Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I think with me ( and I'm no expert I'm near 7 months in) I got to a point I didn't want it anymore and even more so my body didn't, 3 weeks I was angry and annoyed but as the days turned into weeks I found new patterns (none that are anywhere near being buzzed or away from my shit) all quite mundane but gradually life shifts to a different angle , for now. I've not done any gigs or gone anywhere really yet. I did a cover band and it was weird watching all the people and how drink makes them. I didn't feel at ease yet. But I didn't want the drink. That's just me I have a few other mental issues that being sober has made vivid and in my face sadly but that's part of me and I will either sink or swim. Hugh be brave with whatever you choose and never worry about what anyone thinks/says. Only you and your beautiful family. Big love mate
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context.
This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change. If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it. But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.
You are oversimplifying a very complex issue. My wife can be a combination of very naive and also take things to the extreme.
She thought me smoking weed to watch a movie once every week or two was “becoming a problem”.
She thought getting fast food once in a while was “becoming a problem”.
My drinking habits only became a problem when her similar habits changed.
And yet, a month ago we had friends over, she got so loaded she fell down our fucking stairs in front of our teenagers, and that was funny/stupid but not a problem.
So forgive me if I don’t take my wife’s opinion as gospel over what is actually a problem.
"every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers"
And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context.
This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change. If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it. But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.
You are oversimplifying a very complex issue. My wife can be a combination of very naive and also take things to the extreme.
She thought me smoking weed to watch a movie once every week or two was “becoming a problem”.
She thought getting fast food once in a while was “becoming a problem”.
My drinking habits only became a problem when her similar habits changed.
And yet, a month ago we had friends over, she got so loaded she fell down our fucking stairs in front of our teenagers, and that was funny/stupid but not a problem.
So forgive me if I don’t take my wife’s opinion as gospel over what is actually a problem.
OK. Sorry, just interpreted things from what I read in the original post. Obviously can't know all the details. Didn't mean to cause any distress. I, like the other guys, was only trying to offer some help/insight based on experience with this subject. Hope you find the right balance that works for you. I'm always willing to discuss if you want, be it here or in a PM. Take care.
There is no shame in being honest. It's the best way
only way. especially with ourselves.
You know what I meant. Getting judged by someone who obviously has only a small fraction of the picture but still chooses to judge.
but at its heart thats what did it for me. damn what other people thought. until I could be that honest with myself , nothing was going to get better for me. Mine was the more extreme case though I was facing help/change or go back to homelessness with zero prospects of improvement to my living situation.
an observation in your reply. It comes across as defensive. no need. here to help in whatever way I/we can with however you say you need it. maybe some of this coversation should switch to pm's . just a thought.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
What a week so far. Dealing with hard news and medical conditions having nowhere to hide. Life changes so fast , and I need to be able to adapt to that. Very hard indeed.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
What a week so far. Dealing with hard news and medical conditions having nowhere to hide. Life changes so fast , and I need to be able to adapt to that. Very hard indeed.
I just lost two people that I cared about in the last 48 hrs. We do not know all the details, but both were not pretty for either family. Ones I knew very well in college, not so much since (25+ plus years). One was a high school friend, a roommate in college, and in NYC after graduation. I will just say this. If you are thinking of sending a message to that person you have not spoken to in 10-20 years, just send it. The sound of your voice may help them stay out of the darkness. DM me if you ever want to talk.
And that perfectly describes how I feel. Not upset, not guilty, not resentful, just sad. Positive side is that it has inspired me to take better care of myself. Mental health also needs exercise.
I need to some advice/suggestion , whatever feels appropriate to you.
I "know" the answer, its the doing thats the issue.
Grief. My buddy Rob. Might be further along , whatever that means. but I am stuck. I have agreed to work the 4th step on this specifically. Not done it yet.Have 4 for the resentment list.
Have agreed counseling would help, one session, at present , paying for it is the issue being off work and disability payments being just enough to cover existing bills.
Without going into to deep right now, I am stuck between my guilt over actions I could have handled differently and the certainty that no matter what I or anyone else did or could have done, he could very likely have chosen to use then od as did happen.
