I know, you're right.
It's like I am hypnotized by negativity and laziness.
My psych told me what to do when things get bad but I was too lazy to do them.
It's just that I am standing at the bottom of a mountain right now looking up.
:(
Well, put on an official PJ boot that you really love (may i suggest Vault #3?) at a very high volume and ruminate on what you just said.
(you sound really depressed... should i assume you're on anti-depressants but they're not working??)
What is vault #3?
No medication here, going natural, I refuse medication.
I am doing better than the last 2 weeks but still flat.
Meds can really help man. Sounds like you need help. Seems like a bad idea to not at least try medication - for some people it's the difference between having a decent life and having a horrible life. Not saying that you should take them, but ypu might not want to rule them out either. You could be underestimating how much better you might feel if you try that route. If you have depression and an anxiety disorder you are medically ill. You may really need medicine.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.
your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.
...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.
you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.
You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.
Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that? Either way, the result is the same. The woman you are either in love with or obsessed with doesn't want to spend time with you anymore because you don't mean to her what she means to you. So I guess that means you're got something like a broken heart. Welcome to the club - everyone's been there. The only thing that will make you feel better is to stay away from her, and the passage of time. We all get through it, evwn thpigh it feels like we won't at the time - you will too. Meanwhile, take care of your mental health proactively.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.
...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.
you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.
You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.
you seem to dwell on the negative and what you can't have. that is not going to help you.
i don't think the thread is being derailed...moving out might give you some confidence and help you get over this girl. true, i do not know your financial situation and i do not know anything about your life. i'm just making suggestions based off your posts. i didn't necessarily mean for you to move out right now, i meant it could be something you could work towards. you could also get a couple roommates to help with costs, who may end up having a lot of friends to bring around the place. who knows, maybe you'll end up marrying one of your roomies. you just seem unhappy living with your parents. it seems like they mess with your head. you may have been diagnosed with clinical depression but you could also have situational depression.
...these are just suggestions. i hope you don't think i'm barking orders at you. *smiley, smiley*
Well i hate to say this, but since everyone's being pretty honest here... Thoughts_Arrive, you actually sound pretty unwilling to do anything whatsoever to improve your situation. You rebuff every suggestion by saying "i'm not like that.".... Well, if you want to help yourself you're going to have to do something. Put in some effort. You don't sound willing to put in any effort to help yourself. You seem to want to just stay the same and hope that somehow things will change. Well, they won't unless you do. Just a new job won't be enough.
I know, you're right.
It's like I am hypnotized by negativity and laziness.
My psych told me what to do when things get bad but I was too lazy to do them.
It's just that I am standing at the bottom of a mountain right now looking up.
Listen, I know it's hard, but LIFE is hard. The more we recognize that we will go through difficult times, the more we are resilient and will likely bounce back. You're at the bottom of the mountain. One small step forward is still a step forward. But it means doing something. Wallowing in your misery only makes you more miserable. So find something that will help. Anything.
I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.
your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.
...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.
you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.
You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.
You HAVE to physically stop yourself from thinking about her if you want to get over her. But at this point in reading this thread, I'm thinking you want to live in this Hell you've created. It's all up to you, no one else. But that means taking the first step.
Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.
If I do anything random like that my parents will think I am a nutcase.
Sad thing about not being able to afford to move out is your every move is studied and you cannot be free to do what you want.
Why on earth would you be thought odd if choosing to volunteer, to help where help is needed?
And even if so, who cares? Judgments aren't equal to chains, especially as an adult.
It's up to you whether to allow yourself to be bound by the thoughts and opinions of others, or be bound by yourself.
Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?
I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.
If I do anything random like that my parents will think I am a nutcase.
Sad thing about not being able to afford to move out is your every move is studied and you cannot be free to do what you want.
Why on earth would you be thought odd if choosing to volunteer, to help where help is needed?
And even if so, who cares? Judgments aren't equal to chains, especially as an adult.
It's up to you whether to allow yourself to be bound by the thoughts and opinions of others, or be bound by yourself.
True to yourself.
YOUR self.
I am always paralysed by others opinions of me or what they think of my actions and choices.
It is something I wish to overcome.
It probably stems from my older sister always judging and criticizing me, I get looks from her and her husband like I am dirt and it makes me feel like shit.
