A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Somedays I just want to be in isolation.  Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear.  Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day.  I've had a lot of those days recently.

Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?

I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?

Just trying to understand.  

There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother.  My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer.  She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is.  I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated.  It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Somedays I just want to be in isolation.  Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear.  Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day.  I've had a lot of those days recently.

Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?

I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?

Just trying to understand.  

There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother.  My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer.  She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is.  I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated.  It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother , that cannot be easy nor can it be something that you can get over , the grieving aspect can take years for some people.

Obviously I think it is great you are seeing a therapist , you don't have to share if you don't want to however is part of the issues with your wife the grieving that you have been going thru the past year? Not meant as a slight but supporting someone thru a process like this can be draining even for the nicest person in the world.

If that is the case I would suggest brining your wife to a therapy session , always feel free to post what is happening , feeling anxious seems to be a normal feeling I would assume one would have with everything going on with you.

The hardest part as you said is "tough , because I can't be isolated in my day job" I can only assume you have to be exhausted at the end of the day from working when you just want to be alone and this only makes you want to be along even more like you are counting hours after you leave work ( I have 15 hours to be by myself )

Everyone grieves in their own way , please know how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going thru. Just like everyone else on this thread , always happy to hear how you are doing and that their are those who love you out there.

My wife had a stroke a little more than 2 years ago, from a somewhat rare condition called Moyamoya Disease.  Unfortunately, she won't be back to the way she was before it and she may not be able to finish some things she was in the middle of when it happened.  The day that it happened was a traumatic experience for me.  I try to move forward from it, but it's been difficult for me to do so.

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Somedays I just want to be in isolation.  Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear.  Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day.  I've had a lot of those days recently.

Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?

I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?

Just trying to understand.  

There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother.  My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer.  She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is.  I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated.  It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother , that cannot be easy nor can it be something that you can get over , the grieving aspect can take years for some people.

Obviously I think it is great you are seeing a therapist , you don't have to share if you don't want to however is part of the issues with your wife the grieving that you have been going thru the past year? Not meant as a slight but supporting someone thru a process like this can be draining even for the nicest person in the world.

If that is the case I would suggest brining your wife to a therapy session , always feel free to post what is happening , feeling anxious seems to be a normal feeling I would assume one would have with everything going on with you.

The hardest part as you said is "tough , because I can't be isolated in my day job" I can only assume you have to be exhausted at the end of the day from working when you just want to be alone and this only makes you want to be along even more like you are counting hours after you leave work ( I have 15 hours to be by myself )

Everyone grieves in their own way , please know how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going thru. Just like everyone else on this thread , always happy to hear how you are doing and that their are those who love you out there.

My wife had a stroke a little more than 2 years ago, from a somewhat rare condition called Moyamoya Disease.  Unfortunately, she won't be back to the way she was before it and she may not be able to finish some things she was in the middle of when it happened.  The day that it happened was a traumatic experience for me.  I try to move forward from it, but it's been difficult for me to do so.

So hard lesson learned not to assume anything.

My heart truly goes out to you , the amount of emotional and physical stress you must go thru is almost too much for me to bear thinking about right now.

Please know I don't mean that in a bad way , I just cannot imaging and I cannot try to say anything other please feel free to post as much as you like.

Two extremely traumatic life changing events , I am not surprised you are were you are. Do any local hospitals around you or maybe your therapist could help you with finding a group to meet with and chat.

Although no one will have the exact same experience , I know groups like " Lost parent to cancer" are helpful for some as they can at least connect with someone who went thru the same loss , the story will be different and you may not find it helpful but I would suggest trying it.

I haven't tried to participate in a group yet.  I've just felt empty inside for quite a while.  It's almost like I've spent up my emotions for the better part of 2018.  I used to be a fairly emotional person prior to this, but now feel like a drone.  I'm not sure if it's what I've experienced, my meds, or a combination of both.

I‘m very sorry for your loss and about the struggle you and your wife are going through, Thomas. I hope there’ll be better days ahead!

Matts3221 said:

TA , don't let anyone get your down , don't focus on that one negative comment ( this is coming from someone who focus's on the one negative comment by my wife tells me to let it go )

Just the other day HugeDillon posted something along the lines of "those who say just go to the gym don't get it" for just a few seconds I thought he was speaking about myself and then I had to get rid of that negative thought as it was me just thinking.

As far as safe space , obviously we are all here for each other but the forum is open and there is always going to be a flame thrower just trying to rattle anyone just to get that reaction. I never found the appeal of trolling people on the internet.

We are here for you and care for you and even if it is just to say hello pop on , people were worried and honestly that should make you feel good and loved that people from all over the world were wondering about what was going on.

that was just an example. of course I've probably said something similar to people of like minds. I was more referring to people who obviously have never dealt with clinical depression and think you can will your way out of it, and are very dismissive about it. 

"HugeDillon" made me laugh. LOL

cdthomas1981 said:,JPPJ84 said:

I‘m very sorry for your loss and about the struggle you and your wife are going through, Thomas. I hope there’ll be better days ahead!

There will be better days ahead.  It's hard to not focus or even think about them most of the time. 

This is good, that you know and think about it.  I hope you - and your wife - get there.

Best thoughts to you both.

Fifthelement said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Somedays I just want to be in isolation.  Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear.  Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day.  I've had a lot of those days recently.

Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?

I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?

Just trying to understand.  

There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother.  My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer.  She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is.  I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated.  It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Matts3221 said:

cdthomas1981 said:

Somedays I just want to be in isolation.  Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear.  Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day.  I've had a lot of those days recently.

Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?

I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?

Just trying to understand.  

There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother.  My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer.  She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is.  I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated.  It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother , that cannot be easy nor can it be something that you can get over , the grieving aspect can take years for some people.

Obviously I think it is great you are seeing a therapist , you don't have to share if you don't want to however is part of the issues with your wife the grieving that you have been going thru the past year? Not meant as a slight but supporting someone thru a process like this can be draining even for the nicest person in the world.

If that is the case I would suggest brining your wife to a therapy session , always feel free to post what is happening , feeling anxious seems to be a normal feeling I would assume one would have with everything going on with you.

The hardest part as you said is "tough , because I can't be isolated in my day job" I can only assume you have to be exhausted at the end of the day from working when you just want to be alone and this only makes you want to be along even more like you are counting hours after you leave work ( I have 15 hours to be by myself )

Everyone grieves in their own way , please know how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going thru. Just like everyone else on this thread , always happy to hear how you are doing and that their are those who love you out there.

My wife had a stroke a little more than 2 years ago, from a somewhat rare condition called Moyamoya Disease.  Unfortunately, she won't be back to the way she was before it and she may not be able to finish some things she was in the middle of when it happened.  The day that it happened was a traumatic experience for me.  I try to move forward from it, but it's been difficult for me to do so.

Wow!  @cdthomas1981 That is a lot to process.  I’m so sorry for your loss, not only of your mother, but of your wife’s health and the life that you had together before her stroke.  It’s a new life now. However, you are still allowed to grieve that which was lost.  Everything changes, but I wish it could be on our terms and at the pace that we feel we can handle.  The depth of your grief . . . Well, it’s totally understandable the way you’re feeling.  I hope that you have people around you who can offer love, support and space. You will certainly find it here if you need it. Sending you and your wife much love.  

Thank you @Fifthelement, that means a lot.

Hello, I just  read the last 5 or so pages of this thread to get caught up. I offer you all love and a thing I am good at ... destraction. 
P.s. that's Lebowski bowling  dance synched to Dance of the Clairvoyants,  Es good
https://youtu.be/5_G6jlVyFDc

HughFreakingDillon said:

@Thoughts_Arrive any moving out plans at all? 

Hey dude.
A lady who is in my art class offered me a room, she happened to be advertising her room for rent as I was telling her about my situation.
It's up to her daughter to say yes or no. She lost her shit at her mum when she was told I'd be moving in. 
She had a former male living there peep at her in the shower so I understand her anxiety.
So, when this lady from my art class is back from her week long vacation she said her daughter would like to meet me before making up her mind.
Having said that, the thought of moving out and adjusting to a new home in the middle of Honours year at university beginning might be a bad move. I've promised my best friend that I'd move out soon. It's just the fear of the unknown. What if I cannot study in peace at this new place?
Things have improved at home after a pretty rough week which I might share the details of which on here in a separate post (too much to type).

Matts3221 said:

TA , don't let anyone get your down , don't focus on that one negative comment ( this is coming from someone who focus's on the one negative comment by my wife tells me to let it go )

Just the other day HugeDillon posted something along the lines of "those who say just go to the gym don't get it" for just a few seconds I thought he was speaking about myself and then I had to get rid of that negative thought as it was me just thinking.

As far as safe space , obviously we are all here for each other but the forum is open and there is always going to be a flame thrower just trying to rattle anyone just to get that reaction. I never found the appeal of trolling people on the internet.

We are here for you and care for you and even if it is just to say hello pop on , people were worried and honestly that should make you feel good and loved that people from all over the world were wondering about what was going on.

Thanks dude. I appreciate the care.