PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

Hobbes

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

You have been able to sustain sobriety at different times and for different lengths before. What worked for you then? 

HughFreakingDillon

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

Amazing . That blew me away

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

Amazing . That blew me away

How are you doing @lastexitlondon ?  I know you're still having a hard time. Hoping you are thinking of a way to try a sober life. I'm still believing in you.

lastexitlondon

Not so well. Sadly

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

Not so well. Sadly

Anything I can do?  Just post and I"ll answer when I see it. Hang on. Please. 

There are difficulties in everyone's lives. You are not alone. Know that you are not alone. You can get through this rough patch.

 I have agoraphobia right now (fear of leaving the house) and it really sucks and I have to work through extreme discomfort and anxiety to get past this. But I"m not drinking or using and I try not to beat myself up about it since it's due to trauma. I try to just be happy with small things I accomplish.

I really want you to try and find one thing that you care about and feel good about. No matter how small it is and concentrate on that one little thing. Feed what makes you happy, or just not sad, and try to push away the darkness that wants to consume you. 

 I don't know if you've been to an AA meeting or tried counselling. Maybe think about that? People care about you, remember that. 

@Hobbes asked what had worked for you in the past. Why don't you think about that and answer his post.  He has a lot to offer you, he has been sober for a long time. He reached out, you should answer and it will remind you of positive things you've done in the past.

We're really good at pushing people away. Try and grab the hands that reach out to you. 

lastexitlondon

I've found productivity  at my allotment  but I've started smoking  weed. A bad move I guess.  I still drink but not as much. I'm so angry all the time now. I just can't  cope with my symptoms and the fear they will never go and my life is over. To me my life is over. I do appreciate  your kindness . I really feel it's all over for me.

Hobbes

lastexitlondon said:

I've found productivity  at my allotment  but I've started smoking  weed. A bad move I guess.  I still drink but not as much. I'm so angry all the time now. I just can't  cope with my symptoms and the fear they will never go and my life is over. To me my life is over. I do appreciate  your kindness . I really feel it's all over for me.

Sounds like you're in a tough spot right now. It must be a difficult. Tell me about a time when your symptoms were not as severe as they are now. What was going on then? What was different? Externally? Internally?

lastexitlondon

It was about a year and a half ago that this situation got this bad . I had just had my 4th child but 1st child with my new partner.  Lots of things have changed for me in the last 4 years since I had to leave my family home where my other 3 kids live. I'm 43 now .  My kids are 19. 17. 14. And the baby . I really can't talk about my symptoms  as I have such extreme health anxiety  that I only use this site. No other internet or t.v to speak of. 
I feel like I'm in denial and hiding  from my fear that I'm dying . Times gone by are hard to remember. 

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

It was about a year and a half ago that this situation got this bad . I had just had my 4th child but 1st child with my new partner.  Lots of things have changed for me in the last 4 years since I had to leave my family home where my other 3 kids live. I'm 43 now .  My kids are 19. 17. 14. And the baby . I really can't talk about my symptoms  as I have such extreme health anxiety  that I only use this site. No other internet or t.v to speak of. 
I feel like I'm in denial and hiding  from my fear that I'm dying . Times gone by are hard to remember. 

I find it interesting the severity of your current symptoms began around the time of the birth.

to what degree did you experience your symptoms before?

lastexitlondon

Before  I was hung upon  all types of Neuro diseases.  I had symptoms  that I believed were something. 
But as a physc would say I lost a child 14 years ago when all this got worse. Then left family. 
Had a baby with a new partner and the memory and confusion  went really bad. So.its all linked in their  eyes. 
Here I sit at 3 a.m wishing I wasn't around anymore. It's a sad place

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Before  I was hung upon  all types of Neuro diseases.  I had symptoms  that I believed were something. 
But as a physc would say I lost a child 14 years ago when all this got worse. Then left family. 
Had a baby with a new partner and the memory and confusion  went really bad. So.its all linked in their  eyes. 
Here I sit at 3 a.m wishing I wasn't around anymore. It's a sad place

but then who would post those sunrise/sunset pics  from where you are?

aside from your importance as a parent, your actions here are helping to enhance our lives  by sharing those beautiful moments.

lastexitlondon

Thank you Mickey its a really horrible time and I'm sure you have been here. 

hedonist

I'm not in a program, but today marks six months without alcohol for me.

Best choice I (n)ever made.

I do miss it, but I can't - and won't ever - go back.


lastexit, I don't have much to offer except to say continue to hang in there.  I hope you find the path that's best for you achieving some peace of mind.

njnancy

hedonist said:

I'm not in a program, but today marks six months without alcohol for me.

Best choice I (n)ever made.

I do miss it, but I can't - and won't ever - go back.


lastexit, I don't have much to offer except to say continue to hang in there.  I hope you find the path that's best for you achieving some peace of mind.

Congratulations!! That is an amazing accomplishment - 6 months is huge. I hope your desire for alcohol gets less with more time and maybe you'll check out a meeting one day - you don't have to speak, you can just listen. 

Hang in there - you are a miracle!!! 

hedonist

Thanks, Nancy.  The emotions attached to this are surprising, but not really unwelcome.

njnancy

hedonist said:

Thanks, Nancy.  The emotions attached to this are surprising, but not really unwelcome.

One day, one hour, one second at a time. If your day gets messed up, just start over. (I give great advice for a person who is so messed up )   I'm proud of you. But I'll leave you to your emotions. 

mickeyrat

njnancy said:

hedonist said:

Thanks, Nancy.  The emotions attached to this are surprising, but not really unwelcome.

One day, one hour, one second at a time. If your day gets messed up, just start over. (I give great advice for a person who is so messed up )   I'm proud of you. But I'll leave you to your emotions. 

thats the do as I say not as I do for advice.

mickeyrat

hedonist, you were always welcome here to begin with. always kind and encouraging.

more so now that we get to return the kindness.

and there are any number of ways to get and stay sober. From my standpoint, whatever works, go with it.

hedonist

Thanks, mickey...I appreciate it so much.

I didn't feel unwelcome, just wasn't ready to bare and share that here.  I'm glad I did.