Did you get the memo?

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Comments

  • JoJo Posts: 2,098
    Dear Valued Customer,
    Due to your lack of correspondence with our office, you are in a deep pile of finiancial poo.
    If you are having difficulties in meeting your re-payments please contact us at your earliest convienience.
    ** Please note: We do NOT accept TOURRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as an official excuse.

    Signed The Grinch.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Dear Christmas Lights manufacturers,

    Whats with the lack of love for green lights?
    I was never able to find chasing solid green lights these past years and
    now I can't find the solid green LED lights.

    Green is awesome...peaceful, pretty, serene, and like red the it's other Christmas color.

    Please work on this for next year.

    Sincerely,
    I choose Blue this year :D
  • JoJo Posts: 2,098
    pandora wrote:
    Dear Christmas Lights manufacturers,

    Whats with the lack of love for green lights?
    I was never able to find chasing solid green lights these past years and
    now I can't find the solid green LED lights.

    Green is awesome...peaceful, pretty, serene, and like red the it's other Christmas color.

    Please work on this for next year.

    Sincerely,
    I choose Blue this year :D

    Hey! get some heat resistant glass paint and you'll be sweet. :)
  • JoJo Posts: 2,098
    To Whom it may concern,

    Due to unforseen circumstances Christmas is just around the corner. We would like to inform you that there may be a delay in sanity returning, especialy during AND after the 'family' cellabrations.

    regards
    Invoices
  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    Dear Idiot drivers,

    Please take two minutes before you leave home and remove the snow from your car's hood, roof and trunk. Snow on the hood has a tendacy to blow up onto the windshield and cause visibility issues when driving along. A snow scraper isn't that expensive and it doesn't take but a minute or two to remove.

    Also, when you have frost on your windows, please take a minute to scrape it off so that you can see where you are going, out your side windows and rear. Visibility in all directions is sort of important when driving and changing lanes.

    If you can't handle these two little things, please stay home.

    your pal
    fellow motorist
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • To the powers that be,

    Can you please let me win the lottery just once? It doesn't have to be a massive amount..5,000? maybe even 10,000? I would like, at least for one year, to buy my wife a nice present.

    I would appreciate it...someone send a sign to let me know which one to play as well.

    thanks,

    T. aka boo boo
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    Dear concert goers

    Please remember that others have paid to see the band you are seeing as well. Some may have travelled long distances and paid for hotels as well as the tickets. What I'm trying to say politely is stop talking and shouting during every song and shut the fuck up!
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,409
    Dear unwashed student,

    Please be aware that your filthy shirt, dirty hands, and smelly breath have been dully noted. You may not realize it, but I was much less willing to let you re-play your song today because I was having a hard time standing next to you without getting ill.

    Maybe you think your grooming habits aren't important? Maybe you think it shouldn't matter that you come in reeking of old smoke and body-odor? Don't you realize that it causes me to assume that your practice habits were equally sloppy and careless?

    To clarify, let me tell you now, they DID make me less comfortable through-out my entire interaction with you today and that most likely had an adverse effect on my patience.

    Sincerely,
    Your usually cheerful teacher
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • Dear American Military Personnel,

    Thanks! Looking forward to the day when you are back here safe.

    J
    Hold On
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    justam wrote:
    Dear unwashed student,

    Please be aware that your filthy shirt, dirty hands, and smelly breath have been dully noted. You may not realize it, but I was much less willing to let you re-play your song today because I was having a hard time standing next to you without getting ill.

    Maybe you think your grooming habits aren't important? Maybe you think it shouldn't matter that you come in reeking of old smoke and body-odor? Don't you realize that it causes me to assume that your practice habits were equally sloppy and careless?

    To clarify, let me tell you now, they DID make me less comfortable through-out my entire interaction with you today and that most likely had an adverse effect on my patience.

