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lastexitlondon said:0
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Lastexitlondon just (indirectly) reminded me of this thread in another thread...I checked this out a couple of weeks ago and it's old/long enough that I don't even remember whether I've ever posted on it. But I have OCD and I think it's great that people can use this median to chat about something that, despite some progress, still has a lot of stigma. I recently broke my arm (well, small fracture) and nobody questions it, even though they don't see a cast. But with mental injuries/illness, it's a different story.
Some of us are not ready to talk about it in person and I think this is a great median to talk with semi-anonymous people that have at least one thing in common. I always hid this. Always. Then one day three years ago, we had ten guys drinking around a campfire and one of them says "I want everyone to say something that you're usually uncomfortable saying." Some people embraced it and some were hesitant. It was during this that I decided I was going to talk about it. For me, it was a huge moment. I suddenly stopped having this shame. I don't bring it up a lot or tell people while small-talking out and about but I don't pretend as much with people that matter.
For me, OCD comes out in large part as absolutely not wanting to have a negative impact on anything, which has made Covid tough. I was already a bit of a germaphobe (I probably wash my hands a bit more than most, but not 50 times a day or anything) but the most bizarre things I have ever done include:- Realizing my wife bought seven postcards on a trip and we were charged for six. I contemplated sending a dollar to the store in the mail with a note. This bugged me for days as my inability to accept underpaying clashed with my self-consciousness. I think I ended up figuring out that I was wrong and there was no error (it was along process that included the use of google earth).
- Walking my dog, I get upset when she pees on trash because I think someone might pick it up (like the dog pee is deadly poison). So I'll pick it up with a dog poop bag. OK; no biggie. But I had this period of time when I'd freak out if she peed on actual nature. I once took a stick home, washed it and brought it back. A stick. That was probably my peak.
- I worked out at one of those 24-hour fitness places (Snap Fitness) and I could see all the people come to the door, ding their card and walk away. Realistically that's almost certainly to let their insurance companies think they're going the 12 times a month that gives them a payback. While I'm not pro-snitching, I struggle with what crimes to "report." I never did anything about this (in fact, this doesn't belong on this list, but it contributes to my next point).
I'm taking medication, which, to be frank, works better than therapy. That's not advice; just my experience. No side effects, far less dwelling on things that are truly unimportant...though maybe still regard a few unimportant things as important.
(there are times when OCD helps me; I think it's why I am in such good cardio shape. I hate to miss and work out about 350 days a year)
My fear to do anything negatively impactful to anyone often comes out in guilt...sometimes years after the fact. I'm not a "music saved my life" guy. I'm just a guy who likes what he likes. In fact, there's only one lyric that really ever helped my beyond entertainment: "You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets...or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself. Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."
I wish you all the best with your mental health journeys.Post edited by OnWis97 on1995 Milwaukee 1998 Alpine, Alpine 2003 Albany, Boston, Boston, Boston 2004 Boston, Boston 2006 Hartford, St. Paul (Petty), St. Paul (Petty) 2011 Alpine, Alpine
2013 Wrigley 2014 St. Paul 2016 Fenway, Fenway, Wrigley, Wrigley 2018 Missoula, Wrigley, Wrigley 2021 Asbury Park 2022 St Louis 2023 Austin, Austin
2024 Napa, Wrigley, Wrigley0 -
OnWis97 said:Lastexitlondon just (indirectly) reminded me of this thread in another thread...I checked this out a couple of weeks ago and it's old/long enough that I don't even remember whether I've ever posted on it. But I have OCD and I think it's great that people can use this median to chat about something that, despite some progress, still has a lot of stigma. I recently broke my arm (well, small fracture) and nobody questions it, even though they don't see a cast. But with mental injuries/illness, it's a different story.
