A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

what dreams

lastexitlondon said:

I smoked pot age 16-18 then never again for 21 years.
Started  again 9 months or so ago. Stopped a month ago.
Started again 3 days ago. 
Its not good but better than alcohol at the moment  nothing is not going to happen. 
Yeah the guided breathing  i have tried . Its nice enough. And the mindfulness body scan
 Can ground a person sometimes. 
Keep trying  thats  all i will do until i crash again which is a daily affair.
Whatever underlaying  thing  im dealing with i cannot fix with any amount of talking or breathing  so i make an hourly choice as to what i do.
Far from a good place . I am going down  another bad path but i by now can't  change it.

Wait a minute. You just said, in sum, whatever I have I cannot fix with talking and breathing, so hourly I make choices about what I do. That's the fix. Making choices. Not just about what we do, but what we think.

I read once, don't know where: Thoughts are not facts. We choose which thoughts to believe, and eventually, when we reject the false ones enough times, we stop having them to begin with. I do believe the cognitive therapy was a life saver in that regard for me. 

lastexitlondon

It was ì who said those words to matts. 
Thoughts are not facts. 
Its not my thoughts that  are my problem. But im doing what i can to keep going. 

Matts3221

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

Fifthelement

Glad to hear that things are on an even keel for you matts.  I, too, hope that everyone is coping okay.

lastexitlondon

Matts3221 said:

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

You are correct matt. Ive gone down hill and just keeping  myself to myself because there is nothing else to say. Im still not drinking  but im smoking too much and am getting lost and very fat.
You are inspirational  to me Matt keep posting your  achievements it's great.

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

You are correct matt. Ive gone down hill and just keeping  myself to myself because there is nothing else to say. Im still not drinking  but im smoking too much and am getting lost and very fat.
You are inspirational  to me Matt keep posting your  achievements it's great.

If that helps you I will post more. Sorry to hear , super proud of you not drinking , I always think it shows signs of progress if you are admitting you are smoking too much ( rather than blaming on something else ) , I would say that most people when they stop drinking or stop smoking ect that you will put on weight.

Try small things , like start real small ( 5 min walk ) , just up it from there ( 10 min walk ).

I don't want anyone to think that my working out happened overnight , it was two years or just starting to walk and then walk more and more and more and after a year start to jog. All of it was hard even when I go now , 9 out of 10 times I want to stop running after 15 mins of being at the gym , I just realized that no matter how bad I want to quit that the next day I will feel better for doing it. I even have different playlist one is called " I don't want to fucking do this today "

Keep posting  , always feel free to reach out via DM , I am thinking of you.

lastexitlondon

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

You are correct matt. Ive gone down hill and just keeping  myself to myself because there is nothing else to say. Im still not drinking  but im smoking too much and am getting lost and very fat.
You are inspirational  to me Matt keep posting your  achievements it's great.

If that helps you I will post more. Sorry to hear , super proud of you not drinking , I always think it shows signs of progress if you are admitting you are smoking too much ( rather than blaming on something else ) , I would say that most people when they stop drinking or stop smoking ect that you will put on weight.

Try small things , like start real small ( 5 min walk ) , just up it from there ( 10 min walk ).

I don't want anyone to think that my working out happened overnight , it was two years or just starting to walk and then walk more and more and more and after a year start to jog. All of it was hard even when I go now , 9 out of 10 times I want to stop running after 15 mins of being at the gym , I just realized that no matter how bad I want to quit that the next day I will feel better for doing it. I even have different playlist one is called " I don't want to fucking do this today "

Keep posting  , always feel free to reach out via DM , I am thinking of you.

As i read this i am walking back from my weekly meeting . Its a thing  i promised  myself i would do. About 3 miles . Done it every friday. Its nice

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

You are correct matt. Ive gone down hill and just keeping  myself to myself because there is nothing else to say. Im still not drinking  but im smoking too much and am getting lost and very fat.
You are inspirational  to me Matt keep posting your  achievements it's great.

If that helps you I will post more. Sorry to hear , super proud of you not drinking , I always think it shows signs of progress if you are admitting you are smoking too much ( rather than blaming on something else ) , I would say that most people when they stop drinking or stop smoking ect that you will put on weight.

Try small things , like start real small ( 5 min walk ) , just up it from there ( 10 min walk ).

