PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

mickeyrat

Ernie Vedder said:

We have a Sober PJ fans FB group if u care to join. 

https://m.facebook.com/groups/228865097280217?multi_permalinks=1132205063612878&notif_t=group_activity&notif_id=1548268271992442&ref=m_notif

page not found. is that the group name? Sober PJ fans?

hedonist

Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.

mickeyrat

hedonist said:

Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.

consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.

hedonist

mickeyrat said:

hedonist said:

Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.

consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.

I like this way of perceiving it (I am resolute!).  Thank you

mickeyrat

hedonist said:

mickeyrat said:

hedonist said:

Last night, I dreamed I had a drink.  I could see it, feel the heft of the glass, the amber liquid, putting it to my lips.  The warmth of the swallow...not the taste, though.

And then right after, becoming so angry and cursing myself for going back.  "How could you do this?  After all you've gone through, are still going through?  Fucking idiot!"

And on.  Like my world had fallen apart in disappointing myself.

It's the third or so time this has happened and I understand these dreams are "normal" / usually part of the process - even a lifelong one - but man...it was frightening in so many ways.  In the light of morning, not so much.

One of those cases where I'd rather dream than do.

consider this, if they are all similar to last nights as you described, it shows me even in a dream state you are serious about sobriety. thats a good thing in my book.

but yeah those first ones were intense for sure.

I like this way of perceiving it (I am resolute!).  Thank you

you're welcome. just choosing what to focus on. all too often thats what is needed. simple shift  in focus.

Ernie Vedder

2 years sober. 

hedonist

Way to go, Ernie!  I'm just past the eight month mark here.

njnancy

That is awesome -

Happy Sober Anniversary!!

Two years is quite a milestone - keep doing what you are doing - you are a miracle!!

Fifthelement

Well done Ernie.  I wish you continued success on your journey.

Hobbes

Congrats, Ernie.

mickeyrat

aww fuck man. 3rd year is the hardest. hang in there....

mickeyrat

Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.

hedonist

I'm so sorry, mickey - wish you and your / her family all the best.

njnancy

mickeyrat said:

Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.

Will keep them in my thoughts - so sorry. 

Fifthelement

mickeyrat said:

Prayers for my SiL and nieces please. Plus her family. Her dad passed today.

They’re in my thoughts too.  My condolences.

hedonist

Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE

mickeyrat

hedonist said:

Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE

congrats on 10 months.

but for being ill, would you have chosen to stop?

Hobbes

Middle fingers in the air!

Congrats, Hedo. 

njnancy

hedonist said:

Just had my ten-month anniversary without alcohol.  In all honesty, I sometimes I wonder if I'd be struggling with this more had I not become ill.

We saw this band at a local venue shortly before I got ill.  Ironically, these guys' sobriety is just part of what makes their music hit home for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE

Way to go @hedonist

That was a great video - and for their debut album they already have over 8 million views so a lot of people are into throwing middle fingers in the air. 

Whatever gives you inspiration - take it!

I remember when I first got sober, all the members of Aerosmith had gotten sober (not sure what their status is now) and they had won some kind of award and they thanked their Higher Power and I felt so good knowing what they were talking about. Little things like that just kept me encouraged and that's all that one can hope to have. Desire and a sense of belonging either here, with music or anywhere else that you find acceptance. 

I hope that your illness is better now that you aren't drinking. Much love to you!

hedonist

Thanks, all.  It truly is appreciated.

mickey, I've been particularly unwell the last few days but your question's been in my head and thoughts.  And I'm not sure if I could or would have, really.  Maybe I don't have the strength to quit had I made this choice for myself.  Cirrhosis made the choice for me, and has scared me straight like nothing else.  My life and body will never be the same and I'm beyond pissed off about that yet thankful I'm getting through it no matter how difficult or lengthy.  No choice, you know?

I guess it's a mix of guilt / self-blame and relief that I'm off that fucking wheel.  If I couldn't initially do it myself, then life, or nature, or circumstance - whatever you want to call it - did it for me.