Friend at work just cutting me off for no known reason

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I know, you're right.
It's like I am hypnotized by negativity and laziness.
My psych told me what to do when things get bad but I was too lazy to do them.
It's just that I am standing at the bottom of a mountain right now looking up.

:(

Well, put on an official PJ boot that you really love (may i suggest Vault #3?) at a very high volume and ruminate on what you just said.

(you sound really depressed... should i assume you're on anti-depressants but they're not working??)

What is vault #3?
No medication here, going natural, I refuse medication.
I am doing better than the last 2 weeks but still flat.

Vault #3 is Constitution Hall, D.C., 1998:
http://pearljam.com/goods/product_info. ... ts_id=1336

Meds can really help man. Sounds like you need help. Seems like a bad idea to not at least try medication - for some people it's the difference between having a decent life and having a horrible life. Not saying that you should take them, but ypu might not want to rule them out either. You could be underestimating how much better you might feel if you try that route. If you have depression and an anxiety disorder you are medically ill. You may really need medicine.

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

shortstack wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.

your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.

...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.

you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.

You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.

Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that? Either way, the result is the same. The woman you are either in love with or obsessed with doesn't want to spend time with you anymore because you don't mean to her what she means to you. So I guess that means you're got something like a broken heart. Welcome to the club - everyone's been there. The only thing that will make you feel better is to stay away from her, and the passage of time. We all get through it, evwn thpigh it feels like we won't at the time - you will too. Meanwhile, take care of your mental health proactively.

shortstack

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

shortstack wrote:

your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.

...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.

you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.

You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.

you seem to dwell on the negative and what you can't have. that is not going to help you.

i don't think the thread is being derailed...moving out might give you some confidence and help you get over this girl. true, i do not know your financial situation and i do not know anything about your life. i'm just making suggestions based off your posts. i didn't necessarily mean for you to move out right now, i meant it could be something you could work towards. you could also get a couple roommates to help with costs, who may end up having a lot of friends to bring around the place. who knows, maybe you'll end up marrying one of your roomies. you just seem unhappy living with your parents. it seems like they mess with your head. you may have been diagnosed with clinical depression but you could also have situational depression.

...these are just suggestions. i hope you don't think i'm barking orders at you. *smiley, smiley*

backseatLover12

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well i hate to say this, but since everyone's being pretty honest here... Thoughts_Arrive, you actually sound pretty unwilling to do anything whatsoever to improve your situation. You rebuff every suggestion by saying "i'm not like that.".... Well, if you want to help yourself you're going to have to do something. Put in some effort. You don't sound willing to put in any effort to help yourself. You seem to want to just stay the same and hope that somehow things will change. Well, they won't unless you do. Just a new job won't be enough.

I know, you're right.
It's like I am hypnotized by negativity and laziness.
My psych told me what to do when things get bad but I was too lazy to do them.
It's just that I am standing at the bottom of a mountain right now looking up.

Listen, I know it's hard, but LIFE is hard. The more we recognize that we will go through difficult times, the more we are resilient and will likely bounce back. You're at the bottom of the mountain. One small step forward is still a step forward. But it means doing something. Wallowing in your misery only makes you more miserable. So find something that will help. Anything.

backseatLover12

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

shortstack wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.

your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.

...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.

you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.

You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.

You HAVE to physically stop yourself from thinking about her if you want to get over her. But at this point in reading this thread, I'm thinking you want to live in this Hell you've created. It's all up to you, no one else. But that means taking the first step.

hedonist

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

hedonist wrote:

Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.

If I do anything random like that my parents will think I am a nutcase.
Sad thing about not being able to afford to move out is your every move is studied and you cannot be free to do what you want.

Why on earth would you be thought odd if choosing to volunteer, to help where help is needed?

And even if so, who cares? Judgments aren't equal to chains, especially as an adult.

It's up to you whether to allow yourself to be bound by the thoughts and opinions of others, or be bound by yourself.

True to yourself.

YOUR self.

Thoughts_Arrive

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?

I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?

Thoughts_Arrive

hedonist wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

hedonist wrote:

Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.

If I do anything random like that my parents will think I am a nutcase.
Sad thing about not being able to afford to move out is your every move is studied and you cannot be free to do what you want.

Why on earth would you be thought odd if choosing to volunteer, to help where help is needed?

And even if so, who cares? Judgments aren't equal to chains, especially as an adult.

It's up to you whether to allow yourself to be bound by the thoughts and opinions of others, or be bound by yourself.

True to yourself.

YOUR self.

