Once you've entered the "friend zone" there is no way out.
Move on!
the underlined part....
maybe one day things will cool off and you will both have the gift of perspective and you will be able to see this a little more clearly. give yourself some distance. cooler heads will prevail. maybe she is just wrapped up in the thrill of being with someone new and it being a coworker makes it that much more exciting to her.
if you still want to be friends with her, just give it some time. sometimes you just have to let go of everything involved with someone you really care about. give her space and she will probably miss you.
i don't want to give you false hope, but you have to try another approach since the current one is clearly not working for you. best of luck
"You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry." - Lincoln
Thank you all for your advice.
I did not go to work today I called in sick, main reason an ex-colleague and friend of mine she visited today and I could not bare having to have to talk to my "friend" today as we used to always hang out at work together and have caught up for dinner a few times since my ex-colleague left the company. With my ex-colleague visiting that would have meant having to be around my "friend"...if that makes sense.
This was as per my psychologists advice, stay home, have your holidays and in the mean time look for a new job.
Even my psychologist thinks that she is having an affair having heard what I have had to say about her and her new best friends behaviour recently and said I have done nothing wrong to upset her and should not be down on myself.
Been running, walking last few days as per my psychologists advice, it makes me feel less anxious and down but I can't get her out of my mind, still hurt about being ditched after having always been a loyal friend to her. So pissed off she could act this way. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been disposed of after my use by date.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Thank you all for your advice.
I did not go to work today I called in sick, main reason an ex-colleague and friend of mine she visited today and I could not bare having to have to talk to my "friend" today as we used to always hang out at work together and have caught up for dinner a few times since my ex-colleague left the company. With my ex-colleague visiting that would have meant having to be around my "friend"...if that makes sense.
This was as per my psychologists advice, stay home, have your holidays and in the mean time look for a new job.
Even my psychologist thinks that she is having an affair having heard what I have had to say about her and her new best friends behaviour recently and said I have done nothing wrong to upset her and should not be down on myself.
Been running, walking last few days as per my psychologists advice, it makes me feel less anxious and down but I can't get her out of my mind, still hurt about being ditched after having always been a loyal friend to her. So pissed off she could act this way. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been disposed of after my use by date.
I'm sorry about this whole situation of yours, being hurt by a friend sucks. But I must say that even seeing a psychologist is a really smart move! And they gave you great advice. Try and do other things to keep your mind busy, and looking for other work will help you in the long run. It is painful, it always is, but time and doing other things to keep your mind busy will soothe your wounds. You'll come out of this just fine, and much wiser. Best of luck!
really!?? ... quitting your job; avoid your issues ... that's good advice!?? ... i say this shrink is a joke ...
is that the solution for every time you are in a uncomfortable position!? ... duck and run!?
sure ... this girl could have been more sensitive to your feelings but at the end of the day she's only really concerned about herself and frankly - that's the majority of the world these days ... and i get it ... you have feelings for a girl who used you when she was down and now she's moved on to someone else ... it's ok to feel like shit ... sit with it a while ... there is no crime in this world for feeling sad, angry or resentful ... it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are ... avoidance will serve you no good ... it'll just make you a runner when the going gets tough ...
i honestly can't believe this shrink told you to find another job ...
Did you ever really just want to be friends with her? You seem to care way to much about her banging another dude. This is some girl you are crushing on not your present wife. It isn't your business. My guess is no change left in even the friendship. Leave her alone, find some new people to hangout withyou don't drive by her house everyday do you?
Did you ever really just want to be friends with her? You seem to care way to much about her banging another dude. This is some girl you are crushing on not your present wife. It isn't your business. My guess is no change left in even the friendship. Leave her alone, find some new people to hangout withyou don't drive by her house everyday do you?
I think it was clear pretty early in this thread that this girl was not just a "friend" in his mind.... Surely not.
So sorry Thouhts_Arrive. That's a bummer. Next time, if you're interested in someone, take the plunge. As others have said, the "friend zone" is no place you want to be!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
really!?? ... quitting your job; avoid your issues ... that's good advice!?? ... i say this shrink is a joke ...
is that the solution for every time you are in a uncomfortable position!? ... duck and run!?
sure ... this girl could have been more sensitive to your feelings but at the end of the day she's only really concerned about herself and frankly - that's the majority of the world these days ... and i get it ... you have feelings for a girl who used you when she was down and now she's moved on to someone else ... it's ok to feel like shit ... sit with it a while ... there is no crime in this world for feeling sad, angry or resentful ... it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are ... avoidance will serve you no good ... it'll just make you a runner when the going gets tough ...
i honestly can't believe this shrink told you to find another job ...
