A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

I hope everyone  is ok as can be.
 Thank you all for being  so kind and generous with your ideas and time and experiences.
I find  myself in a void. My therapy hasnt gone well. Now the lady says its not  worth  carrying on.  She seems have a way to make it all about me not doing it right/enough. 
What if i cant  do it? So now i have  no support but i may have to  do this one myself.  Im in a gap where im not focused  100%on symptoms  now the depression  is setting in. I started drinking more  during  last month. Now i want to stop.  Im scared of everything.  It gave me a break where meds wiped me out.  A few drinks  got me "doing"
I know  most of you dont/can't  drink 
 I gave up pot 4 months or so ago and wont ever do that again.  So i face trying  fully sober of everything.  
I guess  one day at a time. I just wanted to write it out.

Does writing it out help? I'm asking because I tend to keep things inside. If I open up to someone, they may not realize it, but it is a big deal to me.

lastexitlondon

I think writing it helps

OffSheGoes35

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

HughFreakingDillon

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

lastexitlondon

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

Im with you 
 I had a real shit experience  relevant to this today. 
Life is short  and people are nasty. I refuse to be even in the face of idiots.  Keep going in you own way/style 

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Good point man. My cousin really upset me but i actually  stopped listened and learned  a lesson close to this. About listening  and not offering  anything.  Good lesson learned

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

Im with you 
 I had a real shit experience  relevant to this today. 
Life is short  and people are nasty. I refuse to be even in the face of idiots.  Keep going in you own way/style 

Thank you Rob.You're brave for being able to write it out. Seriously.

OffSheGoes35

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

hedonist

OffSheGoes35 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

I’ve found vulnerabilities can be liberating, in ways. It’s been freeing for me to be that bare, that raw, in lieu of the baggage I’d been carrying. It’s tough keeping up a front!

HughFreakingDillon

OffSheGoes35 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

I am, all the time.

But I'm a different person, in that I actually like people giving me their thoughts. But I realized, obviously, that not everyone likes that. 

lastexitlondon

I find vulnerable is a kind of honesty that  can relieve some pressure . Because  we are all vulnerable in some  way and people who pretend otherwise ,i wonder why they pretend. 
As i get older i see honesty and vulnerabilities as part of our  experiences and journeys.   We walk a path 

hedonist

There’s a great quote from Hawthorne I recently saw again on the Sopranos:

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which can be the true.”

Truth always makes itself known in time. Why cover it up or fight it? To my mind, it takes more courage to reveal oneself — even just be oneself — than pretend anything otherwise.

Also, as I get older, I’ve come to realize the unsolicited opinions of strangers, regardless of their intent, are ultimately meaningless. 

lastexitlondon

Facts 

mickeyrat

on vulnerability among other things.

She is great.

https://www.ted.com/speakers/brene_brown

Matts3221

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

mickeyrat

Matts3221 said:

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

people pleasing or codependency

Matts3221

mickeyrat said:

Matts3221 said:

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

people pleasing or codependency

People Pleasing ….. like to an insane degree that I should not put myself thru.

I tend to rerun scenarios thru my head over and over and over again. Like a conversation I had on Friday at work could haunt me all weekend even though nothing comes of it and I am pretty sure the other person never even though a second above the conversation when it was over.

I let it ruin my weekend instead.

mickeyrat

Matts3221 said:

mickeyrat said:

Matts3221 said:

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

people pleasing or codependency

People Pleasing ….. like to an insane degree that I should not put myself thru.

I tend to rerun scenarios thru my head over and over and over again. Like a conversation I had on Friday at work could haunt me all weekend even though nothing comes of it and I am pretty sure the other person never even though a second above the conversation when it was over.

I let it ruin my weekend instead.

no easy answers but when I  ask myself if or how I am being served by a given action and answer honestly , it gives me a chance to redirect my attention and focus.

 hope you can find that helpful for yourself.

brianlux

Matts3221 said:

mickeyrat said:

Matts3221 said:

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

people pleasing or codependency

People Pleasing ….. like to an insane degree that I should not put myself thru.

I tend to rerun scenarios thru my head over and over and over again. Like a conversation I had on Friday at work could haunt me all weekend even though nothing comes of it and I am pretty sure the other person never even though a second above the conversation when it was over.

I let it ruin my weekend instead.

This sounds all too familiar, Matts.  I even do the same thing occasionally when I post something on a site like this.  I'll post something and then later, when I'm on the way to the store or whatever, I'll start to think, "Oh shit!  I hope so-and-so didn't think I meant this when I meant that,"  and then obsess over it.  And like you say, the fact of the matter is the other person has probably forgotten all about it! 

mickeyrat said:

Matts3221 said:

mickeyrat said:

Matts3221 said:

I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

Love to everyone out there.  

people pleasing or codependency

People Pleasing ….. like to an insane degree that I should not put myself thru.

I tend to rerun scenarios thru my head over and over and over again. Like a conversation I had on Friday at work could haunt me all weekend even though nothing comes of it and I am pretty sure the other person never even though a second above the conversation when it was over.

I let it ruin my weekend instead.

no easy answers but when I  ask myself if or how I am being served by a given action and answer honestly , it gives me a chance to redirect my attention and focus.

 hope you can find that helpful for yourself.

Yeah, not easy answer for sure.  I think place to start is to remember we are all fallible and learn to forgive ourselves for our imperfections.  I've got plenty of practice at the latter.   

lastexitlondon

I have this in common also. We don't  know how to not put others first.  And how to not care. 
Having a real  tough  time  seeing what all this life is about.  Sick and tired of the  fight