I recall the irony that it was my sister committed for treatment after he left her broken and her x husband went on in life to torment more women.
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
I totally agree Pandora, I was just saying the sisters willingness to stay with him was the "secondary" problem.
While the guy is the primary problem, kicking his ass could create other problems altogehter.
I dont like violence and i dont think it can usually fix the problem.. of course, this is easy for me to say a million miles away.. if this was happeneing to my sister, i'd be at their house in an instant making sure that this guy never laid a hand on her again. I guess i'm kinda contradictory.
Also, there are probably a million othre factors in this that we dont know about..
Does he drink?
how long they have been together?
How old is he? she?
Does he have a record?
i ran around a bit with a woman who was with a few different dudes who used to beat on her. i couldn't believe the things she told me that happened to her. not one single swingin' dick ever stepped in to help her and the kids out, and she has 2 brothers, 2 sisters, mom & dad, and many male friends. hell, her one brother is a god damn policeman for crying out load. still, nothing.
when her 2nd husband dies she is to dance a jig on his grave. all i know is that that can not happen soon enough. this guy has been hurting women his entire adult life. hell, he probably beat up little girls when he was a boy.
useless piece of garbage...
and lemme tell ya something. i loved this woman a lot but he fucked her up so much so many times that she couldn't overcome a lot of it and had problems being in a loving relationship. i gave her flowers. the first few times she got scared and ran away. dickhead always gave her flowers after beating her ass.
why his ribs aren't smashed in right this instant is beyond me.
I'm sure she is also being "mentally" abused as well as physically abused. She may even feel that its part her fault - somehow if she does everything just right - he would stop beating her up. These situations are so complicated- no easy answer -
Your sister needs to ge help as soon as possible - especially if their are children involved. No child should witness their mom being beat up.
And yes, it would be nice if "someone" can beat the shit out of her husband - just to give him a taste of his own medicine...
I recall the irony that it was my sister committed for treatment after he left her broken and her x husband went on in life to torment more women.
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
I totally agree Pandora, I was just saying the sisters willingness to stay with him was the "secondary" problem.
While the guy is the primary problem, kicking his ass could create other problems altogehter.
I dont like violence and i dont think it can usually fix the problem.. of course, this is easy for me to say a million miles away.. if this was happeneing to my sister, i'd be at their house in an instant making sure that this guy never laid a hand on her again. I guess i'm kinda contradictory.
Also, there are probably a million othre factors in this that we dont know about..
Does he drink?
how long they have been together?
How old is he? she?
Does he have a record?
and I agree with the secondary problem to some degree but still feel if he felt threatened for his life he would move on. But yes it is her that needs to not accept this treatment otherwise it may happen again.
I too am contradictory...I am against capital punishment but not taking justice into your own hands if necessary to save a loved one. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel.
I recall the irony that it was my sister committed for treatment after he left her broken and her x husband went on in life to torment more women.
I said before in my post if there are no victims there can be no abusers speaking of empowering women as you say but unfortunately I agree with 4 and 20, often the damage has been done
to the strongest of women, even empowered women. In many cases the women leave but are stalked even killed because of leaving.
It's hard for me to believe 41 years later, since my sisters experience, men are still beating women.
What's it gonna take?
Men need to show men this won't be tolerated in whatever way is needed.
It is still a man's world and they need to protect their sisters.
good post pandora, one thing i'd like to point out if i may. men don't beat on women (and children). men need to show guys or loser or boys or weak candy ass jerk offs that harming women is a bad idea. being a big meany does not make anyone a man.
I agree Chadwick. The abusers mind is very twisted. Needing power over those weaker, a true coward...bully.
A lifelong bully grown up.
And as you said in your other post about your lady friend, the physical scars are nothing compared to the mental ones left on the victim, they heal.
Like in my sisters case and that which her daughter witnessed long
before she could even understand, is hidden deep in her subconscious.
Fear is something that does not go away.
My experiences have taught me that human beings are cowards, especially bullies who would pick on women and children. Confront them and they back down like scared little dogs. You probably wouldn't even have to actually physically harm the individual as long as they truly believe that you are fully capable of it. Hell, I once challenged an entire frat to a fight, in their house no less, and even after a dozen of them had assembled, not one was willing to step forward, let alone the whole group. One of my most stupid, but proudest moments...