    Sincerely,
    Your usually cheerful teacher

    Dear cranky piano teacher,

    assuming that your piano playing student has sloppy and careless practice habits because he or she is a slob is absurd. do you actually believe the piano & harpsicord masters were always well bathed & groomed? i would think Beethoven had better more important things to do than worry about his personal hygiene.

    although i agree, i do not like the smell of body odor.

    justam... you are out of order
    now go to your room :mrgreen:

    one more thing... during my college time i did workstudy @ the school's trout/salmon hatchery
    everyday i worked and showed up for class stinking like fish, wearing fish slime, and loving it.
    i would be devastated if i bothered anyone :twisted:

    Smiles,
    Smelly ass bastard trying to learn something
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,409
    Dear defender of smelly students,

    While I admire your zest for learning and your courageous defense of the underdog, you needn't waste your time in this case.

    You obviously have not been subjected to an entire semester with this stinky student! If you had, you would realize that this particular young man is also an unprepared pain-in-the-neck all the time.

    Sincerely,
    me
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    Dear spider that bit my dog,

    You're an asshole. Not only has my dog been subjected to embarassment by wearing one of those goofy ass cones on his head, he has to swallow huge pills that I'm sure are not anywhere near being tasty. You also cost me $60+ that I didn't have. Your existence is futile at best, and the fact that you have 8 legs doesn't mean that one of my enormously awesome ones won't squash your pathetic body next time I see you.

    I'm usually a very kind individual, and believe to cause no harm to any creature...but you sir, have crossed a line and affected something dear to me. All Zeke was doing was sleeping, and you infected him with your poison. That's all you are, poison. You are poisonous to everything around you, and you have way too many eyes. In short, you're fucking ugly.

    I advise you tell everyone in your clique of eight-legged fucko's to stay out of sight as I will not differentiate one from the other. Because of your careless actions, you and all of your friends, children, relatives, enemies, associates, and lovers will unquestionably be meeting the soles of my shoes.

    PS. Stay the fuck out of my dragon tree. There was no invitation extended your way.

    Sincerely,
    The guy that's always disliked spiders
    The guy you stole $60 from
    The guy who loves his dog much more than anything in your genus
    The guy who will bring you your doom.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    justam wrote:
    Dear defender of smelly students,

    While I admire your zest for learning and your courageous defense of the underdog, you needn't waste your time in this case.

    You obviously have not been subjected to an entire semester with this stinky student! If you had, you would realize that this particular young man is also an unprepared pain-in-the-neck all the time.

    Sincerely,
    me

    outstanding work, justly.
    you frickin rock, sister.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,409
    Thanks chadwick. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Posts: 12,553
    Dear People Who Ride The Trains,

    Please be aware that public transportation is designed to be "public." That's why they call it that.

    What that means is, the subway trains and streetcars are not your living room. Thus, it is inappropriate for you to spread open the newspaper and expect others to shrink into the fetal position in order to accommodate your desire to read all about Tom Brady's thinning hair.

    Nor is the train your own personal moving van. You should not be surprised when people stare as you board said train with seventeen suitcases, a golf umbrella and a backpack bigger than what they use to scale Everest. And when you squeeze on with a full-size Christmas tree and get dirty looks from the rest of the rush hour crowd, don't be stunned. Perhaps all aboard don't appreciate your jocularity. (Although I thought it was pretty funny, I do admit, and as you recall I complimented you on your sheer badassness.)

    And lastly, the train is not a kitchen. Please do not sit next to me and open four Jello cups, one after the other, and eat them ravenously as though you had been denied food for a long period of time. The lime ones nearly made me hurl in your shopping bag. And, while we're on the subject, it's best if you close your mouth while chewing. That way you won't spew chunks of lime-flavored horse hooves on my leg.

    That is all.

    Unlost Dogs
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    dear pedestrian,

    why exactly are you walking in the street in the dark when there is a perfectly good sidewalk to walk on? would you like me run you over? because i'd be more than to do so...i'm in favor of thinning the heard of the stupid

    yours,

    a driver that doesn't want to hit pedestrians
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    justam wrote:
    Dear defender of smelly students,

    While I admire your zest for learning and your courageous defense of the underdog, you needn't waste your time in this case.

    You obviously have not been subjected to an entire semester with this stinky student! If you had, you would realize that this particular young man is also an unprepared pain-in-the-neck all the time.

    Sincerely,
    me

    Dear you,

    sounds like me at study time trying to learn something; raising salmon & trout (learning more stuff) all the while getting muddy, rained & snowed on, covered in fish slime, guts & blood, eggs and sperm, moss, weeds, and sticks. then marching myself to class; algebra, english, creative writing, some of the environmental sciences and fisheries and forestry classes. my boots are muddy when i go to class. oh and i took music appreaciation class pretty much damp most days.

    Smiles,
    me
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,420
    Dear bitchy-ass whiners,

    Just get over it already.

    Sincerly,

    impatient, intolerant asshole. :P
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • JoJo Posts: 2,098
    chadwick wrote:
    justam wrote:
    Dear defender of smelly students,

    While I admire your zest for learning and your courageous defense of the underdog, you needn't waste your time in this case.

    You obviously have not been subjected to an entire semester with this stinky student! If you had, you would realize that this particular young man is also an unprepared pain-in-the-neck all the time.

    Sincerely,
    me

    Dear you,

    sounds like me at study time trying to learn something; raising salmon & trout (learning more stuff) all the while getting muddy, rained & snowed on, covered in fish slime, guts & blood, eggs and sperm, moss, weeds, and sticks. then marching myself to class; algebra, english, creative writing, some of the environmental sciences and fisheries and forestry classes. my boots are muddy when i go to class. oh and i took music appreaciation class pretty much damp most days.

    Smiles,
    me


    We just moved towns and scored jobs. To be social we would do THE tradition at the "end of a hard WORKING day go straight to the local pub like every other bloke in town,
    but as I was a woman and I worked in a tannery using Fish Oils, I would have smelled quite disgusting. :?
    but I didn't know??! :D
    After a couple of days my mates said I stank.
    Never judge a reaction by it's action.........What Tha?
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    edited March 2011
    `
    Post edited by rollings on
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Posts: 12,553
    Half Full wrote:
    Dear Baker of Flimsy Bread:

    Thanks alot.
    I really enjoyed my gaping hole sandwich today.

    Sincerely,

    Out to Lunch

    So, you're saying your sandwich was... half full?

    :lolno:
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    edited March 2011
    `
    Post edited by rollings on
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    Dear Little Kid,

    Yes, you are cute. You however are not cute when you stick your fingers in the dip and swirl it around and lick your fingers and then continue to do it over and over again. You are also not cute when you stick your hands down your pants to scratch your bum, then stick your filthy hands into my Turkey dinner. :sick: To be kind, I kept my mouth shut and did not finish my dinner.
    Please do not run around and pick up leaves and other such decaying matter from the outside and try to stick it into my mouth when I am chatting with your mother.
    I am also puzzled by the unknown force that affects you and all other little children that appears to magically glue you to my side on a consistent basis when I visit. This 'magical force' has a terrible side effect.... I end up being sick for weeks on end.
    Excuse me, I think I hear a bottle of codeine and a box of azithromycin calling my name.

    stuffed up, coughing, and miserable...
    4and20
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    4and20 wrote:
    Dear Little Kid,

    Yes, you are cute. You however are not cute when you stick your fingers in the dip and swirl it around and lick your fingers and then continue to do it over and over again. You are also not cute when you stick your hands down your pants to scratch your bum, then stick your filthy hands into my Turkey dinner. :sick: To be kind, I kept my mouth shut and did not finish my dinner.
    Please do not run around and pick up leaves and other such decaying matter from the outside and try to stick it into my mouth when I am chatting with your mother.
    I am also puzzled by the unknown force that affects you and all other little children that appears to magically glue you to my side on a consistent basis when I visit. This 'magical force' has a terrible side effect.... I end up being sick for weeks on end.
    Excuse me, I think I hear a bottle of codeine and a box of azithromycin calling my name.

    stuffed up, coughing, and miserable...
    4and20
    i didn't think i resembled a little kid or 81
    sorry
    i don't think this town's big enough for the two of us
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    chadwick wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Dear Little Kid,

