Friend at work just cutting me off for no known reason

gimmesometruth27

South of Seattle wrote:

Sorry dude.

Once you've entered the "friend zone" there is no way out.

Move on!

the underlined part....

maybe one day things will cool off and you will both have the gift of perspective and you will be able to see this a little more clearly. give yourself some distance. cooler heads will prevail. maybe she is just wrapped up in the thrill of being with someone new and it being a coworker makes it that much more exciting to her.

if you still want to be friends with her, just give it some time. sometimes you just have to let go of everything involved with someone you really care about. give her space and she will probably miss you.

i don't want to give you false hope, but you have to try another approach since the current one is clearly not working for you. best of luck

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you all for your advice.
I did not go to work today I called in sick, main reason an ex-colleague and friend of mine she visited today and I could not bare having to have to talk to my "friend" today as we used to always hang out at work together and have caught up for dinner a few times since my ex-colleague left the company. With my ex-colleague visiting that would have meant having to be around my "friend"...if that makes sense.
This was as per my psychologists advice, stay home, have your holidays and in the mean time look for a new job.
Even my psychologist thinks that she is having an affair having heard what I have had to say about her and her new best friends behaviour recently and said I have done nothing wrong to upset her and should not be down on myself.
Been running, walking last few days as per my psychologists advice, it makes me feel less anxious and down but I can't get her out of my mind, still hurt about being ditched after having always been a loyal friend to her. So pissed off she could act this way. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been disposed of after my use by date.

backseatLover12

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Thank you all for your advice.
I did not go to work today I called in sick, main reason an ex-colleague and friend of mine she visited today and I could not bare having to have to talk to my "friend" today as we used to always hang out at work together and have caught up for dinner a few times since my ex-colleague left the company. With my ex-colleague visiting that would have meant having to be around my "friend"...if that makes sense.
This was as per my psychologists advice, stay home, have your holidays and in the mean time look for a new job.
Even my psychologist thinks that she is having an affair having heard what I have had to say about her and her new best friends behaviour recently and said I have done nothing wrong to upset her and should not be down on myself.
Been running, walking last few days as per my psychologists advice, it makes me feel less anxious and down but I can't get her out of my mind, still hurt about being ditched after having always been a loyal friend to her. So pissed off she could act this way. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been disposed of after my use by date.

I'm sorry about this whole situation of yours, being hurt by a friend sucks. But I must say that even seeing a psychologist is a really smart move! And they gave you great advice. Try and do other things to keep your mind busy, and looking for other work will help you in the long run. It is painful, it always is, but time and doing other things to keep your mind busy will soothe your wounds. You'll come out of this just fine, and much wiser. Best of luck!

polaris_x

really!?? ... quitting your job; avoid your issues ... that's good advice!?? ... i say this shrink is a joke ...

is that the solution for every time you are in a uncomfortable position!? ... duck and run!?

sure ... this girl could have been more sensitive to your feelings but at the end of the day she's only really concerned about herself and frankly - that's the majority of the world these days ... and i get it ... you have feelings for a girl who used you when she was down and now she's moved on to someone else ... it's ok to feel like shit ... sit with it a while ... there is no crime in this world for feeling sad, angry or resentful ... it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are ... avoidance will serve you no good ... it'll just make you a runner when the going gets tough ...

i honestly can't believe this shrink told you to find another job ...

andyzoffhegoes

Did you ever really just want to be friends with her? You seem to care way to much about her banging another dude. This is some girl you are crushing on not your present wife. It isn't your business. My guess is no change left in even the friendship. Leave her alone, find some new people to hangout withyou don't drive by her house everyday do you?

PJ_Soul

andyzoffhegoes wrote:

Did you ever really just want to be friends with her? You seem to care way to much about her banging another dude. This is some girl you are crushing on not your present wife. It isn't your business. My guess is no change left in even the friendship. Leave her alone, find some new people to hangout withyou don't drive by her house everyday do you?

I think it was clear pretty early in this thread that this girl was not just a "friend" in his mind.... Surely not.
So sorry Thouhts_Arrive. That's a bummer. Next time, if you're interested in someone, take the plunge. As others have said, the "friend zone" is no place you want to be!

PJ_Soul

polaris_x wrote:

really!?? ... quitting your job; avoid your issues ... that's good advice!?? ... i say this shrink is a joke ...

is that the solution for every time you are in a uncomfortable position!? ... duck and run!?

sure ... this girl could have been more sensitive to your feelings but at the end of the day she's only really concerned about herself and frankly - that's the majority of the world these days ... and i get it ... you have feelings for a girl who used you when she was down and now she's moved on to someone else ... it's ok to feel like shit ... sit with it a while ... there is no crime in this world for feeling sad, angry or resentful ... it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are ... avoidance will serve you no good ... it'll just make you a runner when the going gets tough ...

i honestly can't believe this shrink told you to find another job ...