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
My experiences have taught me that human beings are cowards, especially bullies who would pick on women and children. Confront them and they back down like scared little dogs.:
Agreed -
To the rest of your post - ya just don't fuck with a dude who knowingly leaves his house wearing Crocs.
My experiences have taught me that human beings are cowards, especially bullies who would pick on women and children. Confront them and they back down like scared little dogs. You probably wouldn't even have to actually physically harm the individual as long as they truly believe that you are fully capable of it. Hell, I once challenged an entire frat to a fight, in their house no less, and even after a dozen of them had assembled, not one was willing to step forward, let alone the whole group. One of my most stupid, but proudest moments...
lovin' it.
your little experience is just about exactly like my little brother Dut's. 18-20 year olds rented a house next door to a family friend's parents house. kids shot out the old man's taillights and headlights to his vehicales.
our dude isn't exactly a scraper. my brother, friend, and myself cruised into town to have a conversation with these youngmen. like you my brother took over their house. it was the greatest moment in my life to date.
my little brother backed 20 or more young little bastards into a corner and had them scrambling for any thought among them on what to do.
i sat on the couch talkin to some young dude.
our buddy had no clue what to say so he laughed a lot and was strong & powerful for the first time in his life.
stupid kids replaced the lights.
bb gun even.
brother knocking on door...knock knock
door opens...
youngmen wrestlers badasses and football team answer the door...
brother says "who are you?"
dude with young hard atheletes behind him says "im god"
brother says.."no...you're a (expeletive deleted) piece of (expletive deleted)
then i stood there with our buddy as my little brother cleaned house.
i want the (expletive deleted) bb gun right (expletive deleted) now.
they tried acting dumb about it.
not happenin.
we gave the old man the kid's bb gun
not one single lawman or attorney was called.
not one single drop of blood dripped.
no punches no kicks.
I've been in a similar position with someone close to me... it's so incredibly frustrating. First I dealt with it by telling him what a prick he was every chance I got and letting her know what a prick he was. This only achieved her falling out with me cos, in her eyes, I was simply not getting on with the guy she 'loved'. This was a complete failure.
She stopped talking to me and other friends, they started making plans to move away :shock: so I figured I had to do something. I apologised to him in front of her, while also letting him know that I still can't stand him and that he's a dickhead (whenever she wasn't around). He couldn't say anything to her cos all she saw was me being really nice to his face.
There was nothing I could do to get her away from him though... all I could do was wait for the inevitable. And it happened... he got abusive in public, somebody witnessed it, police were called, he was arrested, she woke up, he was dumped!
I'm not sure I ever feared for her life though... I wasn't afraid of this guy and I knew I had people who would 'help' if needed. If I did fear for her life, those people would have been getting involved!
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I totally understand your situation and I probably would feel the same way. However, in the situation with the OP sister beating him up I feel will only create an even worse situation.
peace
agreed. he may well blame her for his beating and visit upon her tenfold what was visited upon him to teach her a lesson.
this is just what will happen to her if friends/family jump in to beat him up
Matthew 26:52, NIV: "Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword".
I can only see this violent situation his sister is in will only escalate with her in the middle of it. A dear love of mine escaped her extremely violent ex husband when he was arrested and sent away to jail for 2.5 years. He threatened to kill her while there but she had made up her mind and followed through with a divorce. Kept her house and all of her children.
His time there I think changed his violent ways and has now helped her out from time to time with the 4 children. We have not walked a mile in his sister shoes as to why she is still defending him and her husband may look at any retaliation against him as a home invasion and react with even more violence.
Peace
Finally some sense around here. OP, don't risk putting your sister's life into more danger on the advice of some macho message-board wankers.
some have lost sight that in actually beating or threatening him will only put her life in greater danger...it's about what's best for & going to truly help her... the abused. it's not getting vengence against the abuser. which will ultimately only exacerbate her problem
the macho idea that giving the abuser a good beating will result in him leaving town forever or it'll force him into becoming non-abusive for good...then she'll be thankful to her family for saving her because it'll be a final end to the problems. truth is that only happens in hollywood on tv. or the movies....
i think this bears repeating:
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace
thanks....i was just stating what actually happens
from someone that's been there, it wasn't just my dad & bro... but even HIS best friend offered to beat the shit outta my ex for me in order to set him straight...as tempting as his offer was i knew i'd be the one to end up paying for it with my blood
also in the past as a volunteer i've listened to badly battered & bruised women while crying say "i thought after my (fill in friend/family members) beat the shit out of him that he would finally stop hitting me"
every community has DV resources...crisis lines, shelters, ongoing support groups etc. available that can and do help. but she has to want & do what's necessary for things to change (hate to make the comparison but it's a tiny bit like an addict & rehab....the abuser being her drug of choice)
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
Well like you said, you, myself and all of us are wired in all sorts of ways whether that is right or if it is wrong. To answer your question...I joined the military not seeking violence but to become an officer and to be a leader and a leader of men.
I was trained not only to lead these men but to be a soldier in doing so and while becoming a soldier I was also trained to kill. I was Special Forces trained to kill in hand to hand combat and in firearms which I excelled in both. I also became an expert shot/rifleman. As time went by I saw a change in me that I didn't like, I saw that killing was so easy, death became something that didn't faze me to the point where I was begging for a war somewhere anywhere in this world.
It was at this point I realized I had to get out of the military and I did. I feared this death and mayhem side of me would bring it's rath on society. One of the reasons I use the username g under p (Grace Under Pressure) other than my love of the band RUSH is to constantly remind me of that side of me that knows how to kill and hurt as a soldier. Under pressure situations I try to keep grace and be graceful cause I know the things I'm capable of. Another is my use of the word Peace at the end of 90% of my posts.
Now if I was to ever seek so called justice or to threathen someone over abuse to let's say my sister i know exactly what would happen. That is someone is going to be killed, either it's going to him or me more than likely him. As a soldier the training of being a killer which hasn't entirely left me would come to the forefront. I don't do most things half assed it's all or nothing with me and that's how I am wired.
What exactly would be my gain in this action of mine? My sister's abuse would end yes....I would be in jail for the rest of my life...my daughter's life would be miserable and fatherless....and most importantly my sister would dispise my guts to no end if she was still defending her abusive husband.
So in the end what would this apparent macho violent action of mine gain for me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
Well like you said, you, myself and all of us are wired in all sorts of ways whether that is right or if it is wrong. To answer your question...I joined the military not seeking violence but to become an officer and to be a leader and a leader of men.
I was trained not only to lead these men but to be a soldier in doing so and while becoming a soldier I was also trained to kill. I was Special Forces trained to kill in hand to hand combat and in firearms which I excelled in both. I also became an expert shot/rifleman. As time went by I saw a change in me that I didn't like, I saw that killing was so easy, death became something that didn't faze me to the point where I was begging for a war somewhere anywhere in this world.
It was at this point I realized I had to get out of the military and I did. I feared this death and mayhem side of me would bring it's rath on society. One of the reasons I use the username g under p (Grace Under Pressure) other than my love of the band RUSH is to constantly remind me of that side of me that knows how to kill and hurt as a soldier. Under pressure situations I try to keep grace and be graceful cause I know the things I'm capable of. Another is my use of the word Peace at the end of 90% of my posts.
Now if I was to ever seek so called justice or to threathen someone over abuse to let's say my sister i know exactly what would happen. That is someone is going to be killed, either it's going to him or me more than likely him. As a soldier the training of being a killer which hasn't entirely left me would come to the forefront. I don't do most things half assed it's all or nothing with me and that's how I am wired.
What exactly would be my gain in this action of mine? My sister's abuse would end yes....I would be in jail for the rest of my life...my daughter's life would be miserable and fatherless....and most importantly my sister would dispise my guts to no end if she was still defending her abusive husband.
So in the end what would this apparent macho violent action of mine gain for me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?
Peace
you would learn to control yourself and not take his life? i think a few broken ribs, busted nose, and whatever else would probably fix the problem. doing zero action is a bullshit move. a man's sister needs help. ya fucking help by caving in some dickhead's frickin face.
good morning 10 clubbers.
edit... oh yeah, i forget to add. that's just me and how i am wired.
G under P, why are you so sure you'd be caught? If it was me:
A: The perp would have no idea who had sent the message
B: My sister would be kept totally in the dark to my actions; she wouldn't know either
C: There would be zero evidence tying me to the crimes Were my sister to ever find out, I'd have to hope that if she was capable of tolerating the torture of an abusive relationship, she'd be able to forgive a brother who loved her.
The person I referred to earlier in this thread had zero idea who was after him. He just knew that someone capable of great harm was monitoring his actions and because he felt his life was in danger, he fled the state. I was never arrested, never questioned, and the problem was solved instantly. Obviously different dynamics, but still.
