Friend at work just cutting me off for no known reason
Thoughts_Arrive
Posts: 15,165
My best friend work has been acting strange in the past few weeks.
Me and her started at the company about the same time and have been colleagues for over 2 years and developed a close friendship in that time.
A year ago I moved to another team but we still hung out together almost every day at lunch breaks.
During that time I gave her support when she was being bullied by other colleagues, and also lent a couple of hundred bucks when she was under a bit of financial pressure. I also helped her write two important personal letters. I have been nothing but loyal and cared for her well being.
Well lately she runs off on her lunch break with her colleague in her team, she's become very close with him lately, they have lunch together and never do I get asked if I want to join them, they just walk out quickly without looking at me. She used to always want to have lunch with me and it got to the point we never even asked each other, we just automatically walked out on lunch together.
So yesterday they quickly walked out together, I walked out soon after to see if they'd see me in the lobby and ask if I want to join. As I was walking out she came out of a meeting room holding her phone and was stunned to bump into me. So we got the lift down and her new best friend was waiting, then I asked what they're doing, they said going to the bank and she kind of hinted for me to go another way.
Today I asked her if she wants to have lunch with me, she said she has to wait for her boss to get back before she can go and told me ''you go now if you want'', then I asked her new best friend what he's doing for lunch and he said nothing because he has a report due.
Before that, they both looked at me funny, and were chatting online, they looked sneaky.
What happened is he left first then she left soon after and got her phone out to call someone.
I went downstairs on my own 10 mins later and chilled in the lobby reading and saw them come back together.
Her new best friend seemed stunned for me to see them.
The same thing happened 2 weeks ago, I told her I'll go lunch with her and then she just ran out on the phone and later them two walked back into the office together.
She also no longer returns my texts.
In the office she still gives me this warm caring vibe with a smile yet does not want to hang out at lunch.
It is fucking with my mind.
Is she being two faced to me? fake?
This is causing me confusion, anxiety, and deep hurt, tears and a spiral of depression.
What should I do?
Ask her what's up?
Move on?
Ignore her and not be friendly at work to her?
Am I being obsessive and/or jealous?
I was experiencing a bout of depression before this due to many life problems, this just makes it harder.
I have struggled because of all of this and have broken down at work.
And I am still depressed as hell, and anxious.
:(
Me and her started at the company about the same time and have been colleagues for over 2 years and developed a close friendship in that time.
A year ago I moved to another team but we still hung out together almost every day at lunch breaks.
During that time I gave her support when she was being bullied by other colleagues, and also lent a couple of hundred bucks when she was under a bit of financial pressure. I also helped her write two important personal letters. I have been nothing but loyal and cared for her well being.
Well lately she runs off on her lunch break with her colleague in her team, she's become very close with him lately, they have lunch together and never do I get asked if I want to join them, they just walk out quickly without looking at me. She used to always want to have lunch with me and it got to the point we never even asked each other, we just automatically walked out on lunch together.
So yesterday they quickly walked out together, I walked out soon after to see if they'd see me in the lobby and ask if I want to join. As I was walking out she came out of a meeting room holding her phone and was stunned to bump into me. So we got the lift down and her new best friend was waiting, then I asked what they're doing, they said going to the bank and she kind of hinted for me to go another way.
Today I asked her if she wants to have lunch with me, she said she has to wait for her boss to get back before she can go and told me ''you go now if you want'', then I asked her new best friend what he's doing for lunch and he said nothing because he has a report due.
Before that, they both looked at me funny, and were chatting online, they looked sneaky.
What happened is he left first then she left soon after and got her phone out to call someone.
I went downstairs on my own 10 mins later and chilled in the lobby reading and saw them come back together.
Her new best friend seemed stunned for me to see them.
The same thing happened 2 weeks ago, I told her I'll go lunch with her and then she just ran out on the phone and later them two walked back into the office together.
She also no longer returns my texts.
In the office she still gives me this warm caring vibe with a smile yet does not want to hang out at lunch.
It is fucking with my mind.
Is she being two faced to me? fake?
This is causing me confusion, anxiety, and deep hurt, tears and a spiral of depression.
What should I do?
Ask her what's up?
Move on?
Ignore her and not be friendly at work to her?
Am I being obsessive and/or jealous?
I was experiencing a bout of depression before this due to many life problems, this just makes it harder.
I have struggled because of all of this and have broken down at work.
And I am still depressed as hell, and anxious.
