Drunk stories...

megatron · October 2011

last night i went to my first house party in 5 years. first drink in weeks.
owner of home didn't like me talking to a girl there so he called me a douche and started wrestling me out the door and on the ground. (we were drunk duh)
anyways i reversed it, popped the guy 8 times in the face like wwe..got up..went back in...got girls number. turned around and dude is swinging a broomstick at me like a pinata. completely missing. i left.
went straight to work and passed out at my desk at 5. co worker woke me up at 7, "why you got nails marks on your face?".
can't wait for the meeting later.

i dont fight or like fighting..just don't cockblock and pick fights with the wrong guy.

JonnyPistachio · October 2011

In the mid 1990’s I went to a Metallica concert (Jerry Cantrell opened, and was awesome) with four of my close buddies. We all got pretty snickered.

The day started with us drinking before happy hour in sunny florida, so you must keep in mind for this story I have dark sunglasses on.

After the concert, our designated driver, Ted, was to drop us all off at our houses. On the drive home, our friend Chad declared that a strip club in the vicinity was formerly owned by his father. I think it was called Tiffany’s or something similar.

Decision making at its finest: We had to see the inside of this strip club!

I still had my sunglasses on the top of my head, but as I was getting out of the car, I knocked them back down onto my face. Then I joked that I was blind and grabbed my friend Dan’s Ass as a joke (like I cound’nt see where I was going).

My friend Dan looks as if he’s had a revelation, “A blind guy in a strip club would be awesome!”

So, as we entered the place, we were all asked to show I.D. and a $10 cover to get in.
Keeping my dark glasses on, and doing my best Stevie Wonder impression, I gave the girl at the register my I.D. As I handed it to her, I realized how silly it would be that a blind guy has a driver’s license. Low and behold she wasn’t the brightest bulb and stamped my hand. I took a $20 from my wallet and tried to pay her. My buddy Dan says, “Jon, I told you to never give out money like that, you’ll be taken advantage of, I’ll pay for you!”

And the girl said, “Aww, poor thing, he doesn’t have to pay!”

Now I realize I’m going to hell, but I have to see how long I can keep this up.

I was still very drunk, so this made it quite funny, and as I pushed through the next set of double doors, I accidentally bump into and almost knocked a waitress over who was carrying a tray of drinks. She got pissed for a moment saying something like, “Damn, watch where you’re go...”

Then I held my hands out as if I was blind again, and my buddy Dan took me by the arm and apologized to the girl. She says, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize!” and she takes my arm and walks me up to the front, gives me a free drink and gets a girl to come over and give me a free lap dance.

This stripper took my hands and rubbed them all over her body because I told her that I can see so well with my hands! :P

I never thought those cheap glasses could save me so much money. I dont think I even spent 10 bucks that night. Btw, there better not be a rash of blind guys at strip clubs all over the place now!

pandora · October 2011

Hope I haven't told this one too

Back in the day of jumpsuits :oops:
for those who don't know it is an all in one piece top and bottoms together,
well I was wearing one... mine black of course, which worked in my favor.

We were beginning the night of bar hopping with friends, feeling good,
head off to the potty ...
don't like to sit so I crouched over the can

stand up ...
the entire top half of my outfit had been in the toilet, while I was peeing,
it was entirely soaked and it had huge shoulder pads ... it was dripping wet.

I take it off and try to use the hand dryer and paper sheets to dry it
but that wasn't working too well.
I'm sure I was a sight there in my undies as I'm known to usually be braless
but I've blocked that part out.

After what seemed forever I'm sure, I return to the table
everyone is wondering what happened to me being gone so long
and I whisper through clenched teeth for JB's ears only
'don't touch me... I am soaking wet'

:? he thought I fell in...
well sort of :shh:

I went on drinking and soon it didn't matter anymore
and it was dry by nights end

twisted thoughts · October 2011

This thread is GOLD!!!

Im not sure if I should be happpy or sad about not having a story to compete with most in here. I tend to be more like RKNDY - I puke before the real "fun" can happen

Leezestarr313 · October 2011

What a fun thread

Here's my contribution ...

I once partied with two friends and had a lot of wine. At one point it was late and they went home and I fell asleep on the couch. During the night, I felt an urgent need and went to what I thought was my bathroom. Unfortunately, it was the front door. I stood there in the hallroom, locked out at 4 am with no phone or keys and just couldn't get in anymore. My bedroom was at the other end of my corridor and I must have thought I went to the bathroom which was opposite my front door. Fotunately, my parents were living close, and I passed out fully dressed. So I went to my parents, woke them up and spent the night there. Luckily, my uncle worked as a keysmith at the time and just had visited my parents. He opened my door the next day and I didn't have to pay someone to do it... Since then, I'm locking my front door from the inside.