My sponsor gave me permission to move forward as he feels I have honored my friend long enough. That WAS helpful, but not enough to get quite over this hump. I use Rob's experience to hammer home the deadly nature of this thing with newer folks, which feels right as I dont want his death to be the end of his helpfullness to those who need his experience, ya know?
But what am I really showing from my experience of this part of life? Feels like I am falling way short here. Or not, just making my way through, however slowly that might be.
Some part is surely forgiveness of all involved, especially me. That will come in part from 4th/5th step work then those steps that follow.
Might start with the willingness to let go, but then what does THAT mean on the otherside.....
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef Animals were hiding behind the Coral Except for little Turtle I could swear he's trying to talk to me Gurgle Gurgle
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
sorry your having a hard time with that which can't be changed
I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef Animals were hiding behind the Coral Except for little Turtle I could swear he's trying to talk to me Gurgle Gurgle
I think in life as long as you do what you believe to be right and want to help others that's the most you can do. I rang a friend who hadn't replied since before Christmas because an instinct told me I needed to . Turns out he is suicidal, I couldn't do anything to help his feelings but I made the call and let him know my care for him and my friendship is here . I know I can't save anyone. Nor them me. It's truly an inside job.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I think in life as long as you do what you believe to be right and want to help others that's the most you can do. I rang a friend who hadn't replied since before Christmas because an instinct told me I needed to . Turns out he is suicidal, I couldn't do anything to help his feelings but I made the call and let him know my care for him and my friendship is here . I know I can't save anyone. Nor them me. It's truly an inside job.
and there, is were the struggle was , always. the battle with self.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
today would have been your 56th birthday. We have the led zeppelin documentary coming out on Wednesday we are seeing next week on imax screen. its going to be a blast but bittersweet because you should be here to see it with us Rob.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Sorry M Rat. Crazy sad how people can just leave our lives in a flash. I guess it's what they leave behind in all of us. Some dumb sh.t like that. Will never make it easier. Lot's of love good dude. Thanks for being here for us. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I got to 7 months now even under the worst situation of my life. Something is keeping me sober. Fuck knows
Keep up the good work! Stay strong! You know that drinking will not help a bad situation, and you will feel worse if you break your streak. More power to you!
This shit is isolating. I've decided it's finally it. For the four hundred and thirty seventh time. Approximately. So this weekend my plan was just to lay low and watch movies and such. This may sound stupid, but I watched a recent clip of Bill Burr explaining his drinking problem, and I identified with it. He said he figured he had a problem, as he was drinking at home and falling asleep watching tv or whatever, so he decided to go to AA. He humourously explained that he is nowhere near where these people are at, so he just realized that all he needed to do was not keep it in the house. See, I'm the same way. I can have a beer or two when out with friends or family and then that can be it. But if I go buy a bottle, and go to my dungeon, either I finish the bottle or the bottle finishes me. My problem is boredom. I've somewhat lost the ability to enjoy mundane things without getting loaded (like watching a Jets game or a movie). Went out for a birthday dinner though; had two beers, then a coffee, and that was that. But then last night...friends are going to a social. (A social is something unique to Manitoba-people getting married rent out a hall, sell tickets, buy prizes to have silent auctions, hire a DJ, everyone gets obliterated and the bride and groom make a bunch of money to offset their future wedding costs). I hate socials. I'd sit at a table and do nothing all night. It's either you dance, or you sit at a table and drink trying to talk over the music. And this one I wouldn't have known anyone except them. So I told them I wasn't going, but my wife went. Well, after the social, my friends had a party, and my wife went. Comes home at 4:30 am, telling me today how much fucking fun she had. FUCK. READ THE ROOM. She constantly does this. I tell her why I'm bowing out of a function, and then she proceeds to regail me with the awesomeness of what I missed. I don't get it. She's the one that's been on my back the most about drinking for 20 years. But I tell her I don't want to drink; "do you want wine with dinner tonight?". WTF. NO. "You should come to the social! it would be so fun!". NO. WTF.
Anyway, I watched a shitty movie and went to bed early. And then had to hear all day about all the funny stories.
Post edited by HughFreakingDillon on
"every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers"
Stay strong. Do what you think is best for you. It sucks that your wife isn't supporting you, but hopefully if she sees you are committed, she'll eventually come around.