Mostly it sounds like what I'm hearing is just do nothing and see if the situation resolves itself. No thanks.
Again, you can't just confront someone and beat the shit out of them. Tempting, yes, but you get caught that way.
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
G under P, I am curious as to why you ever joined the military if you think violence can't solve anything. Part of a secret elite debating team? While I realize that violence can and does breed violence, I've never had anyone take me up on any kind of offer. Not once. Like I said, I'll stick with what I know and if it was my sister, the bastard would pay. Right or wrong, that's how I'm wired.
Well like you said, you, myself and all of us are wired in all sorts of ways whether that is right or if it is wrong. To answer your question...I joined the military not seeking violence but to become an officer and to be a leader and a leader of men.
I was trained not only to lead these men but to be a soldier in doing so and while becoming a soldier I was also trained to kill. I was Special Forces trained to kill in hand to hand combat and in firearms which I excelled in both. I also became an expert shot/rifleman. As time went by I saw a change in me that I didn't like, I saw that killing was so easy, death became something that didn't faze me to the point where I was begging for a war somewhere anywhere in this world.
It was at this point I realized I had to get out of the military and I did. I feared this death and mayhem side of me would bring it's rath on society. One of the reasons I use the username g under p (Grace Under Pressure) other than my love of the band RUSH is to constantly remind me of that side of me that knows how to kill and hurt as a soldier. Under pressure situations I try to keep grace and be graceful cause I know the things I'm capable of. Another is my use of the word Peace at the end of 90% of my posts.
Now if I was to ever seek so called justice or to threathen someone over abuse to let's say my sister i know exactly what would happen. That is someone is going to be killed, either it's going to him or me more than likely him. As a soldier the training of being a killer which hasn't entirely left me would come to the forefront. I don't do most things half assed it's all or nothing with me and that's how I am wired.
What exactly would be my gain in this action of mine? My sister's abuse would end yes....I would be in jail for the rest of my life...my daughter's life would be miserable and fatherless....and most importantly my sister would dispise my guts to no end if she was still defending her abusive husband.
So in the end what would this apparent macho violent action of mine gain for me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?
Peace
G under P, very insightful. Its good to know that there are people out there like you that know how to control themselves, especially if they (themselves) are considered a dangerous weapon.
you would learn to control yourself and not take his life? i think a few broken ribs, busted nose, and whatever else would probably fix the problem. doing zero action is a bullshit move. a man's sister needs help. ya fucking help by caving in some dickhead's frickin face.
good morning 10 clubbers.
edit... oh yeah, i forget to add. that's just me and how i am wired.
this is too volatile of a situation to risk it -- is what I assume G under P is saying. You cant say how somehting will turn out if you intend on breaking ribs, noses, jaws, etc... the guy will fight back, and if he got one lucky shot in on G under P, it is too risky that G under P would kill the bastard. I dont think he was saying "do nothing"... There are too many other outlets to quell this situation without risk to ones family.
Awesome, maybe you could throw up on someone to keep them from being threatening.
Like a drive-by-throw-uping..
or a throw-up-and-run...
or a gangsta style up-chucking..
an uppercut up-chuck...
a barf attack..
Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.
Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.
I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten
Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.
Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.
Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.
Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.
Remember when you are on an airplane, and the flight attendants always say, put the oxygen mask on you first before you help your child? This post has that attitude in mind a bit
It makes complete sense that you would be affected by someone abusing your family. There will be no end to the anger. Accept the fact that this is bothering you. One time in a similar situation (friend not family member) I ended up calling a crisis counselor because I felt at a loss as to what to do. We are not emotional rocks, we are affected when our families hurt.
Also, and this is very hard, if possible, please be available for your sister as you did before the abuse. One way abusers win is that they alienate the survivors from their family and friends. As a result there is no where to go.
I wished there was a way for all abusive people to go away. Unfortunately, all I have to offer are suggestions on how you can act. Hang in there.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.
Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.
I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten
Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.
Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.
Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.
Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.
Agreed... there are too many women being killed by abusive partners and ex partners. Although, sometimes I have little sympathy :oops: cold as it seems. If someone hurts you time and time again, you remove yourself from the situation . Sure, you risk being hurt, but if you stay you get hurt anyway. It's something I'm not sure I'll ever understand. Those women I've known to be in that situation are often, from the outside, really strong women. You can't live your life expecting others to save you... just get the fuck out... that's all there is to it .
