A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,664
    lastexitlondon said:
    I have this in common also. We don't  know how to not put others first.  And how to not care. 
    Having a real  tough  time  seeing what all this life is about.  Sick and tired of the  fight

    I hear you, my friend.  I actually heard myself say today, "Why bother, what's the point?"  I recoiled at my own words.  I really don't want to go down that path again.  It is very much not safe there. I have to remind myself that currently, my depression and anxiety are- besides being chronic- in part caused by situational circumstances here due to the intensity of fire danger and the extremely toxic air that is a result of those fires.  Of course I'm unhappy!  And it could be worse if I were among the 30,000 people in this county that have had to evacuate and the 500 or so who lost their homes. 

    In 1996, after nearly devastating anyone in my life who cared about me, I survived and established a base line for myself that I will not cross:  I tell myself that no matter bad things might seem at any one time, I will not do anything to myself that will cause those who are close to me to be in extreme grief.  I make myself suck it up. 
    It's not easy for me but I don't know what it feels like inside another brain, so it could well be even more difficult for others.  All I can do Rob, or anyone else who is dealing with this kind of thing, is to encourage you to have hope, fight as best you can, and when possible, do something enjoyable.  Watch the clouds roll by, rub the kitties tummy, play with your kid, listen to some inspiring music, draw a picture- whatever it is that moves you closer to feeling better and being more at ease.  I know, its tough.
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • lastexitlondon
    lastexitlondon Posts: 14,917
    Wise words my dear friend.  


    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    HughFreakingDillon said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    HughFreakingDillon said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

    That's all I have to say right now.
    as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

    however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?
    Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.
    I am, all the time.

    But I'm a different person, in that I actually like people giving me their thoughts. But I realized, obviously, that not everyone likes that. 
    I apologize. I thought that when a person says they are "writing something out" it meant it is like a blog post, and not meant to be commented on, because they're just getting something off their chest. Maybe I am the only person who thought that.

    I don't want you to feel like you can't share your thoughts. I suppose it didn't help that I was asking questions either, even though I meant for them to be rhetorical. Anyway, I'm sorry I was so defensive about it. 
  • Matts3221
    Matts3221 Posts: 658
    mickeyrat said:
    Matts3221 said:
    mickeyrat said:
    Matts3221 said:

    I am much open myself up to people and then get scared I should not have made myself so vulnerablie (sp)

    I also have a ton of empathy possible too much sometimes.

    I will want to make people happy even if it makes me unhappy. Not sure what that is called that I would do that but something I try to work on.

    Love to everyone out there.  


    people pleasing or codependency


    People Pleasing ….. like to an insane degree that I should not put myself thru.

    I tend to rerun scenarios thru my head over and over and over again. Like a conversation I had on Friday at work could haunt me all weekend even though nothing comes of it and I am pretty sure the other person never even though a second above the conversation when it was over.

    I let it ruin my weekend instead.


    no easy answers but when I  ask myself if or how I am being served by a given action and answer honestly , it gives me a chance to redirect my attention and focus.

     hope you can find that helpful for yourself.


    Thank you all for the kind words / advice. It really is having to just realize that I am making something out of nothing and to let it go.

    I recently had a friends who thought they upset me in a text message and said they had been thinking about it for a week before calling me because he was trying to figure out what to say.

    I swear I could not even remember the text he was speaking of. I try to keep that in mind.

    My wife is the best and was pretty direct with me last night ( I don't like beating around the bush when it comes to something and she knows my communication style ) and she just said " Covid is up ticking your anxiety again to the point you are finding something to obsess over over IE: Work conversation , an ache in your body.

    It was a good moment of clarity , I hope it sticks.

    I care way to much about others and I think that is what makes me so upset over Coivd - like come on we are doing everything right and got vaxxed and still wear masks and then see an anti -vax shirt on someone with three kids unmasked at a local Target. It just bums me out on humanity.

    Again my wife said I cannot control the world but I can control my surrounds and we have done everything right along with my whole family and friend group.

    Honestly my wife is the best I don't know what I would do without her and that is not to say its a relationship of one side but her help and love I don't know what I would do without in this world.

    Also honestly all of you , I may not know you in person but most of you know more about this side of me then some friends.

    Again best to all and here is to more positive thinking.

