A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Meltdown99 · July 2019

lastexitlondon said:

I've gotten so bad ive caved and tried a medication but itd made me sleep all day now i will be up all night alone.
The dr and everyone tells mr i do not have what i believe i have.
I know they are wrong. Ive lost my mind

I really hope that someday, hopefully soon you meet the right medical person who will listen to you and take you seriously...thoughts headed your way. Stay strong.

Matts3221 · July 2019

lastexitlondon said:

I've gotten so bad ive caved and tried a medication but itd made me sleep all day now i will be up all night alone.
The dr and everyone tells mr i do not have what i believe i have.
I know they are wrong. Ive lost my mind

Honestly I know everyone has a different opinion on medication but I think certain medications can be very helpful to those whom suffer ( I don't know what I would do without my med's ) but I also understand those whom want to believe they can handle it. I would just add that mental illness needs to be treated just as any other medical condition. If someone has a heart issue you would never look at them twice for taking medication for that however a stigma falls upon those with mental illness that taking medication is weak or that you could tough it out.

Some meds can make you very tired at first ( maybe even the first two weeks ) typical they get better after that. The first time I took my clonozapam ( sp ) I passed out , years later I can take it before work if I can feel panic and I am not even tired.

Also if you don't mind me asking what is it you think you have? Do you have access to another doctor you can see or specialist? You have no lost your mind , however your mind can play insane tricks on you , anxiety can make it ever worse. I am not saying you are lying about what you believe you have , that said anxiety can cause pain , tiredness , headaches , it can make you think you are dying.

Again as someone whom is 40 and suffered since I was 18 I really feel for you I do. Times like these I almost don't like being on the other end because I don't want to come off as preaching that you can just make it better. So much time work , doctors , meds , therapy it took to get me where I am and since everyone is different I don't know what is going on. Just hope this note helps a little.

Thoughts_Arrive · July 2019

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

I've gotten so bad ive caved and tried a medication but itd made me sleep all day now i will be up all night alone.
The dr and everyone tells mr i do not have what i believe i have.
I know they are wrong. Ive lost my mind

Honestly I know everyone has a different opinion on medication but I think certain medications can be very helpful to those whom suffer ( I don't know what I would do without my med's ) but I also understand those whom want to believe they can handle it. I would just add that mental illness needs to be treated just as any other medical condition. If someone has a heart issue you would never look at them twice for taking medication for that however a stigma falls upon those with mental illness that taking medication is weak or that you could tough it out.
Some meds can make you very tired at first ( maybe even the first two weeks ) typical they get better after that. The first time I took my clonozapam ( sp ) I passed out , years later I can take it before work if I can feel panic and I am not even tired.
Also if you don't mind me asking what is it you think you have? Do you have access to another doctor you can see or specialist? You have no lost your mind , however your mind can play insane tricks on you , anxiety can make it ever worse. I am not saying you are lying about what you believe you have , that said anxiety can cause pain , tiredness , headaches , it can make you think you are dying.
Again as someone whom is 40 and suffered since I was 18 I really feel for you I do. Times like these I almost don't like being on the other end because I don't want to come off as preaching that you can just make it better. So much time work , doctors , meds , therapy it took to get me where I am and since everyone is different I don't know what is going on. Just hope this note helps a little.

Well said.

lastexitlondon · July 2019

Ive been on a rollercaster of meds on meds off. I dont suit meds .
I have chronic health anxiety . Im 44 now.
I wish i could talk symptoms and illness but i just cant. I cant risk more fear, i think at the beginning of this thread i did.
But nearly 2 years on from the start of this thread.. I guess its impossible to have what im scared of because i wouldn't be typing now.
BUT i 100% believe that im dying . Im sorry to come here with. But i took one 25mg quitiapine and slept 24 hours basically its fucked me up. Its 4.45 am and im alone with fear again. If i take another i will be asleep again. Im so confused and my memory is shot. I have been thinking of ending it for the last week. I told the dr this. He says he is certain i dont have any organic brain problem. I did have a mri on my head that was ok. A while back and ive seen a few drs and spoke to a family friend who works in a care home they all say its not what im scared of.(sorry to skirt around the word but i cant even type it,i know you all get that)im im constant floods of tears and i want out now. I remember mickey saying ages ago i seemed lucid enough to type here. And i guess i still am.
Im not brave enough to end it yet.

brianlux · July 2019

lastexitlondon said:

Ive been on a rollercaster of meds on meds off. I dont suit meds .
I have chronic health anxiety . Im 44 now.
I wish i could talk symptoms and illness but i just cant. I cant risk more fear, i think at the beginning of this thread i did.
But nearly 2 years in. I guess its impossible to have what im scared of because i wouldn't be typing now.
BUT i 100% believe that im dying . Im sorry to come here with. But i took one 25mg quitiapine and slept 24 hours basically its fucked me up. Its 4.45 am and im alone with fear again. If i take another i will be asleep again. Im so confused and my memory is shot. I have been thinking of ending it for the last week. I told the dr this. He says he is certain i dont have any organic brain problem. I did have a mri on my head that was ok. A while back and ive seen a few drs and spoke to a family friend who works in a care home they all say its not what im scared of.(sorry to skirt around the word but i cant even type it,i know you all get that)im im constant floods of tears and i want out now. I remember mickey saying ages ago i seemed lucid enough to type here. And i guess i still am.
Im not brave enough to end it yet.

Meds are such a tough thing to fine tune because they don't work the same for everyone. I've known people who have done great on Prozac but I had a doc who kept bumping the dose up on me because it wasn't helping. Instead of trying something different, he just kept upping the dose until for weeks I wasn't eating and got down to 135 pounds, wasn't sleeping but was in bed almost all the time, was constantly crying, and couldn't think straight. I was also addicted to Xanax which I took it with whiskey. It almost literally killed me. I was saved by a friend who convinced me to check myself into a hospital. I was taken off the Prozac, weaned off Xanax, and put on Serzone which helped hugely... until it was taken off the market. At that point, I felt like I was walking into the unknown.

So then I said, "That's it, I'm done with meds". For about 12 years now I've taken no prescription meds at all. This was also about the time I started reading Henry Rollin's books. In the books he wrote from the late 90's on, Rollins talks a lot about his depression and how he uses exercise, music, and a tough-it-out attitude to get him through it. I'd say it was around the time of his book Smile, You're Traveling, he was probably closest to falling or jumping off the edge. I'm guessing he would hate it if he heard me say this, but that book helped me hugely (in that book he says, "I don't want your compliments"). Believe me, I'm no tough guy, but I keep reminding myself to us Rollins' tough it out approach and it seems to have worked for years. I still crash and burn at times, but not as hard and not as long.

I can't say that's the right way to go for you, Rob, or anyone else. Just another avenue to consider.

Your checking in here seems to be helpful too. Give yourself kudos for that, my friend! Keep us posted.

brianlux · July 2019

Matts3221 said:

Just stumbled upon this.
Suffer from very high anxiety and panic attacks , 40 years old , started around the age of 18 after my father passed away , at 22 I found myself taken a shower and being so riddled with panic I would get out and just sit on the floor naked for hours until I could move myself to the bedroom. Countless trips to the ER assuming heart attack or just death.
So many events missed because I would make up an excuse at the last second just to not have to be anywhere. I think the hardest part for those whom don't suffer or say "every one gets anxiety " is that they don't understand a real panic attack that no matter what someone tells me if I think I am dying I am really dying at that moment.
Have been on Zoloft since I was 24 , Clonozopain (sp) since I was 30. These were big helps for me and still are , I know meds are not for everyone but they honesty just keep me at an even level.
Did therapy for from 35-40 , learned that I was catastrophizing everything. More or less jumping 50 steps ahead of something. I find a small red spot on my arm , my first thought would not be wash it off and check it tomorrow or did I get bit by someone, I had cancer and was going to die. I must have imagined my death over 1000 times.
I have not been to therapy for six months , although I can go back at anytime I have felt pretty good , I still have my moments by my wife says she can see it eyes when it is happing ( the fear )
I have started to walk 5 miles a day since April , I put earbuds in and blast music I love and just breath in the fresh air , I find it so relaxing , my brain basically stops thinking and all I have is music and fresh air.
If anyone every needs advice or just wants to talk always feel free to DM me , not on here everyday but if anyone does need someone to chat with once and a while I am more than happy to give my personal email.
Either way if you are suffering you are far from alone , I think just knowing that can cause some comfort.

I really appreciate your story, Matts. Thanks for sharing it. It sounds like you made huge steps in self care over the years. Kudos!

mickeyrat · July 2019

you remain as lucid and easily understood as ever......

lastexitlondon · July 2019

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

Fifthelement · July 2019

You’re still here Rob! One hour, one day at a time. I’m sorry that you’re in such pain. Sending positive vibes in your direction (((((((

Fifthelement · July 2019

A quick reminder for those that may need it:

Matts3221 · July 2019

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

I have to really beg you if you are thinking suicide ( even if you don't want to say it ) please reach out to a help line , an 800 number. This is not the end for you I promise that.

