A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

HughFreakingDillon

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Monday she is excited. One of my other daughters  started college today (she doesnt  live with us) .  I have another daughter  starting uni end of sept. Double vaxxed. But  step son who lives here starts school friday. He is not at all up for it and is 14 and against the world. In fact the hardest kid to be around. And he isn't  mine so im like a corpse to him. He will bring covid here for sure

I had a breakdown / breakthru last night. For months I have been up and down and just cant figure out what it is that is making it like this. I have been blaming so many other things and I nailed it down.

I am afraid I am going to kill my mom.

Let me rephrase , I am terrified I am going to get a breakthru case of Covid and then give it to my mom and kill her.

I don't see her that often because of how scared I am.

Even vaccinated and using a mask I don't think "am I going to get a breakthru case ?" but " When am I going to get a breakthru case ?"

Its such an awful way to think and live. I cried for a while with my wife. I took next week off of work for vacation and am seeing my therapist for the first time in a while.

Eat well , get sleep , and address this concern.

My wife lost her father four days before Christmas 2011 and would give anything to have 10 mins with him , yet I am avoiding my mother out of a fear that really is someone understandable but in the end is not that much to worry about. We are all vaccinated , we don't go out to restaurant's or events , wear masks when grocery shopping.

Going to see my mom tomorrow and hug the shit out of her.

Rob I only included you in this because , I care about you and I wonder if you are feeling the same way. I know you are vaccinated , obviously our 14 year old cannot but I assume is taking proper precautions.

I know you have issues with your doctors but maybe an online group you can fine for those dealing with these feelings ( I am going to look for one ) its just something I am sure deep down I knew all along but have been avoiding confronting this fear.  

Why can't your 14 year old be vaxxed?

breakthroughs are always so cathartic, and yet sometimes traumatizing, because now is the time to actually fix the issue now that you've realized it. 

I wish you well. 

Purple Fairy Tree

HughFreakingDillon said:

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Monday she is excited. One of my other daughters  started college today (she doesnt  live with us) .  I have another daughter  starting uni end of sept. Double vaxxed. But  step son who lives here starts school friday. He is not at all up for it and is 14 and against the world. In fact the hardest kid to be around. And he isn't  mine so im like a corpse to him. He will bring covid here for sure

I had a breakdown / breakthru last night. For months I have been up and down and just cant figure out what it is that is making it like this. I have been blaming so many other things and I nailed it down.

I am afraid I am going to kill my mom.

Let me rephrase , I am terrified I am going to get a breakthru case of Covid and then give it to my mom and kill her.

I don't see her that often because of how scared I am.

Even vaccinated and using a mask I don't think "am I going to get a breakthru case ?" but " When am I going to get a breakthru case ?"

Its such an awful way to think and live. I cried for a while with my wife. I took next week off of work for vacation and am seeing my therapist for the first time in a while.

Eat well , get sleep , and address this concern.

My wife lost her father four days before Christmas 2011 and would give anything to have 10 mins with him , yet I am avoiding my mother out of a fear that really is someone understandable but in the end is not that much to worry about. We are all vaccinated , we don't go out to restaurant's or events , wear masks when grocery shopping.

Going to see my mom tomorrow and hug the shit out of her.

Rob I only included you in this because , I care about you and I wonder if you are feeling the same way. I know you are vaccinated , obviously our 14 year old cannot but I assume is taking proper precautions.

I know you have issues with your doctors but maybe an online group you can fine for those dealing with these feelings ( I am going to look for one ) its just something I am sure deep down I knew all along but have been avoiding confronting this fear.  

Why can't your 14 year old be vaxxed?

breakthroughs are always so cathartic, and yet sometimes traumatizing, because now is the time to actually fix the issue now that you've realized it. 

I wish you well. 

Same here, wishing you well. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Pre-vaccinatiom my partner regularly went through the same thing.  He would worry constantly that it was going to happen to him, that he would get covid, spread it to his dad and that they would both die. He was really anxious.  It was a nightmare everyday for months and months all year round, up until August. Fortunatly now since he has been double vaxxed, he has calmed down a lot and doesnt freak out so much when I need to go somewhere. 

It sounds like you are doing everything you can and being sensible.

My mum regularly talks about dying as she is old and it's like, why spend the last 10 or 20 years talking about dying! Everytime i say that it usually ends that conversation, as discussions like that just make everyone feel miserable.

I hope any part of this helps. All the best x

HughFreakingDillon

West Coast Dreamgirl said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Monday she is excited. One of my other daughters  started college today (she doesnt  live with us) .  I have another daughter  starting uni end of sept. Double vaxxed. But  step son who lives here starts school friday. He is not at all up for it and is 14 and against the world. In fact the hardest kid to be around. And he isn't  mine so im like a corpse to him. He will bring covid here for sure

I had a breakdown / breakthru last night. For months I have been up and down and just cant figure out what it is that is making it like this. I have been blaming so many other things and I nailed it down.

I am afraid I am going to kill my mom.