Some of us are not ready to talk about it in person and I think this is a great median to talk with semi-anonymous people that have at least one thing in common. I always hid this. Always. Then one day three years ago, we had ten guys drinking around a campfire and one of them says "I want everyone to say something that you're usually uncomfortable saying." Some people embraced it and some were hesitant. It was during this that I decided I was going to talk about it. For me, it was a huge moment. I suddenly stopped having this shame. I don't bring it up a lot or tell people while small-talking out and about but I don't pretend as much with people that matter.
For me, OCD comes out in large part as absolutely not wanting to have a negative impact on anything, which has made Covid tough. I was already a bit of a germaphobe (I probably wash my hands a bit more than most, but not 50 times a day or anything) but the most bizarre things I have ever done include:- Realizing my wife bought seven postcards on a trip and we were charged for six. I contemplated sending a dollar to the store in the mail with a note. This bugged me for days as my inability to accept underpaying clashed with my self-consciousness. I think I ended up figuring out that I was wrong and there was no error (it was along process that included the use of google earth).
- Walking my dog, I get upset when she pees on trash because I think someone might pick it up (like the dog pee is deadly poison). So I'll pick it up with a dog poop bag. OK; no biggie. But I had this period of time when I'd freak out if she peed on actual nature. I once took a stick home, washed it and brought it back. A stick. That was probably my peak.
- I worked out at one of those 24-hour fitness places (Snap Fitness) and I could see all the people come to the door, ding their card and walk away. Realistically that's almost certainly to let their insurance companies think they're going the 12 times a month that gives them a payback. While I'm not pro-snitching, I struggle with what crimes to "report." I never did anything about this (in fact, this doesn't belong on this list, but it contributes to my next point).
I'm taking medication, which, to be frank, works better than therapy. That's not advice; just my experience. No side effects, far less dwelling on things that are truly unimportant...though maybe still regard a few unimportant things as important.
(there are times when OCD helps me; I think it's why I am in such good cardio shape. I hate to miss and work out about 350 days a year)
My fear to do anything negatively impactful to anyone often comes out in guilt...sometimes years after the fact. I'm not a "music saved my life" guy. I'm just a guy who likes what he likes. In fact, there's only one lyric that really ever helped my beyond entertainment: "You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets...or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself. Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."
I wish you all the best with your mental health journeys.
one day, at the height of my anxiety/depression, i just decided, "fuck it", and I unloaded on facebook. It wasn't a "woe is me" post. It was a "treat people nicely as you never know what they are dealing with; this is me, if you think of me as just the funny guy who makes jokes all the time, that's fine, but this is me behind the curtain, and if it helps anyone feel not so alone, then it was worth it". I should have turned off the comments, as a lot of them were pitying me, which I so did not want. that was the worst part of it. feeling like people felt sorry for me, when the object of the post was to empower myself to be ok with who I am.
then at work some people started asking me on a daily basis in a soft voice "how ya doin' today" and I'd always try to be honest, but sometimes I just felt like people were treating me differently. DON'T DO THIS. I want you to act as if I'm a normal person, because I AM. for me, depression isn't being sad all the time. it's being really sad some of the time. and constantly being asked about it is depressing as fuck.
and yes, onwis97, that lyric quote is one of the most relatable I've seen.Hugh Freaking Dillon is currently out of the office, returning sometime in the fall0 -
I can see how that hesitant checking in would seem like people are treating you differently, but some people get upset if they tell you something that meaningful to them and then you just act like everything is normal. I guess the safe thing to do would be to ask if they want you to check in with them.0
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OnWis97 said:Lastexitlondon just (indirectly) reminded me of this thread in another thread...I checked this out a couple of weeks ago and it's old/long enough that I don't even remember whether I've ever posted on it. But I have OCD and I think it's great that people can use this median to chat about something that, despite some progress, still has a lot of stigma. I recently broke my arm (well, small fracture) and nobody questions it, even though they don't see a cast. But with mental injuries/illness, it's a different story.
Some of us are not ready to talk about it in person and I think this is a great median to talk with semi-anonymous people that have at least one thing in common. I always hid this. Always. Then one day three years ago, we had ten guys drinking around a campfire and one of them says "I want everyone to say something that you're usually uncomfortable saying." Some people embraced it and some were hesitant. It was during this that I decided I was going to talk about it. For me, it was a huge moment. I suddenly stopped having this shame. I don't bring it up a lot or tell people while small-talking out and about but I don't pretend as much with people that matter.