You are loved by family , you have people whom care about you on this board. Please reach out there is no weakness in speaking to someone about suicide. Those phone lines will get you thru really tough times , no judgment , no need to censor yourself.

We only have one life and although life fucking sucks sometimes ( those of us dealing with mental health boy does it suck a lot of the time ) but it really is the one life we live ( sorry I personal don't believe anything happens when we are gone ) so remember that.

My words may fall on deaf ears if you are feeling that down but please just take one thing , please please please for all of us if you think you are that close to the edge call a suicide hotline.

mickeyrat · July 2019

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

HughFreakingDillon · July 2019

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

yeah, I don't see anything that would suggest any kind of cognitive decline.

lastexitlondon · July 2019

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

I have to really beg you if you are thinking suicide ( even if you don't want to say it ) please reach out to a help line , an 800 number. This is not the end for you I promise that.
You are loved by family , you have people whom care about you on this board. Please reach out there is no weakness in speaking to someone about suicide. Those phone lines will get you thru really tough times , no judgment , no need to censor yourself.
We only have one life and although life fucking sucks sometimes ( those of us dealing with mental health boy does it suck a lot of the time ) but it really is the one life we live ( sorry I personal don't believe anything happens when we are gone ) so remember that.
My words may fall on deaf ears if you are feeling that down but please just take one thing , please please please for all of us if you think you are that close to the edge call a suicide hotline.

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks mickey im attempting to quit all substance again.
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic says it cant be what i fear but my symptoms man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

Thanks for the love

lastexitlondon · July 2019

Logic should tell me that in 18 months i can still post here ,then i cant have it.
I phoned the mental health self referral im out of strength completely . I cant tell you all what it is to speak to you all. It may seem you are far away but you are not. You are here with me

Matts3221 · July 2019

=lastexitlondon said:

Logic should tell me that in 18 months i can still post here ,then i cant have it.
I phoned the mental health self referral im out of strength completely . I cant tell you all what it is to speak to you all. It may seem you are far away but you are not. You are here with me

All the love in the world to you.

lastexitlondon · August 2019

I just dont know what the hell is happening to me.
Yesterday dr asked if i wanted sectioning.
I cant sleep . Heart is racing all the time. The drugs they perscribed made me sleep 24hrs so didnt take again.dr says carry on. Cant.
Today we are taking my 2 year old to the zoo for her birthday. Ive been up all night. I took 2.5 mg valium at 4 am slept til 6 woken by my heart. That dr says is fine.
Ive been sober of drink and weed for a week. The front of my head is empty and vacant . Confused as fuck but have been nearly 2 years now. I am helping myself but failing. The drugs don't work. Cant see how there is any hope

OffSheGoes35 · August 2019

Sectioning would probably be the best way for doctors to get you on the right meds. They can monitor you more closely. And you would have the opportunity to just concentrate on you while this is going on.

HughFreakingDillon · August 2019

lastexitlondon said:

I just dont know what the hell is happening to me.
Yesterday dr asked if i wanted sectioning.
I cant sleep . Heart is racing all the time. The drugs they perscribed made me sleep 24hrs so didnt take again.dr says carry on. Cant.
Today we are taking my 2 year old to the zoo for her birthday. Ive been up all night. I took 2.5 mg valium at 4 am slept til 6 woken by my heart. That dr says is fine.
Ive been sober of drink and weed for a week. The front of my head is empty and vacant . Confused as fuck but have been nearly 2 years now. I am helping myself but failing. The drugs don't work. Cant see how there is any hope

unfortunately, in my experience, quitting your vices for a week to see if that does anything is probably not helping you. it needs to be the long game. either try to taper off or quit for a long time to see if makes a difference. I know, easier said than done, obviously. especially in your state, I get it. I haven't been as bad as you describe, i was still functioning, but I was a nervous wreck 24/7 for a long time. lost a lot of weight. (silver lining!). I was convinced I was dying from an unknown ailment.

I had to google sectioning, and at this point, it honestly doesn't sound like a bad idea for you. or go to a therapist and go on a clear and detailed plan of attack.

and take it one minute at a time.

lastexitlondon · August 2019

I just cant take these tablets .
I tried half this time and feel so shit.
Why can't will power and desire fix this.

A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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