Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it.
yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me".
at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point. you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible".
some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative.
and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out.
One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally.
I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD.
Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago.
I totally get this. Have you thought about alcohol and weed . If possible cut them and see what happens. It's nigh on impossible not to have a release but I think they do cause trouble. My brain is past the point of repair. I wish I could go back and tell myself
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Well after stopping drinking about 6 weeks ago I decided to give weed a go after 20 years of not doing it at all. I'm now upset because it makes my brain worse. I can't find a way to just BE with no release . No substance. Just here with my symptoms seems impossible . I've been swimming recently and walking it's not making a fuck of difference .
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Well after stopping drinking about 6 weeks ago I decided to give weed a go after 20 years of not doing it at all. I'm now upset because it makes my brain worse. I can't find a way to just BE with no release . No substance. Just here with my symptoms seems impossible . I've been swimming recently and walking it's not making a fuck of difference .
Have you tried going more hardcore with the exercise? I wonder if making it "hurt" would help? Like, workout hard enough so that you can only focus on your physical body, you know? Like, do whatever exercise so that you're really sweating, panting, and so you're super sore the next day kind of thing. I've heard taking it up some notches and pushing your limits that way for the sake of mental health can actually do a lot of good. It's is very distracting at the very least, and certainly increases the endorphins that are released from activity. Much different from the more gentle exercise that you're already getting.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
I remember you telling me the same thing and for some reason I've never forgotten that.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it.
yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me".
at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point. you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible".
some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative.
and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out.
One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally.
I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD.
Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago.
c'est la vie.
Well put about how one day can feel good and so you make plans and then that day comes and - WHAM! - tough day. I made plans a week ago to go to the city today knowing it would be a crap shoot. I'm feeling pretty good so it should be a good day but I've had other occasions where I get to the planned ahead day and thing, "Man, I've really got to suck it up today".
Work can be like that too. I grew up extremely shy and lacking in self-confidence and had to work hard to acquire good social skills. I do have those skills but only because I worked really hard to attain them. But they almost never come easily. For example, when working with customers at the bookstore, I do well with being friendly and sociable but unless I know the customer well, it's like I'm in acting mode and that can be stressful after a while. Some days I just heave a big sigh of relief when the doors are finally shut.
Most people probably don't see it, but when I'm in a social situation with people I'm less familiar with, there's almost always a part of me that is struggling to maintain a sense of normal socializing. It almost feels like I'm being an actor or treading difficult waters or something. But once in a while that is not the case. Like meeting some folks here when I went to Missoula to see Pearl Jam. The vibe there was so cool it all came easy and I really enjoyed meeting new faces. That was a great time!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
I remember you telling me the same thing and for some reason I've never forgotten that.
good to know somebodys listening. lol i just find its good music to punch whatever's ailing out of my mind and my body.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
HEY yourself lady
where the fuck ya been? out and about?
ive been doing stuff. working on my well being. planning my next big trip. contemplating a life without alcohol.. which didnt work out too well considering how big time i fell off the wagon (and re joined 10C. lol) this past week.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
HEY yourself lady
where the fuck ya been? out and about?
ive been doing stuff. working on my well being. planning my next big trip. contemplating a life without alcohol.. which didnt work out too well considering how big time i fell off the wagon (and re joined 10C. lol) this past week.
recovery thread is still going. if you are so inclined.
in any case, glad you're back. strong voice. much missed.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Tomorrow is my last because it's not working the lady has escalated me to a waiting list to see an OCD specialist. I'm just getting worse and worse. I had a drink again . Today I've spent the whole day walking and I feel so very anxious. And my memory and confusion are unbearable I just don't know where to turn. I forget everything it's so distressing and I then have a panic attack because I forgot everything again. Constant distress can't do this very much longer. I wish it was all over
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
It means you are self-aware, bud. It may not feel like a good thing, but better to have that than not.
Have you tried journaling, writing as a release, just for yourself? Get a punching bag, spend time with animals, meditate, anything - no matter how small - you might not have attempted before?
If not, keep letting it out here if it helps. We're all pulling for you.
Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago. It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've woken up 4am with my daughter and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now
Post edited by lastexitlondon on
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago. It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've woken up 4am with my daughter and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now
How did it feel to be in nature?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I was moved to tears by a group of my polish on can friends . They put money together to pay for my pj ticket to Krakow. I love these people and they have been my friends for quite a while. Yesterday my councillor said she would have to call the mental health crisis team because she was concerned about my well being but as she didn't think i would take my life that day she didn't call them in the end. I try again today. But woke bad. My polish friends na zdrowie . Xx
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago. It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've woken up 4am with my daughter and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now
How did it feel to be in nature?
In all honesty it didn't work as I hoped. I can't do anything . I walked like 6 hours in total. I'm a lost cause my brain doesn't work like it did and it's worse . I feel like nobody from the health care system hears my symptoms . I'm distressed to the point of wanting it all to end now
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Thank you everyone it makes me tearful that people care.i spent the whole day outdoors in nature. I sat here last night felt like it all happen 2 days ago. It's fuckin soul destroying that it's gone as soon as I did it . I've woken up 4am with my daughter and dark thoughts can't stop. I want this all to end now
How did it feel to be in nature?
In all honesty it didn't work as I hoped. I can't do anything . I walked like 6 hours in total. I'm a lost cause my brain doesn't work like it did and it's worse . I feel like nobody from the health care system hears my symptoms . I'm distressed to the point of wanting it all to end now
If you are really feeling that distressed and are contemplating ending it, please do as TA says, and get yourself to a hospital immediately, and tell them you're having suicidal thoughts. I'm sorry things are so hard right now.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Comments
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point. you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible".
some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative.
and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out.
One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally.
I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD.
Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago.
c'est la vie.
www.headstonesband.com
Have you thought about alcohol and weed . If possible cut them and see what happens. It's nigh on impossible not to have a release but I think they do cause trouble. My brain is past the point of repair. I wish I could go back and tell myself
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
hey mickey!!
yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions clear my head. there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Work can be like that too. I grew up extremely shy and lacking in self-confidence and had to work hard to acquire good social skills. I do have those skills but only because I worked really hard to attain them. But they almost never come easily. For example, when working with customers at the bookstore, I do well with being friendly and sociable but unless I know the customer well, it's like I'm in acting mode and that can be stressful after a while. Some days I just heave a big sigh of relief when the doors are finally shut.
Most people probably don't see it, but when I'm in a social situation with people I'm less familiar with, there's almost always a part of me that is struggling to maintain a sense of normal socializing. It almost feels like I'm being an actor or treading difficult waters or something. But once in a while that is not the case. Like meeting some folks here when I went to Missoula to see Pearl Jam. The vibe there was so cool it all came easy and I really enjoyed meeting new faces. That was a great time!
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
where the fuck ya been? out and about?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
ive been doing stuff. working on my well being. planning my next big trip. contemplating a life without alcohol.. which didnt work out too well considering how big time i fell off the wagon (and re joined 10C. lol) this past week.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
in any case, glad you're back. strong voice. much missed.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
When's your next CBT session?
I wish it was all over
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Have you tried journaling, writing as a release, just for yourself? Get a punching bag, spend time with animals, meditate, anything - no matter how small - you might not have attempted before?
If not, keep letting it out here if it helps. We're all pulling for you.
I have nowhere else
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
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reading 06
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paris 06
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nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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reading 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
My polish friends na zdrowie . Xx
astoria 06
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paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
If it gets really bad call Samaritans or go to your local hospital. Stay safe dude.
I'm sorry things are so hard right now.