Let me rephrase , I am terrified I am going to get a breakthru case of Covid and then give it to my mom and kill her.

I don't see her that often because of how scared I am.

Even vaccinated and using a mask I don't think "am I going to get a breakthru case ?" but " When am I going to get a breakthru case ?"

Its such an awful way to think and live. I cried for a while with my wife. I took next week off of work for vacation and am seeing my therapist for the first time in a while.

Eat well , get sleep , and address this concern.

My wife lost her father four days before Christmas 2011 and would give anything to have 10 mins with him , yet I am avoiding my mother out of a fear that really is someone understandable but in the end is not that much to worry about. We are all vaccinated , we don't go out to restaurant's or events , wear masks when grocery shopping.

Going to see my mom tomorrow and hug the shit out of her.

Rob I only included you in this because , I care about you and I wonder if you are feeling the same way. I know you are vaccinated , obviously our 14 year old cannot but I assume is taking proper precautions.

I know you have issues with your doctors but maybe an online group you can fine for those dealing with these feelings ( I am going to look for one ) its just something I am sure deep down I knew all along but have been avoiding confronting this fear.  

Why can't your 14 year old be vaxxed?

breakthroughs are always so cathartic, and yet sometimes traumatizing, because now is the time to actually fix the issue now that you've realized it. 

I wish you well. 

Same here, wishing you well. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Pre-vaccinatiom my partner regularly went through the same thing.  He would worry constantly that it was going to happen to him, that he would get covid, spread it to his dad and that they would both die. He was really anxious.  It was a nightmare everyday for months and months all year round, up until August. Fortunatly now since he has been double vaxxed, he has calmed down a lot and doesnt freak out so much when I need to go somewhere. 

It sounds like you are doing everything you can and being sensible.

My mum regularly talks about dying as she is old and it's like, why spend the last 10 or 20 years talking about dying! Everytime i say that it usually ends that conversation, as discussions like that just make everyone feel miserable.

I hope any part of this helps. All the best x

my father in law is the same. he's not an anxious man by any means, but he's constantly saying stuff like "it'll all be over soon". he's been saying that for about 15 years. it's like he wants to be right about even his death. his last "i told you so" kind of thing. it's weird. 

OffSheGoes35

My dad says similar remarks about dying. The remarks come out in unusual ways and I usually brush them off...but you know what? How many times has someone broached the subject of their death and you were able to have a real conversation about it? How many times does that really happen? Probably not many. Maybe most people have to just make off-putting remarks, because no one can really talk about it? I don't know.

hedonist

People usually shy away when I broach it. My husband is the only one I can speak with about it, openly. My dad would’ve been as well.

Death is a part of life. Or, life is a part of death. All intertwined. Seems silly to me to avoid it. It happens, no matter how deeply some dig their heads in the sand. 

brianlux

Matts3221 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

That's what usually helps me. Staying in bed. I just let myself be as miserable as I want to be, until the storm passes. Sometimes that's the only thing that helps. I look at it like my brain is rebooting.

i did that yesterday. I was convinced I had covid, so I was in bed until about 2pm. It didn't help that my wife and kids went off to a friend's cottage, and I'm always so worried about my kids when I'm not there (my wife is obviously perfectly capable, I have this irrational god complex about my kids that they are only safe in my presence). 

finally got up and started to do yard work. Felt better until right after I was done. Rode it out watching CFL and that stupid jake paul tyron woodley boxing match. LOL

One think you could do and this is really just for piece of mind. The at home testing antigen tests you can get at CVS for like 22 dollars ( comes with two ). Yes it is not as good as going to get an test that goes out but says it is 95% accurate.

Being fully vaxed but having anxiety , I woke up Sunday assume I had Covid , I knew I most likely did not , took a test , 15 mins later says I am negative and my anti anxiety pill kicked in and I had a wonderful Sunday just hanging out with my wife.

Again this is more for piece of mind when I know I am freaking myself out , if I had an actual fever with symptoms I would of course get a test done that gets mailed out.

So 11 dollars to take a panic attack away and to make me have a good Sunday is worth the price at least for me.

Oddly enough, right around the same time as your guys were saying (Wednesday, 9/1 in the AM, actually), I woke up and felt godawful, like really, really awful.  Like, "I must have COVID and this is the end."  I stayed in bed later than late and eventually got up and made some coffee.  That helped a little.  And after a few more hours, I kind of puttered around the house.  And by the time it got to be about 1/2 hour before sunset, I got out with my wife for our daily brisk walk and seemed OK.  Pretty much feeling normal since then (except depressed as hell due to the massive fire close to home and in the west in general).  I wondered if maybe this was some kind of delayed reaction to the vaccine we got back in March and April.  So strange.

Matts3221

HughFreakingDillon said:

A Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Monday she is excited. One of my other daughters  started college today (she doesnt  live with us) .  I have another daughter  starting uni end of sept. Double vaxxed. But  step son who lives here starts school friday. He is not at all up for it and is 14 and against the world. In fact the hardest kid to be around. And he isn't  mine so im like a corpse to him. He will bring covid here for sure

I had a breakdown / breakthru last night. For months I have been up and down and just cant figure out what it is that is making it like this. I have been blaming so many other things and I nailed it down.