:(
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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She broke up from her boyfriend of 7 years about 2 months ago.
She wanted to have lunch with me one day, I felt she wanted to tell me something, and she told me the news.
She was struggling with it and the bullying, so I was there for her.
But there is a joke rumour at work that them two are an item.
Well after the recent work Christmas party them 2 hung out together till like 4am at a bar.
And they have were talking about going clubbing and a house party with me around without asking me if I would like to come.
Bad boys into gym and muscles win in the end.
I always be the best I can be and get shat on.
Lesson learnt, never again will I be kind to others.
No more lending money, being there for support etc.
Yup like Stanley ipcuss.. Nice guys finish last
F her for acting like a child for all the reasons you mentioned.. Move on to the next hotty and be yourself..
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Something like: "Hey, It seems recently that you are avoiding me to go out to lunch with (that guy). We have been going out to lunch for the last 2 years.. I was just wondering why the sudden cold shoulder?"
From what it seems like, is that you are just gonna give up on her? Of course it's a lot easier not to confront her...
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2022: 9/14 NJ ... 2024: 5/28 WA, 9/7 PA, 9/9 PA ---- http://imgur.com/a/nk0s7
No need to leap to this end of the spectrum - at least from this admittedly distant perspective.
If you two were indeed friends, then TALK TO HER.
Sorry, but you're sounding more like a jilted lover than someone who had a close working relationship with this person.
(and yeah, sounds like she's got a hotworksex thing going on)
(and as an aside - most women worth their salt appreciate the good guys; and if we're lucky, we live out our lives with them)
I think there are a few things that you're either not telling us or that you aren't aware of.
First, it's pretty obvious that you have or had a romantic interest in her in some capacity, I think we can go off of this assumption.
Second, her extreme change in attitude towards you is obviously a reaction to something. Either something you did or something she perceives you did.
My guess is that she's acting this way because either:
a) You said or did something to her recently that offended her or made her feel threatened. You either don't realize/remember this or haven't admitted to us.
b) She realized you liked her through a mutual acquaintance or because you crossed a boundary and she's not interested and doesn't know how else to deal with it.
c) She's fallen for this new guy and she either feels it's inappropriate to still hang around with you or he doesn't want you around her because he feels threatened.
To me, those are the 3 most likely scenarios. I doubt it's because she just became a bitch and doesn't like you for no reason. There is a reason, you just haven't put it together yet. Luckily (or not, depending on perspective), you see her all the time so you can easily just approach her and ask to talk about it. Just be mature about it, ask what happened to your friendship, if you did something to offend her and don't put any blame or anger on her. She'll likely tell you. If she's not mature enough to communicate that with you, just move on because she's obviously not the person you thought she was and isn't worth the time you're wasting on her.
nowadays hits you when you're young
And I thought she had the same feelings, always doing kind things for me, being touchy feely with me, and even wanting to stay late at work with me whilst I was doing extra hours just to 'hang out with me' as she said. Even drove me home from work so I did not have to commute by transport in bad rain, she lives on the other end of town and drove all the way, I didn't ask, she kept insisting.
It's like she's gone from one extreme to the other so sudden.
I don't think I told her anything to upset her.
She knows lately I've had a breakdown, maybe she doesn't want to hang around a depressed person?
I want to know why but am scared I may come across as confrontational.
What I am most hurt by is that I've always been there in her time of need and she ditches me when I am in need of a friend.
Should I tell her how much she has hurt me?
If she has feelings for the other guy I can accept that, even though I am disappointed because she was someone I thought I may have a chance with, it's just that sudden cut off.
I did tell my manager that this played a part in my recent spiral, my manager called her into her office last Friday which she never has done before, not sure if she said anything. But after that my work friend asked me via office chat IM if I brought lunch and said her and her new best friend are eating at a local restaurant.
I came along, she bought me lunch.
Then this week when I want to hang out she runs off.
Heck I feel like resigning from this, cannot bear this hurt and facing them every day.
In the new year I am moving back to her team and she will be my team leader to make things worse.
