PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

lastexitlondon

Chocolate and diet cherry coke.

mickeyrat

how are you doing rob?

lastexitlondon

I'm still going. But I've had medical issues need a camera down the throat and in the highest state of my health anxiety. But staring it in the face sober. I'm not doing well as I hoped sadly

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I'm still going. But I've had medical issues need a camera down the throat and in the highest state of my health anxiety. But staring it in the face sober. I'm not doing well as I hoped sadly

but you're doing it.

good luck with your tests. btw whatever brought the test on, include the idea the test rules something out in your thinking about it.  give equal thought time to the opposite outcome than is your seeming default.... hope it helps.

lastexitlondon

Thanks my friend 

lastexitlondon

I've had the camera. Foolishly chose no sedation, big mistake. But all was well, still have the symptoms.
6 weeks done sober now, I went to watch my auntie sing at a pub full of cold beer in the sun . I coped. 
The problem I'm having is I want to feel better,a benefit, I don't crave drink. But I need some benefits to this.
Also I've had enough of ME

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I've had the camera. Foolishly chose no sedation, big mistake. But all was well, still have the symptoms.
6 weeks done sober now, I went to watch my auntie sing at a pub full of cold beer in the sun . I coped. 
The problem I'm having is I want to feel better,a benefit, I don't crave drink. But I need some benefits to this.
Also I've had enough of ME

service to others is one remedy for the "me" business ...

lastexitlondon

Oh man I'm constantly doing for others too much I think .
Just to clarify I've had enough of being who I am

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Oh man I'm constantly doing for others too much I think .
Just to clarify I've had enough of being who I am

ahhh. ok. welp, whats just one thing you could do differently? doesnt have to be big. just one small thing. do that. incorporate that then move on to another thing. at the same time accepting yourself as you are without judgement can go a long way too.

lastexitlondon

3 months so far this time

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

3 months so far this time

rock on mister. it may not always be easy. but its real simple.
just this 24 hrs.

Spunkie

lastexitlondon said:

3 months so far this time

Great news! This made my day!

Poncier

lastexitlondon said:

3 months so far this time

Great.

lastexitlondon

Thanks brothers and sisters. Just keep on keepin on

mickeyrat

It's 8:41 on a sunday. As I sit here at the park waiting on the meeting to start I wanted to acknowledge this as 6 months since my friend was found dead from overdose. I imagine that right now at that time, he was struggling. Already in process of death. He wouldn't be found until the afternoon and pronouced sometime in the 5 o'clock hour.  It seems like just yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Heartbroken and deflated still.

Loujoe

❤️ 

lastexitlondon

Death is hard to deal with

Spunkie

mickeyrat said:

It's 8:41 on a sunday. As I sit here at the park waiting on the meeting to start I wanted to acknowledge this as 6 months since my friend was found dead from overdose. I imagine that right now at that time, he was struggling. Already in process of death. He wouldn't be found until the afternoon and pronouced sometime in the 5 o'clock hour.  It seems like just yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Heartbroken and deflated still.

But never alone

lastexitlondon

A good time to bump this.
My first dry Christmas. Approaching 6 months and really struggling with feeling everything 100% of the time . All day . Through the night 
I haven't wanted drink so much as peace which I can't find

Spunkie

It's been a while... but I think that's when we help other people n we forget ourselves for a bit

You could find someone who's been there and gone through it and ask them to walk you through the steps they took.

I know sometimes I'dget happy when stuff would come up cuz I knew I get better if I work through it,...

lastexitlondon

I'm good at helping. Too much mostly run the well dry. 
I don't think I've ever been able to soothe myself if you know what I mean. 
And I need to stop looking for something or someone to help.
Comes from a traumatic childhood I've learned that much and see it more and more. 
No point being sad about what happened and why but I wonder what it will take to be at peace, I lose hope for sure. 

Spunkie

Thanks run pretty fairly smoothly in my life year after year but we hit a little bump this year that's for sure. I forgot how to deal practically. 

HughFreakingDillon

Day 1?

lastexitlondon

Give it go is all you can do. The first 2 weeks I found hardest. After that filling my time helped

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Give it go is all you can do. The first 2 weeks I found hardest. After that filling my time helped

I convinced myself a couple years ago that successfully completing Sober October meant I had control and didn’t have a problem. 

I honestly found it quite easy. But a therapist later told me that some drinkers can “white knuckle it” knowing there’s a payoff at the end of the period. 

I’m a weekend warrior. I had also convinced myself (I see a pattern) thst since I’m not your “movie drunk” getting loaded on a Tuesday and beating my wife, that there was no problem. But then I get obliterated on the weekends. Again, just while watching tv or movies or listening to music, no anger/emotional outburts/etc. But a 40oz of whiskey every weekend is a bit much. And it used to be 26oz. I had to increase it when I’d run out too early on the Saturday night.   

Beer literally has almost zero affect on me now.  But I still love the taste. This isn’t me making excuses. I have tried every single near beer in Winnipeg’s market: all fucking terrible. If I could find a 0% craft beer, I’d be golden. 

I know there’s never a good time to quit. I’m not 100% today is the day.  Ut I’ll take it one at a time. All I know is, this past week I haven’t gone crazy, but I still feel like ass just having a little alcohol several days in a row. 

lastexitlondon

I guess one day at a time if you want to. 
That's all I thought. I'm done with drinking being fat and having stomach acid and issues and I can stop that by not drinking. 
So I decided I really actually don't want drink. That way it's easier if you reach the stage where you just don't want all that comes with it.

mickeyrat

HughFreakingDillon said:

lastexitlondon said:

Give it go is all you can do. The first 2 weeks I found hardest. After that filling my time helped

I convinced myself a couple years ago that successfully completing Sober October meant I had control and didn’t have a problem. 

I honestly found it quite easy. But a therapist later told me that some drinkers can “white knuckle it” knowing there’s a payoff at the end of the period. 

I’m a weekend warrior. I had also convinced myself (I see a pattern) thst since I’m not your “movie drunk” getting loaded on a Tuesday and beating my wife, that there was no problem. But then I get obliterated on the weekends. Again, just while watching tv or movies or listening to music, no anger/emotional outburts/etc. But a 40oz of whiskey every weekend is a bit much. And it used to be 26oz. I had to increase it when I’d run out too early on the Saturday night.   

Beer literally has almost zero affect on me now.  But I still love the taste. This isn’t me making excuses. I have tried every single near beer in Winnipeg’s market: all fucking terrible. If I could find a 0% craft beer, I’d be golden. 

I know there’s never a good time to quit. I’m not 100% today is the day.  Ut I’ll take it one at a time. All I know is, this past week I haven’t gone crazy, but I still feel like ass just having a little alcohol several days in a row. 

thats just it hugh. its not forever. its not til next week. just do today.  this 24 hrs. then make the same decision tomorrow..

same goes for you Rob. Any of the emotions become to hard to bear, reach out to a willing ear and spill.

mickeyrat

The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


— Jellaludin Rumi,

Spunkie

Thanks, Mickey! HNY!!!

 

lastexitlondon

Great words