I am always paralysed by others opinions of me or what they think of my actions and choices.
It is something I wish to overcome.
It probably stems from my older sister always judging and criticizing me, I get looks from her and her husband like I am dirt and it makes me feel like shit.
I guess I should just listen to top 40 radio and not be into rock so much and buy the clothes they buy to fit in.

AllNiteThing

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

shortstack wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.

your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.

...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.

you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.

You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.

First, YOU are acting like a school kid. You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.

To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.

AllNiteThing

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?

I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?

You previously said you went to your supervisor and brought this whole thing up, at which point the supervisor called the woman in and then the woman stopped talking to you. If she was already not talking to you before you went to the supervisor, then going to the supervisor was a HUGE mistake. You just keep compounding the issue with poor choices. Here's what your actions should have been:

1) If your close, everyday hangout friend suddenly stops talking to you, you should approach them and as "Hey...what's wrong". Instead you went to your supervisor?! :nono:

2) Since you did go to your supervisor, and we can assume they talked to the woman about your conversation: First, you should have told the supervisor it was private. Since you didn't do that, you should have gone to the supervisor and asked what they talked about. Then you should have approached the woman, asked what was initially wrong, and if necessary apologize for going to the supervisor.

3) If you don't or had no intention of doing the above, you shouldn't be surprised that things aren't improving and just move on. Make other friends, stop being mopey and whatever you do just stop focusing on her daily activities. The cold shoulder is a pretty obvious sign that someone is pissed and/or done with you. If you're not willing to put the effort in to finding out the cause of the pissing off, then man up and move on.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yeah, I may have f***ed up there. I don't know that for sure.
But this started happening before I mentioned how I felt to my manager.
:(

jumbojet

OK, I've written a long post but then thought I'd rather quote an "advice" straight from Ed.

"I guess it was the beatings that made me wise."

What he's referring here might be actual physical beatings but you can take it as emotional beatings, too. :idea:

And I dont like self-help stuff but we all can use one, sometime. And you seem to be still in the process of searching who you are so, I hope you check this out:

http://www.marcandangel.com/

smanchac1

Smoke a joint.

Seriously. It will ease all your stress.

Try it and report back

jumbojet

smanchac1 wrote:

Smoke a joint.

Seriously. It will ease all your stress.

Try it and report back

I dont know what they add to those in US but I've been told that if you are sad or depressed; weed can multiply those negative feelings. :? :?: :nono:

backseatLover12

AllNiteThing wrote:

You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.

To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.

A little abrasive, but bravo.

I'm done posting in a thread attempting to help an OP who just wants attention to his problem and is not interested in the advice given, nor helping himself.

polaris_x

well ... at least the shrink didn't tell him to quit his job ...

the brutal truth is that this story will only end well when the OP figures out that the issues isn't everyone around him but himself ... it's not easy to address that and his go to move is to wallow in his own misery and feel sorry for himself and blame every one else just perpetuates it ...

if you are paying a shrink and can't even be bothered to do the exercises he suggests - what the fuck good is he?

if you wanted to come on here and have people reaffirm your beliefs and ENABLE your own issues - you've clearly misjudged ... sure, we are all for the most part anonymous internet people ... but there are a lot of people who have taken the time to offer opinions ... if you're not interested in listening - then just say so ... that would at least be one step in finally becoming honest with yourself ...

MayDay10

whatever happened with this?

viewtopic.php?f=14&t=202238&start=270

I recalled this thread and thought it was you. A 19 page thread with you smitten with a girl, tentative to ask her out, only to really come to this conclusion:

She invited me to the movie night before our date.
I already know these people going to the movie night and I don't have anything in common with them. Add to that I don't particularly like some of these people they are immature tools. Not keen on going.

She is nice and talkative but I wasn't 100% sold on her because:
* admitted to me during the date she never cooks and cannot cook, I need someone I can settle down with and I won't have to do all the cooking.
* Not to sound mean but she isn't as articulate as me and I don't feel she is on the same level intellectually, not saying she is stupid but I just felt more mature during conversation.
* I don't like her friends and her uncle and cousins (we had a fall out over some lies they spread about me and my family)
* I am friends with her brother but we haven't seen each other in a long time.

I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?

I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?

If you have feelings for her, then she would know it. If she doesn't have the same feelings for you, then that would make her feel uncomfortable, especially once she started seeing someone.
Yes, sure, just asking her upfront would definitely be a good idea... but you shouldn't necessarily expect an honest answer. That would depend on what kind of person she is and on if she has the guts to tell you the truth.

polaris_x

she "cut him off" because she is into another guy ... how is she supposed to get with this guy with you around!? ... i am guessing it's as simple as that ...

shortstack

MayDay10 wrote:

I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.

interesting.