I guess I should just listen to top 40 radio and not be into rock so much and buy the clothes they buy to fit in.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I have tenants in a house I bought, to clear up any confusion.
your tenants are paying your mortgage... so saying you can't afford to move out sounds like an excuse.
...or are you fucking with everyone? if you're not, i apologize.
you're going to have to eventually move out. there's your goal. go.
You don't know my financial position so you cannot make such a call.
I have tried, done my budget and won't be able to do it alone.
Anyways this thread is derailing a bit, back to the topic.
If my colleague isn't romantically involved with this other colleague of mine, then wtf have I done to have her cut me off. I cannot put her out of my mind. This has taken me back to my school days when I was excluded by the cool kids.
First, YOU are acting like a school kid. You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.
To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?
I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?
You previously said you went to your supervisor and brought this whole thing up, at which point the supervisor called the woman in and then the woman stopped talking to you. If she was already not talking to you before you went to the supervisor, then going to the supervisor was a HUGE mistake. You just keep compounding the issue with poor choices. Here's what your actions should have been:
1) If your close, everyday hangout friend suddenly stops talking to you, you should approach them and as "Hey...what's wrong". Instead you went to your supervisor?! :nono:
2) Since you did go to your supervisor, and we can assume they talked to the woman about your conversation: First, you should have told the supervisor it was private. Since you didn't do that, you should have gone to the supervisor and asked what they talked about. Then you should have approached the woman, asked what was initially wrong, and if necessary apologize for going to the supervisor.
3) If you don't or had no intention of doing the above, you shouldn't be surprised that things aren't improving and just move on. Make other friends, stop being mopey and whatever you do just stop focusing on her daily activities. The cold shoulder is a pretty obvious sign that someone is pissed and/or done with you. If you're not willing to put the effort in to finding out the cause of the pissing off, then man up and move on.
24 years old, mid-life crisis
nowadays hits you when you're young
OK, I've written a long post but then thought I'd rather quote an "advice" straight from Ed.
"I guess it was the beatings that made me wise."
What he's referring here might be actual physical beatings but you can take it as emotional beatings, too. :idea:
And I dont like self-help stuff but we all can use one, sometime. And you seem to be still in the process of searching who you are so, I hope you check this out:
You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.
To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.
A little abrasive, but bravo.
I'm done posting in a thread attempting to help an OP who just wants attention to his problem and is not interested in the advice given, nor helping himself.
well ... at least the shrink didn't tell him to quit his job ...
the brutal truth is that this story will only end well when the OP figures out that the issues isn't everyone around him but himself ... it's not easy to address that and his go to move is to wallow in his own misery and feel sorry for himself and blame every one else just perpetuates it ...
if you are paying a shrink and can't even be bothered to do the exercises he suggests - what the fuck good is he?
if you wanted to come on here and have people reaffirm your beliefs and ENABLE your own issues - you've clearly misjudged ... sure, we are all for the most part anonymous internet people ... but there are a lot of people who have taken the time to offer opinions ... if you're not interested in listening - then just say so ... that would at least be one step in finally becoming honest with yourself ...
I recalled this thread and thought it was you. A 19 page thread with you smitten with a girl, tentative to ask her out, only to really come to this conclusion:
She invited me to the movie night before our date.
I already know these people going to the movie night and I don't have anything in common with them. Add to that I don't particularly like some of these people they are immature tools. Not keen on going.
She is nice and talkative but I wasn't 100% sold on her because:
* admitted to me during the date she never cooks and cannot cook, I need someone I can settle down with and I won't have to do all the cooking.
* Not to sound mean but she isn't as articulate as me and I don't feel she is on the same level intellectually, not saying she is stupid but I just felt more mature during conversation.
* I don't like her friends and her uncle and cousins (we had a fall out over some lies they spread about me and my family)
* I am friends with her brother but we haven't seen each other in a long time.
I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.
Well she has probably cut you off because you started making her uncomfortable. That is why any woman behaves the way she is. Does it help you to understand that?
I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?
If you have feelings for her, then she would know it. If she doesn't have the same feelings for you, then that would make her feel uncomfortable, especially once she started seeing someone.
