Sister is in a Abusive relationship ...

JonnyPistachio · February 2011

chadwick wrote:

i think im going to throw up.

Awesome, maybe you could throw up on someone to keep them from being threatening.

Like a drive-by-throw-uping..
or a throw-up-and-run...
or a gangsta style up-chucking..
an uppercut up-chuck...
a barf attack..

pandora · February 2011

Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.

Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.

I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten

Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.

Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.

Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.

Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.

Ms. Haiku · February 2011

Remember when you are on an airplane, and the flight attendants always say, put the oxygen mask on you first before you help your child? This post has that attitude in mind a bit

It makes complete sense that you would be affected by someone abusing your family. There will be no end to the anger. Accept the fact that this is bothering you. One time in a similar situation (friend not family member) I ended up calling a crisis counselor because I felt at a loss as to what to do. We are not emotional rocks, we are affected when our families hurt.

Also, and this is very hard, if possible, please be available for your sister as you did before the abuse. One way abusers win is that they alienate the survivors from their family and friends. As a result there is no where to go.

I wished there was a way for all abusive people to go away. Unfortunately, all I have to offer are suggestions on how you can act. Hang in there.

Heineken Helen · February 2011

pandora wrote:

Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.

Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.

I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten

Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.

Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.

Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.

Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.

Agreed... there are too many women being killed by abusive partners and ex partners. Although, sometimes I have little sympathy :oops: cold as it seems. If someone hurts you time and time again, you remove yourself from the situation . Sure, you risk being hurt, but if you stay you get hurt anyway. It's something I'm not sure I'll ever understand. Those women I've known to be in that situation are often, from the outside, really strong women. You can't live your life expecting others to save you... just get the fuck out... that's all there is to it

.

g under p · February 2011

eyedclaar wrote:

G under P, why are you so sure you'd be caught? If it was me:

A: The perp would have no idea who had sent the message
B: My sister would be kept totally in the dark to my actions; she wouldn't know either
C: There would be zero evidence tying me to the crimes
Were my sister to ever find out, I'd have to hope that if she was capable of tolerating the torture of an abusive relationship, she'd be able to forgive a brother who loved her.

The person I referred to earlier in this thread had zero idea who was after him. He just knew that someone capable of great harm was monitoring his actions and because he felt his life was in danger, he fled the state. I was never arrested, never questioned, and the problem was solved instantly. Obviously different dynamics, but still.

Mostly it sounds like what I'm hearing is just do nothing and see if the situation resolves itself. No thanks.

Again, you can't just confront someone and beat the shit out of them. Tempting, yes, but you get caught that way.

Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.

As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.

What could go wrong....

Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.

I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.

Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.

My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?

Peace

g under p · February 2011

pandora wrote:

Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.

Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.

I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten

Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.

Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.

Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.

Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.

Many times in life THE worst decisions are made when our emotions gets the best of us ESPECIALLY when we are talking about moving forward with violence. However, if you feel violence is the answer and will solve this OP's sister's abusive husband's abuse then please go ahead and take your chances.

Peace

eyedclaar · February 2011

g under p wrote:

Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.

As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.

What could go wrong....

Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.

I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.

Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.

My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?

Peace

Have I told y’all to listen to this guy? He has a great understanding of human nature. However, G, I still don’t think you’re thinking like a criminal. You don’t have to lay a finger on someone to send an extremely unnerving message. In fact, you don’t even have to be present when the message is delivered. I wouldn’t recommend a beating in this situation because it could very well illicit a sympathetic response from the sister; she knows what a beating feels like and it could very well bring her closer to the guy. And, like I mentioned, you get caught doing that, or you obviously tip your hand. The person can’t know who is fucking with them. You have to remove the passion from your heart and become cold and clinical. Otherwise, you’ll make mistakes.
You know, the only job in the military that ever appealed to me was being a sniper. See, it was always more important to me to be smarter than my enemy, not stronger. I’m interested in results, not heroics. However, I do not take orders well, so military life wasn’t for me.

Anyway, listen to G, not me.
This topic is depressing. More jokes please.

chadwick · February 2011

i want to know what is wrong with a good old fashion knuckle sandwich? a good old fashion scrap out in the gravel? also... anyone who does not defend their family as best they can is out of order and should go to prison where they perform hard hot manual labor. never ever allow anyone to harm your family.

touch my sister with ill intent, get a broken something or many somethings. :evil:

same with brothers. brothers stick together through everything. brothers fight each other constantly, but touch my brothers with ill intent... when you retract your hand from him you will be holding a stub in place of your arm.

this is how it is and how it will always be in my eyes.

calling the law sucks elephant shit.

eyedclaar · February 2011

chadwick wrote:

i want to know what is wrong with a good old fashion knuckle sandwich? a good old fashion scrap out in the gravel? also... anyone who does not defend their family as best they can is out of order and should go to prison where they perform hard hot manual labor. never ever allow anyone to harm your family.

touch my sister with ill intent, get a broken something or many somethings. :evil:

same with brothers. brothers stick together through everything. brothers fight each other constantly, but touch my brothers with ill intent... when you retract your hand from him you will be holding a stub in place of your arm.

this is how it is and how it will always be in my eyes.

calling the law sucks elephant shit.

For me, it's because battery lands you in jail, no matter how much they deserved it. The law frowns upon such things. I'd rather keep my freedom because I can't be in a cell. I'd still make them pay though, and if required, they would vanish from the face of the earth, not get a knuckle sandwich.

chadwick · February 2011

also i wanna know what is so terrible about getting arrested for defending your sister? cops will treat you like a king. 95% of the convicts in the jail with you will view you as a great brother to your sister. the remaining 5% beat on women and children themselves and will most likey sit there and shut the fuck up.

and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?

judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.

you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.

case closed... hammer down.

(who gives a shit?)

g under p · February 2011

chadwick wrote:

also i wanna know what is so terrible about getting arrested for defending your sister? cops will treat you like a king. 95% of the convicts in the jail with you will view you as a great brother to your sister. the remaining 5% beat on women and children themselves and will most likey sit there and shut the fuck up.

and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?

judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.

you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.

case closed... hammer down.

(who gives a shit?)

Well the JGW does and his love towards his sister or he would never have posted here....also anyone else who has been in this situation including myself. Your scenerio sounds something from a Hollywood movie and those movies many times are not true to life. We all know the risks and the consequences to those actions....
good luck.

Peace

pandora · February 2011

g under p wrote:

pandora wrote:

Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.

Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.

I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten

Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.

Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.

Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.

Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.

Many times in life THE worst decisions are made when our emotions gets the best of us ESPECIALLY when we are talking about moving forward with violence. However, if you feel violence is the answer and will solve this OP's sister's abusive husband's abuse then please go ahead and take your chances.

Peace

I'm pretty sure they are not married..people have assumed that but I believe it is a relationship.
This makes scaring the shit out of him easier yet and perhaps he will move along.

Actually I am greatly guided by emotion and have made some very good decisions based on that.
I move with my heart...my gut
this idea of not punishing a punisher on his level, the only real way he will get it,
is illogical to me .
I think what people are doing is being civil, anti vigilante, the way we all have been taught.
Leave it to the authorities.
But how many times have we seen the abuser eventually kill?
hunt them down if they have had the courage to seek refuge
or just go too far in their normal routine of beating.
and the authorities have done nothing, nothing that can prevent it anyways.

If at the very beginning of this....when the abuser starts...
someone made to so very clear he would die if he did that again,
if he ever laid a hand on that women or child again he would die.
I personally think he would leave. He would find another victim.
For me that would be worth a try to save my loved one.

Johnnyguitarwatson · February 2011

chadwick wrote:

also i wanna know what is so terrible about getting arrested for defending your sister? cops will treat you like a king. 95% of the convicts in the jail with you will view you as a great brother to your sister. the remaining 5% beat on women and children themselves and will most likey sit there and shut the fuck up.

and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?

judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.

you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.

case closed... hammer down.

(who gives a shit?)

Cops will treat you like a king eh ? ...and the judge comparing track records will matter ? man, i can tell you're not from Philadelphia. I respect your views and appreciate your feedback but thats not how it is in this City.

i contacted my sis through FB today and was happy to hear that she had extended her stay in Texas until the 2nd week in march. I'm not sure if shes talking to her bf or not but at least this gives my family some time to figure things out.

prism · February 2011

g under p wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

G under P, why are you so sure you'd be caught? If it was me:

A: The perp would have no idea who had sent the message
B: My sister would be kept totally in the dark to my actions; she wouldn't know either
C: There would be zero evidence tying me to the crimes
Were my sister to ever find out, I'd have to hope that if she was capable of tolerating the torture of an abusive relationship, she'd be able to forgive a brother who loved her.

The person I referred to earlier in this thread had zero idea who was after him. He just knew that someone capable of great harm was monitoring his actions and because he felt his life was in danger, he fled the state. I was never arrested, never questioned, and the problem was solved instantly. Obviously different dynamics, but still.

Mostly it sounds like what I'm hearing is just do nothing and see if the situation resolves itself. No thanks.

Again, you can't just confront someone and beat the shit out of them. Tempting, yes, but you get caught that way.

Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.

As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.

What could go wrong....

Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.

I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.

Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.

My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?

Peace

thank you, G under P....

what you have said here and in this thread with your ability to look at the big picture is spot on.

i'd also like to mention (read after SHE decides to get out) that part of the on-going counseling/healing process is learning how to take the steps on how to to break the cycle of violence. she has to learn that she doesn't have to accept abusive men or relationships in her life.

especially with any children involved... obviously if the kids have been seeing their Mom get beaten...then someone else close to the family beats the shit outta Dad or Mom's bf (the abuser) what kind of message does it send to her children? that violence is a way of life & is the answer to all of lifes problems...so it's okay for them to be violent too...then sadly (for them & soceity) they'll grow into becoming violent teens/adults

i was fortunate in that i left while my kids were very little, my oldest was not yet 3...but i still had to learn how to teach them that violence doesn't solve anything overall... that's the lesson they've grown & live by now as adults

Chip McFlennigan · February 2011

Kill him with fire.

prism · February 2011

Johnnyguitarwatson wrote:

chadwick wrote:

also i wanna know what is so terrible about getting arrested for defending your sister? cops will treat you like a king. 95% of the convicts in the jail with you will view you as a great brother to your sister. the remaining 5% beat on women and children themselves and will most likey sit there and shut the fuck up.

and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?

judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.

you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.

case closed... hammer down.