I am afraid I am going to kill my mom.

Let me rephrase , I am terrified I am going to get a breakthru case of Covid and then give it to my mom and kill her.

I don't see her that often because of how scared I am.

Even vaccinated and using a mask I don't think "am I going to get a breakthru case ?" but " When am I going to get a breakthru case ?"

Its such an awful way to think and live. I cried for a while with my wife. I took next week off of work for vacation and am seeing my therapist for the first time in a while.

Eat well , get sleep , and address this concern.

My wife lost her father four days before Christmas 2011 and would give anything to have 10 mins with him , yet I am avoiding my mother out of a fear that really is someone understandable but in the end is not that much to worry about. We are all vaccinated , we don't go out to restaurant's or events , wear masks when grocery shopping.

Going to see my mom tomorrow and hug the shit out of her.

Rob I only included you in this because , I care about you and I wonder if you are feeling the same way. I know you are vaccinated , obviously our 14 year old cannot but I assume is taking proper precautions.

I know you have issues with your doctors but maybe an online group you can fine for those dealing with these feelings ( I am going to look for one ) its just something I am sure deep down I knew all along but have been avoiding confronting this fear.  

Why can't your 14 year old be vaxxed?

breakthroughs are always so cathartic, and yet sometimes traumatizing, because now is the time to actually fix the issue now that you've realized it. 

I wish you well. 

I was referring to Rob about the 14 year old but then realize you can get it at 12.

yes both of what you said. I know what the issue is and working thru it.

Thank you all for the kind words 

lastexitlondon

We dont vaccinate under 16 atm here. 

lastexitlondon

Ive been in bed 2 days takinga pills to not get along.  I just cant move

lastexitlondon

Monday i must throw my beautiful  4 year old to the lions as well . I do not want to do it.this country  is fucked up. No precautions  whatsoever.  In 1 months  time we will all have it or have had it.

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

We dont vaccinate under 16 atm here. 

Didn't realize your stepson wasn't eligible to be vaccinated. That makes things all the more difficult, now doesn't it? Shit.

Is your wife with you today? Even if you deal with this situation in two totally different ways, you're in this together. I don't know whether or not that is the case, but if it is...remember that you're in this together. 

Purple Fairy Tree

OffSheGoes35 said:

My dad says similar remarks about dying. The remarks come out in unusual ways and I usually brush them off...but you know what? How many times has someone broached the subject of their death and you were able to have a real conversation about it? How many times does that really happen? Probably not many. Maybe most people have to just make off-putting remarks, because no one can really talk about it? I don't know.

Yeah, I think all of you are right.
No one is supposed to talk about it, but people want to broach the subject about their own mortality just to address it (as that is how they feel). 

I also agree that it's so they can have the last word, like @HughFreakingDillon said, I told you!

Perhaps I could try to listen, but i find it difficult to consider this as an alternative reality in advance, as it will be bad enough when it does happen and I'm not looking forward to it.

For most of the last few years, particularly during covid, I have worried months on end, and each day in and out, that things are coming to an end.

But everyday or everytime I spend time with them, drinking tea, talking, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing laundry, gardening, caring for them, checking medication, taking them to appointments, helping them, taking them out, buying new things for them that they need, etc, they seem ok. 

I've stopped worrying so much now, I think regular interaction and supervision helps them keep going. I feel grateful they are here

lastexitlondon

for 4 years ive kept her safe and well and happy. She says dad you are my best friend.  She has her pj wristband on to charge her up for school.  God i wish i could keep.her here with me forever 
 We are best friends.  And we do everything together  everyday and through lockdown  times we gardened most days and found  peace and pure joy in nature. Im crying  my eyes out typing  this. I don't  want to let her  go.

lastexitlondon

As i type daughter  came on my tv

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

for 4 years ive kept her safe and well and happy. She says dad you are my best friend.  She has her pj wristband on to charge her up for school.  God i wish i could keep.her here with me forever 
 We are best friends.  And we do everything together  everyday and through lockdown  times we gardened most days and found  peace and pure joy in nature. Im crying  my eyes out typing  this. I don't  want to let her  go.

Cry when you need to cry. Sleep when you need to sleep. Get it all out. I know you're doing what you need to do to prepare, because tomorrow is a special day for that little one. ❤️❤️❤️

lastexitlondon

Now it begins.  My best friend. 

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Now it begins.  My best friend. 

She is so beautiful and looks so happy !!!

stuckinline

lastexitlondon said:

Now it begins.  My best friend. 

Great smile! 

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Now it begins.  My best friend. 

Cute as a button!

lastexitlondon

She  is my everything.  Bless her she  was so happy  and cant wait to go back tomorrow  and play. 
I know illness is coming  amd ive cried and shook all day. But its not about  me thats what i keep telling myself.  If she is happy i must hold this in.