For me, OCD comes out in large part as absolutely not wanting to have a negative impact on anything, which has made Covid tough. I was already a bit of a germaphobe (I probably wash my hands a bit more than most, but not 50 times a day or anything) but the most bizarre things I have ever done include:- Realizing my wife bought seven postcards on a trip and we were charged for six. I contemplated sending a dollar to the store in the mail with a note. This bugged me for days as my inability to accept underpaying clashed with my self-consciousness. I think I ended up figuring out that I was wrong and there was no error (it was along process that included the use of google earth).
- Walking my dog, I get upset when she pees on trash because I think someone might pick it up (like the dog pee is deadly poison). So I'll pick it up with a dog poop bag. OK; no biggie. But I had this period of time when I'd freak out if she peed on actual nature. I once took a stick home, washed it and brought it back. A stick. That was probably my peak.
- I worked out at one of those 24-hour fitness places (Snap Fitness) and I could see all the people come to the door, ding their card and walk away. Realistically that's almost certainly to let their insurance companies think they're going the 12 times a month that gives them a payback. While I'm not pro-snitching, I struggle with what crimes to "report." I never did anything about this (in fact, this doesn't belong on this list, but it contributes to my next point).
I'm taking medication, which, to be frank, works better than therapy. That's not advice; just my experience. No side effects, far less dwelling on things that are truly unimportant...though maybe still regard a few unimportant things as important.
(there are times when OCD helps me; I think it's why I am in such good cardio shape. I hate to miss and work out about 350 days a year)
My fear to do anything negatively impactful to anyone often comes out in guilt...sometimes years after the fact. I'm not a "music saved my life" guy. I'm just a guy who likes what he likes. In fact, there's only one lyric that really ever helped my beyond entertainment: "You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets...or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who cannot forgive yourself. Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."
I wish you all the best with your mental health journeys.
Thank you.0 -
OffSheGoes35 said:I can see how that hesitant checking in would seem like people are treating you differently, but some people get upset if they tell you something that meaningful to them and then you just act like everything is normal. I guess the safe thing to do would be to ask if they want you to check in with them.
But I had a frank conversation with the few (including loud mouth) about it and they understood where I was coming from and what my needs were, so it turned out fine in the end.Hugh Freaking Dillon is currently out of the office, returning sometime in the fall0 -
I feel like I was meant to see this thread today. I haven't read through it all yet, but just seeing other people talk about their medical anxiety almost made me cry with relief. For the longest time I thought I was the only one or I was going crazy. To the OP, this line in particular that you wrote was like a lightning bolt for me: "My brain seems to sabotage happiness with physical symptoms." Fucking hell that strikes a nerve.
Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for making this thread, it's definitely made me feel less alone.
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You are definitely not alone. Sending peace your way. I hope you can find some small things that take you away even briefly. Sorry i haven't posted
Mainly because i dont want to bring anyone down. So much bad is happening i cant type it all. Never have i ever been through this much fear and despair . Kids at school bo restrictions amd my 4 year old is ill . Had pcr tests on us adults . Neg. Partner ill also. Now 4 year old fever . I will not get through this even now im on meds . My symptoms still here and i have to show a dr a lump again in 2 more weeks after he looked at a damn photo of it intead of seeing me . All way too much
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -0 -
jammergirl said:I feel like I was meant to see this thread today. I haven't read through it all yet, but just seeing other people talk about their medical anxiety almost made me cry with relief. For the longest time I thought I was the only one or I was going crazy. To the OP, this line in particular that you wrote was like a lightning bolt for me: "My brain seems to sabotage happiness with physical symptoms." Fucking hell that strikes a nerve.
Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for making this thread, it's definitely made me feel less alone.lastexitlondon said:You are definitely not alone. Sending peace your way. I hope you can find some small things that take you away even briefly. Sorry i haven't posted
Mainly because i dont want to bring anyone down. So much bad is happening i cant type it all. Never have i ever been through this much fear and despair . Kids at school bo restrictions amd my 4 year old is ill . Had pcr tests on us adults . Neg. Partner ill also. Now 4 year old fever . I will not get through this even now im on meds . My symptoms still here and i have to show a dr a lump again in 2 more weeks after he looked at a damn photo of it intead of seeing me . All way too much
Yeah, I'll second that. You're definitely not alone, jammergirl. And the great things about this thread is that even though some of us who come here have differing view points on some things, on this thread, everyone here understands how tough anxiety is, and everyone is cool here and reaches out to help each other. Love and care and empathy runs deep here. I'm glad for you that you found your way here.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
lastexitlondon said:You are definitely not alone. Sending peace your way. I hope you can find some small things that take you away even briefly. Sorry i haven't posted
Mainly because i dont want to bring anyone down. So much bad is happening i cant type it all. Never have i ever been through this much fear and despair . Kids at school bo restrictions amd my 4 year old is ill . Had pcr tests on us adults . Neg. Partner ill also. Now 4 year old fever . I will not get through this even now im on meds . My symptoms still here and i have to show a dr a lump again in 2 more weeks after he looked at a damn photo of it intead of seeing me . All way too much
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I love you people
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -0 -
Just had a call
Ex wife mother of my other 3 kids is anti vax. Now got covid. But went in the car for 3 hrs with my step dad . And kids to take my daughter to uni. So now its fucked.Post edited by lastexitlondon on
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -0 -
I hope your kids are okay.Post edited by OffSheGoes35 on0
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jammergirl said:I feel like I was meant to see this thread today. I haven't read through it all yet, but just seeing other people talk about their medical anxiety almost made me cry with relief. For the longest time I thought I was the only one or I was going crazy. To the OP, this line in particular that you wrote was like a lightning bolt for me: "My brain seems to sabotage happiness with physical symptoms." Fucking hell that strikes a nerve.
Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for making this thread, it's definitely made me feel less alone.1995 Milwaukee 1998 Alpine, Alpine 2003 Albany, Boston, Boston, Boston 2004 Boston, Boston 2006 Hartford, St. Paul (Petty), St. Paul (Petty) 2011 Alpine, Alpine
2013 Wrigley 2014 St. Paul 2016 Fenway, Fenway, Wrigley, Wrigley 2018 Missoula, Wrigley, Wrigley 2021 Asbury Park 2022 St Louis 2023 Austin, Austin
2024 Napa, Wrigley, Wrigley0 -
OnWis97 said:jammergirl said:I feel like I was meant to see this thread today. I haven't read through it all yet, but just seeing other people talk about their medical anxiety almost made me cry with relief. For the longest time I thought I was the only one or I was going crazy. To the OP, this line in particular that you wrote was like a lightning bolt for me: "My brain seems to sabotage happiness with physical symptoms." Fucking hell that strikes a nerve.
Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for making this thread, it's definitely made me feel less alone.
Baby stepsWouldn't it be funny if the world ended in 2010, with lots of fire?0 -
( anyone here ever checkout Tim Fletcher on youTube? The topic of healing from complex trauma? I just started seeing and sometimes watching episodes since Sept. I say "sometimes", cuz sometimes ( even he says) the topics are "triggering", and to take a break- If this isn't ok to ask about, please forgive me )0
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For people suffering with social anxiety, have you ever looked into the symptoms for Autism Spectrum Disorder? I have done so recently, and found that I share traits associated with female Aspies, so I was just wondering if anyone else has looked into it0
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How is everybody else doing?0
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better than usual, actually. I have hope.Hugh Freaking Dillon is currently out of the office, returning sometime in the fall0
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Im ashamed to post here as i don't want to bring anyone down.so many times i have wanted to but i realise how many people see this and i cant expose myself
Post edited by lastexitlondon on
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -0
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