Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell him or her you see what is going on and that you want to help. Help them recognize that what is happening is not “normal” and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.
Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there.
Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for him or her to talk about the abuse. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. He or she may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them. He or she will need your support even more during those times.
Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. He or she will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
Help him or her to develop a safety plan.
Encourage him or her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with him or her to talk to family and friends. If he or she has to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace.
If you think your friend or family member may be abusive, click here to find out more.
Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.
Even if Sis isn't ok with the family taking a stand against the abuser,
the family needs to unite and have the strength she doesn't.
If we refuse to be victims there can be no abusers
sorry, but I disagree Pandora....been there, done that. I made him end it because he didn't want to, he continued to bother me, I got the courts and the po-po involved, he was legally barred from contacting me for 2 years....that was 10 years ago and not a day goes by when I don't think 'oh god, I hope he doesn't find me' (he has a habit of trying to find all of his ex's)...all of my social networking pages are under fake names. I despise public information laws for this reason.
I really wish I knew eyed back then....nothing would be better than knowing that he doesn't live in the same state I do. Actually, other things would be better...but I'll keep those thoughts to myself......
:wave: If you mean the abuser won't let go that was my original post, the longer one stays the more the abuser will not let go, the more dangerous it becomes...and he needs a good ass whipping...got it right this time This post I was replying to the fact that maybe even if the sister is not ok with the family getting involved....
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
If you mean the abuser won't let go that was my original post, the longer one stays the more the abuser will not let go, the more dangerous it becomes...and he needs a good ass whipping...got it right this time This post I was replying to the fact that maybe even if the sister is not ok with the family getting involved....
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
See, if it was my sister, she wouldn't even know I talked to the guy because that would be part of the agreement the motherfucker agreed to.
A: Do it again and I'll kill you
B: Tell my sister I talked with you and I'll kill you
C: I'm probably just gonna kill you anyway so tread lightly
Are we agreed?
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The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?
Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.
They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.
And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.
Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.
i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.
pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.
If you mean the abuser won't let go that was my original post, the longer one stays the more the abuser will not let go, the more dangerous it becomes...and he needs a good ass whipping...got it right this time This post I was replying to the fact that maybe even if the sister is not ok with the family getting involved....
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
See, if it was my sister, she wouldn't even know I talked to the guy because that would be part of the agreement the motherfucker agreed to.
A: Do it again and I'll kill you
B: Tell my sister I talked with you and I'll kill you
C: I'm probably just gonna kill you anyway so tread lightly
Are we agreed?
I would love to think that my brothers would do that for me. Not that my husband would ever hit me, I'm more likely to hit him
I think its settled then ... I with a few friends will have to meet up with him after work and have a little discussion. I fear jail and losing my job but if this is what has to be Done then o guess I'm left with no other option. Maybe I'll get my other brothers involved and just tune this prick up ... Damn I just took a sigh of relief and feel totally relaxed right now. I guess violence is the answer...I'll keep ya's posted
If you mean the abuser won't let go that was my original post, the longer one stays the more the abuser will not let go, the more dangerous it becomes...and he needs a good ass whipping...got it right this time This post I was replying to the fact that maybe even if the sister is not ok with the family getting involved....
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
See, if it was my sister, she wouldn't even know I talked to the guy because that would be part of the agreement the motherfucker agreed to.
A: Do it again and I'll kill you
B: Tell my sister I talked with you and I'll kill you
C: I'm probably just gonna kill you anyway so tread lightly
Are we agreed?
Brut force I agree
and this young woman is lucky to have family to support her and brothers to make it clear
no one gets away with this.
unfortunately so many victims have no family or anyone to fight for them
Even if Sis isn't ok with the family taking a stand against the abuser,
the family needs to unite and have the strength she doesn't.
If we refuse to be victims there can be no abusers
sorry, but I disagree Pandora....been there, done that. I made him end it because he didn't want to, he continued to bother me, I got the courts and the po-po involved, he was legally barred from contacting me for 2 years....that was 10 years ago and not a day goes by when I don't think 'oh god, I hope he doesn't find me' (he has a habit of trying to find all of his ex's)...all of my social networking pages are under fake names. I despise public information laws for this reason.