Yes, sure, just asking her upfront would definitely be a good idea... but you shouldn't necessarily expect an honest answer. That would depend on what kind of person she is and on if she has the guts to tell you the truth.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
she "cut him off" because she is into another guy ... how is she supposed to get with this guy with you around!? ... i am guessing it's as simple as that ...
I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.
Well if them two are not an item then it would hurt more. I think she's just found someone she likes to hang around more, maybe he's funnier and more fun than me. People's tastes change I guess, they get sick of someone or something and move on.
Thank you for the advice and the harsh truths.
My problem is also my extreme shyness which stops me from joining in.
I've always had that fear, at school and at short courses I've done for work, people always start mingling and I just sit on my own scared to approach people and groups of people.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.
To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.
A little abrasive, but bravo.
I'm done posting in a thread attempting to help an OP who just wants attention to his problem and is not interested in the advice given, nor helping himself.
How do you know I am not interested in the advice? I never said no to any suggestion here.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I recalled this thread and thought it was you. A 19 page thread with you smitten with a girl, tentative to ask her out, only to really come to this conclusion:
She invited me to the movie night before our date.
I already know these people going to the movie night and I don't have anything in common with them. Add to that I don't particularly like some of these people they are immature tools. Not keen on going.
She is nice and talkative but I wasn't 100% sold on her because:
* admitted to me during the date she never cooks and cannot cook, I need someone I can settle down with and I won't have to do all the cooking.
* Not to sound mean but she isn't as articulate as me and I don't feel she is on the same level intellectually, not saying she is stupid but I just felt more mature during conversation.
* I don't like her friends and her uncle and cousins (we had a fall out over some lies they spread about me and my family)
* I am friends with her brother but we haven't seen each other in a long time.
I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.
Oh her, I told her I like her and she told me "I see you as a friend, sorry" "don't worry you'll find someone" "how awkward" "I'm flattered".
I suck at women.
Btw, doubt I am autistic.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Thank you for the advice and the harsh truths.
My problem is also my extreme shyness which stops me from joining in.
I've always had that fear, at school and at short courses I've done for work, people always start mingling and I just sit on my own scared to approach people and groups of people.
hey ... you're starting to talk some sense now! ...
i wouldn't classify you as a misanthrope ... i think you are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place ... on one hand you have social anxiety; you long to be part of a social group that is comfortable ... yet, on the other your anxiety and discomfort makes it hard for you to integrate ... as you get older - these things only get worse over time ...
i think the first thing you need to do is recognize all these things about yourself as well as some other key facts ...
1. there are a lot of other people that are in similar situations
2. yes, there are a lot of shallow people out there (growing exponentially every day i'd say); but there is a lot of genuine people to
3. you need to accept certain aspects of your personality - there are some things you can't change or at least are unwilling to change ... if that is the case, you will need to adapt to those aspects
my next suggestion is to get yourself in projects that interest you ... integrate into social circles but don't look for long term mates right off the get go ... start with establishing acquaintances first ... get to know people ... slowly allow yourself to open up ... allow people to get to know you (the good and the bad) ... don't put too much pressure on yourself ... it will get easier over time ... and hopefully, one day you will have alleviated some of the anxiety you feel and express in social settings ... it may get worse before it gets better but you have to first acknowledge what your trying to address ...
You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.
To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.
A little abrasive, but bravo.
I'm done posting in a thread attempting to help an OP who just wants attention to his problem and is not interested in the advice given, nor helping himself.
How do you know I am not interested in the advice? I never said no to any suggestion here.
You keep talking about the girl. You keep wallowing in yourself. You talk about your personality. You talk about your communication style. Yet, you've said nothing about moving on. There won't be many people who will continue to come around someone who won't help himself. All you seem to want to do is talk about yourself and why the girl doesn't like you the way you like her. You need to get over this. It's gotten ridiculous.
That said, good luck, I hope you take that first step soon. For your health and sanity. Do it for your sanity, for God's sake!!!
And as far as being shy - I was painfully shy growing up, yet I knew that I didn't want to be shy. It took my entire 40 years to finally get over shyness - because living with that sort of social fear is not good for anyone, but especially for yourself. Find the courage to stop being shy, because it's not an excuse. Living with that kind of anxiety is awful, I know.
You were talking about shyness, I know how that feels..