I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.

DURP

Sounds like she wasn't really your friend. Move on and just hope she has a good life. There will be other friends.

I've been there with long time people but at the end of the day I have a great life (even though I go nuts sometimes with my PTSD) I have great friends and I'm fucking awesome just ask anyone. I'm sure you have the same attitude!

polaris_x

PJ_Soul wrote:

I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.

sure ... we don't know the whole story but from the details he has passed along - i don't see how running away from the situation is gonna help ... all it says to me is that he can't handle disappointment and rejection ... what next? ... move out of town because anything that reminds him of his work will remind him of her!? ... it may not be a normal situation for him but it is a normal situation all around the world ... does he think he's the first person to have his heart broken or feel used!?? ... i just don't think he's been given good advice ... the shrink isn't addressing the primary problem ... he/she is just giving him advice on how to avoid the problem ...

PJ_Soul

polaris_x wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.

sure ... we don't know the whole story but from the details he has passed along - i don't see how running away from the situation is gonna help ... all it says to me is that he can't handle disappointment and rejection ... what next? ... move out of town because anything that reminds him of his work will remind him of her!? ... it may not be a normal situation for him but it is a normal situation all around the world ... does he think he's the first person to have his heart broken or feel used!?? ... i just don't think he's been given good advice ... the shrink isn't addressing the primary problem ... he/she is just giving him advice on how to avoid the problem ...

Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).

polaris_x

PJ_Soul wrote:

Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).

so the advice is to quit a job that he may actually be good at and is doing well which may lead to other issues? ... i know i'm probably coming off as not being sympathetic to his problems and i don't mean to trivialize it in any way ... i just feel strongly that he is getting awful advice from his shrink and I just hope he recognizes what the true issues are ...

PJ_Soul

polaris_x wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).

so the advice is to quit a job that he may actually be good at and is doing well which may lead to other issues? ... i know i'm probably coming off as not being sympathetic to his problems and i don't mean to trivialize it in any way ... i just feel strongly that he is getting awful advice from his shrink and I just hope he recognizes what the true issues are ...

No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).

polaris_x

PJ_Soul wrote:

No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).

well ... we can only go with the information that is provided to us ... there's been no mention that his job sucks so i'm not sure how that is a safe assumption ... i'm not prepared to say the shrink knows more and therefore knows best ... obviously, i don't know everything and i'm just some guy on the internet ... and he should take everything everyone here saying under that guise ... but i do think my position is reasonable based on the info we've been given ...

PJ_Soul

polaris_x wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).

well ... we can only go with the information that is provided to us ... there's been no mention that his job sucks so i'm not sure how that is a safe assumption ... i'm not prepared to say the shrink knows more and therefore knows best ... obviously, i don't know everything and i'm just some guy on the internet ... and he should take everything everyone here saying under that guise ... but i do think my position is reasonable based on the info we've been given ...

Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.

polaris_x

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.

well of course his shrink knows more ... but it doesn't necessarily translate into him giving him the best advice ...

PJ_Soul

polaris_x wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.

well of course his shrink knows more ... but it doesn't necessarily translate into him giving him the best advice ...

True. I guess I just find it difficult to assume that any licensed shrink or psychologist or counsellor would actually tell someone to quit his job solely because some girl he's into stopped talking to him and he's having a tough time dealing with it. That idea borders on the ludicrous! There must be more to it! If not, OP, don't do anything rash! This gal doesn't sound like a very upfront or honest person anyway - you probably dodged a bullet!

Thoughts_Arrive

My psychologist did not tell me to quit my job. I said I want to because me being there causes me to feel anxious and depressed as I am being excluded. He strongly advised for me not to unless I have found a new job first. He did not tell me to quit because of this.

And to answer some posts above, yes I have anxiety disorders and disthymia.
And no I don't drive by her house, I am not some psycho, plus I don't know where she lives, she knows where I live.

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

My psychologist did not tell me to quit my job. I said I want to because me being there causes me to feel anxious and depressed as I am being excluded. He strongly advised for me not to unless I have found a new job first. He did not tell me to quit because of this.

And to answer some posts above, yes I have anxiety disorders and disthymia.
And no I don't drive by her house, I am not some psycho, plus I don't know where she lives, she knows where I live.

Ooohhhh, well that makes more sense. For the record I never thought you were a psycho.
Yeah, anxiety disorders are tough - I have suffered from it (okay now - more of a PTSD situation for me), and people who have never experienced it have no way at all of understanding what it's like. They all have that mentality of "suck it up" or think that people can reason their way out of it because only those who have gone through it fully understand how beyond the sufferer's control it is.

Thoughts_Arrive

It makes it hard because it leads me to overanalyse, read too much into things and jump to conclusions.

PJ_Soul

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

It makes it hard because it leads me to overanalyse, read too much into things and jump to conclusions.

I understand.