Another thing happened a long time ago at a christmas party. It was a hardcore / punk christmas party and me and my friend went there rather early, but we took some shrooms before. When we were there, we started having vodka shots - it was boring cause no one was there yet. Shrooms and shots are a devilish but fun mix - we ended up greeting everyone at the entrance with our best hardcore voice interpretation of saying Merry christmas

I don't recall everything that happened after that but that was a hell of a party ... And I was never able to use my voice like that again, must have been the mixture

DS1119 · October 2011

JonnyPistachio wrote:

In the mid 1990’s I went to a Metallica concert (Jerry Cantrell opened, and was awesome) with four of my close buddies. We all got pretty snickered.

The day started with us drinking before happy hour in sunny florida, so you must keep in mind for this story I have dark sunglasses on.

After the concert, our designated driver, Ted, was to drop us all off at our houses. On the drive home, our friend Chad declared that a strip club in the vicinity was formerly owned by his father. I think it was called Tiffany’s or something similar.

Decision making at its finest: We had to see the inside of this strip club!

I still had my sunglasses on the top of my head, but as I was getting out of the car, I knocked them back down onto my face. Then I joked that I was blind and grabbed my friend Dan’s Ass as a joke (like I cound’nt see where I was going).

My friend Dan looks as if he’s had a revelation, “A blind guy in a strip club would be awesome!”

So, as we entered the place, we were all asked to show I.D. and a $10 cover to get in.
Keeping my dark glasses on, and doing my best Stevie Wonder impression, I gave the girl at the register my I.D. As I handed it to her, I realized how silly it would be that a blind guy has a driver’s license. Low and behold she wasn’t the brightest bulb and stamped my hand. I took a $20 from my wallet and tried to pay her. My buddy Dan says, “Jon, I told you to never give out money like that, you’ll be taken advantage of, I’ll pay for you!”

And the girl said, “Aww, poor thing, he doesn’t have to pay!”

Now I realize I’m going to hell, but I have to see how long I can keep this up.

I was still very drunk, so this made it quite funny, and as I pushed through the next set of double doors, I accidentally bump into and almost knocked a waitress over who was carrying a tray of drinks. She got pissed for a moment saying something like, “Damn, watch where you’re go...”

Then I held my hands out as if I was blind again, and my buddy Dan took me by the arm and apologized to the girl. She says, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize!” and she takes my arm and walks me up to the front, gives me a free drink and gets a girl to come over and give me a free lap dance.

This stripper took my hands and rubbed them all over her body because I told her that I can see so well with my hands! :P

I never thought those cheap glasses could save me so much money. I dont think I even spent 10 bucks that night. Btw, there better not be a rash of blind guys at strip clubs all over the place now!

:shock:

stargirl69 · October 2011

Me and a group of friends partied in my room when my parents went on holiday.I was a Southern Comfort drinker,so had stocked up.They brought along cases of Scrumpy Jack cider,superstrong stuff.
The drinking began ... fast forward 24 hours ... I wake up covered in sick with a bottle of Southern Comfort soaking into the carpet and the shot measurer stuck in my hair,there is human carnage all around.
I crawl downstairs to find the front door of the house open,our dog gone and various people I had never seen before laying around the garden,make my way into the kitchen to discover at some point we had attempted to cook by using every utensil,pot,crockery and edible item in the house.

Another:

Me and my brother threw a party again when my parents were on holiday.A mix of friends,copious amounts of alcohol and cannabis by the baggy.
Debauchery reigns,we are woken in the morning by shouting and someone freaking out,discover it is my brothers friend,in the middle of the night his dope stash has disappeared,he is scrambling around the floor next to our dog who is in a deep sleep laying on the baggy,we pull it out and it's empty save for a few dregs,work out that our dog may have ate it.
The dog is stoned for days ... mum and dad return from holiday and within a few hours are real worried about the dog,who can barely get up to greet their return ... this continues for a few days,until they take it to the vet ... blood tests come back that the dog had alarmingly high levels on THC in it's blood.
Mum and dad want to know why? :?

BinauralJam · October 2011

JonnyPistachio wrote:

In the mid 1990’s I went to a Metallica concert (Jerry Cantrell opened, and was awesome) with four of my close buddies. We all got pretty snickered.

The day started with us drinking before happy hour in sunny florida, so you must keep in mind for this story I have dark sunglasses on.

After the concert, our designated driver, Ted, was to drop us all off at our houses. On the drive home, our friend Chad declared that a strip club in the vicinity was formerly owned by his father. I think it was called Tiffany’s or something similar.