I guess I don't take things so serious as I did before worrying about what everyone thinks and such..
If you are thinking that you want to say something but are unsure, You can think like this;
Two of three should be answered yes on the matter you want to say:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?
(Maybe this was old news, I don't know)
I don't think small talk must be something bad, if it's honest questions and people truly cares about the answers.
I think it's ok to say; I don't feel too good, feeling a bit blue..or something like that, I think people can relate and understand, lot's of people have been trough depressions..maybe someone has some good advises, people can seem superficial but they probably have other sides as well.
yeah,some people mistreat their friends with no reason,its sad..
Pretty common. You do your best, treat people as you'd want to be treated and they take advantage. Once you get into relationship like this have to cut your losses and hope they see they blew a good thing so next person they befriend may get better friend/partner. There are good people aNd there are bad. Life's short, leave the bad.
She texted me out of the blue today, first I've heard of her in almost 3 weeks.
Wished me a happy new year and all the best.
She also told me that her friend suddenly died recently and that that is why she has been acting different around me lately, told me she didn't know how to handle her own pain and my pain.
I feel like the biggest asshole jerk on Earth right now.
Here I was having all sorts of ideas, her ditching me, her having an affair, her not wanting to hang around a depressed person.
I feel so fucking horrible right now.
But am relieved to hear she still cares about me and there was a reason for all this.
I called her and we had a long chat, I told her how I was feeling and what I was thinking were the reasons for her not wanting to hang out with me.
She's such a sweet soul, I just feel terrible, I apologised to her.
I am kind of regretting telling her these things on the phone, I told her I understand why, just don't want her feeling bad now.
I did not expect this today on new years day.
I was feeling down about stuff today then got her text.
I am kind of kicking myself for saying somethings on the phone, maybe I could have not revealed some things, but it's my nature, I am an honest person, too honest for my own good at times.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Comments
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Meds can really help man. Sounds like you need help. Seems like a bad idea to not at least try medication - for some people it's the difference between having a decent life and having a horrible life. Not saying that you should take them, but ypu might not want to rule them out either. You could be underestimating how much better you might feel if you try that route. If you have depression and an anxiety disorder you are medically ill. You may really need medicine.
you seem to dwell on the negative and what you can't have. that is not going to help you.
i don't think the thread is being derailed...moving out might give you some confidence and help you get over this girl. true, i do not know your financial situation and i do not know anything about your life. i'm just making suggestions based off your posts. i didn't necessarily mean for you to move out right now, i meant it could be something you could work towards. you could also get a couple roommates to help with costs, who may end up having a lot of friends to bring around the place. who knows, maybe you'll end up marrying one of your roomies. you just seem unhappy living with your parents. it seems like they mess with your head. you may have been diagnosed with clinical depression but you could also have situational depression.
...these are just suggestions. i hope you don't think i'm barking orders at you. *smiley, smiley*
Listen, I know it's hard, but LIFE is hard. The more we recognize that we will go through difficult times, the more we are resilient and will likely bounce back. You're at the bottom of the mountain. One small step forward is still a step forward. But it means doing something. Wallowing in your misery only makes you more miserable. So find something that will help. Anything.
You HAVE to physically stop yourself from thinking about her if you want to get over her. But at this point in reading this thread, I'm thinking you want to live in this Hell you've created. It's all up to you, no one else. But that means taking the first step.
And even if so, who cares? Judgments aren't equal to chains, especially as an adult.
It's up to you whether to allow yourself to be bound by the thoughts and opinions of others, or be bound by yourself.
True to yourself.
YOUR self.
I cannot think of what I could have done to make her feel uncomfortable. :? :(
Would it be worth asking her?
I am always paralysed by others opinions of me or what they think of my actions and choices.
It is something I wish to overcome.
It probably stems from my older sister always judging and criticizing me, I get looks from her and her husband like I am dirt and it makes me feel like shit.
I guess I should just listen to top 40 radio and not be into rock so much and buy the clothes they buy to fit in.
First, YOU are acting like a school kid. You've ignored a plethora of advice here and are still focusing on wallowing in your negativity. If you're so turned inside out and stuck wondering what you did to piss this woman off, simply man up and ask her face to face. Sucking your thumb and slinking off into the shadows hasn't been working for you, has it? Take some responsibility for your life and act rather than being a bystander. You say that you give, give, give to people and are continuously pissed on, but everything else you've told us contradicts that. You don't put yourself out there in activities, you don't participate in idle chit chat to get to know people and you've been very judgemental about what others do with their spare time.