  • Matts3221
    Matts3221 Posts: 658

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.
  • NEweather
    NEweather Posts: 555
    brianlux said:
    lastexitlondon said:
    I have this in common also. We don't  know how to not put others first.  And how to not care. 
    Having a real  tough  time  seeing what all this life is about.  Sick and tired of the  fight

    I hear you, my friend.  I actually heard myself say today, "Why bother, what's the point?"  I recoiled at my own words.  I really don't want to go down that path again.  It is very much not safe there. I have to remind myself that currently, my depression and anxiety are- besides being chronic- in part caused by situational circumstances here due to the intensity of fire danger and the extremely toxic air that is a result of those fires.  Of course I'm unhappy!  And it could be worse if I were among the 30,000 people in this county that have had to evacuate and the 500 or so who lost their homes. 

    In 1996, after nearly devastating anyone in my life who cared about me, I survived and established a base line for myself that I will not cross:  I tell myself that no matter bad things might seem at any one time, I will not do anything to myself that will cause those who are close to me to be in extreme grief.  I make myself suck it up. 
    It's not easy for me but I don't know what it feels like inside another brain, so it could well be even more difficult for others.  All I can do Rob, or anyone else who is dealing with this kind of thing, is to encourage you to have hope, fight as best you can, and when possible, do something enjoyable.  Watch the clouds roll by, rub the kitties tummy, play with your kid, listen to some inspiring music, draw a picture- whatever it is that moves you closer to feeling better and being more at ease.  I know, its tough.
    I needed to read this, today. Thankyou, all of you, for sharing about communication and aspects of it. I detect love and good-faith, and food for hope as we continue forward
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,664
    NEweather said:
    brianlux said:
    lastexitlondon said:
    I have this in common also. We don't  know how to not put others first.  And how to not care. 
    Having a real  tough  time  seeing what all this life is about.  Sick and tired of the  fight

    I hear you, my friend.  I actually heard myself say today, "Why bother, what's the point?"  I recoiled at my own words.  I really don't want to go down that path again.  It is very much not safe there. I have to remind myself that currently, my depression and anxiety are- besides being chronic- in part caused by situational circumstances here due to the intensity of fire danger and the extremely toxic air that is a result of those fires.  Of course I'm unhappy!  And it could be worse if I were among the 30,000 people in this county that have had to evacuate and the 500 or so who lost their homes. 

    In 1996, after nearly devastating anyone in my life who cared about me, I survived and established a base line for myself that I will not cross:  I tell myself that no matter bad things might seem at any one time, I will not do anything to myself that will cause those who are close to me to be in extreme grief.  I make myself suck it up. 
    It's not easy for me but I don't know what it feels like inside another brain, so it could well be even more difficult for others.  All I can do Rob, or anyone else who is dealing with this kind of thing, is to encourage you to have hope, fight as best you can, and when possible, do something enjoyable.  Watch the clouds roll by, rub the kitties tummy, play with your kid, listen to some inspiring music, draw a picture- whatever it is that moves you closer to feeling better and being more at ease.  I know, its tough.
    I needed to read this, today. Thankyou, all of you, for sharing about communication and aspects of it. I detect love and good-faith, and food for hope as we continue forward

    Whatever it is that may be troubling you, NEweather, I wish you all the best in hanging in there.  The good people in this Pearl Jam family are great folks to share your thought with and to give and receive love and support.  We might quibble and disagree now and then, but in the long run, love rules.  It's one of the things that puts a star on the map for this place, so to speak.  Keep us posted to what whatever degree you are comfortable with.  The support is good here!
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • Matts3221
    Matts3221 Posts: 658
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.

    Thank you , I have started doing this for the past week and I found it helpful. I also set a timer to talk about work with my wife ( 10 mins ) and then let it go for the rest of the night.
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.

    Thank you , I have started doing this for the past week and I found it helpful. I also set a timer to talk about work with my wife ( 10 mins ) and then let it go for the rest of the night.
    That's a good idea too! Not only is that good for you, but your wife can feel good because she is actively helping. Win-win.
  • Matts3221
    Matts3221 Posts: 658
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.

    Thank you , I have started doing this for the past week and I found it helpful. I also set a timer to talk about work with my wife ( 10 mins ) and then let it go for the rest of the night.
    That's a good idea too! Not only is that good for you, but your wife can feel good because she is actively helping. Win-win.

    Yeah we did it last night and it just felt like ok this is the time we are going to devote to this so just during that 10 mins she was very actively  listening to what I was saying and I was aware that I was not gone to pad anything because I had ten mins.