Decision making at its finest: We had to see the inside of this strip club!

I still had my sunglasses on the top of my head, but as I was getting out of the car, I knocked them back down onto my face. Then I joked that I was blind and grabbed my friend Dan’s Ass as a joke (like I cound’nt see where I was going).

My friend Dan looks as if he’s had a revelation, “A blind guy in a strip club would be awesome!”

So, as we entered the place, we were all asked to show I.D. and a $10 cover to get in.
Keeping my dark glasses on, and doing my best Stevie Wonder impression, I gave the girl at the register my I.D. As I handed it to her, I realized how silly it would be that a blind guy has a driver’s license. Low and behold she wasn’t the brightest bulb and stamped my hand. I took a $20 from my wallet and tried to pay her. My buddy Dan says, “Jon, I told you to never give out money like that, you’ll be taken advantage of, I’ll pay for you!”

And the girl said, “Aww, poor thing, he doesn’t have to pay!”

Now I realize I’m going to hell, but I have to see how long I can keep this up.

I was still very drunk, so this made it quite funny, and as I pushed through the next set of double doors, I accidentally bump into and almost knocked a waitress over who was carrying a tray of drinks. She got pissed for a moment saying something like, “Damn, watch where you’re go...”

Then I held my hands out as if I was blind again, and my buddy Dan took me by the arm and apologized to the girl. She says, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize!” and she takes my arm and walks me up to the front, gives me a free drink and gets a girl to come over and give me a free lap dance.

This stripper took my hands and rubbed them all over her body because I told her that I can see so well with my hands! :P

I never thought those cheap glasses could save me so much money. I dont think I even spent 10 bucks that night. Btw, there better not be a rash of blind guys at strip clubs all over the place now!

Brillant!!!

afroannnie · October 2011

Leeze wrote:

but we took some shrooms before.

Oh boy, if we start throwing fungus into the mix, that opens a whole other set of stories...one of my faves involves me convincing my friend that yes, the grass is simply the "earth's carpet"

DS1119 · October 2011

I got so piss drunk in Scottsdale Arizona that when I got back to my hotel room I not only took a full on shower in my clothes but I then when to bed in the soaking wet clothes.

Leezestarr313 · October 2011

I spent a night once drinking with Quentin Tarantino and ended up massaging his shoulders :oops: They were hard!

norm · October 2011

was talking with my buddy last night whom i've known for 25+ years...i asked him if he ever had similar drunken experiences that many of you have had...neither of us could think of a time where we ended up passed out in a field or on a trashcan or whatever kind of situation many of you have gotten yourselves into...we both agreed that no matter how drunk we got, we managed to find a somewhat decent place to pass out

frankly, i'm surprised some of you are still alive!

teegan31 · October 2011

I got rediculously drunk on hard cider and ended up at an outdoor festival in my town, lost all of my friends and wandered around the park looking for someone to drive me closer to home. I wiped out and ripped my zipper open so I spent the night wandering around with my pants open, I made it to a bar near my house (in the back of a buddies truck) I found my boyfriend there (he was wondering why I was there without my friends...lol) told him not to leave and went to the bathroom, came back and couldn't find him so I bought a shot of tequilla and decided to walk home. I carried my shoes and staggered home, thinking I should stop for a nap in the grass...lol...I made it home to my apartment and got woken up in the elevator by some guy (I lived on the 2nd floor...lol) Woke up in the morning with a trail of my clothes from the front door to my bedroom, my friends all called the next day to find out why I went missing and I found out that they were at the bar a few tables over and seen me buy the shot and not come back....great night though

peacefrompaul · October 2011

Leeze wrote:

What a fun thread

Here's my contribution ...

I once partied with two friends and had a lot of wine. At one point it was late and they went home and I fell asleep on the couch. During the night, I felt an urgent need and went to what I thought was my bathroom. Unfortunately, it was the front door. I stood there in the hallroom, locked out at 4 am with no phone or keys and just couldn't get in anymore. My bedroom was at the other end of my corridor and I must have thought I went to the bathroom which was opposite my front door. Fotunately, my parents were living close, and I passed out fully dressed. So I went to my parents, woke them up and spent the night there. Luckily, my uncle worked as a keysmith at the time and just had visited my parents. He opened my door the next day and I didn't have to pay someone to do it... Since then, I'm locking my front door from the inside.