I really wish I knew eyed back then....nothing would be better than knowing that he doesn't live in the same state I do. Actually, other things would be better...but I'll keep those thoughts to myself......
:wave: If you mean the abuser won't let go that was my original post, the longer one stays the more the abuser will not let go, the more dangerous it becomes...and he needs a good ass whipping...got it right this time This post I was replying to the fact that maybe even if the sister is not ok with the family getting involved....
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
i understand where you're coming from because to anyone outside of the situtation giving the abuser a good ass whupping sounds great (i'd be gratifying to see the fucker suffer) ...even just threatening him seems like an easy soulution...it'd be over & done he'll take off. however it's very likely he will come back around (especially if he has freinds, family, a job in the area) and (perhaps not right away) she'll be made to suffer even more abuse
the thing is though in reality if her family does kick his ass, she will defend the abuser (it's a form of stockholm syndrome...which it sounds like she's already in) and she'll further distance herself from her family & friends...
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
i understand where you're coming from because to anyone outside of the situtation giving the abuser a good ass whupping sounds great (i'd be gratifying to see the fucker suffer) ...even just threatening him seems like an easy soulution...it'd be over & done he'll take off. however it's very likely he will come back around (especially if he has freinds, family, a job in the area) and (perhaps not right away) she'll be made to suffer even more abuse
the thing is though in reality if her family does kick his ass, she will defend the abuser (it's a form of stockholm syndrome...which it sounds like she's already in) and she'll further distance herself from her family & friends...
See, you can't just go whomp someone's ass. You get arrested doing that and it makes you look like the bad guy. You have to be smart and there can be no witnesses. None. I recommend a high powered stun gun (bought with cash) and then a real convincing discussion while a boot is slowly being applied to their throat while they lay there twitching. I've never had someone doubt my sincerity. Of course, part of me would hope they would do it again.
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take the law into your own hands. that's the way it should be. it is for me and the family. it will not ever change. i promise you that a reputation carries enormous strength. get one of those and nobody will mess your sister around any.
then again some people like to live dangerously. it hurts living. that's what i think.
hurts me anyways.
a stupid speed freak mean guy walks into my brothers' apartment during a party. his radar is dial and locked in on his g/f who is sitting at the kitchen table down stairs having drinks with friends and the father of their child they gave up for adoption. it is the kid's birthday today. happy birthday to the young one. and she is doing them both. what a big sexfest these young people have. here comes meany speedy freaky monster,
whamo... "Cccchhhhaaaaaadddddddd" yells me youngest brother. me upstairs. stereo is cranked. black light posters are indeed going full and on. ppl everywhere. me??
me?
im innoccent as shit.
i had about a 1/2 a 5th of whiskey in me.
(i knew when mad mean guy slid by me
i knew it was on.....)
when i flew down the flight of stairs i saw demonic speed rager punched her in the face
it had to be in glass i guess
because shortly after i snatched him up i think i threw him into or on or around the table covered in glass beer bottles and other fun glass items.
so i threw him around a glass pit a while. head stairs guy too. he met the fridge, we about knocked it over. (its never a great fight unless refridgerators are knocked over)
ever grab a man's throat?
that is scary.
turned him loose when someone said the cops are coming, neighbors phoned the lawmen.
my legs, knees were cut to shit. i remember standing in blood socks & shoes
great fun.
i've invited him to do his little act of violence again. he declines and nowadays he opens doors for my family and even myself. grocery store and a gas station. seen it a million times.
edit...
and i must say
i asked the maniac if he could behave himself and leave nicely i'd let him go..(i was on his back with his arm twisted up behind him and bent ready to rip off or something.) he said he would be an angel and go away. liar. he punched her in the face yet again. that's 3 hits to the young lady's face.
i understand where you're coming from because to anyone outside of the situtation giving the abuser a good ass whupping sounds great (i'd be gratifying to see the fucker suffer) ...even just threatening him seems like an easy soulution...it'd be over & done he'll take off. however it's very likely he will come back around (especially if he has freinds, family, a job in the area) and (perhaps not right away) she'll be made to suffer even more abuse
the thing is though in reality if her family does kick his ass, she will defend the abuser (it's a form of stockholm syndrome...which it sounds like she's already in) and she'll further distance herself from her family & friends...
