to see a kid unhappy because of a dirty diaper.
but yet again how is it selfish to change a child's diaper for them not to feel unhappy? you change the kid's diaper, the kid feels better, neither you or the kid or anyone else around has to put up with the smell anymore, so everyone feels better. I don't think that it's selfish of me to change that kid's diaper anymore than I think that it's selfish of the child to need their diaper changed
Alright, well, I still disagree with you but I can't be bothered to argue. Maybe tomorrow. Grrrrr.
Alright, well, I still disagree with you but I can't be bothered to argue. Maybe tomorrow. Grrrrr.
okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(
okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(
It sounds like it when you word it that way but if you really think about it. I think my opinion makes sense.
It sounds awful but if you really look at the root cause of all behaviour, to me, it all boils down to selfishness. I see it as okay, though, because that's what keeps us as a species alive.
okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(
im not making presumptions about their motivations. people can act selflessly, and do. i'm not saying anytime i look at a mom feeding a baby i assume it's becos she wants it to shut up. im saying our initial nature and urge is selfishness, and that that wins out in most situations. i base my expectations on other people doing what is best and most convenient for them, not on them thinking about what would make me happy or considering my feelings when they decide how to act. i believe that applies to friends, family (maybe less so), and, yes, above all, prospective mates. there is nothing wrong with it. it's just how we're built and it's necessary.
im not making presumptions about their motivations. people can act selflessly, and do. i'm not saying anytime i look at a mom feeding a baby i assume it's becos she wants it to shut up. im saying our initial nature and urge is selfishness, and that that wins out in most situations. i base my expectations on other people doing what is best and most convenient for them, not on them thinking about what would make me happy taking into consideration my feelings when they decide how to act.
i've been hurt, and i am cynical. but that doesn't make what i've said inherently bitter. i just don't expect much from people. i'm not offended or hurt anymore when they act as i expected. i don't blame them for doing right by them, becos i know i'd want to do right by me if i had to choose between the two. and i'm pleasantly surprised when people do step above that and go out of their way to be kind to me. it's not a bad way to live. human nature is flawed, and all i do is accept that and try not to build my life around unreasonable expectations of other people's behavior.
i've been hurt, and i am cynical. but that doesn't make what i've said inherently bitter. i just don't expect much from people. i'm not offended or hurt anymore when they act as i expected. i don't blame them for doing right by them, becos i know i'd want to do right by me if i had to choose between the two. and i'm pleasantly surprised when people do step above that and go out of their way to be kind to me. it's not a bad way to live. human nature is flawed, and all i do is accept that and try not to build my life around unreasonable expectations of other people's behavior.
It IS a bad way to live and I'm sure, without patronising you, you know it? That's VERY bitter!
I'm talking about something that runs a little deeper, other than 'putting people in boxes', like someone said earlier.
Anyway. This thread was about not understanding women. How did the subject get on to selfishness? :mad:
It IS a bad way to live and I'm sure, without patronising you, you know it? That's VERY bitter!
I'm talking about something that runs a little deeper, other than 'putting people in boxes', like someone said earlier.
Anyway. This thread was about not understanding women. How did the subject get on to selfishness? :mad:
becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.
i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.
becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.
i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.
becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.
i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.
Once again, there's not a lot which is disagreeable here.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
you don't have a choice in the matter. humans are vulnerable. you can't choose not to. expecting less of people is not some sort of invincible armor?
I think what they're saying is that they want a happy medium between you, and me.
We're just awkward.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
Alright then. Being kinder. More compassionate. Understanding/empathasing with other people.
If everyone went around with your attitude, the world really would be a cold place!
what has any of that got to do with anything? i do understand and empathize. that's the point. i know why they do what they do, and i try not to take it personally when they hurt me. i don't fault them for doing right by them. where is the lack of kindness or compassion in forgiving those who hurt me becos it was the right thing for them to do for themselves?
No one's expecting anything. You're both great guys but, sometimes, (Just from what I've read), you both seem completely deluded and BITTER).
The same as the thread starter. He didn't understand women so he thinks the best thing to do is act like a prick and hope the woman understands.
10 to 1 if he does what i suggested, she'll have her legs wrapped around him in a matter of days. if he gives her some wilty "i really like you" bullshit over the phone, she will say "that's great, but i like this other guy... let me tell you about how much i love him and how mean he is to me and how hard it is to find a decent guy."
cynicism and bitterness are words used by the naive to discredit realism.
They're telling you to 'allow yourself to be vulnerable'...
..and I'm always getting 'be less vulnerable.' :rolleyes:
You can't win.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
Comments
no, im waiting until i can get out of our lease easily
and in the meantime, im raising the problems enough to either give her time to change and us to work it out or least ensure it won't be a total shock when i call it quits so she's not blindsided like i was once. yeah, it sucks for her. but it's the best solution i can come up with.
this is exactly my point and what i've been saying. what's the problem?
no, i talk in rude generalizations based on the weight of my experience and observations. i've never said that everyone inevitably acts the way i've described. just that these are my general impressions of what is most likely to occur in these situations. if you don't like it or are annoyed by it, you are free to ignore it or tell me why you think it's wrong and what you think is a better explanation. but don't misrepresent my points or intentions.
