A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

brianlux said:

If I'm not mistaken, lastexitlondon started this thread a s a place to share our experiences of anxiety and be supportive.  Now it's become another fucking place to attack each other.  Fucking social media bullshit.  I'm outta here.

I haven't read beyond this post to know what you are referring to, nonetheless sad to hear 

I learned about this therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) last week in my counselling subject at university.
It's pretty much about how if we struggle with bad feelings like anxiety it makes it worse and it's about learning to let go of the struggle.
Here is a video explaining it which I watched in my lecture....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCp1l16GCXI

Has anyone heard of it or been in ACT?

Thanks Brian.
It will be for a short while, I gotta get back to my work soon haha.

Totally agree!  

PJ_Soul said:

Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it. 

yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me". 

at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point.  you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible". 

some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative. 

and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out. 

One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally. 

I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD. 

Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago. 

c'est la vie. 

mickeyrat said:

last, how do you feel about the band tool?

hey mickey!! 

yeah TOOL are a great band to listen to. theyve helped me on numerous occcasions  clear my head.  there was a time when LATERALUS was my lullaby. id listen to it every night at bedtime. i found it so very soothing.  

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

Re ACT... I have never heard the term before, but I have often said that one must submit themselves to the condition in order to really be able to deal with it. Through both experience and observation of others, I've definitely noticed that trying to fight against an anxiety disorder is kind of the equivalent to being in denial about it. I think that you have to embrace it and accept it before you can start getting better by adjusting and living with it/managing it. 

yes, my experience is that ignoring it or trying to fight it like you said is counter productive and will often make it worse. it's tough to live with it. it's fucking tough to sit there and say "ok, this is my life....I need to adjust, to it, not try to adjust it to me". 

at first it really sucks. your life can take a serious turn at that point.  you feel so isolated when you make the necessary adjustments, whatever those may be. Mine? I had to stop making plans with people. I cancelled on them way too often and really started to piss people off. I had to be honest with them; "I'm sorry, I can't decide until the day....I completely understand if you wish to go ahead and make plans with someone else, but if you are still free, I may be up for it. Just contact me as close to the event as possible". 

some don't get why, if I can be confident in my resolve, why can't I just fucking make a decision about it? unbeknownst to them, I DID just make a decision. deciding not to decide and risking social isolation is harder than the alternative. 

and that really is the way it has turned out. If my wife and I make plans with friends where it's a dinner or something, I just have to suck it up so I don't fuck others over. But there have been times I've had to tell my wife "I'm sorry, I'm not in a state to make a decision about a dinner party with so-and-so". The unfortunate part is she thinks one person in a marriage hanging out with another couple is bizarre, so if I can't go, she won't make a plan on her own (another thing i feel guilty about). I have zero problem with hanging out as a "third wheel" if that presents itself. that's an issue in your teens and maybe 20's. But now? It's not like I'll be sitting there and they'll start making out. 

One other thing I've realized is that, just because I'm in a good fucking mood now, I should think twice before scheduling anything past that same day. I have made that mistake so many times. Good day on Monday? Let's have people over this coming Saturday! Saturday comes, and I'm a fucking mess and now I have to deal with the anxiety that having people over entails. So I don't do that anymore either generally. 

I just almost fucking did it a few minutes ago. I started emailing an old friend because I'm in a decent state at this moment, but with this guy, every contact inevitibly leads to "let's get together". And he gets super pissed if I bail. Which I can understand. He doesn't get anxiety/depression, even though I've explained it to him several times. So before I sent the email, just a simple fucking hello, I deleted it. it sucks when you can't even say a simple hello to someone, something mundane that "normals" don't think twice about, because it might cause you anxiety down the road. it can be very limiting socially, even when you are feeling GOOD. 

Last time I had to bail, was because just before I left to meet him, my anxiety gave me some, um, stomach symptoms (details withheld). I explained to him frankly what my unfortunate social needs are. He finally seemed to get it, and said "k, next time just text me when you're good and if I'm free we'll hang out". that was 4 months ago. 

c'est la vie. 

Well put about how one day can feel good and so you make plans and then that day comes and - WHAM! - tough day.  I made plans a week ago to go to the city today knowing it would be a crap shoot.  I'm feeling pretty good so it should be a good day but I've had other occasions where  I get to the planned ahead day and thing, "Man, I've really got to suck it up today". 

Work can be like that too.  I grew up extremely shy and lacking in self-confidence and had to work hard to acquire good social skills.  I do have those skills but only because I worked really hard to attain them.  But they almost never come easily.  For example, when working with customers at the bookstore, I do well with being friendly and sociable but unless I know the customer well, it's like I'm in acting mode and that can be stressful after a while.  Some days I just heave a big sigh of relief when the doors are finally shut. 

Most people probably don't see it, but when I'm in a social situation with people I'm less familiar with, there's almost always a part of me that is struggling to maintain a sense of normal socializing.  It almost feels like I'm being an actor or treading difficult waters or something.   But once in a while that is not the case.  Like meeting some folks here when I went to  Missoula to see Pearl Jam. The vibe there was so cool it all came easy and I really enjoyed meeting new faces.  That was a great time!