Stay strong. Do what you think is best for you. It sucks that your wife isn't supporting you, but hopefully if she sees you are committed, she'll eventually come around.
I realized after I posted that that it was a really one sided view of things. She’s always been very supportive, but I’ve told her I was quitting dozens of times. Sometimes to head out to to the liquor store literally minutes after. So it’s a tough balancing act for her. It’s always been very confusing. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure I told her this time. I often don’t as I know the likelihood of disappointing both of us. I don’t think I told her until I told her the reason I wasn’t going to the social. She had offered me the wine a couple days earlier. Sometimes I’m like the stereotypical woman where I get annoyed that she didn’t read my mind. 😂
And I have always had a big FOMO problem. I was confident in my choice not to go, but the next day was just my immature jealousy at the good time I missed.
"every society honours its live conformists and its dead troublemakers"
Stay strong. Do what you think is best for you. It sucks that your wife isn't supporting you, but hopefully if she sees you are committed, she'll eventually come around.
And I have always had a big FOMO problem. I was confident in my choice not to go, but the next day was just my immature jealousy at the good time I missed.
I very much get this part. It wasn't easy at first, but I am able to go to events where others are drinking and still enjoy myself (and sometimes watching others overindulge is a great reminder why I stopped). Now that crazy Manitoba Social thing, that would be a tough one to attend sober it sounds like, especially when you are just recently stopping. But most other events you can adjust. And sometimes the best move may be to skip something, you'll be the one who knows best what to attend and what to avoid.
Comments
only way. especially with ourselves.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I got to a point I didn't want it anymore and even more so my body didn't, 3 weeks I was angry and annoyed but as the days turned into weeks I found new patterns (none that are anywhere near being buzzed or away from my shit) all quite mundane but gradually life shifts to a different angle , for now.
I've not done any gigs or gone anywhere really yet. I did a cover band and it was weird watching all the people and how drink makes them. I didn't feel at ease yet. But I didn't want the drink.
That's just me I have a few other mental issues that being sober has made vivid and in my face sadly but that's part of me and I will either sink or swim.
Hugh be brave with whatever you choose and never worry about what anyone thinks/says. Only you and your beautiful family.
Big love mate
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Didn't mean to cause any distress.
I, like the other guys, was only trying to offer some help/insight based on experience with this subject.
Hope you find the right balance that works for you. I'm always willing to discuss if you want, be it here or in a PM.
Take care.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Dealing with hard news and medical conditions having nowhere to hide.
Life changes so fast , and I need to be able to adapt to that. Very hard indeed.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I just lost two people that I cared about in the last 48 hrs. We do not know all the details, but both were not pretty for either family. Ones I knew very well in college, not so much since (25+ plus years). One was a high school friend, a roommate in college, and in NYC after graduation. I will just say this. If you are thinking of sending a message to that person you have not spoken to in 10-20 years, just send it. The sound of your voice may help them stay out of the darkness. DM me if you ever want to talk.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
And that perfectly describes how I feel. Not upset, not guilty, not resentful, just sad. Positive side is that it has inspired me to take better care of myself. Mental health also needs exercise.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Animals were hiding behind the Coral
Except for little Turtle
I could swear he's trying to talk to me
Gurgle Gurgle
52? am familiar with rule 62.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
sorry your having a hard time with that which can't be changed
Animals were hiding behind the Coral
Except for little Turtle
I could swear he's trying to talk to me
Gurgle Gurgle
I rang a friend who hadn't replied since before Christmas because an instinct told me I needed to .
Turns out he is suicidal, I couldn't do anything to help his feelings but I made the call and let him know my care for him and my friendship is here .
I know I can't save anyone. Nor them me.
It's truly an inside job.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
and there, is were the struggle was , always. the battle with self.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Lot's of love good dude.
Thanks for being here for us. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Something is keeping me sober. Fuck knows
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Keep up the good work! Stay strong! You know that drinking will not help a bad situation, and you will feel worse if you break your streak. More power to you!
Anyway, I watched a shitty movie and went to bed early. And then had to hear all day about all the funny stories.