I don't want anyone to think that my working out happened overnight , it was two years or just starting to walk and then walk more and more and more and after a year start to jog. All of it was hard even when I go now , 9 out of 10 times I want to stop running after 15 mins of being at the gym , I just realized that no matter how bad I want to quit that the next day I will feel better for doing it. I even have different playlist one is called " I don't want to fucking do this today "

Keep posting  , always feel free to reach out via DM , I am thinking of you.

As i read this i am walking back from my weekly meeting . Its a thing  i promised  myself i would do. About 3 miles . Done it every friday. Its nice

Just put a smile on my face.

deadendp

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Matts3221 said:

Just checking in on everyone and hope everyone is feeling ok right now.

Nothing much on my end , since I went back to old meds everything seems to have evened out for me , keeping up with the gym ( I spend 65 mins there , I do 10 mins of fast pace ( 4mph ) , then 10 mins run ( 7mph ) until I hit 60 mins and then just do a quick 5 min cool down.

Sometimes when I don't see post on here I get worried that someone is keeping things in or feels like they are just going to say they same thing.

Please check in if you feel like it. All the love to everyone.

You are correct matt. Ive gone down hill and just keeping  myself to myself because there is nothing else to say. Im still not drinking  but im smoking too much and am getting lost and very fat.
You are inspirational  to me Matt keep posting your  achievements it's great.

If that helps you I will post more. Sorry to hear , super proud of you not drinking , I always think it shows signs of progress if you are admitting you are smoking too much ( rather than blaming on something else ) , I would say that most people when they stop drinking or stop smoking ect that you will put on weight.

Try small things , like start real small ( 5 min walk ) , just up it from there ( 10 min walk ).

I don't want anyone to think that my working out happened overnight , it was two years or just starting to walk and then walk more and more and more and after a year start to jog. All of it was hard even when I go now , 9 out of 10 times I want to stop running after 15 mins of being at the gym , I just realized that no matter how bad I want to quit that the next day I will feel better for doing it. I even have different playlist one is called " I don't want to fucking do this today "

Keep posting  , always feel free to reach out via DM , I am thinking of you.

As i read this i am walking back from my weekly meeting . Its a thing  i promised  myself i would do. About 3 miles . Done it every friday. Its nice

One step at a time, Rob.

hedonist

Good going, Rob! Whatever brings you relief and peace. Keep reading, posting, and DOING for yourself. 

Matts, I couldn’t even make it around the block a year ago. Many literal and figurative strides since then .

Goddamn “no pain, no gain” cliche of truth!

deadendp

hedonist said:

Good going, Rob! Whatever brings you relief and peace. Keep reading, posting, and DOING for yourself. 

Matts, I couldn’t even make it around the block a year ago. Many literal and figurative strides since then .

Goddamn “no pain, no gain” cliche of truth!

You have come so far, Hedo.

hedonist

deadendp said:

hedonist said:

Good going, Rob! Whatever brings you relief and peace. Keep reading, posting, and DOING for yourself. 

Matts, I couldn’t even make it around the block a year ago. Many literal and figurative strides since then .

Goddamn “no pain, no gain” cliche of truth!

You have come so far, Hedo.

To quote JT, “and ten thousand more to go”

HughFreakingDillon

I reached out to a fellow headstones fan on twitter in may 2019 because she seemed so down on herself a lot of the time with her posts. I thought maybe she was going to do something drastic. we had a few back and forths, telling each other our stories. Hadn't heard from her until earlier this week. She messaged me to thank me for reaching out to a complete stranger. 

been trying to help her all week, but man, it's so tough when someone is at that stage of disbelief, or simply not wanting to help themselves. I've been there. I would tell my wife there was nothing she could do, but if she didn't offer, I'd start to get even more down and even bordering on bitterness. depression makes some of us so selfishly needy. at least it did to me. and when i realized it, it made my feelings of worthlessness and burden even worse. 

i don't know what to do, except just offer my ears/eyes and that's about it. obviously everyone experiences differently, so I can't assume what worked for me will work for her, but i'm no expert, i can only draw on my own experience. especially when it's someone i don't even know. 

deadendp

HughFreakingDillon said:

I reached out to a fellow headstones fan on twitter in may 2019 because she seemed so down on herself a lot of the time with her posts. I thought maybe she was going to do something drastic. we had a few back and forths, telling each other our stories. Hadn't heard from her until earlier this week. She messaged me to thank me for reaching out to a complete stranger. 

been trying to help her all week, but man, it's so tough when someone is at that stage of disbelief, or simply not wanting to help themselves. I've been there. I would tell my wife there was nothing she could do, but if she didn't offer, I'd start to get even more down and even bordering on bitterness. depression makes some of us so selfishly needy. at least it did to me. and when i realized it, it made my feelings of worthlessness and burden even worse. 

i don't know what to do, except just offer my ears/eyes and that's about it. obviously everyone experiences differently, so I can't assume what worked for me will work for her, but i'm no expert, i can only draw on my own experience. especially when it's someone i don't even know. 

