PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

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  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    Ernie Vedder said:
    We have a Sober PJ fans FB group if u care to join. 

    https://m.facebook.com/groups/228865097280217?multi_permalinks=1132205063612878&notif_t=group_activity&notif_id=1548268271992442&ref=m_notif
    page not found. is that the group name? Sober PJ fans?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

    And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

    And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

    It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

    One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    edited January 2019

    hedonist said:
    Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

    And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

    And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

    It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

    One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.
    consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

    but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.
    Post edited by mickeyrat on
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    mickeyrat said:

    hedonist said:
    Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

    And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

    And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

    It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

    One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.
    consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

    but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.
    I like this way of perceiving it (I am resolute!).  Thank you :)
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    hedonist said:
    mickeyrat said:

    hedonist said:
    Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

    And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

    And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

    It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

    One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.
    consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

    but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.
    I like this way of perceiving it (I am resolute!).  Thank you :)
    you're welcome. just choosing what to focus on. all too often thats what is needed. simple shift  in focus.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Ernie Vedder
    Ernie Vedder Redlands, CA Posts: 2,269

    2 years sober. 
    A54CDC74-AB63-4EC8-9B55-3658DDD136FC-13112-000005CA4B5AFE40_zps094ecfbc.jpg
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Way to go, Ernie!  I'm just past the eight month mark here.
  • njnancy
    njnancy Posts: 5,096
    That is awesome -

    Happy Sober Anniversary!!

    Two years is quite a milestone - keep doing what you are doing - you are a miracle!!
  • Fifthelement
    Fifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,965
    Well done Ernie.  I wish you continued success on your journey.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • Hobbes
    Hobbes Pacific Northwest Posts: 6,438
    Congrats, Ernie.
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    aww fuck man. 3rd year is the hardest. hang in there....
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    I'm so sorry, mickey - wish you and your / her family all the best.
  • njnancy
    njnancy Posts: 5,096
    mickeyrat said:
    Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.
    Will keep them in my thoughts - so sorry. 
  • Fifthelement
    Fifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,965
    mickeyrat said:
    Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.
    They’re in my thoughts too.  My condolences.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

    We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,337
    hedonist said:
    Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

    We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE
    congrats on 10 months.

    but for being ill, would you have chosen to stop?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Hobbes
    Hobbes Pacific Northwest Posts: 6,438
    Middle fingers in the air!

    Congrats, Hedo. 
  • njnancy
    njnancy Posts: 5,096
    edited April 2019
    hedonist said:
    Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

    We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE
    Way to go @hedonist

    That was a great video - and for their debut album they already have over 8 million views so a lot of people are into throwing middle fingers in the air. 

    Whatever gives you inspiration - take it!

    I remember when I first got sober, all the members of Aerosmith had gotten sober (not sure what their status is now) and they had won some kind of award and they thanked their Higher Power and I felt so good knowing what they were talking about. Little things like that just kept me encouraged and that's all that one can hope to have. Desire and a sense of belonging either here, with music or anywhere else that you find acceptance. 

    I hope that your illness is better now that you aren't drinking. Much love to you! :hug:
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Thanks, all.  It truly is appreciated.

    mickey, I've been particularly unwell the last few days but your question's been in my head and thoughts.  And I'm not sure if I could or would have, really.  Maybe I don't have the strength to quit had I made this choice for myself.  Cirrhosis made the choice for me, and has scared me straight like nothing else.  My life and body will never be the same and I'm beyond pissed off about that yet thankful I'm getting through it no matter how difficult or lengthy.  No choice, you know?

    I guess it's a mix of guilt / self-blame and relief that I'm off that fucking wheel.  If I couldn't initially do it myself, then life, or nature, or circumstance - whatever you want to call it - did it for me.

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