(who gives a shit?)

Cops will treat you like a king eh ? ...and the judge comparing track records will matter ? man, i can tell you're not from Philadelphia. I respect your views and appreciate your feedback but thats not how it is in this City.

i contacted my sis through FB today and was happy to hear that she had extended her stay in Texas until the 2nd week in march. I'm not sure if shes talking to her bf or not but at least this gives my family some time to figure things out.

he must be talking about mayberry rfd....where the town drunk otis was treated like a king :P :lolno:

it's not just philadelphia.... that not how it is anywhere anymore.

it's good to hear that she's decided to extend her stay...sounds like some steps in the right direct. hopefully that she continues and decides not to ever go back to him.

i wish her the best of luck...along with you & the rest of her loved ones

prism · February 2011

johnny america wrote:

My sister was dating a guy for a year, a thug type guy that I never liked. One day, I heard from a friend of hers that he had been beating her. Then, it suddenly all came together in my head. Wearing long sleeves all summer? Hoodies? Make-up around my mom's house. Hiding in her room. Sneaking around.

Hiding the bruises. So, one day, I took her phone from her, called him up, and told him that the next time I see him, I'm going to literally break the arm off that he hits my sister with, and literally beat him into a coma with it. I wasn't kidding. At first, he denied everything, but, eventually started defending his actions, and told me I "can't fight" and I'm "a pussy."

So, I invited him out to my gym where I am a BJJ, karate, and kickboxing coach, for a "private sparring session." He declined. Boy, I sure was shocked. Apparently it "wasn't worth it" to beat up a "bitch like" me. So, I called him a chicken shit pussy and reminded him that if I happen to see him on the street, I will, in fact, beat him nearly to death.

Hey, it's all self-defense, he'd have attacked me first. Seriously, are the cops (many of whom I know on a personal level) going to honestly believe that an publicly-commended professional firefighter such as myself initiated a physical conflict with an unemployed thug with a criminal record?

Just sayin'.

for that to work out how many of those pesky outside witnesses are you gonna have to take out with him?

with all of this hollywood machismo...perhaps you & all those in this thread in favor of giving the abuser an ass kickin thus making him disappear forever... why not just call in dexter and be done with it?

just sayin :P

chadwick · February 2011

Johnnyguitarwatson wrote:

Cops will treat you like a king eh ? ...and the judge comparing track records will matter ? man, i can tell you're not from Philadelphia. I respect your views and appreciate your feedback but thats not how it is in this City.

i contacted my sis through FB today and was happy to hear that she had extended her stay in Texas until the 2nd week in march. I'm not sure if shes talking to her bf or not but at least this gives my family some time to figure things out.

rural iowa. good ole boy country. are you kidding me? some in here believe i am funnin' around about getting a free pass out of a jam (or several free passes over the course of a lifetime...and ticking). believe it. i am not bullshitting anyone.

possession of pot marijuana... nothing.
happened more than once.

possession of alcohol under legal age... nothing.
happened more than once.

drunk driving... nothing.
happened more than once. (a few times was on a dirt bike out running the police in the dark, no headlight or taillight or brakes and drunk as shit with a drunk passenger. until... until i gave up)
i got a no motorcycle license ticket, no headlight or brakelight ticket.

139 times... @ least, the law caught me and my brothers riding our motorcycles on public roadways.
how does a 12 yr old boy have a motorcycle license and a 360 honda with a shotgun strapped to the back of it?
easy. no motorcycle license and im going hunting. no hunting license either.

"take the motorcycles home. i don't know how many times i gotta tell you kids, keep them in the fields"

fighting... sometimes trouble sometimes nothing. my lawyer is friends with the judge. they duck hunt together and grew up together. both about 60 yrs old. small town iowa. do you honestly believe these two respectable men who serve the law didn't fuck around raising a ruckus when they were young?
forget about it.

the list goes on and on and on.
i am one of the luckiest people walking the planet.

plus all the other crap i been through.
i am amazed i am alive.

please do not shoot my statements down as hollywood movie script material.
it is my life and what i know and what works (or doesn't) for me.

i thank my grandfather and my father. mom's family too.

no doubt about it, i am a ding-dong.

Jearlpam0925 · February 2011

No one would ever ever EVER get away with hitting my sister - whether she went back for more or not. I'm a caveman like that.

chadwick · February 2011

Jearlpam0925 wrote:

No one would ever ever EVER get away with hitting my sister - whether she went back for more or not. I'm a caveman like that.

and i love you for it.

i never really chit chatted with you before. now that i know youre a caveman i am kind of excited to have a new friend.

wanna hang out and do something stupid?

Sister is in a Abusive relationship ...

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