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
G under P, why are you so sure you'd be caught? If it was me:
A: The perp would have no idea who had sent the message
B: My sister would be kept totally in the dark to my actions; she wouldn't know either
C: There would be zero evidence tying me to the crimes Were my sister to ever find out, I'd have to hope that if she was capable of tolerating the torture of an abusive relationship, she'd be able to forgive a brother who loved her.
The person I referred to earlier in this thread had zero idea who was after him. He just knew that someone capable of great harm was monitoring his actions and because he felt his life was in danger, he fled the state. I was never arrested, never questioned, and the problem was solved instantly. Obviously different dynamics, but still.
Mostly it sounds like what I'm hearing is just do nothing and see if the situation resolves itself. No thanks.
Again, you can't just confront someone and beat the shit out of them. Tempting, yes, but you get caught that way.
Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.
As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.
What could go wrong....
Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.
I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.
Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.
My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?
Peace
Post edited by g under p on
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Reading through this it looks to me, some see this situation so logically and without emotion,
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.
Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.
I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten
Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.
Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.
Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.
Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.
Many times in life THE worst decisions are made when our emotions gets the best of us ESPECIALLY when we are talking about moving forward with violence. However, if you feel violence is the answer and will solve this OP's sister's abusive husband's abuse then please go ahead and take your chances.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.
As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.
What could go wrong....
Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.
I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.
Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.
My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?
Peace
Have I told y’all to listen to this guy? He has a great understanding of human nature. However, G, I still don’t think you’re thinking like a criminal. You don’t have to lay a finger on someone to send an extremely unnerving message. In fact, you don’t even have to be present when the message is delivered. I wouldn’t recommend a beating in this situation because it could very well illicit a sympathetic response from the sister; she knows what a beating feels like and it could very well bring her closer to the guy. And, like I mentioned, you get caught doing that, or you obviously tip your hand. The person can’t know who is fucking with them. You have to remove the passion from your heart and become cold and clinical. Otherwise, you’ll make mistakes.
You know, the only job in the military that ever appealed to me was being a sniper. See, it was always more important to me to be smarter than my enemy, not stronger. I’m interested in results, not heroics. However, I do not take orders well, so military life wasn’t for me.
Anyway, listen to G, not me.
This topic is depressing. More jokes please.
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
i want to know what is wrong with a good old fashion knuckle sandwich? a good old fashion scrap out in the gravel? also... anyone who does not defend their family as best they can is out of order and should go to prison where they perform hard hot manual labor. never ever allow anyone to harm your family.
touch my sister with ill intent, get a broken something or many somethings. :evil:
same with brothers. brothers stick together through everything. brothers fight each other constantly, but touch my brothers with ill intent... when you retract your hand from him you will be holding a stub in place of your arm.
this is how it is and how it will always be in my eyes.
i want to know what is wrong with a good old fashion knuckle sandwich? a good old fashion scrap out in the gravel? also... anyone who does not defend their family as best they can is out of order and should go to prison where they perform hard hot manual labor. never ever allow anyone to harm your family.
touch my sister with ill intent, get a broken something or many somethings. :evil:
same with brothers. brothers stick together through everything. brothers fight each other constantly, but touch my brothers with ill intent... when you retract your hand from him you will be holding a stub in place of your arm.
this is how it is and how it will always be in my eyes.
calling the law sucks elephant shit.
For me, it's because battery lands you in jail, no matter how much they deserved it. The law frowns upon such things. I'd rather keep my freedom because I can't be in a cell. I'd still make them pay though, and if required, they would vanish from the face of the earth, not get a knuckle sandwich.
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
also i wanna know what is so terrible about getting arrested for defending your sister? cops will treat you like a king. 95% of the convicts in the jail with you will view you as a great brother to your sister. the remaining 5% beat on women and children themselves and will most likey sit there and shut the fuck up.
and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?
judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.
you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.
Comments
I totally agree Pandora, I was just saying the sisters willingness to stay with him was the "secondary" problem.
While the guy is the primary problem, kicking his ass could create other problems altogehter.
I dont like violence and i dont think it can usually fix the problem.. of course, this is easy for me to say a million miles away.. if this was happeneing to my sister, i'd be at their house in an instant making sure that this guy never laid a hand on her again. I guess i'm kinda contradictory.
Also, there are probably a million othre factors in this that we dont know about..
Does he drink?
how long they have been together?
How old is he? she?
Does he have a record?
when her 2nd husband dies she is to dance a jig on his grave. all i know is that that can not happen soon enough. this guy has been hurting women his entire adult life. hell, he probably beat up little girls when he was a boy.
useless piece of garbage...
and lemme tell ya something. i loved this woman a lot but he fucked her up so much so many times that she couldn't overcome a lot of it and had problems being in a loving relationship. i gave her flowers. the first few times she got scared and ran away. dickhead always gave her flowers after beating her ass.
why his ribs aren't smashed in right this instant is beyond me.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
I'm sure she is also being "mentally" abused as well as physically abused. She may even feel that its part her fault - somehow if she does everything just right - he would stop beating her up. These situations are so complicated- no easy answer -
Your sister needs to ge help as soon as possible - especially if their are children involved. No child should witness their mom being beat up.
And yes, it would be nice if "someone" can beat the shit out of her husband - just to give him a taste of his own medicine...
I too am contradictory...I am against capital punishment but not taking justice into your own hands if necessary to save a loved one. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel.
A lifelong bully grown up.
And as you said in your other post about your lady friend, the physical scars are nothing compared to the mental ones left on the victim, they heal.
Like in my sisters case and that which her daughter witnessed long
before she could even understand, is hidden deep in her subconscious.
Fear is something that does not go away.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
Agreed -
To the rest of your post - ya just don't fuck with a dude who knowingly leaves his house wearing Crocs.
true...he might hit you with his purse
I keep a brick or two in there... of the pacific northwest's finest.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
In that case, hit me with some!
your little experience is just about exactly like my little brother Dut's. 18-20 year olds rented a house next door to a family friend's parents house. kids shot out the old man's taillights and headlights to his vehicales.
our dude isn't exactly a scraper. my brother, friend, and myself cruised into town to have a conversation with these youngmen. like you my brother took over their house. it was the greatest moment in my life to date.
my little brother backed 20 or more young little bastards into a corner and had them scrambling for any thought among them on what to do.
i sat on the couch talkin to some young dude.
our buddy had no clue what to say so he laughed a lot and was strong & powerful for the first time in his life.
stupid kids replaced the lights.
bb gun even.
brother knocking on door...knock knock
door opens...
youngmen wrestlers badasses and football team answer the door...
brother says "who are you?"
dude with young hard atheletes behind him says "im god"
brother says.."no...you're a (expeletive deleted) piece of (expletive deleted)
then i stood there with our buddy as my little brother cleaned house.
i want the (expletive deleted) bb gun right (expletive deleted) now.
they tried acting dumb about it.
not happenin.
we gave the old man the kid's bb gun
not one single lawman or attorney was called.
not one single drop of blood dripped.
no punches no kicks.
greatest time of my life.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
She stopped talking to me and other friends, they started making plans to move away :shock: so I figured I had to do something. I apologised to him in front of her, while also letting him know that I still can't stand him and that he's a dickhead (whenever she wasn't around). He couldn't say anything to her cos all she saw was me being really nice to his face.
There was nothing I could do to get her away from him though... all I could do was wait for the inevitable. And it happened... he got abusive in public, somebody witnessed it, police were called, he was arrested, she woke up, he was dumped!
I'm not sure I ever feared for her life though... I wasn't afraid of this guy and I knew I had people who would 'help' if needed. If I did fear for her life, those people would have been getting involved!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
this is just what will happen to her if friends/family jump in to beat him up
some have lost sight that in actually beating or threatening him will only put her life in greater danger...it's about what's best for & going to truly help her... the abused. it's not getting vengence against the abuser. which will ultimately only exacerbate her problem
the macho idea that giving the abuser a good beating will result in him leaving town forever or it'll force him into becoming non-abusive for good...then she'll be thankful to her family for saving her because it'll be a final end to the problems. truth is that only happens in hollywood on tv. or the movies....
i think this bears repeating:
Remember that you cannot “rescue” him or her. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately the person getting hurt has to be the one to decide that they want to do something about it. It’s important for you to support him or her and help them find a way to safety and peace
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
thanks....i was just stating what actually happens
from someone that's been there, it wasn't just my dad & bro... but even HIS best friend offered to beat the shit outta my ex for me in order to set him straight...as tempting as his offer was i knew i'd be the one to end up paying for it with my blood
also in the past as a volunteer i've listened to badly battered & bruised women while crying say "i thought after my (fill in friend/family members) beat the shit out of him that he would finally stop hitting me"
every community has DV resources...crisis lines, shelters, ongoing support groups etc. available that can and do help. but she has to want & do what's necessary for things to change (hate to make the comparison but it's a tiny bit like an addict & rehab....the abuser being her drug of choice)
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Well like you said, you, myself and all of us are wired in all sorts of ways whether that is right or if it is wrong. To answer your question...I joined the military not seeking violence but to become an officer and to be a leader and a leader of men.
