PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

i am so grateful for the rooms of aa and my sponsor. Yes there are things that are said at the meeting that get on my nerves but I don't let it bother me. Each of us needs to find the program that works for us...I am struggling finding balance with everything going on. The meetings are great and the people in my area. All I can say is keep going to meetings but find the ones you really like

i shit and i stink wrote:

Heatherj43 wrote:

Does everyone understand that if the 12 steps were only for those who have quit whatever they go to 12 step meetings for, we wouldn't need meetings. If it were that easy, then just quit and be done with it. It isn't that easy.
I had 11 years. I do understand the steps, etc. I do enjoy being around people who are in a 12 step program. But, there are many things said at meetings that drive me crazy.
Like, "stay with the winners". Well, that would mean no one would want to be around me, since I did relapse. People will say, "don't get in a relationship the first year". There is no where in any book that says that. What it says is, don't make any major changes in the fisrt year.
I could go on and on.
I am happy for those who have found their way to meetings, but it will take me awhile to get past how much I hate them. They did save me all those years, but at this point I need to be around people who have relapsed, after a long time of sobriety, and understand that all that BS said at meetings is just that, BS.
I need to find winners. And it won't be with people who pass all that junk off as truth. My winners at this time are these people who are out here with me and talking with me about getting clean again. We talk about what drove us away, what keeps us away, and what it will take to get back.
I hope I will make it back, until then, I shouldn't be shunned. If people at meetings shun users, then what is the purpose of meetings. None of us went in clean, unless you were locked up or soemthing. Everyone comes in as a user and everyone is one minute away from being what you are shunning. Its the nature of the beast.
okay, I am done. I don't want to have a meeting on a PJ site. They have sites online for that, by the way.

I had my first 'bad' meeting the other day and it taught me more about staying sober and what I believe AA is than the good ones do. I'll go back to that same group again because I need to speak to them with tolerance and understanding. I can't run away because I had a bad experience.

There are millions of people in AA. All are different and all are at different stages of recovery and understanding of the program. Not everyone is full of love and tolerance, that's life. If you are looking for a reason not to go back to meetings, you'll always find it, because in a million people there are always gonna be at least a few arseholes you can say are holding you back and allow you to justify that decision to yourself.

Why go back? Because you repeatedly claim that you want to get sober and you admit that AA "saved" you before.

(And please know that I really enjoy your contribution to this. I just read this again, after reading a comment below, and I don't wanna sound like I'm not welcoming you here )

Hmmm....I am not too sure I want to get sober. I didn't think I put that anywhere in what I have wrote.
I remember a guy in the program once telling me that the part of us that wants to get sober sometimes is in the back of our minds and the wanting to use is in the front and the idea is to get the wanting to be clean in the front and the wanting to use in the back.
As it stands, I am okay where I am at.

i shit and i stink wrote:

Perhaps I took "All i have to do now is get clean" out of context, I assumed you meant sober.

Good analogy with the getting clean and the ideas in the head. It is probably healthier to have that warning thought of staying clean in the back of your mind all the time, arrested but not repressed, rather than attempting to take the thought of using out of your mind altogether.

Yes, and obviously it isn't out of my mind completely. I use the words "clean" and "sober" interchangeably.
But, it is in the back of my mind and put a little extra cash in my pocket and its a struggle. I never had the addictions I have now back before the 11 years. I can come up with a ton of excuses, medical, etc., but the botom line is yes, I am an addict.

I am seeing a great doctor who doesn't use methadone but this new drug called Suboxone and it does seem to work great. Its up to me to let it.
Google Suboxone and I will tell you whatever you read its all that plus. It eases depression and just uplifts mood period. Its a good start for me.

locked wrote:

heard a great one today..

"You know you could starve to death READING a cookbook"!

Makes you think, doesn't it?

LOL, for real!
I have read cookbooks. Interesting read, but won't feed ya'.

Heatherj43 wrote:

locked wrote:

heard a great one today..

"You know you could starve to death READING a cookbook"!

Makes you think, doesn't it?

LOL, for real!
I have read cookbooks. Interesting read, but won't feed ya'.

Umm.. the point of the quote is you need to do what the book suggests to get any results..

:oops:

Okay, so here's one I heard recently:

"Do you think of the glass as half empty or half full?"
"It's as full as it can be today. Tomorrow will be a different glass and that will also be as full as it can be"

locked wrote:

Heatherj43 wrote:

locked wrote:

heard a great one today..