Yes, this thought crossed my mind, the chance for retaliation abuse
and I do know how the mind of the victim works to some degree,
although I do not understand it. Cruelty is a deal breaker in all cases,
this I know and have taught my children.
I realize change only comes to ones life if they want it themselves, no one can do this for them
whatever they must conquer.
But damned if I would stand by and watch someone I love be abused,
civility is gone when you are dealing with an ignorant monster.
I'm with eyed and Chadwick on this
If necessary the guy wouldn't be breathing for long.
i understand where you're coming from because to anyone outside of the situtation giving the abuser a good ass whupping sounds great (i'd be gratifying to see the fucker suffer) ...even just threatening him seems like an easy soulution...it'd be over & done he'll take off. however it's very likely he will come back around (especially if he has freinds, family, a job in the area) and (perhaps not right away) she'll be made to suffer even more abuse
the thing is though in reality if her family does kick his ass, she will defend the abuser (it's a form of stockholm syndrome...which it sounds like she's already in) and she'll further distance herself from her family & friends...
See, you can't just go whomp someone's ass. You get arrested doing that and it makes you look like the bad guy. You have to be smart and there can be no witnesses. None. I recommend a high powered stun gun (bought with cash) and then a real convincing discussion while a boot is slowly being applied to their throat while they lay there twitching. I've never had someone doubt my sincerity. Of course, part of me would hope they would do it again.
in all seriousness i just know from personal experience & having been a DV volunteer that threats towards the abuser are only temporary at best...
my dad and my big bro (two large, tough guys that could beat the shit out of godzilla) both threatened my ex...and he was back less than two weeks later..and the cycle continued...until i had the plan, $ opportunity to leave him for good....and by then i was 3000 miles away from my friends & family...
it was his mom seeing what was going on that assisted me & my kids to get away. and the staff & volunteers & counceling @ the local DV shelter that me & the kids turned to for help.... awesome ppl that also helped me to take the steps to prevent him from following us (yeah...an international borderline between us & him sure helped too)
in all seriousness i just know from personal experience & having been a DV volunteer that threats towards the abuser are only temporary at best...
my dad and my big bro (two large, tough guys that could beat the shit out of godzilla) both threatened my ex...and he was back less than two weeks later..and the cycle continued...until i had the plan, $ opportunity to leave him for good....and by then i was 3000 miles away from my friends & family...
it was his mom seeing what was going on that assisted me & my kids to get away. and the staff & volunteers & counceling @ the local DV shelter that me & the kids turned to for help.... awesome ppl that also helped me to take the steps to prevent him from following us (yeah...an international borderline between us & him sure helped too)
Most of you listen to Prism. She's probably right in most cases, but I'll stick with what I know. Why didn't your dad or bro do something besides threaten? A threat is no good if someone doesn't believe it. You have to be willing to back it up.
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in all seriousness i just know from personal experience & having been a DV volunteer that threats towards the abuser are only temporary at best...
my dad and my big bro (two large, tough guys that could beat the shit out of godzilla) both threatened my ex...and he was back less than two weeks later..and the cycle continued...until i had the plan, $ opportunity to leave him for good....and by then i was 3000 miles away from my friends & family...
it was his mom seeing what was going on that assisted me & my kids to get away. and the staff & volunteers & counceling @ the local DV shelter that me & the kids turned to for help.... awesome ppl that also helped me to take the steps to prevent him from following us (yeah...an international borderline between us & him sure helped too)
Most of you listen to Prism. She's probably right in most cases, but I'll stick with what I know. Why didn't your dad or bro do something besides threaten? A threat is no good if someone doesn't believe it. You have to be willing to back it up.
well for one witnesses...we didn't live out in the sticks. for another i asked them not to beat him (both of them wanted to) being that they'd would've been the ones to land in jail & the courts on assault or murder charges. & the weasel would've walked....that is if my dad wouldn't have killed him (which i feared he would & it would've sucked to see such a good guy stuck in prison forever...the weasel wasn't worth that risk)
you gotta understand this was 23 yrs ago & domestic violence laws didn't exsits. and it was virginia... where back then according to many good ol' boys a bitch (every woman) needs a good slappin around to keep 'em line :wtf:
Matthew 26:52, NIV: "Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword".