To fix your depression, you need to be a little more outgoing, stop focusing on what you THINK others think about you and offer something of value to others that would make them want to be around you. Don't just expect the world to present you with friends and life mates while you sit on the couch. Join some groups, get to know what other people are interested in and who they are, be friendly to strangers or those you think you know, but don't really. Also, eat well, exercise and get fresh air regularly. Take control of you.
nowadays hits you when you're young
You previously said you went to your supervisor and brought this whole thing up, at which point the supervisor called the woman in and then the woman stopped talking to you. If she was already not talking to you before you went to the supervisor, then going to the supervisor was a HUGE mistake. You just keep compounding the issue with poor choices. Here's what your actions should have been:
1) If your close, everyday hangout friend suddenly stops talking to you, you should approach them and as "Hey...what's wrong". Instead you went to your supervisor?! :nono:
2) Since you did go to your supervisor, and we can assume they talked to the woman about your conversation: First, you should have told the supervisor it was private. Since you didn't do that, you should have gone to the supervisor and asked what they talked about. Then you should have approached the woman, asked what was initially wrong, and if necessary apologize for going to the supervisor.
3) If you don't or had no intention of doing the above, you shouldn't be surprised that things aren't improving and just move on. Make other friends, stop being mopey and whatever you do just stop focusing on her daily activities. The cold shoulder is a pretty obvious sign that someone is pissed and/or done with you. If you're not willing to put the effort in to finding out the cause of the pissing off, then man up and move on.
nowadays hits you when you're young
But this started happening before I mentioned how I felt to my manager.
:(
"I guess it was the beatings that made me wise."
What he's referring here might be actual physical beatings but you can take it as emotional beatings, too. :idea:
And I dont like self-help stuff but we all can use one, sometime. And you seem to be still in the process of searching who you are so, I hope you check this out:
http://www.marcandangel.com/
2012: Arras, Berlin 1-2
2013: Sao Paulo, Buenos Aires
2014: Milano, Trieste, Vienna, Berlin
2016: NY MSG 1
Seriously. It will ease all your stress.
Try it and report back
I dont know what they add to those in US but I've been told that if you are sad or depressed; weed can multiply those negative feelings. :? :?: :nono:
2012: Arras, Berlin 1-2
2013: Sao Paulo, Buenos Aires
2014: Milano, Trieste, Vienna, Berlin
2016: NY MSG 1
A little abrasive, but bravo.
I'm done posting in a thread attempting to help an OP who just wants attention to his problem and is not interested in the advice given, nor helping himself.
the brutal truth is that this story will only end well when the OP figures out that the issues isn't everyone around him but himself ... it's not easy to address that and his go to move is to wallow in his own misery and feel sorry for himself and blame every one else just perpetuates it ...
if you are paying a shrink and can't even be bothered to do the exercises he suggests - what the fuck good is he?
if you wanted to come on here and have people reaffirm your beliefs and ENABLE your own issues - you've clearly misjudged ... sure, we are all for the most part anonymous internet people ... but there are a lot of people who have taken the time to offer opinions ... if you're not interested in listening - then just say so ... that would at least be one step in finally becoming honest with yourself ...
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=202238&start=270
I recalled this thread and thought it was you. A 19 page thread with you smitten with a girl, tentative to ask her out, only to really come to this conclusion:
I can tell that you are "wired" pretty similar to me. I have the same feelings about the "masses" and a general disinterest in small talk/socializing. You are focused on a few "interests" where you have extensive knowledge, and conversation on those subjects is even frustrating unless it is with someone who also has a fairly advanced understanding of those subjects and can speak intelligently. You look at various small talk as a sign of "simpletons" but you still look out at the world as a bit lost. Also that creates severe social anxiety, a depleted self image, and general bashfulness... which also lends to a paranoia complex. I am the same way and always have had trouble dealing with it. Honestly, I think we are somewhere on the autism spectrum.
Yes, sure, just asking her upfront would definitely be a good idea... but you shouldn't necessarily expect an honest answer. That would depend on what kind of person she is and on if she has the guts to tell you the truth.
interesting.
Thank you for the advice and the harsh truths.
My problem is also my extreme shyness which stops me from joining in.
I've always had that fear, at school and at short courses I've done for work, people always start mingling and I just sit on my own scared to approach people and groups of people.
How do you know I am not interested in the advice? I never said no to any suggestion here.
Oh her, I told her I like her and she told me "I see you as a friend, sorry" "don't worry you'll find someone" "how awkward" "I'm flattered".
I suck at women.
Btw, doubt I am autistic.
Think I'm done here too, but again, wish you well and hope you can get over.
(whelmed by the grace)
Leave the labels at the door. You want others to do the same for you, no?
As you hopefully change, grow - allow others to do the same, even if their path doesn't include you.
And if you wish them well from the wayside?
Well hell...talk about grace - that'd be it right there.
hey ... you're starting to talk some sense now! ...
i wouldn't classify you as a misanthrope ... i think you are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place ... on one hand you have social anxiety; you long to be part of a social group that is comfortable ... yet, on the other your anxiety and discomfort makes it hard for you to integrate ... as you get older - these things only get worse over time ...
i think the first thing you need to do is recognize all these things about yourself as well as some other key facts ...
1. there are a lot of other people that are in similar situations
2. yes, there are a lot of shallow people out there (growing exponentially every day i'd say); but there is a lot of genuine people to
3. you need to accept certain aspects of your personality - there are some things you can't change or at least are unwilling to change ... if that is the case, you will need to adapt to those aspects
my next suggestion is to get yourself in projects that interest you ... integrate into social circles but don't look for long term mates right off the get go ... start with establishing acquaintances first ... get to know people ... slowly allow yourself to open up ... allow people to get to know you (the good and the bad) ... don't put too much pressure on yourself ... it will get easier over time ... and hopefully, one day you will have alleviated some of the anxiety you feel and express in social settings ... it may get worse before it gets better but you have to first acknowledge what your trying to address ...
good luck
You keep talking about the girl. You keep wallowing in yourself. You talk about your personality. You talk about your communication style. Yet, you've said nothing about moving on. There won't be many people who will continue to come around someone who won't help himself. All you seem to want to do is talk about yourself and why the girl doesn't like you the way you like her. You need to get over this. It's gotten ridiculous.
That said, good luck, I hope you take that first step soon. For your health and sanity. Do it for your sanity, for God's sake!!!
And as far as being shy - I was painfully shy growing up, yet I knew that I didn't want to be shy. It took my entire 40 years to finally get over shyness - because living with that sort of social fear is not good for anyone, but especially for yourself. Find the courage to stop being shy, because it's not an excuse. Living with that kind of anxiety is awful, I know.
I guess I don't take things so serious as I did before worrying about what everyone thinks and such..
If you are thinking that you want to say something but are unsure, You can think like this;
Two of three should be answered yes on the matter you want to say:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?
(Maybe this was old news, I don't know)
I don't think small talk must be something bad, if it's honest questions and people truly cares about the answers.
I think it's ok to say; I don't feel too good, feeling a bit blue..or something like that, I think people can relate and understand, lot's of people have been trough depressions..maybe someone has some good advises, people can seem superficial but they probably have other sides as well.
I hope you will feel better soon
Wished me a happy new year and all the best.
She also told me that her friend suddenly died recently and that that is why she has been acting different around me lately, told me she didn't know how to handle her own pain and my pain.
I feel like the biggest asshole jerk on Earth right now.
Here I was having all sorts of ideas, her ditching me, her having an affair, her not wanting to hang around a depressed person.
I feel so fucking horrible right now.
But am relieved to hear she still cares about me and there was a reason for all this.
I called her and we had a long chat, I told her how I was feeling and what I was thinking were the reasons for her not wanting to hang out with me.
She's such a sweet soul, I just feel terrible, I apologised to her.
I am kind of regretting telling her these things on the phone, I told her I understand why, just don't want her feeling bad now.
I did not expect this today on new years day.
I was feeling down about stuff today then got her text.
I am kind of kicking myself for saying somethings on the phone, maybe I could have not revealed some things, but it's my nature, I am an honest person, too honest for my own good at times.