Friend at work just cutting me off for no known reason

MayDay10

I don't think anyone believes you are a psycho.

These feelings and behaviors are normal and most people have been on one end or the other to some degree (me both).

The gist of the lessons people are preaching is: no matter how much it tears you up and you can't stop thinking about it, you have to act like you don't give a shit. Guarantee if you shrugged it off at the getgo, this broad would have taken notice and you would have risen a few pegs in her book.

Another lesson. You cannot continue to do nice things with a female and hang out all the time for a long period of time and expect anything romantic to come out of it. You have to be confident in yourself and try to establish that you view her as something more. Chicks love having dudes do stuff for them and provide close friendship with no romantic expectations or ties. That's why gay dudes always seem to hang out with such quality and quantity of chicks. Being a close friend of a single girl usually won't end well because once she does get involved with a guy... He isn't going to be 100 bought in with another guy being so close and it will be kind of strange.
Mind you, none of these are absolutes but pretty strong tendencies imo and I have seen and experienced enough data to say that nobody should invest 2 years in a friendship with a female they hope is more someday.

I had a hard time with a lot of these types of things throughout high school and into my 20s. At one point, you just "get it" and know how to deal with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, usually that happens when you are married....

Thoughts_Arrive

To quote Corduroy - "can't let you roam inside my head", but I can't stop thinking about her even when I am doing my jogging and walking. The love and care I have for people is never reciprocated. :-(

PJ_Soul

MayDay10 wrote:

I don't think anyone believes you are a psycho.

These feelings and behaviors are normal and most people have been on one end or the other to some degree (me both).

The gist of the lessons people are preaching is: no matter how much it tears you up and you can't stop thinking about it, you have to act like you don't give a shit. Guarantee if you shrugged it off at the getgo, this broad would have taken notice and you would have risen a few pegs in her book.

Another lesson. You cannot continue to do nice things with a female and hang out all the time for a long period of time and expect anything romantic to come out of it. You have to be confident in yourself and try to establish that you view her as something more. Chicks love having dudes do stuff for them and provide close friendship with no romantic expectations or ties. That's why gay dudes always seem to hang out with such quality and quantity of chicks. Being a close friend of a single girl usually won't end well because once she does get involved with a guy... He isn't going to be 100 bought in with another guy being so close and it will be kind of strange.
Mind you, none of these are absolutes but pretty strong tendencies imo and I have seen and experienced enough data to say that nobody should invest 2 years in a friendship with a female they hope is more someday.

I had a hard time with a lot of these types of things throughout high school and into my 20s. At one point, you just "get it" and know how to deal with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, usually that happens when you are married....

Yes.... and that said, there are always exceptions to the rule. My best and oldest friend is a guy, and he's married with 2 kids. They call me auntie, and me and him do stuff just the two of us all the time, including camping and shit. His wife is cool with it, and so have all of my boyfriends been. I was his groomswoman in his wedding. However, please note that this is a very unusual situation and we both know it!

RKCNDY

Is there another person in the office with whom you share some interests with?

Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.

Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.

Thoughts_Arrive

RKCNDY wrote:

Is there another person in the office with whom you share some interests with?

Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.

Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.

Most of them are two faced gossipers or way too immature for my time. Lone wolf it is from now on.
I've lost trust for people now more so especially in the office.

PJ_Soul

I trust some people in my office, but I am definitely wary of others. One must be very selective in the work environment because a lot of people get competitive in that atmosphere, and when people get competitive, they often get nasty. Tread lightly, but leave room in your heart for the good ones - they are out there.

Thoughts_Arrive

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

chadwick

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

just be yourself; the artistic guy as you say you are. btw, women dig artistic guys. use that power in you & they'll come to you as if they can't control themselves.

how does one actually bully fellow adults in a office fulla grown ups? i trully believe some people should have been given bloody noses & lips more often when they were younger. they'd have learned how to be nicer to people as an adult in today's world.

i am thankful as i have not ever for not even 2 seconds ever worked in a corporate office environment. it would have been something though, as i'd have been all over every women in the building. they'd have called me slut-fest-wick. good for them. i'd be having fun tasting flavors & stapling pages together backwards/upside down. i type w/ one finger & do that pretty quick.

printers & things in the office confuse me. i have ADHD/ADD & substance abuse issues & have since i was a kid. i am a fucking mess & the office environment would be unreal to me as i'd be pacing the halls & inbetween desks bumping into coworkers. back in the old days i'd have reported to work every morning drunk or hung over & high on weed or & amphetamines or & opiates. ya see, it sounds like you're really doing pretty well considering what you could be doing.

what is your artistic way? do that at work. i wonder what marijuana would do for you. cannabis is still a scheduled one narcotic. this was updated & reclassified 40 years ago & has never been updated since. fucking idiots. natural meds before big pharmaceuticals

shortstack

i know it's easier said than done.... but like others have stated, start some kind of exercise/sports program.

set some goals for yourself (exercise and life in general). once you have more confidence, you will be able to move on and see everything differently.

hedonist

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

I feel for you, but between this and your other posts, you come across as defeatist. As defeated. And honestly, a bit melodramatic.

(most women - this woman, at least - not a fan of drama. Life brings enough of it on its own without false generation of it)

You're a grown man with a supposedly decent job. You have resources to reach out to for help, which you've done so far. Keep at it and I truly hope you can say goodbye to the martyrlike all-or-noneness.

Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.

gimmesometruth27

OP, also, just learn the fact that you can not make someone love you or want to be more than friends with you. those feelings have to develop on their own.

for the most part, in my experience, i figured that out. mostly because i did not give a shit. if someone didn't want to be with me, it was "fuck them, on to the next one, because there are plenty out there who will..." i have had a hard time dealing with only 2 girls that i fell hard for. like totally hard, and those have been in the last 3 years. maybe it is because as i get older, the more giving with my feelings i have become. i give my love away more readily now.

i guess you get burned, you learn from it, and you move on. OP you are still young. i am gonna be 39 with no relationship prospects at this time. women i meet want to play around and nothing more. it is like they just want something based on sex because i have a little bit of a name in the music scene here. i dunno...it sucks, because i thought i would be married with a kid or two by now. just keep in mind that you are still young, and you have a lot of time left. don't waste your youth worrying about or holding a candle to someone who does not reciprocate those feelings anymore. there's so much more than that to life. don't waste your time, because time i finite.

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

I hear ya. I couldn't do it, frankly. I worked in a corporate atmosphere for maybe three months after leaving university, and then i said FUCK THIS SHIT!! All of the brown-nosing and all the phonies just affected my soul in a negative way and went against my basic principles. I felt like I was a part of what makes the world a shitty place. I was not going to spend the rest of my life having the bottom $$$$ line rule my life. I went and got a good job at a university where everyone is artistic, and the bottom line is education and everyone agrees when it comes to a liberal mindset. Eccentrics are welcome, and there is youthful energy to feed off of. It's awesome..... go try and get a job at a public university (plenty of room for growth in your career there) and leave the corporate money-grubbing bullshit and the people who thrive on it behind. Honestly the best decision I ever made.

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

To quote Corduroy - "can't let you roam inside my head", but I can't stop thinking about her even when I am doing my jogging and walking. The love and care I have for people is never reciprocated. :-(

how often is this "love and care" expressed overtly? Openly and honestly expressed?

One thing I am sure of now after having been left by my now former wife , loving someone is about the giving of it. Not the receiving. Wonderful if its reciprocated but shouldn't be expected in the same way we feel towards the other. Love will be expressed by how they feel based on their understanding. I didn't learn this about love UNTIL she left and wasn't coming back. She is now happily married to another, whom I met just today. I'm happy for her. Him too.

BUT if I'm in my head analyzing every last thing, then I can not recognize it when it is expressed. However simply that may be. A kind word. Warm smile. A cheerful hello.


I have a question for you, WHAT is it that you are thinking about her? The why's and what if's? Perhaps like the song your username comes from , you might be served well if you can not know and chase them away?
BTW corduroy is my most fave song by PJ

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

Is there another person in the office with whom you share some interests with?

Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.

Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.

Most of them are two faced gossipers or way too immature for my time. Lone wolf it is from now on.
I've lost trust for people now more so especially in the office.

I'll assume you are aware that to trust is to risk. And with risk comes the risk of failure. Without it NOTHING is valuable to a person IMO.

the greater the risk, the greater the potential for reward.

hedonist

mickeyrat wrote:

loving someone is about the giving of it. Not the receiving. Wonderful if its reciprocated but shouldn't be expected in the same way we feel towards the other.

Amen to this. Wise words in your last two posts.

-Emma-

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

You don't have to be best mates with everybody in the office, but maybe if you open up to other people just a bit then you might find you have something in common . Chitchat with other people and get to know them, "hi, how are you going? Did you have a good weekend?" etc. You don't have to be fake, still be yourself, but don't assume that you have nothing in common with another person.

I don't always work at the same place everyday, so I work with a lot of different people in unfamiliar places. If you are standoffish and assume you have nothing in common with other people, then other people mightn't take the time to get to know you.

Thoughts_Arrive

chadwick wrote:

what is your artistic way?

Guitar (I suck), Drawing, Writing poetry/lyrics.

Thoughts_Arrive

hedonist wrote:

Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.

If I do anything random like that my parents will think I am a nutcase.
Sad thing about not being able to afford to move out is your every move is studied and you cannot be free to do what you want.

Thoughts_Arrive

mickeyrat wrote:

how often is this "love and care" expressed overtly? Openly and honestly expressed?

I am a caring, nice person to everyone that appears nice.

mickeyrat wrote:

I have a question for you, WHAT is it that you are thinking about her? The why's and what if's? Perhaps like the song your username comes from , you might be served well if you can not know and chase them away?
BTW corduroy is my most fave song by PJ

I am thinking more so the betrayal than her falling for someone else.
It's that sudden ditching of me that hurts considering how I've always been there for her.
Also the fact I'd text her to see she's okay after she told me she was struggling with being bullied and her not even asking how I am going considering she knows my mum is ill and I have been struggling lately.
Also that I am being lied to and she is being fake nice in the office.

Thoughts_Arrive

-Emma- wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.

You don't have to be best mates with everybody in the office, but maybe if you open up to other people just a bit then you might find you have something in common . Chitchat with other people and get to know them, "hi, how are you going? Did you have a good weekend?" etc. You don't have to be fake, still be yourself, but don't assume that you have nothing in common with another person.

I don't always work at the same place everyday, so I work with a lot of different people in unfamiliar places. If you are standoffish and assume you have nothing in common with other people, then other people mightn't take the time to get to know you.

Noone is into what I am into, they love golf, hunting deer, bodybuilding, shallow TV shows, fake music etc.
I hate that contrived chit chat, experience it every Monday morning in the elevator "how was your weekend, what did you do". Like people care, it's just to break silence.
If I didn't have a mortgage I'd quit right now and rethink my life.
I tried to get into a career I really wanted and recently got knocked back due to my recent history of seeing a psychologist. That hit me hard.
Other than that I have no other career ambition other than music but I suck at guitar can not come up with a song or sing.