I can only see this violent situation his sister is in will only escalate with her in the middle of it. A dear love of mine escaped her extremely violent ex husband when he was arrested and sent away to jail for 2.5 years. He threatened to kill her while there but she had made up her mind and followed through with a divorce. Kept her house and all of her children.
His time there I think changed his violent ways and has now helped her out from time to time with the 4 children. We have not walked a mile in his sister shoes as to why she is still defending him and her husband may look at any retaliation against him as a home invasion and react with even more violence.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
A number of years ago a man nearly murdered my sister. I swore and still do if I come face to face with him I will beat him to a pulp much like he did my sister.
He was never caught, she was on the trip of a lifetime travelling across America and it was cut short by this fucker in America.
It's not the right thing to do, but If it was my sister I would fuck him up.... 13 years I have longed to feel my knuckes on this guys face.
Good luck
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A number of years ago a man nearly murdered my sister. I swore and still do if I come face to face with him I will beat him to a pulp much like he did my sister.
He was never caught, she was on the trip of a lifetime travelling across America and it was cut short by this fucker in America.
It's not the right thing to do, but If it was my sister I would fuck him up.... 13 years I have longed to feel my knuckes on this guys face.
Good luck
I totally understand your situation and I probably would feel the same way. However, in the situation with the OP sister beating him up I feel will only create an even worse situation.
peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
A number of years ago a man nearly murdered my sister. I swore and still do if I come face to face with him I will beat him to a pulp much like he did my sister.
He was never caught, she was on the trip of a lifetime travelling across America and it was cut short by this fucker in America.
It's not the right thing to do, but If it was my sister I would fuck him up.... 13 years I have longed to feel my knuckes on this guys face.
Good luck
I totally understand your situation and I probably would feel the same way. However, in the situation with the OP sister beating him up I feel will only create an even worse situation.
peace
agreed. he may well blame her for his beating and visit upon her tenfold what was visited upon him to teach her a lesson.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I've talked to a couple friends today who know people ... The ability to make this son of a bitch suffer and cry for mercy is just a phone call away. I know this won't solve anything though ...ive seen this play out before as mentioned. The numerous beatings my older sisters boyfriend took was unfucking real ... Had the son of a bitch lying in a pool of blood and guess whose the bad guy ? Not him. According to my sis he was the victim and my family(bros) beat him for no reason ....matter of fact I swear she loved loved him even more. WTF is wrong with some women... But whatever maybe this time is different. Now that I have all this paper trail I guess I better cool off with this "making him pay " shit... That's going to be a last resort.
Hey thanks again for all of the support. I don't know any of you and yet you feel like bros and sisters to me ... Pearl jam really does bring people togeather uh ? The information and feedback has really gotten my motivated to help her see.
Matthew 26:52, NIV: "Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword".
I can only see this violent situation his sister is in will only escalate with her in the middle of it. A dear love of mine escaped her extremely violent ex husband when he was arrested and sent away to jail for 2.5 years. He threatened to kill her while there but she had made up her mind and followed through with a divorce. Kept her house and all of her children.
His time there I think changed his violent ways and has now helped her out from time to time with the 4 children. We have not walked a mile in his sister shoes as to why she is still defending him and her husband may look at any retaliation against him as a home invasion and react with even more violence.
Peace
Finally some sense around here. OP, don't risk putting your sister's life into more danger on the advice of some macho message-board wankers.
I've talked to a couple friends today who know people ... The ability to make this son of a bitch suffer and cry for mercy is just a phone call away. I know this won't solve anything though ...ive seen this play out before as mentioned. The numerous beatings my older sisters boyfriend took was unfucking real ... Had the son of a bitch lying in a pool of blood and guess whose the bad guy ? Not him. According to my sis he was the victim and my family(bros) beat him for no reason ....matter of fact I swear she loved loved him even more. WTF is wrong with some women... But whatever maybe this time is different. Now that I have all this paper trail I guess I better cool off with this "making him pay " shit... That's going to be a last resort.