I have changed thousands and thousands of diapers. those of my own two kids and those of the kids that I took care of when I did daycare. of course I would feel bad to see a kid unhappy because of a dirty diaper.
but yet again how is it selfish to change a child's diaper for them not to feel unhappy? you change the kid's diaper, the kid feels better, neither you or the kid or anyone else around has to put up with the smell anymore, so everyone feels better. I don't think that it's selfish of me to change that kid's diaper anymore than I think that it's selfish of the child to need their diaper changed
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
well does she thinks everything is kosher between the two of you? or do you have an inkling that perhaps she feels the same way you do and might just be waiting for you to bring it up?
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
i have brought it up repeatedly. she knows things aren't kosher, though i think she doesn't care or figures she can just live with mediocre.
Alright, well, I still disagree with you but I can't be bothered to argue. Maybe tomorrow. Grrrrr.
well then if there's no spark and no fire and she knows this and worse, she's okay with it, then take the money and run i say.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
if i leave before the lease is up, i wont be taking any money
so tell her, once the lease it up youre outta there and away from her.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
that's the plan. that's what i've been saying
okay, though i wasn't looking to argue either. I suppose the point I was trying to get at was; why presume that a person's motivation for doing things for someone that they care about is because they're "selfish?" it just seems so bitter and pointless :(
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It sounds like it when you word it that way but if you really think about it. I think my opinion makes sense.
It sounds awful but if you really look at the root cause of all behaviour, to me, it all boils down to selfishness. I see it as okay, though, because that's what keeps us as a species alive.
(I need to learn to explain myself better).
im not making presumptions about their motivations. people can act selflessly, and do. i'm not saying anytime i look at a mom feeding a baby i assume it's becos she wants it to shut up. im saying our initial nature and urge is selfishness, and that that wins out in most situations. i base my expectations on other people doing what is best and most convenient for them, not on them thinking about what would make me happy or considering my feelings when they decide how to act. i believe that applies to friends, family (maybe less so), and, yes, above all, prospective mates. there is nothing wrong with it. it's just how we're built and it's necessary.
So basicly, you're a very hurt, bitter, person?
i've been hurt, and i am cynical. but that doesn't make what i've said inherently bitter. i just don't expect much from people. i'm not offended or hurt anymore when they act as i expected. i don't blame them for doing right by them, becos i know i'd want to do right by me if i had to choose between the two. and i'm pleasantly surprised when people do step above that and go out of their way to be kind to me. it's not a bad way to live. human nature is flawed, and all i do is accept that and try not to build my life around unreasonable expectations of other people's behavior.
It IS a bad way to live and I'm sure, without patronising you, you know it? That's VERY bitter!
I'm talking about something that runs a little deeper, other than 'putting people in boxes', like someone said earlier.
Anyway. This thread was about not understanding women. How did the subject get on to selfishness? :mad:
becos when people are asking, with respect to relationships, why something is happening, it is becos you are not what they want. and what matters is what they want. and if they want to string you along and keep you as a backup in case no one else works out, they will probably do it regardless of whether or not it hurts you.
i don't see it as a bad way to live. what's so bad about it? i don't know what you're talking about.
If you don't open up. No one will ever love you.
Once again, there's not a lot which is disagreeable here.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
what does opening up even mean?
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable??
you don't have a choice in the matter. humans are vulnerable. you can't choose not to. expecting less of people is not some sort of invincible armor?
Alright then. Being kinder. More compassionate. Understanding/empathasing with other people.
If everyone went around with your attitude, the world really would be a cold place!
I think what they're saying is that they want a happy medium between you, and me.
We're just awkward.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
what has any of that got to do with anything? i do understand and empathize. that's the point. i know why they do what they do, and i try not to take it personally when they hurt me. i don't fault them for doing right by them. where is the lack of kindness or compassion in forgiving those who hurt me becos it was the right thing for them to do for themselves?
how do you mean? who's awkward?
No one's expecting anything. You're both great guys but, sometimes, (Just from what I've read), you both seem completely deluded and BITTER).
The same as the thread starter. He didn't understand women so he thinks the best thing to do is act like a prick and hope the woman understands.
10 to 1 if he does what i suggested, she'll have her legs wrapped around him in a matter of days. if he gives her some wilty "i really like you" bullshit over the phone, she will say "that's great, but i like this other guy... let me tell you about how much i love him and how mean he is to me and how hard it is to find a decent guy."
cynicism and bitterness are words used by the naive to discredit realism.
They're telling you to 'allow yourself to be vulnerable'...
..and I'm always getting 'be less vulnerable.' :rolleyes:
You can't win.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison