A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    I'm finding this and people around me say the same
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,846
    PJ_Soul said:
    Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it. 
    yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me". 

    at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point.  you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible". 

    some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative. 

    and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out. 

    One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally. 

    I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD. 

    Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago. 

    c'est la vie. 
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    I totally  get this. 
    Have you thought about alcohol  and weed . If possible cut them and see what happens. It's nigh  on impossible  not to have a release but I think they do cause trouble.  My brain is past the point  of repair. I wish I could go back and tell myself 
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    Well after stopping drinking about 6 weeks ago I decided to give weed a go after 20 years of not doing it at all. I'm now upset because  it makes my brain worse. I can't  find a way to just BE with no release . No substance.  Just here with my symptoms  seems impossible . I've been swimming  recently  and walking it's not making a fuck of difference . 
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,953
    Well after stopping drinking about 6 weeks ago I decided to give weed a go after 20 years of not doing it at all. I'm now upset because  it makes my brain worse. I can't  find a way to just BE with no release . No substance.  Just here with my symptoms  seems impossible . I've been swimming  recently  and walking it's not making a fuck of difference . 
    Have you tried going more hardcore with the exercise? I wonder if making it "hurt" would help? Like, workout hard enough so that you can only focus on your physical body, you know? Like, do whatever exercise so that you're really sweating, panting, and so you're super sore the next day kind of thing. I've heard taking it up some notches and pushing your limits that way for the sake of mental health can actually do a lot of good. It's is very distracting at the very least, and certainly increases the endorphins that are released from activity. Much different from the more gentle exercise that you're already getting.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 28,899
    edited May 5
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    I remember you telling me the same thing and for some reason I've never forgotten that. 
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 22,980
    PJ_Soul said:
    Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it. 
    yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me". 

    at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point.  you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible". 

    some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative. 

    and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out. 

    One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally. 

    I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD. 

    Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago. 

    c'est la vie. 
    Well put about how one day can feel good and so you make plans and then that day comes and - WHAM! - tough day.  I made plans a week ago to go to the city today knowing it would be a crap shoot.  I'm feeling pretty good so it should be a good day but I've had other occasions where  I get to the planned ahead day and thing, "Man, I've really got to suck it up today". 

    Work can be like that too.  I grew up extremely shy and lacking in self-confidence and had to work hard to acquire good social skills.  I do have those skills but only because I worked really hard to attain them.  But they almost never come easily.  For example, when working with customers at the bookstore, I do well with being friendly and sociable but unless I know the customer well, it's like I'm in acting mode and that can be stressful after a while.  Some days I just heave a big sigh of relief when the doors are finally shut. 

    Most people probably don't see it, but when I'm in a social situation with people I'm less familiar with, there's almost always a part of me that is struggling to maintain a sense of normal socializing.  It almost feels like I'm being an actor or treading difficult waters or something.   But once in a while that is not the case.  Like meeting some folks here when I went to  Missoula to see Pearl Jam. The vibe there was so cool it all came easy and I really enjoyed meeting new faces.  That was a great time!
    "Whoever pursues fear as a stigma and courage as an ideal will not live long. To shift responsibility and flaunt yourself as a  symbol of heroism will not attract people to climb after you."
    -Reinhold Messner
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 28,899
    edited May 7
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    I remember you telling me the same thing and for some reason I've never forgotten that. 
    good to know somebodys listening. ;) lol   i just  find its good music to punch whatever's ailing out of my mind and my body. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    Man I'm struggling  so bad
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 13,738
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    HEY yourself lady

    where the fuck ya been? out and about?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 28,899
    mickeyrat said:
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    HEY yourself lady

    where the fuck ya been? out and about?

    ive been doing stuff. working on my well being. planning my next big trip. contemplating a life without alcohol.. which didnt work out too well considering how big time i fell off the wagon (and re joined 10C. lol) this past week. 
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 13,738
    mickeyrat said:
    mickeyrat said:
    last, how do you feel about the band tool?

    hey mickey!! 

    yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  
    HEY yourself lady

    where the fuck ya been? out and about?

    ive been doing stuff. working on my well being. planning my next big trip. contemplating a life without alcohol.. which didnt work out too well considering how big time i fell off the wagon (and re joined 10C. lol) this past week. 
    recovery thread is still going. if you are so inclined.

    in any case, glad you're back. strong voice. much missed.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 22,980
    Man I'm struggling  so bad
    Sorry to hear that.  Hang in there!
    "Whoever pursues fear as a stigma and courage as an ideal will not live long. To shift responsibility and flaunt yourself as a  symbol of heroism will not attract people to climb after you."
    -Reinhold Messner
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    Man I'm struggling  so bad
    Sorry to hear :(
    When's your next CBT session?
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    Tomorrow  is my last because  it's not working the lady has escalated me to a waiting list to see an OCD specialist.  I'm just getting  worse and worse. I had a drink again . Today I've spent the whole day walking and I feel so very anxious. And my memory and confusion are unbearable  I just don't know where to turn. I forget everything  it's so distressing and I then have a panic attack  because  I forgot everything  again. Constant distress  can't   do this very much  longer.
    I wish it was all over
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    They say because  I know I forgot that s a good thing. It's fuckin not 
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,132
    It means you are self-aware, bud.  It may not feel like a good thing, but better to have that than not.

    Have you tried journaling, writing as a release, just for yourself?  Get a punching bag, spend time with animals, meditate, anything - no matter how small - you might not have attempted before?

    If not, keep letting it out here if it helps.  We're all pulling for you.
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    I'm so glad I can come here
     I have nowhere else
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    I'm writing  now. Trying poems but forget I wrote  something  . Look back at it like it's new again
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    Distressing 
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • camsjamcamsjam Posts: 237
    Hang tough LE. maybe you could write stuff down to help you remember things? The shows will be here soon. Something to look forward to right?
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    Just keep posting here. Don't be sorry to. Everyone is here to support.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    edited May 9
    Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago.  It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've  woken up 4am with my daughter  and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now 
    Post edited by lastexitlondon on
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago.  It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've  woken up 4am with my daughter  and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now 
    How did it feel to be in nature?
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    I was moved to tears  by a group of my polish on can friends . They put money together  to pay for my pj ticket to Krakow. I love these people and they have been my friends  for quite a while. Yesterday  my councillor  said she would have to call the mental health  crisis team because  she was concerned about my well being but as she didn't  think i would take my life that day she didn't  call them in the end. I try again today. But woke bad. 
    My polish  friends na zdrowie  .  Xx
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 2,286
    Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago.  It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've  woken up 4am with my daughter  and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now 
    How did it feel to be in nature?
    In all honesty it didn't  work as I hoped. I can't  do anything . I walked like 6 hours in total. I'm a lost cause my brain doesn't  work like it did and it's worse . I feel  like nobody from the health care system hears my symptoms . I'm distressed  to the point of wanting it all to end now
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    Damn, sorry to hear :(
    If it gets really bad call Samaritans or go to your local hospital. Stay safe dude.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,953
    Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago.  It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've  woken up 4am with my daughter  and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now 
    How did it feel to be in nature?
    In all honesty it didn't  work as I hoped. I can't  do anything . I walked like 6 hours in total. I'm a lost cause my brain doesn't  work like it did and it's worse . I feel  like nobody from the health care system hears my symptoms . I'm distressed  to the point of wanting it all to end now
    If you are really feeling that distressed and are contemplating ending it, please do as TA says, and get yourself to a hospital immediately, and tell them you're having suicidal thoughts.
    I'm sorry things are so hard right now.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,868
    How are you Lastexit?
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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