Just talk to her. or plant one on her.
yeah no need stopping being kind... that is ridiculous talk. you better be kind if you ever want a great woman & good people in your life. loaning or giving a couple hundred bucks is nice of you but do not expect $$$ loaning or giving to hold tight forever like cement. i'm owed a whole lot of $$$, it is not ever going to come to me, therefore, i move forward.
this gal is first & foremost a co-worker. you've never slept together. sounds like right now she is interested in some guy, let them be.
good guys finishing last is fantastic; men should always, always, always^2 finish last :twisted: every-time
approaching women is great & fun, also, make them approach you... we men must be "mr. mojo rising"
there are 42 billion women on this planet; at least 496 of them are all yours
after years of experimenting & tasting the fruits of femininity, soon, very soon, one will grow at your feet & wrap around your spinal column
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
plus i would like to say that, "having a sexual relationship w/ a co-worker is not a good idea"
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Been knocked back on a few dates.
I thought she was keen on me, feel like I'll be single for life.
No woman, one friend only who I hardly see now.
Life sucks.
who hasn't?
also i'd like to say something about what you said about guys who go to the gym who have muscles & the guys who finish first or however you stated that exactly...
exercise is a healing tool. if you would only start doing some form(s) of exercise you would lift your spirits ten fold. this is a fact. then you'd get hooked & feel not so wonderful on days you miss working out. every single person on the planet starts at the bottom or whatever & they climb upwards.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I think one day your luck will turn but you must believe in yourself, lots of hugs
I'd also add, just allow yourself to live - to enjoy life - without the burden of "having" to find someone. Don't be so hard on yourself!
Many cliches are partly-true, so I'll say it...when you stop trying to find that someone, boom! There they are. Keep your heart and senses open to it, and them. Failures are part of success; in fact, they're paramount.
So what if it doesn't happen right now? The waiting is the hardest part, but well-worth your patience. I've been there and others have too.
Good wishes
Regardless, these two are definitely participating in after work escapades.
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
This is also why you shouldn't get romantic interests at the workplace...
Anyways. Starting now you gotta be cool, act like you don't care and have better things to do.
she is definitely involved with that guy. they seem to be sneaking around to avoid you. it sucks to hear that, and i am sorry to say it, but all signs point to that.
people are strange. their tastes or desires change on a dime sometimes. one minute she will appear to be your best friend. she got some emotional and financial support from you, and that was all she needed from you, and she moved on once she was strong enough to do so. it is cold blooded, but that is how people are unfortunately. maybe she was unaware of your feelings for her? if you were ever actually real friends with her, you should be able to approach her and ask her what has happened. that is the mature thing to do. but maybe she does not want to face you. you are the only one who knows, because none of us have seen you two interact before or after this went down. this is one of the reasons i don't get involved with co-workers anymore. once it ends, the whole workplace feels awkward.
everyone has offered up good suggestions so far. i would just like to add to what has already been suggested.
what has always helped me, at every bad point in my life, is to write. just pick up a notebook and write down what comes to your mind. if you are anything at all like me, you tend to stress out and obsess over things. write about that. believe me. it helps to get that stuff out, either by talking to someone else, or writing it to yourself. i suggest writing because then you have a record of it. once you feel better you can go back and read how you felt at your lowest point and you can see the progress that has been made.
there are no rules to writing. it does not have to rhyme. it does not have to be good at all. as long as it is honest and it helps you process what you are dealing with, it is good. i have started a thread in the poetry thread when i was going through some shit, and it was basically just my sounding board to get it out. i posted way more than i probably should have and i embarrassed about a lot of it, but i put it out there and if anyone can relate to how i was feeling or get something out of it, it is a good thing. most of the great writing or art in history has come from unrequited love. it is a very powerful emotion. just stay strong and keep your chin up and you will be ok. i have every confidence that you will be. just don't let yourself dwell on this stuff, because it will only drag you down further and make you feel worse.
i hope you feel better soon, and that you get the answers you are looking for. you need to ask yourself this though, do you really want to know? just know, that the truth can hurt just as bad as her turning away from you. best of luck my friend
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
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A true friend will be there to listen and want to work things out. They will be there for you, understand you, and accept you.
Though it seems that more and more people treat others as 'disposable', you don't need someone like that in your life.
- Christopher McCandless
- Don't talk to her about the situation. The thing is; you didnt act on time with her and she moved on to the next guy. You dont have a chance with her anymore for the next 10-15 years. And dont blame her about this. She did what is in her best interest and this will also work out better for you, in the long run.
- Dont think of leaving the job or smtg. If you are on the verge of depression, being unemployed wont help.
- You're young and single, so you dont have the right to complain. You should be enjoying your life now, even if it only consists of checking out internet with some beer and pizza.
- There's a lot to do in life and being 29, you should still be exploring. As a man, you should think of going into a relationship once you're done with doing stuff for your own and you wanna devote your life to another person.
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