"You know you could starve to death READING a cookbook"!

Makes you think, doesn't it?

LOL, for real!
I have read cookbooks. Interesting read, but won't feed ya'.

Umm.. the point of the quote is you need to do what the book suggests to get any results..

:oops:

Did you catch the part about me being clean in the N.A. program for 11 years? I do know how the program works. Also, one doesn't forget 11 years of that stuff. Yep, 11 years and no relapse. I didn't relapse from the moment I walked into my first meeting. I got it the very first time.
It is these kinds of comments that drive me crazy. It takes a bit more than what the book says. I have to be willing...I am not at this time. It is that simple.
And thank you Mickey for getting where I am at.

locked wrote:

my sincere apologies heatherj43..

I read the tone of your email wrong..

I'll put away my clipboard now that I've stopped taking your inventory!

:oops:

That gave me a little laugh. Thanks. That is all I want, to be understood. What works for one person may not for the next. This is why table leaders should not give advice or even any response to what people say. Actually, no one at a table should give their two cents. All anyone can do is share THEIR experiences.
For instance, when my son was 14 he was using heavy duty. I brought it to tables and would get "pray" from all the people. They aren't even suppose to be assisting me in what to do. I didn't ask them what I should do either. I simply shared. They were to give their experiences, and/or talk about their own crap, not tell me what to do, like to pray!
Table leaders are suppose to make sure the group at the table runs smoothly and fair, like making sure everyone gets their turn, no cross talk and stuff like that. It is the group's table, not the leader's. Oh, I know other places, outside Michigan, don't break into small tables, like we do here, so if people who attend 12 step programs elsewhere don't understand what I am talking about, sorry. Here, we break into small tables and everyone gets to share at every meeting, if they want to.
So, no one at a table should TELL me anything. Just share their experiences. I do not want to hear about how I should be going to meetings or I am going to use. I do not want to hear that I should pray.
I can remember being so upset about my son and hearing "solutions" by the people at the table. Not one person there had any right, knowledge or experience to give me "solutions". It also is not why I shared it at tables.
Their telling me crap made me think I was not working the steps right or something. Like, they had all these "answers" for me, like why don't I work this step or that, why don't I read this chapter or that, etc. It would make me think I had the program wrong, when in fact...I was suppose to be feeling bad and no step, chapter, etc. should change that! It makes me human to feel bad if my 14 year old is using. Using made me hide form pain of life. Once clean, I am suppsoe to "feel"! Geez. I remember asking a friend just what does these people expect from me. On one hand they say now I will feel and don't have to hide from it, yet when I feel bad, they say I am not working the program right cuz if I was I wouldn't be feeling bad. So, they would give me advice on what to do to to not feel bad. Dammit I am suppose to feel bad, good, etc. They should had shut up. I think people feel so uncomfortable when others feel bad that they just jump in and tell them anything to make them feel better. That crap made me feel worse cuz it made me feel that there was an answer and "I" just am not working a good enough program. I worked a great program, even when I felt bad. I WAS feeling dammit! No praying or reading the right chapter should take that away!!! If it does, that is not working the program right!!!!
The leader needed to just thank me for sharing and move to whoever is next. If any of the others wanted to address what I had said they needed to only share THEIR experinece with the same issue. If they never had the same issue, then don't address mine at all!

Thanks for listening.

My 90 days is on Tuesday and I just wanna say thanks. I'm buzzing from a great meeting and a great week in AA.

I've been bowled over by the the good grace of the people I've had contact with, especially in these last couple of weeks. Letters from far flung places through LIM, kind offers of gifts which mean a lot, invitations to AA Christmas parties and ski trips (from the same group members I was arguing with two weeks ago and wondering if we were ever going to see eye to eye again!). All I have to do now is give away the love if I want to keep it.

I realise now that before I came to AA I was a very lonely and isolated individual in a foreign land. My hobbies were drinking, looking at ten club and arguing with 'er indoors. I'd lost contact with most everyone I cared about back home. I was like the guy in "Off He Goes". Now I feel valued by friends I've never met, encouraged by their words and humbled by their gestures... and the friends I'd lost touch with, at least those worth regaining contact with, is a work in progress. And my ten club addiction has been partially broken too!

Thanks to you all for today and every day. "Zostan z bogiem", as they say in Poland.
T