it's really strange. when I was at the peak of my anxiety, everything else didn't really seem to exist. now that it's under control, it's like all the shit i was ignoring (or just couldn't function enough to focus on) is coming back. I can handle it, but i hate it. no more google searches of what mystery disease I have, but all the real problems in my life are back.
I think living with extreme anxiety is worse, but man, it's close. Forgot how the anxiety literally rules your life to the point that everything else disappears.
One of the reasons we have that anxiety is exactly that. Those problems. They are a root cause. Among other reasons like drink/weed. Also i had an hour appointment with my dr. We spoke a lot and i made sence of some stuff not that it changes anything. But that living in complete blinding fear becomes so normal. Without it you cant get back easily because its become your everything. Im ashamed to say ive been confined to my bed for a long time. So any responsibility i had dwindled on to others , hours pass like weeks. Been trapped so long any life or purpose dissapeared. How to fill any even small amount of time is pathetically hard. If i could believe i haven't got a dreadful illness for even a day. The gap those thoughts and fears took up within a day fills up with not peace or fun but more and more fears and illnesses.
brixton 93
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I was confined to bed oct and nov with labyrintitus then that turned into early dec. Now i got gout so bad i cant walk so thats 3 months with legit real illness that has kept me in bed. Ita impossible. Now im weak and lame which leads to fear.
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
So it's exactly a year since my last post. I've been scared to post here. The world seems a different place. I don't exactly know what I wanted to write except that I'm in that place again. Medical problems seem to rule my fear. Had a rough few months with my kids being ill whilst trying to cope with symptoms myself. I guess I had nowhere to go with all this fear at 3 a.m
brixton 93
astoria 06
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barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Comments
I think living with extreme anxiety is worse, but man, it's close. Forgot how the anxiety literally rules your life to the point that everything else disappears.
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astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
sucks how one more thing can roll into worrying about everything.
fighting your own brain sucks
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I don't exactly know what I wanted to write except that I'm in that place again. Medical problems seem to rule my fear. Had a rough few months with my kids being ill whilst trying to cope with symptoms myself.
I guess I had nowhere to go with all this fear at 3 a.m
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -