PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

mickeyrat · January 1

Spunkie said:

Thanks, Mickey! HNY!!!

HNY yourself.

Adventure awaits......

mickeyrat · January 2

I have been on a philosophy kick of late. the truth I'm finding I hope sinks in deep. That I can incorporate the lessons into daily living without having to think about it.

Stoics, Jung, Buddhism, Native American , certain music , whatever furthers my elevating humanity .

aspiring to anyway.

Spunkie · January 3

What's the point?

"The point is to grow along spiritual lines."

lastexitlondon · January 10

6 months down the road.

Spunkie · January 10

That makes me smile ^.
Tip of the hat to you

mickeyrat · January 10

good for you rob. no easy feat to be sure.

lastexitlondon · January 10

Thank you.
I've learned a bit .
Nothing major but I know more than I did

Poncier · January 10

lastexitlondon said:

6 months down the road.

Well done.
I'm sure it wasn't easy some days, but in the long run worth it.

lastexitlondon · January 10

Thank you.
It's brought to light my actual issues .
Which i understood before but it's just now I must live every minute of the issues. It's ok.
It is what it is. I have no compulsion to drink at all.

HughFreakingDillon · January 23

Shit’s getting worse. I need to stop.

lastexitlondon · January 24

One day at a time my friend is all you can do. Just add the days up and before you know it, you may be on the road

HughFreakingDillon · January 24

Day 2. Big family dinner out where the wine will be flowing. But I’m gonna do it.

HughFreakingDillon · January 24

lastexitlondon said:

One day at a time my friend is all you can do. Just add the days up and before you know it, you may be on the road

Thanks Rob. 🙏

lastexitlondon · January 24

HughFreakingDillon said:

Day 2. Big family dinner out where the wine will be flowing. But I’m gonna do it.

Good man. What I had to do for the first 2 or 3 weeks was admit to myself I might be cranky and short with people and stay away and kind of dig in and stay home get through the initial realisation it's over and then it starts to get easier after 3 weeks .
You get this false sense of boredom where you think nothing is worth doing sober . That's a tough road . I'm out of that but sleep more. Go to bed early if it's a night you would normally sit alone drinking. That's what I experienced anyway. Best of luck my friend. You can't fail , you just try again.

mickeyrat · January 24

HughFreakingDillon said:

Day 2. Big family dinner out where the wine will be flowing. But I’m gonna do it.

decide for yourself if its needed in the end , but would encourage an open mind. I attended a zoom meeting out of Winnipeg once during the pandemic on a wednesday I think? nice bunch of folks( canada, amiright?).

whether you chose to "join" aa or not there is plenty of support available in the rooms. you could learn some useful things to help you along.

a member of tenclub went the threapy route. its working for him. he reached out on adbook in tougher situations and was helped by a few suggestions that were given. doing very well these days. work has him in client facing drinking situations all the time.

but lastexit is on the money. its only for today.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

Well I failed. Rather, made a choice. My off switch works just fine out in the wild. Beer before dinner. Two glasses of red with dinner. That was it. Came home, watched the rest if the jets game drinking only water.

Is it possible to have a problem when alone but not in social situations, able to keep it at bay as long as I don’t keep it in the house? I guess no one can answer that but me.

There’s still a part of me, though, take away the “issues”, it’s literal poison for the body and mind. There’s zero health benefits. So I struggle with that as well.

mickeyrat · January 25

so was it a struggle to get through the evening? maintaining the controlled drinking? were you antsy at all? thinking about the next? wishing you could pound sone whiskey or whatever is your liquor of choice?

aa's book suggests experiments in controlled drinking. key is to honestly and as objectively as is possible to be truthful in the findings.

it may well be you are what we would refer to as a heavy drinker. one who, given sufficient reason to stop or moderate, can do so.

are you facing outside pressure to stop? family looking at you sideways? not from any harm per se. just how different someone drunk can be from the usual self?.

the experiments will confirm either.

mickeyrat · January 25

reverse experiment can work as well. dont drink today. repeat tomorrow. after a bit of time. see how you physically and mentally feel. add in emotionally as well and spiritually if you lean to the non-religious side of spirituality.

lastexitlondon · January 25

My issue was drinking alone

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

mickeyrat said:

so was it a struggle to get through the evening? maintaining the controlled drinking? were you antsy at all? thinking about the next? wishing you could pound sone whiskey or whatever is your liquor of choice?

aa's book suggests experiments in controlled drinking. key is to honestly and as objectively as is possible to be truthful in the findings.

it may well be you are what we would refer to as a heavy drinker. one who, given sufficient reason to stop or moderate, can do so.

are you facing outside pressure to stop? family looking at you sideways? not from any harm per se. just how different someone drunk can be from the usual self?.

the experiments will confirm either.

No struggle. Wasn’t on my mind at all. No conscious need to choose not to pound (yes, whiskey is my poison).

However, I do have my patterns. I have noticed lately that I’m looking forward to Thursday. This all started 20 years ago. Wife and I would drink and weed on Thursdays watching Survivor 😂. And we were young enough that Friday was fine. So Thursday has forever been associated with party time. The last couple months I’ve noticing on Wednesday wishing it was Thursday. Changing jobs back to shift work and working from home 100% made this all worse. I was no longer “restricted” to Thursday-Saturday. Now, if my days off were Monday and Tuesday, all of a sudden I could party those days too. Not JUST those days though. In ADDITION to Thursday to Saturday. Unless I was working early, then I don’t.

But yes, there are often situations where I can have a few, or none (even if everyone else is), and it’s no problem. Don’t have to hold myself back. Just normal.

mickeyrat · January 25

might suggest total abstinence to begin until you believe the at home is under control or do your best to refrain at home use.

total abstinence though, see how you feel in 2 weeks. literally feel. or whatever timeframe, but do get out of what is considered the detox window. 10 days or so.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

mickeyrat said:

might suggest total abstinence to begin until you believe the at home is under control or do your best to refrain at home use.

total abstinence though, see how you feel in 2 weeks. literally feel. or whatever timeframe, but do get out of what is considered the detox window. 10 days or so.

I have actually done that a few times. Even the sober October thing. Obviously didn’t have the chronic “sick and tired” feeling day to day. Noticed a few things physically (digestion, to put it nicely) was better. The biggest change was mood. After the intial HULK SMASH period, I remember telling my wife “why would I ever go back to drinking?? I’m so much happier than I’ve been in years”. But still fell back.

lastexitlondon · January 25

The digestive issues are a definite plus for me.
I've had to distance myself from my alcoholic brother because all we did have in common was drink and lots of it. Sadly.
But all in all think why you DO drink. Not why you don't. The reasons for me seemed to be really sad and actually I felt pathetic.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

I convince myself there’s no issue for various reasons; I once sat my teenagers down and told them I might be bitchier than normal as I would be quitting booze. They both looked at me like I was an alien, and even asked why. One said “I didn’t think you had a problem”. Maybe cuz the only thing different from other parents is I sometimes fall asleep watching tv (so does everyone, sober) and sometimes forgets things they’ve told me (all dads 😂). And I’m not a stumbling asshole. Or maybe cuz they’re just used to it.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

lastexitlondon said:

The digestive issues are a definite plus for me.
I've had to distance myself from my alcoholic brother because all we did have in common was drink and lots of it. Sadly.
But all in all think why you DO drink. Not why you don't. The reasons for me seemed to be really sad and actually I felt pathetic.

-habit
-boredom
-loneliness
-stress relief (counterintuitive , I know)

lastexitlondon · January 25

It's a great start and very honest

Poncier · January 25

HughFreakingDillon said:

And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context.

This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change.
If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it.
But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.

HughFreakingDillon · January 25

Poncier said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context.

This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change.
If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it.
But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.

Ugh. There’s always a risk being too honest in a public forum. It seems that risk didn’t pay off.

lastexitlondon · January 25

There is no shame in being honest.
It's the best way

PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

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