Sister is in a Abusive relationship ...

Johnnyguitarwatson

hey, im a private person and would never air out my family's business but i've reached my end ... my sister is in a mentally and physically abusive relationship and there isnt even a damn thing that I or any of my siblings can do about it.... we even sent her down texas with our grandpop just so she could get away and re-evaulate her life and escape the asshole she's with...it's been 5 days and already she's threatening to hitchhike back to philly if we dont buy her airfare back asap... at this point i've pretty much given up and say fuck her ...she gets beat again its by her choice ... sounds fucked up that i feel that way but hey it's the truth. i know where this guy lives and know where he works ... but whats that gonna solve ? jailtime for me and loss of wife and house. the worst part is my older sister went through this same path until eventually she reached her breaking point ... is that what it's going to take for my younger sister ? sorry to put this shit out here but im searching for some kind of answer ...

tinkerbell

I'm so sorry that your sister is going through this. When someone is treated so poorly by someone they love it is very hard for them to see the full force of what is going on around them. There is no need to use physical violence against the boyfriend, but yours and family and friends silence towards him won't help the matter. IF your sister decides to go back to this creep, the best thing you can do is be there, show up unannounced, ring her. One of the horrible side effects of abuse is the way the abusers isolate their victims. Don't let that happen to your sister.

I know it is frustrating but hold on, she needs you.

PearlOfAGirl

Has your older sister tried talking with her, since she's been through the same thing? I think in most cases like this, women don't want to leave because they fear the abuser, and it can be the most dangerous time to leave. Maybe you or your siblings can get in touch with a domestic abuse hotline/center, and see if they can be of some assistance. Does she have children?

I've been there, and after many years I worked up the courage to leave...

I wish you luck, and I hope she finds the courage to get out.

Loulou

Really sorry to hear that mate, that's awful. It took a while for the friends that I have known to leave abusive reltionships (both men and women), it's really that one day they realise they don't have to put up with it and they leave. The only thing you can do is be there for her and it doesn't hurt for her to talk to someone who's been in a similar position. And I agree with Tinkerbell, don't let him isolate her because it's true, that's what they try to do. Good luck.

Johnnyguitarwatson

thanks for the replies . my older sister did talk to her about the same thing she went through...matter of fact as kids my younger sister and i even visited my older sister in the hospital from the abuse that was given... i really dont understand how she can see it first hand and yet still fall for this ... my family tried talking her into seeking help but she refuses and defends this guy like you woudnt believe...

Johnnyguitarwatson

Loulou wrote:

Really sorry to hear that mate, that's awful. It took a while for the friends that I have known to leave abusive reltionships (both men and women), it's really that one day they realise they don't have to put up with it and they leave. The only thing you can do is be there for her and it doesn't hurt for her to talk to someone who's been in a similar position. And I agree with Tinkerbell, don't let him isolate her because it's true, that's what they try to do. Good luck.

im about to hop offline for awhile ...thanks for the advice. i really will try to be there for her ...she needs the help...she's 27 going on 16 and never really grew up ...she is fragile and this guy took advantage. i just pray to God one day she wakes up before she ends up seriously hurt or dead. i think im going to try and print out some more information and slip it under her door ...guess i'll keep trying to get through.

Thanks again.

_

I think all you can do - and what you have to do - is be there for her no matter what. Make sure she knows she has all the support she needs to leave him, but don't give up on her if she decides to try to stick it out. Try to just give her your love without judging. (I know it's hard to see someone you love put up with this kind of thing.) Also, keep in mind how frightening the prospect of leaving must seem to her, on so many levels. Chances of a woman being killed by an abusive partner are highest when she tries to leave.

chadwick

Johnnyguitarwatson wrote:

hey, im a private person and would never air out my family's business but i've reached my end ... my sister is in a mentally and physically abusive relationship and there isnt even a damn thing that I or any of my siblings can do about it.... we even sent her down texas with our grandpop just so she could get away and re-evaulate her life and escape the asshole she's with...it's been 5 days and already she's threatening to hitchhike back to philly if we dont buy her airfare back asap... at this point i've pretty much given up and say fuck her ...she gets beat again its by her choice ... sounds fucked up that i feel that way but hey it's the truth. i know where this guy lives and know where he works ... but whats that gonna solve ? jailtime for me and loss of wife and house. the worst part is my older sister went through this same path until eventually she reached her breaking point ... is that what it's going to take for my younger sister ? sorry to put this shit out here but im searching for some kind of answer ...

why would you lose your wife and home because you are defending your sister?

if i had a sister and some bastard harmed her i would hurt him badly.

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

Johnnyguitarwatson wrote:

hey, im a private person and would never air out my family's business but i've reached my end ... my sister is in a mentally and physically abusive relationship and there isnt even a damn thing that I or any of my siblings can do about it.... we even sent her down texas with our grandpop just so she could get away and re-evaulate her life and escape the asshole she's with...it's been 5 days and already she's threatening to hitchhike back to philly if we dont buy her airfare back asap... at this point i've pretty much given up and say fuck her ...she gets beat again its by her choice ... sounds fucked up that i feel that way but hey it's the truth. i know where this guy lives and know where he works ... but whats that gonna solve ? jailtime for me and loss of wife and house. the worst part is my older sister went through this same path until eventually she reached her breaking point ... is that what it's going to take for my younger sister ? sorry to put this shit out here but im searching for some kind of answer ...

why would you lose your wife and home because you are defending your sister?

if i had a sister and some bastard harmed her i would hurt him badly.

Yeah, I'd rather break the motherfucker's neck and have my sister hate me... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pull him aside secretly and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever touched her again, he would vanish from the face of the earth...

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

Yeah, I'd rather break the motherfucker's neck and have my sister hate me... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pull him aside secretly and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever touched her again, he would vanish from the face of the earth...

a perfect target is a dude who beats on woman (well, that and child predators).
if you break his arm or jaw he will leave town.
i would bet money on it.
and the lawmen, forget about it, if they know about it they will love you for it.
believe it.

or like our friendly mountain man eyed suggests... the bastard could vanish altogether.
which would be a wonderful thing im sure.

g under p

Johnnyguitarwatson wrote:

thanks for the replies . my older sister did talk to her about the same thing she went through...matter of fact as kids my younger sister and i even visited my older sister in the hospital from the abuse that was given... i really dont understand how she can see it first hand and yet still fall for this ... my family tried talking her into seeking help but she refuses and defends this guy like you woudnt believe...

Here's your answer right here.....if your sister is STILL willing to continue in this relationship and continues to defend her abusive husband then there's NOT a damn thing you or anyone else can do.

I will say stay in constant contact with your sister because one of the things these very weak minded bullies like to do is isolate their victims just so that there's no where to turn, no way out, an abyss. The victim feels as though the only person they therefore can turn to is that very same abusive person, so they will stay and defend him or her to the very end.

Hold your sister no matter what close to you cause I know you care or else you wouldn't have come on here to share your feelings. All the best.

Peace

blackredyellow

Not sure of the laws where you are, but can you guys call the police on him? I'm sure they can't do anything on just your call, but they might visit them a couple of times, and if they see signs of abuse, they can charge the guy with or without her wanting them too.

But in the end, as frustrating as it is, you have to be their for your sister... I know people who have very immature siblings that have been in bad situations (drugs, abusive relationships, etc etc), and the years of stress from worrying about them and dealing with the mess afterwards is a lot to handle. Good luck...

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

Yeah, I'd rather break the motherfucker's neck and have my sister hate me... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pull him aside secretly and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever touched her again, he would vanish from the face of the earth...

a perfect target is a dude who beats on woman (well, that and child predators).
if you break his arm or jaw he will leave town.
i would bet money on it.
and the lawmen, forget about it, if they know about it they will love you for it.
believe it.

or like our friendly mountain man eyed suggests... the bastard could vanish altogether.
which would be a wonderful thing im sure.

Reminds me of a time when I started dating this girl and found out that she lived above a meth head tweaker who had gone out of his way to make her life in that apartment hellish. After experiencing his charms one night for myself, I knew it was time to act. He fled the entire state of Idaho three days later and there was nothing he could prove, but I guarantee you he was afraid for his life. You just have to send the right message.

BinauralJam

blackredyellow wrote:

Not sure of the laws where you are, but can you guys call the police on him? I'm sure they can't do anything on just your call, but they might visit them a couple of times, and if they see signs of abuse, they can charge the guy with or without her wanting them too.

But in the end, as frustrating as it is, you have to be their for your sister... I know people who have very immature siblings that have been in bad situations (drugs, abusive relationships, etc etc), and the years of stress from worrying about them and dealing with the mess afterwards is a lot to handle. Good luck...

This, just a visit from the police might give this guy pause the next time he thinks about raising his hands to her.

pandora

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

chadwick

eyedclaar wrote:

Reminds me of a time when I started dating this girl and found out that she lived above a meth head tweaker who had gone out of his way to make her life in that apartment hellish. After experiencing his charms one night for myself, I knew it was time to act. He fled the entire state of Idaho three days later and there was nothing he could prove, but I guarantee you he was afraid for his life. You just have to send the right message.

i love eyed.

we need bumper stickers with this message stated loudly and proudly.

i love eyed...he makes bullshit-people disappear = the bumper sticker

Dissidentman

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

I'd prefer he receive a good ass whipping to an ass wiping though. I'm in when the posse pays this dude a visit.

chadwick

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.

pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.

pandora, i could hug you.

BinauralJam

chadwick wrote:

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.

pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.

pandora, i could hug you.

It was kind of Hot
Yes/No ?

chadwick

BinauralJam wrote:

chadwick wrote:

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.

pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.

pandora, i could hug you.