    It worked very well , it also made me realize I did not need to think of the issue all night , when the timer went off it was like  " well tomorrow is another day "

    Went for a walk after and that felt good as it has been so hot here lately and humid I have just been inside.

    Avoiding news as much as I can.


  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.

    Thank you , I have started doing this for the past week and I found it helpful. I also set a timer to talk about work with my wife ( 10 mins ) and then let it go for the rest of the night.
    That's a good idea too! Not only is that good for you, but your wife can feel good because she is actively helping. Win-win.

    Yeah we did it last night and it just felt like ok this is the time we are going to devote to this so just during that 10 mins she was very actively  listening to what I was saying and I was aware that I was not gone to pad anything because I had ten mins.

    It worked very well , it also made me realize I did not need to think of the issue all night , when the timer went off it was like  " well tomorrow is another day "

    Went for a walk after and that felt good as it has been so hot here lately and humid I have just been inside.

    Avoiding news as much as I can.


    You two sound like a great team. The way you described how she knows the right way to communicate with you in order to reach you...that was moving. I'm so happy that she finds a way to reach you and that you work things through with her, so neither of you have to feel helpless. 
  • stuckinline
    stuckinline Posts: 3,407
    A friend of mine gave me some great advice regarding when someone wants to talk to you about their problems, ask them do you just need me to listen to you, or would you like my feedback and/or advice?
  • Matts3221
    Matts3221 Posts: 658
    stuckinline said:
    A friend of mine gave me some great advice regarding when someone wants to talk to you about their problems, ask them do you just need me to listen to you, or would you like my feedback and/or advice?


    That is a perfect way to start the conversation so the person listening knows what role they are there to play


    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    Also so fucking sensitive to everything right now. I don't know if my nerves are just so frayed with everything going on that I just cant take it.

    Like the smallest joke I can take so personally , I just am like overly sensitive to stuff.

    Any advice on this would be welcome as well.

    I know what you mean. I've been feeling that way too. Things I would normally laugh off are getting to me nowadays. I've been trying to minimize the time I spend online. I think that helps some.

    Thank you , I have started doing this for the past week and I found it helpful. I also set a timer to talk about work with my wife ( 10 mins ) and then let it go for the rest of the night.
    That's a good idea too! Not only is that good for you, but your wife can feel good because she is actively helping. Win-win.

    Yeah we did it last night and it just felt like ok this is the time we are going to devote to this so just during that 10 mins she was very actively  listening to what I was saying and I was aware that I was not gone to pad anything because I had ten mins.

    It worked very well , it also made me realize I did not need to think of the issue all night , when the timer went off it was like  " well tomorrow is another day "

    Went for a walk after and that felt good as it has been so hot here lately and humid I have just been inside.

    Avoiding news as much as I can.


    You two sound like a great team. The way you described how she knows the right way to communicate with you in order to reach you...that was moving. I'm so happy that she finds a way to reach you and that you work things through with her, so neither of you have to feel helpless. 

    We are , hence being my soulmate :) , that is not to say we have never butted heads but we understand each other and we both take care of each other IE: Therapy , talking to friends , not taking things out on each other.

    It sounds silly because its so simply but communication is the key to any good relationship.

  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    I believe you. I read something recently that said the way you argue in a relationship can predict whether or not you will be happy in that relationship...if you argue in order to find a solution together, you are more likely to be successful. If you are arguing to win, that's not a good sign.  
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,569
    stuckinline said:
    A friend of mine gave me some great advice regarding when someone wants to talk to you about their problems, ask them do you just need me to listen to you, or would you like my feedback and/or advice?
    yes. i started doing this after the falling out I mentioned above. it helps immensely, and can put the talker at ease if they just wanted an ear, they know that's what they are getting. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • lastexitlondon
    lastexitlondon Posts: 14,917
    I just want a way out at this  stage. Schools go back next week and this country are thick as shit. I dont want to put my beautiful daughter in this situation.  Its her first day at any school ever. I have to take her as my partner has to take her teen son  to his new college.  Its all too much


    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    Is one of your other kids available to go with you?
  • lastexitlondon
    lastexitlondon Posts: 14,917
    Maybe my mum. I thought  that might help but i dont want her  to be in danger.  This all sucks ass


    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    lastexitlondon said:
    Maybe my mum. I thought  that might help but i dont want her  to be in danger.  This all sucks ass

    If your mum is vaccinated and willing to go, I would pull that emergency ripcord. This is one of those situations that's high pressure for you and you want it to go as smoothly as possible for your daughter. 

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