Another thing happened a long time ago at a christmas party. It was a hardcore / punk christmas party and me and my friend went there rather early, but we took some shrooms before. When we were there, we started having vodka shots - it was boring cause no one was there yet. Shrooms and shots are a devilish but fun mix - we ended up greeting everyone at the entrance with our best hardcore voice interpretation of saying Merry christmas I don't recall everything that happened after that but that was a hell of a party ... And I was never able to use my voice like that again, must have been the mixture

Bahahaha Mushrooms. Pretty crazy... Had some wild times on those. I love Germany and got drunk every night when I was there last summer.

You locked yourself out too? Haha I did that last summer but I was able to kick down the basement door.

pinkbutterfly · October 2011

Oh boy, I'm sure I'll be deleting this post at some point. Anywho, several years ago, I had been drinking with friends, at happy hour

. Let's just say, I got a little too happy and got in my car and headed home on route 80. I should not have been driving. Two state troopers (one car) pulled me over, as I think I was swirving in all 3 lanes. I was so afraid of losing my license. I was desperate. I ended up unbuttoning my dress to show them that I recently had surgery and that I drank too much 'cause I was blue. They were really sweet. They put a flag on my car's antenna, left my car on route 80 and drove me home. No ticket. Nothing. That was a close one!

DS1119 · October 2011

pinkbutterfly wrote:

Oh boy, I'm sure I'll be deleting this post at some point. Anywho, several years ago, I had been drinking with friends, at happy hour . Let's just say, I got a little too happy and got in my car and headed home on route 80. I should not have been driving. Two state troopers (one car) pulled me over, as I think I was swirving in all 3 lanes. I was so afraid of losing my license. I was desperate. I ended up unbuttoning my dress to show them that I recently had surgery and that I drank too much 'cause I was blue. They were really sweet. They put a flag on my car's antenna, left my car on route 80 and drove me home. No ticket. Nothing. That was a close one!

That is a close one.

DS1119 · October 2011

We used to do these things called Chilly Willys when we would get really drunk. Turn a shot glass upside down and fill the bottom with vodka and sniff it. Whoooo!!! Good times!

CAVSTARR313 · October 2011

Ok.. I will give you the Canananananada story..

I live in Detroit. The drinking age in cananada is 19. once I turned 19, me and my friends would always cross the boarder to Windsor and go to the bars. One drunken night, we were leaving a nude joint called Cheetah's and walking along, I "accidentally" kicked over a business's street sign. Two cops on foot saw me do it and confronted me. "You fucking Americans come over here and destroy our property eh?" the one said. They asked for my ID and quickly told me I was under arrest for mischief... Yes, there is actually a crime in Cananada called "mischief".. I panicked.. The one cop was still holding my ID out in front of him. I thought to myself that I could snatch my ID and run away. I quickly put this shitty plan into action.. I lunged for my ID and completely missed. The cops thought I was swinging and the other cop punched me in the face. My nose exploded with blood and I hunched over. They both proceeded to try and wrestle me to the ground and I started hitting the cop that hit me with uppers.. I believe I got at least two good ones in.. The fucking pummeled me.. Finally handcuffed and on the ground, lying in a pool of my own blood, the cops started to panic a bit.. They thought that they had cracked my skull on the take-down and immediately called for an ambulance in a frenzy.. They discussed "what happened" as I lied there.. Silent, drunk, and pissed I would not tell them that it was just a bloody nose. They cut all my clothes off me in the ambulance and after a few hours in the hospital I was immediately arrested upon my discharge.. The cop I hit handcuffed me (in an ass-less hospital gown) put me in his car and we headed to jail. He kept slamming on his brakes at the traffic lights so I would smack my head off of the partition so I just laid on the floor. This really pissed him off for some reason and he got very rough with me upon pulling me out of the car at the jail.. So there I was. In windsor jail, in a hospital gown, with dried up blood all matted in my hair, charged with mischief and assaulting a police officer, and waiting for my dad to come bail me out.. That was a great car ride home.. he brought me pants..

Oh to be young...

voidofman · October 2011

Damn, that shouldn't warrant getting you kicked out of the country. Also, you're lucky it wasn't Vancouver in the past few years or you would have been hit with a taser gun, a couple people have died because of that. Really stupid shit.

CAVSTARR313 · October 2011

voidofman wrote:

Damn, that shouldn't warrant getting you kicked out of the country. Also, you're lucky it wasn't Vancouver in the past few years or you would have been hit with a taser gun, a couple people have died because of that. Really stupid shit.

I got banned until I was 22.. I snuck over when I was 21 (pre 911) for a party in grand bend and was ticketed by a cop on foot for public urination.. I never took care of the ticket or went back since.. I am sure there is a warrant.. for the ticket and for violating my probation.. And it sucks because I could have gone to all of the canada shows last month.. I was so fucking stupid..

Drunk stories...

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