Hey thanks again for all of the support. I don't know any of you and yet you feel like bros and sisters to me ... Pearl jam really does bring people togeather uh ? The information and feedback has really gotten my motivated to help her see.
Goodnight
Jgw, good for you. So many things can go so very wrong with inflicting violence, don't we become just like the violater in some mystical way. They will come a day however when your sister will see the the light or it will dawn on her this is NOT the way I want to live my life and at that point she will need you and your siblings to reach out to her if you were not already there for her. All the best man, all the best.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Even if Sis isn't ok with the family taking a stand against the abuser,
the family needs to unite and have the strength she doesn't.
If we refuse to be victims there can be no abusers
sorry, but I disagree Pandora....been there, done that. I made him end it because he didn't want to, he continued to bother me, I got the courts and the po-po involved, he was legally barred from contacting me for 2 years....that was 10 years ago and not a day goes by when I don't think 'oh god, I hope he doesn't find me' (he has a habit of trying to find all of his ex's)...all of my social networking pages are under fake names. I despise public information laws for this reason.
I really wish I knew eyed back then....nothing would be better than knowing that he doesn't live in the same state I do. Actually, other things would be better...but I'll keep those thoughts to myself......
I woke in the middle of the night, thinking of this.
Thinking of living in fear instead of living free.
It is a horrific thing you went through and you are one with a positive good ending who got away yet still to some degree tormented. After all these years, still tormented, something you still have to deal with.
I am so sorry and can relate to some degree.
In 1970, when I was 14 my older sister returned home to my Moms house with her 2 year old daughter. She had a black eye, fat lip, broken ribs, bruises and scratches. Her first husband had been beating her, this not the first time but all I knew of it.
She left him, it took great strength to get away, really the very last that she had.
In the few months that followed,living there with me, I saw the mental toll it had taken on her.
As a child she had night terrors. She had recurring dreams of many bees stinging her all over and she would wake screaming and swatting.
Her waking hours now she knew this terror and she began to slip away from us. She was in a full blown mental break.
It took all my Mama had to find the courage to save her and have her committed for the psychiatric help she needed. I will never forget when they came with the straight jacket. She pleading not to be taken, my Mama broken, feeling she had betrayed her. My sister being separated from her baby, crying to hold her.
At the time, my sister being 6 years older, I only knew her as strong and capable. Beautiful, lighthearted.
In that moment I saw how fragile she was... how fragile we all are in the wrong hands.
That we all need to be handled with care.
My sisters experience gave me insight to know a man's character is his most valuable trait.
He must have caring hands.
This experience also has given me little tolerance of men who beat women.
It is not just that woman who is brutalized it is all who love her.
Lives are forever changed, most especially a 2 year olds.
So as much as I can understand violence begets violence and is not an answer, in my heart I find it to be justice.
I may have issues unresolved or maybe I know the heartache caused and just want to see an end to it.
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
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I've talked to a couple friends today who know people ... The ability to make this son of a bitch suffer and cry for mercy is just a phone call away. I know this won't solve anything though ...ive seen this play out before as mentioned. The numerous beatings my older sisters boyfriend took was unfucking real ... Had the son of a bitch lying in a pool of blood and guess whose the bad guy ? Not him. According to my sis he was the victim and my family(bros) beat him for no reason ....matter of fact I swear she loved loved him even more. WTF is wrong with some women... But whatever maybe this time is different. Now that I have all this paper trail I guess I better cool off with this "making him pay " shit... That's going to be a last resort.
Hey thanks again for all of the support. I don't know any of you and yet you feel like bros and sisters to me ... Pearl jam really does bring people togeather uh ? The information and feedback has really gotten my motivated to help her see.
Goodnight
As much as I'd want to kick his throat in, this (in red) is the main problem. Your other sister has to change before this will get better. She is a secondary problem to this situation. She has to gain her confidence and acknowlegde the fact that there are way more respectful men out there that wont beat her up. She has to want to leave him. By staying with this loser through this shows that there are more problems than just giving this guy a taste of his own medicine.
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
and you, Sir, are wired up just fine to my notion. nothing wrong with defending family members.
nothing wrong with defending friends or complete strangers that may need some assistance.
last night i had the "bloody glass pit brawl" in my dreams. it even felt good while zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I've talked to a couple friends today who know people ... The ability to make this son of a bitch suffer and cry for mercy is just a phone call away. I know this won't solve anything though ...ive seen this play out before as mentioned. The numerous beatings my older sisters boyfriend took was unfucking real ... Had the son of a bitch lying in a pool of blood and guess whose the bad guy ? Not him. According to my sis he was the victim and my family(bros) beat him for no reason ....matter of fact I swear she loved loved him even more. WTF is wrong with some women... But whatever maybe this time is different. Now that I have all this paper trail I guess I better cool off with this "making him pay " shit... That's going to be a last resort.
Hey thanks again for all of the support. I don't know any of you and yet you feel like bros and sisters to me ... Pearl jam really does bring people togeather uh ? The information and feedback has really gotten my motivated to help her see.
Goodnight
As much as I'd want to kick his throat in, this (in red) is the main problem. Your other sister has to change before this will get better. She is a secondary problem to this situation. She has to gain her confidence and acknowlegde the fact that there are way more respectful men out there that wont beat her up. She has to want to leave him. By staying with this loser through this shows that there are more problems than just giving this guy a taste of his own medicine.
or just bury him in the desert.
I recall the irony that it was my sister committed for treatment after he left her broken and her x husband went on in life to torment more women.
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
I recall the irony that it was my sister committed for treatment after he left her broken and her x husband went on in life to torment more women.
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
good post pandora, one thing i'd like to point out if i may. men don't beat on women (and children). men need to show guys or loser or boys or weak candy ass jerk offs that harming women is a bad idea. being a big meany does not make anyone a man.
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
I'm at work and I can't get into it or answer your question but I'll more than gladly, gracefully answer your question later tonight or when I have the appropriate time to do so. Also I'll try and give you and others a bit of understanding as to why I have the stance that I do even if it were my own sister or daughter.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Comments
yes, she has to be the one to want out...but friends and family can call the hotline too to seek more specific ways to help & support her through it
24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/ ... ng-abused/
Don’t be afraid to let him or her know that you are concerned for their safety. Help your friend or family member recognize the abuse. Tell him or her you see what is going on and that you want to help. Help them recognize that what is happening is not “normal” and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.
Acknowledge that he or she is in a very difficult and scary situation. Let your friend or family member know that the abuse is not their fault. Reassure him or her that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there.
Be supportive. Listen to your friend or family member. Remember that it may be difficult for him or her to talk about the abuse. Let him or her know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen to them.
Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. He or she may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize his or her decisions or try to guilt them. He or she will need your support even more during those times.
Encourage him or her to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family.
If he or she ends the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. He or she will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.
Help him or her to develop a safety plan.
Encourage him or her to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. Find a local domestic violence agency that provides counseling or support groups. Offer to go with him or her to talk to family and friends. If he or she has to go to the police, court or a lawyer, offer to go along for moral support.
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace.
If you think your friend or family member may be abusive, click here to find out more.
Please call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 to discuss your concerns and questions.
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
to threaten etc... in my belief thats doesn't matter, a united family can only help.
See, if it was my sister, she wouldn't even know I talked to the guy because that would be part of the agreement the motherfucker agreed to.
A: Do it again and I'll kill you
B: Tell my sister I talked with you and I'll kill you
C: I'm probably just gonna kill you anyway so tread lightly
Are we agreed?
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yes.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
My husband had to kick my ex's ass.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I would love to think that my brothers would do that for me. Not that my husband would ever hit me, I'm more likely to hit him
other brothers
i am reading this correctly.
ok.
(pausing to think before hitting sumbit)
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
and this young woman is lucky to have family to support her and brothers to make it clear
no one gets away with this.
unfortunately so many victims have no family or anyone to fight for them
i understand where you're coming from because to anyone outside of the situtation giving the abuser a good ass whupping sounds great (i'd be gratifying to see the fucker suffer) ...even just threatening him seems like an easy soulution...it'd be over & done he'll take off. however it's very likely he will come back around (especially if he has freinds, family, a job in the area) and (perhaps not right away) she'll be made to suffer even more abuse
the thing is though in reality if her family does kick his ass, she will defend the abuser (it's a form of stockholm syndrome...which it sounds like she's already in) and she'll further distance herself from her family & friends...
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
- Christopher McCandless
See, you can't just go whomp someone's ass. You get arrested doing that and it makes you look like the bad guy. You have to be smart and there can be no witnesses. None. I recommend a high powered stun gun (bought with cash) and then a real convincing discussion while a boot is slowly being applied to their throat while they lay there twitching. I've never had someone doubt my sincerity. Of course, part of me would hope they would do it again.
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then again some people like to live dangerously. it hurts living. that's what i think.
hurts me anyways.
a stupid speed freak mean guy walks into my brothers' apartment during a party. his radar is dial and locked in on his g/f who is sitting at the kitchen table down stairs having drinks with friends and the father of their child they gave up for adoption. it is the kid's birthday today. happy birthday to the young one. and she is doing them both. what a big sexfest these young people have. here comes meany speedy freaky monster,
whamo... "Cccchhhhaaaaaadddddddd" yells me youngest brother. me upstairs. stereo is cranked. black light posters are indeed going full and on. ppl everywhere. me??
me?
im innoccent as shit.
i had about a 1/2 a 5th of whiskey in me.
(i knew when mad mean guy slid by me
i knew it was on.....)
when i flew down the flight of stairs i saw demonic speed rager punched her in the face
it had to be in glass i guess
because shortly after i snatched him up i think i threw him into or on or around the table covered in glass beer bottles and other fun glass items.
so i threw him around a glass pit a while. head stairs guy too. he met the fridge, we about knocked it over. (its never a great fight unless refridgerators are knocked over)
ever grab a man's throat?
that is scary.
turned him loose when someone said the cops are coming, neighbors phoned the lawmen.
my legs, knees were cut to shit. i remember standing in blood socks & shoes
great fun.
i've invited him to do his little act of violence again. he declines and nowadays he opens doors for my family and even myself. grocery store and a gas station. seen it a million times.
edit...
and i must say
i asked the maniac if he could behave himself and leave nicely i'd let him go..(i was on his back with his arm twisted up behind him and bent ready to rip off or something.) he said he would be an angel and go away. liar. he punched her in the face yet again. that's 3 hits to the young lady's face.
on...
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
and I do know how the mind of the victim works to some degree,
although I do not understand it. Cruelty is a deal breaker in all cases,
this I know and have taught my children.
I realize change only comes to ones life if they want it themselves, no one can do this for them
whatever they must conquer.
But damned if I would stand by and watch someone I love be abused,
civility is gone when you are dealing with an ignorant monster.
I'm with eyed and Chadwick on this
If necessary the guy wouldn't be breathing for long.
in all seriousness i just know from personal experience & having been a DV volunteer that threats towards the abuser are only temporary at best...
my dad and my big bro (two large, tough guys that could beat the shit out of godzilla) both threatened my ex...and he was back less than two weeks later..and the cycle continued...until i had the plan, $ opportunity to leave him for good....and by then i was 3000 miles away from my friends & family...
it was his mom seeing what was going on that assisted me & my kids to get away. and the staff & volunteers & counceling @ the local DV shelter that me & the kids turned to for help.... awesome ppl that also helped me to take the steps to prevent him from following us (yeah...an international borderline between us & him sure helped too)
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Most of you listen to Prism. She's probably right in most cases, but I'll stick with what I know. Why didn't your dad or bro do something besides threaten? A threat is no good if someone doesn't believe it. You have to be willing to back it up.
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well for one witnesses...we didn't live out in the sticks. for another i asked them not to beat him (both of them wanted to) being that they'd would've been the ones to land in jail & the courts on assault or murder charges. & the weasel would've walked....that is if my dad wouldn't have killed him (which i feared he would & it would've sucked to see such a good guy stuck in prison forever...the weasel wasn't worth that risk)
you gotta understand this was 23 yrs ago & domestic violence laws didn't exsits. and it was virginia... where back then according to many good ol' boys a bitch (every woman) needs a good slappin around to keep 'em line :wtf:
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Matthew 26:52, NIV: "Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword".
I can only see this violent situation his sister is in will only escalate with her in the middle of it. A dear love of mine escaped her extremely violent ex husband when he was arrested and sent away to jail for 2.5 years. He threatened to kill her while there but she had made up her mind and followed through with a divorce. Kept her house and all of her children.
His time there I think changed his violent ways and has now helped her out from time to time with the 4 children. We have not walked a mile in his sister shoes as to why she is still defending him and her husband may look at any retaliation against him as a home invasion and react with even more violence.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
He was never caught, she was on the trip of a lifetime travelling across America and it was cut short by this fucker in America.
It's not the right thing to do, but If it was my sister I would fuck him up.... 13 years I have longed to feel my knuckes on this guys face.
Good luck
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I totally understand your situation and I probably would feel the same way. However, in the situation with the OP sister beating him up I feel will only create an even worse situation.
peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
agreed. he may well blame her for his beating and visit upon her tenfold what was visited upon him to teach her a lesson.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Hey thanks again for all of the support. I don't know any of you and yet you feel like bros and sisters to me ... Pearl jam really does bring people togeather uh ? The information and feedback has really gotten my motivated to help her see.
Goodnight
Finally some sense around here. OP, don't risk putting your sister's life into more danger on the advice of some macho message-board wankers.
Jgw, good for you. So many things can go so very wrong with inflicting violence, don't we become just like the violater in some mystical way.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Thinking of living in fear instead of living free.
It is a horrific thing you went through and you are one with a positive good ending who got away yet still to some degree tormented. After all these years, still tormented, something you still have to deal with.
I am so sorry and can relate to some degree.
In 1970, when I was 14 my older sister returned home to my Moms house with her 2 year old daughter. She had a black eye, fat lip, broken ribs, bruises and scratches. Her first husband had been beating her, this not the first time but all I knew of it.
She left him, it took great strength to get away, really the very last that she had.
In the few months that followed,living there with me, I saw the mental toll it had taken on her.
As a child she had night terrors. She had recurring dreams of many bees stinging her all over and she would wake screaming and swatting.
Her waking hours now she knew this terror and she began to slip away from us. She was in a full blown mental break.
It took all my Mama had to find the courage to save her and have her committed for the psychiatric help she needed. I will never forget when they came with the straight jacket. She pleading not to be taken, my Mama broken, feeling she had betrayed her. My sister being separated from her baby, crying to hold her.
At the time, my sister being 6 years older, I only knew her as strong and capable. Beautiful, lighthearted.
In that moment I saw how fragile she was... how fragile we all are in the wrong hands.
That we all need to be handled with care.
My sisters experience gave me insight to know a man's character is his most valuable trait.
He must have caring hands.
This experience also has given me little tolerance of men who beat women.
It is not just that woman who is brutalized it is all who love her.
Lives are forever changed, most especially a 2 year olds.
So as much as I can understand violence begets violence and is not an answer, in my heart I find it to be justice.
I may have issues unresolved or maybe I know the heartache caused and just want to see an end to it.
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As much as I'd want to kick his throat in, this (in red) is the main problem. Your other sister has to change before this will get better. She is a secondary problem to this situation. She has to gain her confidence and acknowlegde the fact that there are way more respectful men out there that wont beat her up. She has to want to leave him. By staying with this loser through this shows that there are more problems than just giving this guy a taste of his own medicine.
or just bury him in the desert.
nothing wrong with defending friends or complete strangers that may need some assistance.
last night i had the "bloody glass pit brawl" in my dreams. it even felt good while zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
if one can't defend loved ones something's worng.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
good post pandora, one thing i'd like to point out if i may. men don't beat on women (and children). men need to show guys or loser or boys or weak candy ass jerk offs that harming women is a bad idea. being a big meany does not make anyone a man.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I'm at work and I can't get into it or answer your question but I'll more than gladly, gracefully answer your question later tonight or when I have the appropriate time to do so. Also I'll try and give you and others a bit of understanding as to why I have the stance that I do even if it were my own sister or daughter.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)