Thank you for reaching out and offering the ears and the eyes to them. 

HughFreakingDillon

deadendp said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

I reached out to a fellow headstones fan on twitter in may 2019 because she seemed so down on herself a lot of the time with her posts. I thought maybe she was going to do something drastic. we had a few back and forths, telling each other our stories. Hadn't heard from her until earlier this week. She messaged me to thank me for reaching out to a complete stranger. 

been trying to help her all week, but man, it's so tough when someone is at that stage of disbelief, or simply not wanting to help themselves. I've been there. I would tell my wife there was nothing she could do, but if she didn't offer, I'd start to get even more down and even bordering on bitterness. depression makes some of us so selfishly needy. at least it did to me. and when i realized it, it made my feelings of worthlessness and burden even worse. 

i don't know what to do, except just offer my ears/eyes and that's about it. obviously everyone experiences differently, so I can't assume what worked for me will work for her, but i'm no expert, i can only draw on my own experience. especially when it's someone i don't even know. 

Thank you for reaching out and offering the ears and the eyes to them. 

It's a really strange thing, that ever since the Headstones community started having an online presence, I'm astounded how many people are affected by mental illness. the amount of armchair counselling i've attempted to do is really surprising. many have reached out to me because of my openness with my own issues, but if I've noticed someone struggling with "call for help" post, I'll reach out. and the group is overwhelmingly female. 

what dreams

Listening and affirmation of feelings, that's all anyone can do. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally beginning to understand that nobody really wants to be "fixed" or "changed" by anyone else. They just want to be understood and accepted. 

hedonist

what dreams said:

Listening and affirmation of feelings, that's all anyone can do. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally beginning to understand that nobody really wants to be "fixed" or "changed" by anyone else. They just want to be understood and accepted. 

True!  However, I also think it's important to recognize when change is warranted and reach out for help if needed.  To me, being aware of the need to shift is that first - and sometimes awful - first step toward self-peace.

what dreams

To be clear, I agree some people need to recognize the need and embrace change. I meant to say that the likelihood of someone changing because someone else told them to = never. 

It's very hard for me as a teacher, because we have this mythical, romantic notion about teachers that we "change lives." I can say with absolute certainty that everytime I have had conflict in my role as a teacher is when I have tried to do exactly that. Judging a student as needing to be changed and then working like hell to change him/her. About a year ago, a psychiatrist told me to give that up, stop trying to fix them. You never will. You're fighting whole systems and dynamics stronger than you. Just let them be who they are and teach them to read and write. I'm still working on it. It's much easier in my personal life.

HughFreakingDillon

what dreams said:

To be clear, I agree some people need to recognize the need and embrace change. I meant to say that the likelihood of someone changing because someone else told them to = never. 

It's very hard for me as a teacher, because we have this mythical, romantic notion about teachers that we "change lives." I can say with absolute certainty that everytime I have had conflict in my role as a teacher is when I have tried to do exactly that. Judging a student as needing to be changed and then working like hell to change him/her. About a year ago, a psychiatrist told me to give that up, stop trying to fix them. You never will. You're fighting whole systems and dynamics stronger than you. Just let them be who they are and teach them to read and write. I'm still working on it. It's much easier in my personal life.

yeah, most people who haven't lived depression give suggestions like "just get up and go to the gym". yeah, sorry, doesn't work like that. as you said, listen, make them feel as heard as you can, and maybe give examples of what helped you, but beyond that, nothing much more. 

Fifthelement

I came across a really interesting article the other day with a term that resonated for me due to some family members.  It’s in “Help Rejecting Complainers.”  https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-happiness-project/201101/assay-useful-term-the-help-rejecting-complainer%3famp

Might be an interesting read.  It ties in with what what dreams said about not trying to fix people.  An important take-away was that sometimes people just need to verbalise their fears and concerns and be heard.  Others not so much.

overall, I think that’s why this thread is so important.  It should be a safe place for people to vent, share, and commiserate.  It’s also a place where we can share our successes and ongoing trials dealing with mental health.  Be well and be kind.