I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Sounds like she wasn't really your friend. Move on and just hope she has a good life. There will be other friends.
I've been there with long time people but at the end of the day I have a great life (even though I go nuts sometimes with my PTSD) I have great friends and I'm fucking awesome just ask anyone. I'm sure you have the same attitude!
I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.
sure ... we don't know the whole story but from the details he has passed along - i don't see how running away from the situation is gonna help ... all it says to me is that he can't handle disappointment and rejection ... what next? ... move out of town because anything that reminds him of his work will remind him of her!? ... it may not be a normal situation for him but it is a normal situation all around the world ... does he think he's the first person to have his heart broken or feel used!?? ... i just don't think he's been given good advice ... the shrink isn't addressing the primary problem ... he/she is just giving him advice on how to avoid the problem ...
I agree that quitting a job over something like this seems like terrible advice on the surface, and obviously we are going to have trouble understanding why or how it got to this extreme point. But we don't REALLY know what's going on here with the OP. Obviously, this is not a normal situation for him, for better or worse.
sure ... we don't know the whole story but from the details he has passed along - i don't see how running away from the situation is gonna help ... all it says to me is that he can't handle disappointment and rejection ... what next? ... move out of town because anything that reminds him of his work will remind him of her!? ... it may not be a normal situation for him but it is a normal situation all around the world ... does he think he's the first person to have his heart broken or feel used!?? ... i just don't think he's been given good advice ... the shrink isn't addressing the primary problem ... he/she is just giving him advice on how to avoid the problem ...
Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).
so the advice is to quit a job that he may actually be good at and is doing well which may lead to other issues? ... i know i'm probably coming off as not being sympathetic to his problems and i don't mean to trivialize it in any way ... i just feel strongly that he is getting awful advice from his shrink and I just hope he recognizes what the true issues are ...
Yeah, I agree, but it all has to do with the ability to cope (i.e. say someone has an anxiety disorder - they may not have the option to suck it up).
so the advice is to quit a job that he may actually be good at and is doing well which may lead to other issues? ... i know i'm probably coming off as not being sympathetic to his problems and i don't mean to trivialize it in any way ... i just feel strongly that he is getting awful advice from his shrink and I just hope he recognizes what the true issues are ...
No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).
well ... we can only go with the information that is provided to us ... there's been no mention that his job sucks so i'm not sure how that is a safe assumption ... i'm not prepared to say the shrink knows more and therefore knows best ... obviously, i don't know everything and i'm just some guy on the internet ... and he should take everything everyone here saying under that guise ... but i do think my position is reasonable based on the info we've been given ...
No, from what I know, I don't think that quitting his job because some "friend" or some chick he's in love with won't talk to him anymore is a good idea. I'm just saying that we don't actually know the whole deal... it might be kind of a knee jerk reaction to say, "your trusted psychologist is wrong!!" We don't know that, and it's probably not too responsible to say that considering the fact that we lack the real knowledge and insight required to be lending advice that will actually impact the entire path of his or anyone else's life. It's one thing to lend advice about how to deal with some friend who isn't speaking. It's a whole other thing to assume we understand enough to give career advice or know what's best for his path in life overall. Plus, we don't even know what kind of job this is. For all we know, he might be better off quitting for all kinds of reasons not even related to this girl (which is actually a safe assumption, given the advice his psychologist gave him).
well ... we can only go with the information that is provided to us ... there's been no mention that his job sucks so i'm not sure how that is a safe assumption ... i'm not prepared to say the shrink knows more and therefore knows best ... obviously, i don't know everything and i'm just some guy on the internet ... and he should take everything everyone here saying under that guise ... but i do think my position is reasonable based on the info we've been given ...
Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.
well of course his shrink knows more ... but it doesn't necessarily translate into him giving him the best advice ...
Well, I think the best advice is for him to not rush into quitting his job. But I do think it's a fair assumption that his shrink knows more than we do.
well of course his shrink knows more ... but it doesn't necessarily translate into him giving him the best advice ...
True. I guess I just find it difficult to assume that any licensed shrink or psychologist or counsellor would actually tell someone to quit his job solely because some girl he's into stopped talking to him and he's having a tough time dealing with it. That idea borders on the ludicrous! There must be more to it! If not, OP, don't do anything rash! This gal doesn't sound like a very upfront or honest person anyway - you probably dodged a bullet!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
My psychologist did not tell me to quit my job. I said I want to because me being there causes me to feel anxious and depressed as I am being excluded. He strongly advised for me not to unless I have found a new job first. He did not tell me to quit because of this.
And to answer some posts above, yes I have anxiety disorders and disthymia.
And no I don't drive by her house, I am not some psycho, plus I don't know where she lives, she knows where I live.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
My psychologist did not tell me to quit my job. I said I want to because me being there causes me to feel anxious and depressed as I am being excluded. He strongly advised for me not to unless I have found a new job first. He did not tell me to quit because of this.
And to answer some posts above, yes I have anxiety disorders and disthymia.
And no I don't drive by her house, I am not some psycho, plus I don't know where she lives, she knows where I live.
Ooohhhh, well that makes more sense. For the record I never thought you were a psycho.
Yeah, anxiety disorders are tough - I have suffered from it (okay now - more of a PTSD situation for me), and people who have never experienced it have no way at all of understanding what it's like. They all have that mentality of "suck it up" or think that people can reason their way out of it because only those who have gone through it fully understand how beyond the sufferer's control it is.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
These feelings and behaviors are normal and most people have been on one end or the other to some degree (me both).
The gist of the lessons people are preaching is: no matter how much it tears you up and you can't stop thinking about it, you have to act like you don't give a shit. Guarantee if you shrugged it off at the getgo, this broad would have taken notice and you would have risen a few pegs in her book.
Another lesson. You cannot continue to do nice things with a female and hang out all the time for a long period of time and expect anything romantic to come out of it. You have to be confident in yourself and try to establish that you view her as something more. Chicks love having dudes do stuff for them and provide close friendship with no romantic expectations or ties. That's why gay dudes always seem to hang out with such quality and quantity of chicks. Being a close friend of a single girl usually won't end well because once she does get involved with a guy... He isn't going to be 100 bought in with another guy being so close and it will be kind of strange.
Mind you, none of these are absolutes but pretty strong tendencies imo and I have seen and experienced enough data to say that nobody should invest 2 years in a friendship with a female they hope is more someday.
I had a hard time with a lot of these types of things throughout high school and into my 20s. At one point, you just "get it" and know how to deal with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, usually that happens when you are married....
To quote Corduroy - "can't let you roam inside my head", but I can't stop thinking about her even when I am doing my jogging and walking. The love and care I have for people is never reciprocated. :-(
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
These feelings and behaviors are normal and most people have been on one end or the other to some degree (me both).
The gist of the lessons people are preaching is: no matter how much it tears you up and you can't stop thinking about it, you have to act like you don't give a shit. Guarantee if you shrugged it off at the getgo, this broad would have taken notice and you would have risen a few pegs in her book.
Another lesson. You cannot continue to do nice things with a female and hang out all the time for a long period of time and expect anything romantic to come out of it. You have to be confident in yourself and try to establish that you view her as something more. Chicks love having dudes do stuff for them and provide close friendship with no romantic expectations or ties. That's why gay dudes always seem to hang out with such quality and quantity of chicks. Being a close friend of a single girl usually won't end well because once she does get involved with a guy... He isn't going to be 100 bought in with another guy being so close and it will be kind of strange.
Mind you, none of these are absolutes but pretty strong tendencies imo and I have seen and experienced enough data to say that nobody should invest 2 years in a friendship with a female they hope is more someday.
I had a hard time with a lot of these types of things throughout high school and into my 20s. At one point, you just "get it" and know how to deal with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, usually that happens when you are married....
Yes.... and that said, there are always exceptions to the rule. My best and oldest friend is a guy, and he's married with 2 kids. They call me auntie, and me and him do stuff just the two of us all the time, including camping and shit. His wife is cool with it, and so have all of my boyfriends been. I was his groomswoman in his wedding. However, please note that this is a very unusual situation and we both know it!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Is there another person in the office with whom you share some interests with?
Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.
Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Is there another person in the office with whom you share some interests with?
Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.
Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.
Most of them are two faced gossipers or way too immature for my time. Lone wolf it is from now on.
I've lost trust for people now more so especially in the office.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I trust some people in my office, but I am definitely wary of others. One must be very selective in the work environment because a lot of people get competitive in that atmosphere, and when people get competitive, they often get nasty. Tread lightly, but leave room in your heart for the good ones - they are out there.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.
just be yourself; the artistic guy as you say you are. btw, women dig artistic guys. use that power in you & they'll come to you as if they can't control themselves.
how does one actually bully fellow adults in a office fulla grown ups? i trully believe some people should have been given bloody noses & lips more often when they were younger. they'd have learned how to be nicer to people as an adult in today's world.
i am thankful as i have not ever for not even 2 seconds ever worked in a corporate office environment. it would have been something though, as i'd have been all over every women in the building. they'd have called me slut-fest-wick. good for them. i'd be having fun tasting flavors & stapling pages together backwards/upside down. i type w/ one finger & do that pretty quick.
printers & things in the office confuse me. i have ADHD/ADD & substance abuse issues & have since i was a kid. i am a fucking mess & the office environment would be unreal to me as i'd be pacing the halls & inbetween desks bumping into coworkers. back in the old days i'd have reported to work every morning drunk or hung over & high on weed or & amphetamines or & opiates. ya see, it sounds like you're really doing pretty well considering what you could be doing.
what is your artistic way? do that at work. i wonder what marijuana would do for you. cannabis is still a scheduled one narcotic. this was updated & reclassified 40 years ago & has never been updated since. fucking idiots. natural meds before big pharmaceuticals
I can't be bothered with most people in the office, I have nothing in common with them and most are two faced and/or bully smart asses. I come across as snobby and get misunderstood. I guess that is what you get when you bring a no bullshit punk attitude to a fake and contrived corporate job with corporate people. Being an artistic person won't get you far and pay the bills in today's world. So I am left to suffer kicking up to a rich CEO for another 40 years.
I feel for you, but between this and your other posts, you come across as defeatist. As defeated. And honestly, a bit melodramatic.
(most women - this woman, at least - not a fan of drama. Life brings enough of it on its own without false generation of it)
You're a grown man with a supposedly decent job. You have resources to reach out to for help, which you've done so far. Keep at it and I truly hope you can say goodbye to the martyrlike all-or-noneness.
Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.
Comments
maybe one day things will cool off and you will both have the gift of perspective and you will be able to see this a little more clearly. give yourself some distance. cooler heads will prevail. maybe she is just wrapped up in the thrill of being with someone new and it being a coworker makes it that much more exciting to her.
if you still want to be friends with her, just give it some time. sometimes you just have to let go of everything involved with someone you really care about. give her space and she will probably miss you.
i don't want to give you false hope, but you have to try another approach since the current one is clearly not working for you. best of luck
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
I did not go to work today I called in sick, main reason an ex-colleague and friend of mine she visited today and I could not bare having to have to talk to my "friend" today as we used to always hang out at work together and have caught up for dinner a few times since my ex-colleague left the company. With my ex-colleague visiting that would have meant having to be around my "friend"...if that makes sense.
This was as per my psychologists advice, stay home, have your holidays and in the mean time look for a new job.
Even my psychologist thinks that she is having an affair having heard what I have had to say about her and her new best friends behaviour recently and said I have done nothing wrong to upset her and should not be down on myself.
Been running, walking last few days as per my psychologists advice, it makes me feel less anxious and down but I can't get her out of my mind, still hurt about being ditched after having always been a loyal friend to her. So pissed off she could act this way. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been disposed of after my use by date.
I'm sorry about this whole situation of yours, being hurt by a friend sucks. But I must say that even seeing a psychologist is a really smart move! And they gave you great advice. Try and do other things to keep your mind busy, and looking for other work will help you in the long run. It is painful, it always is, but time and doing other things to keep your mind busy will soothe your wounds. You'll come out of this just fine, and much wiser. Best of luck!
is that the solution for every time you are in a uncomfortable position!? ... duck and run!?
sure ... this girl could have been more sensitive to your feelings but at the end of the day she's only really concerned about herself and frankly - that's the majority of the world these days ... and i get it ... you have feelings for a girl who used you when she was down and now she's moved on to someone else ... it's ok to feel like shit ... sit with it a while ... there is no crime in this world for feeling sad, angry or resentful ... it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are ... avoidance will serve you no good ... it'll just make you a runner when the going gets tough ...
i honestly can't believe this shrink told you to find another job ...
So sorry Thouhts_Arrive. That's a bummer. Next time, if you're interested in someone, take the plunge. As others have said, the "friend zone" is no place you want to be!
I've been there with long time people but at the end of the day I have a great life (even though I go nuts sometimes with my PTSD) I have great friends and I'm fucking awesome just ask anyone. I'm sure you have the same attitude!
sure ... we don't know the whole story but from the details he has passed along - i don't see how running away from the situation is gonna help ... all it says to me is that he can't handle disappointment and rejection ... what next? ... move out of town because anything that reminds him of his work will remind him of her!? ... it may not be a normal situation for him but it is a normal situation all around the world ... does he think he's the first person to have his heart broken or feel used!?? ... i just don't think he's been given good advice ... the shrink isn't addressing the primary problem ... he/she is just giving him advice on how to avoid the problem ...
so the advice is to quit a job that he may actually be good at and is doing well which may lead to other issues? ... i know i'm probably coming off as not being sympathetic to his problems and i don't mean to trivialize it in any way ... i just feel strongly that he is getting awful advice from his shrink and I just hope he recognizes what the true issues are ...
well ... we can only go with the information that is provided to us ... there's been no mention that his job sucks so i'm not sure how that is a safe assumption ... i'm not prepared to say the shrink knows more and therefore knows best ... obviously, i don't know everything and i'm just some guy on the internet ... and he should take everything everyone here saying under that guise ... but i do think my position is reasonable based on the info we've been given ...
well of course his shrink knows more ... but it doesn't necessarily translate into him giving him the best advice ...
And to answer some posts above, yes I have anxiety disorders and disthymia.
And no I don't drive by her house, I am not some psycho, plus I don't know where she lives, she knows where I live.
Yeah, anxiety disorders are tough - I have suffered from it (okay now - more of a PTSD situation for me), and people who have never experienced it have no way at all of understanding what it's like. They all have that mentality of "suck it up" or think that people can reason their way out of it because only those who have gone through it fully understand how beyond the sufferer's control it is.
These feelings and behaviors are normal and most people have been on one end or the other to some degree (me both).
The gist of the lessons people are preaching is: no matter how much it tears you up and you can't stop thinking about it, you have to act like you don't give a shit. Guarantee if you shrugged it off at the getgo, this broad would have taken notice and you would have risen a few pegs in her book.
Another lesson. You cannot continue to do nice things with a female and hang out all the time for a long period of time and expect anything romantic to come out of it. You have to be confident in yourself and try to establish that you view her as something more. Chicks love having dudes do stuff for them and provide close friendship with no romantic expectations or ties. That's why gay dudes always seem to hang out with such quality and quantity of chicks. Being a close friend of a single girl usually won't end well because once she does get involved with a guy... He isn't going to be 100 bought in with another guy being so close and it will be kind of strange.
Mind you, none of these are absolutes but pretty strong tendencies imo and I have seen and experienced enough data to say that nobody should invest 2 years in a friendship with a female they hope is more someday.
I had a hard time with a lot of these types of things throughout high school and into my 20s. At one point, you just "get it" and know how to deal with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, usually that happens when you are married....
Could you possibly go to lunch with them and chat with? That may help you get over this little 'bump in the road' with you friend that is ignoring you. When she sees that you are able to move on, and don't depend on her friendship, she may come around.
Sometimes when a guy and girl have a friendship, and the guy likes the girl more than she likes him, she can feel a bit 'smothered' and find another friend to take the pressure off.
- Christopher McCandless
Most of them are two faced gossipers or way too immature for my time. Lone wolf it is from now on.
I've lost trust for people now more so especially in the office.
how does one actually bully fellow adults in a office fulla grown ups? i trully believe some people should have been given bloody noses & lips more often when they were younger. they'd have learned how to be nicer to people as an adult in today's world.
i am thankful as i have not ever for not even 2 seconds ever worked in a corporate office environment. it would have been something though, as i'd have been all over every women in the building. they'd have called me slut-fest-wick. good for them. i'd be having fun tasting flavors & stapling pages together backwards/upside down. i type w/ one finger & do that pretty quick.
printers & things in the office confuse me. i have ADHD/ADD & substance abuse issues & have since i was a kid. i am a fucking mess & the office environment would be unreal to me as i'd be pacing the halls & inbetween desks bumping into coworkers. back in the old days i'd have reported to work every morning drunk or hung over & high on weed or & amphetamines or & opiates. ya see, it sounds like you're really doing pretty well considering what you could be doing.
what is your artistic way? do that at work. i wonder what marijuana would do for you. cannabis is still a scheduled one narcotic. this was updated & reclassified 40 years ago & has never been updated since. fucking idiots. natural meds before big pharmaceuticals
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
set some goals for yourself (exercise and life in general). once you have more confidence, you will be able to move on and see everything differently.
(most women - this woman, at least - not a fan of drama. Life brings enough of it on its own without false generation of it)
You're a grown man with a supposedly decent job. You have resources to reach out to for help, which you've done so far. Keep at it and I truly hope you can say goodbye to the martyrlike all-or-noneness.
Maybe also find an outlet outside of work. You've said you started exercising - not sure how much good it's done but perhaps another release would help. Volunteering with people, children, animals - something to take you outside of yourself.