I was trained not only to lead these men but to be a soldier in doing so and while becoming a soldier I was also trained to kill. I was Special Forces trained to kill in hand to hand combat and in firearms which I excelled in both. I also became an expert shot/rifleman. As time went by I saw a change in me that I didn't like, I saw that killing was so easy, death became something that didn't faze me to the point where I was begging for a war somewhere anywhere in this world.
It was at this point I realized I had to get out of the military and I did. I feared this death and mayhem side of me would bring it's rath on society. One of the reasons I use the username g under p (Grace Under Pressure) other than my love of the band RUSH is to constantly remind me of that side of me that knows how to kill and hurt as a soldier. Under pressure situations I try to keep grace and be graceful cause I know the things I'm capable of. Another is my use of the word Peace at the end of 90% of my posts.
Now if I was to ever seek so called justice or to threathen someone over abuse to let's say my sister i know exactly what would happen. That is someone is going to be killed, either it's going to him or me more than likely him. As a soldier the training of being a killer which hasn't entirely left me would come to the forefront. I don't do most things half assed it's all or nothing with me and that's how I am wired.
What exactly would be my gain in this action of mine? My sister's abuse would end yes....I would be in jail for the rest of my life...my daughter's life would be miserable and fatherless....and most importantly my sister would dispise my guts to no end if she was still defending her abusive husband.
So in the end what would this apparent macho violent action of mine gain for me ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
you would learn to control yourself and not take his life? i think a few broken ribs, busted nose, and whatever else would probably fix the problem. doing zero action is a bullshit move. a man's sister needs help. ya fucking help by caving in some dickhead's frickin face.
good morning 10 clubbers.
edit... oh yeah, i forget to add. that's just me and how i am wired.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
A: The perp would have no idea who had sent the message
B: My sister would be kept totally in the dark to my actions; she wouldn't know either
C: There would be zero evidence tying me to the crimes
The person I referred to earlier in this thread had zero idea who was after him. He just knew that someone capable of great harm was monitoring his actions and because he felt his life was in danger, he fled the state. I was never arrested, never questioned, and the problem was solved instantly. Obviously different dynamics, but still.
Mostly it sounds like what I'm hearing is just do nothing and see if the situation resolves itself. No thanks.
Again, you can't just confront someone and beat the shit out of them. Tempting, yes, but you get caught that way.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
G under P, very insightful. Its good to know that there are people out there like you that know how to control themselves, especially if they (themselves) are considered a dangerous weapon.
this is too volatile of a situation to risk it -- is what I assume G under P is saying. You cant say how somehting will turn out if you intend on breaking ribs, noses, jaws, etc... the guy will fight back, and if he got one lucky shot in on G under P, it is too risky that G under P would kill the bastard. I dont think he was saying "do nothing"... There are too many other outlets to quell this situation without risk to ones family.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
Awesome, maybe you could throw up on someone to keep them from being threatening.
Like a drive-by-throw-uping..
or a throw-up-and-run...
or a gangsta style up-chucking..
an uppercut up-chuck...
a barf attack..
except those men who are willing to take action and defend their sisters/the victims.
Sometimes it's best to put logic away and be emotional.
I said before I am amazed 41 years after my sisters experience women are still being beaten
Quite obvious to me that whatever we are doing as a society is not working.
Somehow the message is still in place that it is acceptable, that the abuser can and does
get away with it, that there is no consequence.
Its time for a tough stance and stop being afraid of the abuser..afraid he will do more damage.
He is already doing irreparable damage and fear is what he feeds on.
Don't fear him, stop him.
Violence begets violence...time for the perpetrators to learn this too
when it is their blood running down the shower drain.
It makes complete sense that you would be affected by someone abusing your family. There will be no end to the anger. Accept the fact that this is bothering you. One time in a similar situation (friend not family member) I ended up calling a crisis counselor because I felt at a loss as to what to do. We are not emotional rocks, we are affected when our families hurt.
Also, and this is very hard, if possible, please be available for your sister as you did before the abuse. One way abusers win is that they alienate the survivors from their family and friends. As a result there is no where to go.