    Yes, you are cute. You however are not cute when you stick your fingers in the dip and swirl it around and lick your fingers and then continue to do it over and over again. You are also not cute when you stick your hands down your pants to scratch your bum, then stick your filthy hands into my Turkey dinner. :sick: To be kind, I kept my mouth shut and did not finish my dinner.
    Please do not run around and pick up leaves and other such decaying matter from the outside and try to stick it into my mouth when I am chatting with your mother.
    I am also puzzled by the unknown force that affects you and all other little children that appears to magically glue you to my side on a consistent basis when I visit. This 'magical force' has a terrible side effect.... I end up being sick for weeks on end.
    Excuse me, I think I hear a bottle of codeine and a box of azithromycin calling my name.

    stuffed up, coughing, and miserable...
    4and20
    i didn't think i resembled a little kid or 81
    sorry
    i don't think this town's big enough for the two of us

    Are you challenging me to a draw Chad?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Dear People Who Ride The Trains,

    Please be aware that public transportation is designed to be "public." That's why they call it that.

    What that means is, the subway trains and streetcars are not your living room. Thus, it is inappropriate for you to spread open the newspaper and expect others to shrink into the fetal position in order to accommodate your desire to read all about Tom Brady's thinning hair.

    Nor is the train your own personal moving van. You should not be surprised when people stare as you board said train with seventeen suitcases, a golf umbrella and a backpack bigger than what they use to scale Everest. And when you squeeze on with a full-size Christmas tree and get dirty looks from the rest of the rush hour crowd, don't be stunned. Perhaps all aboard don't appreciate your jocularity. (Although I thought it was pretty funny, I do admit, and as you recall I complimented you on your sheer badassness.)

    And lastly, the train is not a kitchen. Please do not sit next to me and open four Jello cups, one after the other, and eat them ravenously as though you had been denied food for a long period of time. The lime ones nearly made me hurl in your shopping bag. And, while we're on the subject, it's best if you close your mouth while chewing. That way you won't spew chunks of lime-flavored horse hooves on my leg.

    That is all.

    Unlost Dogs
    YES! Thank you Unlost. Correct on ALL counts.
    "FF, I've heard the droning about the Sawx being the baby dolls. Yeah, I get it, you guys invented baseball and suffered forever. I get it." -JearlPam0925
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,420
    4and20 wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Dear Little Kid,

    Yes, you are cute. You however are not cute when you stick your fingers in the dip and swirl it around and lick your fingers and then continue to do it over and over again. You are also not cute when you stick your hands down your pants to scratch your bum, then stick your filthy hands into my Turkey dinner. :sick: To be kind, I kept my mouth shut and did not finish my dinner.
    Please do not run around and pick up leaves and other such decaying matter from the outside and try to stick it into my mouth when I am chatting with your mother.
    I am also puzzled by the unknown force that affects you and all other little children that appears to magically glue you to my side on a consistent basis when I visit. This 'magical force' has a terrible side effect.... I end up being sick for weeks on end.
    Excuse me, I think I hear a bottle of codeine and a box of azithromycin calling my name.

    stuffed up, coughing, and miserable...
    4and20
    i didn't think i resembled a little kid or 81
    sorry
    i don't think this town's big enough for the two of us

    Are you challenging me to a draw Chad?
    sounds like it to me. Packed bowls at 20 paces plus 4.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    mickeyrat wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Are you challenging me to a draw Chad?
    sounds like it to me. Packed bowls at 20 paces plus 4.

    are you prepared?
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    chadwick wrote:
    mickeyrat wrote:
    4and20 wrote:
    Are you challenging me to a draw Chad?
    sounds like it to me. Packed bowls at 20 paces plus 4.

    are you prepared?

    I'm always prepared, first one to blow 20 smoke rings wins....
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    4and20 wrote:
    I'm always prepared, first one to blow 20 smoke rings wins....
    Dear Spliff,

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuufZCPoO80
    ok
    go

    nicely done,
    Cloudy Skanky
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
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