It was kind of Hot
Yes/No ?

very yes much


i am excited

mysticweed

chadwick wrote:

eyedclaar wrote:

Reminds me of a time when I started dating this girl and found out that she lived above a meth head tweaker who had gone out of his way to make her life in that apartment hellish. After experiencing his charms one night for myself, I knew it was time to act. He fled the entire state of Idaho three days later and there was nothing he could prove, but I guarantee you he was afraid for his life. You just have to send the right message.

i love eyed.

we need bumper stickers with this message stated loudly and proudly.

i love eyed...he makes bullshit-people disappear = the bumper sticker

heroism indeed-heroism indeyed
physically removing the abuser is the most efficient solution
it may only be a short term solution if the sister cannot remove herself from the abuse or does not realize his behavior is unacceptable
but i am all for fucking him up -
sorry
kabobing him up

eyedclaar

chadwick wrote:

i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.

pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.

pandora, i could hug you.

Really, what the hell? I thought she was going to suggest the guy just needed a new puppy or something. Pandora is officially part of my posse now. Hope she looks great in a ski mask.

Johnnyguitarwatson

I think its settled then ... I with a few friends will have to meet up with him after work and have a little discussion. I fear jail and losing my job but if this is what has to be Done then o guess I'm left with no other option. Maybe I'll get my other brothers involved and just tune this prick up ... Damn I just took a sigh of relief and feel totally relaxed right now. I guess violence is the answer...I'll keep ya's posted

pandora

Dissidentman wrote:

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

I'd prefer he receive a good ass whipping to an ass wiping though. I'm in when the posse pays this dude a visit.

oh my :oops:

pandora

eyedclaar wrote:

chadwick wrote:

i just done a complete cartwheel, full on right here in my computer chair.
that's right, a full on cartwheel in my seat.

pandora promoted violence in agreement with eyed and self.
finally she has warmed my heart.

pandora, i could hug you.

Really, what the hell? I thought she was going to suggest the guy just needed a new puppy or something. Pandora is officially part of my posse now. Hope she looks great in a ski mask.

Ready when you are

g under p

Dissidentman wrote:

pandora wrote:

The most troubling part is will she ever be rid of him?

Many abusers, the longer they are with their victim, the less chance they will ever let go.
They stalk and even kill their estranged mates after the abused finally makes a stand and leaves.

They will never change, they are sick and twisted and need someone to punish.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know in your heart
but perhaps your sister doesn't know it.
If you can gather some info on crimes like this and share with her....clocks ticking.

And I am also very much with Chadwick and eyed on this..the guy needs an ass wiping of his life
like put him the hospital and fear for his life, if he ever touches your sister again.

Your family will not stand for this. He must move on.

I'd prefer he receive a good ass whipping to an ass wiping though. I'm in when the posse pays this dude a visit.

I would just make sure his sister ok with this since she's still defending her abusive husband or she'll just end up being just Just Another Victim Kid...

Peace

pandora

Even if Sis isn't ok with the family taking a stand against the abuser,
the family needs to unite and have the strength she doesn't.

If we refuse to be victims there can be no abusers

norm

eyedclaar wrote:

Yeah, I'd rather break the motherfucker's neck and have my sister hate me... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pull him aside secretly and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he ever touched her again, he would vanish from the face of the earth...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjYsAxM0XA4

Claireack

tinkerbell wrote:

I'm so sorry that your sister is going through this. When someone is treated so poorly by someone they love it is very hard for them to see the full force of what is going on around them. There is no need to use physical violence against the boyfriend, but yours and family and friends silence towards him won't help the matter. IF your sister decides to go back to this creep, the best thing you can do is be there, show up unannounced, ring her. One of the horrible side effects of abuse is the way the abusers isolate their victims. Don't let that happen to your sister.

I know it is frustrating but hold on, she needs you.

Agree with tinkerbell.

Repeated abuse often leads to an incredibly low self esteem and it takes a lot of support to make the decision to leave and not go back. Just keep letting her know that that you're there for her when she needs you, whether it's to talk or help move or whatever.

RKCNDY

pandora wrote:

Even if Sis isn't ok with the family taking a stand against the abuser,
the family needs to unite and have the strength she doesn't.

If we refuse to be victims there can be no abusers

sorry, but I disagree Pandora....been there, done that. I made him end it because he didn't want to, he continued to bother me, I got the courts and the po-po involved, he was legally barred from contacting me for 2 years....that was 10 years ago and not a day goes by when I don't think 'oh god, I hope he doesn't find me' (he has a habit of trying to find all of his ex's)...all of my social networking pages are under fake names. I despise public information laws for this reason.
I really wish I knew eyed back then....nothing would be better than knowing that he doesn't live in the same state I do. Actually, other things would be better...but I'll keep those thoughts to myself......

tinkerbell

This fuckwit needs to be shown how strongly you and your family care for your sister. Showing up with baseball bats may be enough (without having to actually use them) but I think words would work better. If he feels threatened then that may be the worst thing for your sister, abusers are great at not leaving visible physical signs. Another option is to talk to his family and friends and try to get them on your side.

My father in law used to beat my mother in law, my husband and his siblings for years, after years she fled to a women's refuge. This was the trigger for him to change. He went to anger management and councilling. He is such a changed man. Not all abusers are capable to do this but he is this way for a reason, breaking the cycle is hard, but it might be possible. I am in no way trying to defend this wanker, but who knows what happened to him to make him this way?