I wished there was a way for all abusive people to go away. Unfortunately, all I have to offer are suggestions on how you can act. Hang in there.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Well eyedclaar in seeking this heroric action in threathening and seeking justice one may want to know this is STILL a crime you would be commiting. IF I were to go forward in committing this violent crime yes he would probably would not be living and the many variables could cause this to go very wrong. IF I'm foolish enough to threathen someone and seek justice in this violent manner I'm one who would NOT try to cover up the crime nor would I try to run from the authorities. I would just sit there and wait for them to take me away. I don't know maybe it's some honor code I once learned a long time ago but that's just my somewhat unusual inner wiring.
As to carrying forth this action in defense of the OP's sister or my own let's take a look at what possibly could go wrong.
What could go wrong....
Abuser gets beaten up.....you could be arrested
Abuser gets beaten up.....he could be killed or in HIS self defense in his mind kill you
Abuser gets beaten up.....violence towards your/his sister will escalates if he survives a beating.
Abuser gets beaten up.....even if you got away with this action what will your/his sister think of you? IF she is defending that husband she will dispise you for the rest of your life.
I believe the key here is the OP's sister IF she STILL has the stance of defending her husband ALL of this violent action is worthless and makes no sense to me. I would want the best interest for his sister and my own and this action doesn't seem to solve it to me.
Now I would NEVER EVER sit by and do nothing nor have I said any such thing in the past. Since she still defends her husband,, I would talk to her and let her know that if this continues in this mariage your life could end. I would give her, show her battered wives shelters for her to escape when she is READY. Again the key is the abused, she has to be the one to say enough. I believe one can't make/force an addict to quit, untill he or she has to want to quit. Take a look at the current President, he has an addiction of smoking and has continued to smoke until HE made the descision to give it up. He made that decision and i believe has given up smoking. We have not walked in her shoes any of us so we have to remember she didn't say I do to you she said I do to that abusive husband.The second she says enough I would be there (you should be there) for whatever it is she needs or wants to get out of this situation. Then give her all the family love she may have been missing living in this abusive marriage.
My last point and question...IF it is a must to go forward with this violent action and crime in seeking justice with threats....is it worth the risks involved when the OP'S sister is still defending her husband? IS it?
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Many times in life THE worst decisions are made when our emotions gets the best of us ESPECIALLY when we are talking about moving forward with violence. However, if you feel violence is the answer and will solve this OP's sister's abusive husband's abuse then please go ahead and take your chances.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Have I told y’all to listen to this guy? He has a great understanding of human nature. However, G, I still don’t think you’re thinking like a criminal. You don’t have to lay a finger on someone to send an extremely unnerving message. In fact, you don’t even have to be present when the message is delivered. I wouldn’t recommend a beating in this situation because it could very well illicit a sympathetic response from the sister; she knows what a beating feels like and it could very well bring her closer to the guy. And, like I mentioned, you get caught doing that, or you obviously tip your hand. The person can’t know who is fucking with them. You have to remove the passion from your heart and become cold and clinical. Otherwise, you’ll make mistakes.
You know, the only job in the military that ever appealed to me was being a sniper. See, it was always more important to me to be smarter than my enemy, not stronger. I’m interested in results, not heroics. However, I do not take orders well, so military life wasn’t for me.
Anyway, listen to G, not me.
This topic is depressing. More jokes please.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
touch my sister with ill intent, get a broken something or many somethings. :evil:
same with brothers. brothers stick together through everything. brothers fight each other constantly, but touch my brothers with ill intent... when you retract your hand from him you will be holding a stub in place of your arm.
this is how it is and how it will always be in my eyes.
calling the law sucks elephant shit.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
For me, it's because battery lands you in jail, no matter how much they deserved it. The law frowns upon such things. I'd rather keep my freedom because I can't be in a cell. I'd still make them pay though, and if required, they would vanish from the face of the earth, not get a knuckle sandwich.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
and what's the judge going to do when he reads the ever growing track record of the "bad guy" vs' your pretty clean record that might have traffic violations on it?
judge... your honor.
this guy beat on my sister for x years. so i took the matter into my own hands. he is a broken mess in the hospital. hopefully he never hurts anyone ever again.
you, Sir, are on 6 months probation.
and the "mean guy"may sue you for medical bills.
case closed... hammer down.
(who gives a shit?)
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce