PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

stranger34

melodious wrote:

Congrats.

I support you. It always used to amaze me when I was your age, how everytime I would try to abstain from substance abuse, the Temptress would be standing there, always offering up a free ride into hell.

Think of your recovery as a journey and always keep your heart and mind open. Sometimes it is very difficult to always view life through rose colored glasses, but it can be done.

Emotional growth stops at the beginning of our usage, but like everything, we recover through our processes.

I don't think that everything magically disappears upon the choices we make. But the choice you are taking is a long term solution as opposed to a quik fix.

4 is a magical number. It represents earth, wind, fire, water as well as north, west, east and south. God Bless You from all direction....

Thanks!

hollow bottle

I joined AA when I was 23 and was worried that I would not have a social life. It was the best thing I ever did. I have amazing friends that I met in the program now. Also, the fact I turned my chaotic life around is attractive to people (even girls). The funny thing is that I only got sober because of my HP. They think my own will power and discipline got me sober. I did not realize when I was 23 that most of my friends didn't drink like me. To them it was fun and a stress reliever. To me it was necessary just to feel OK. I was extremely immature because drinking was my only coping mechanism. In my experience that is a turn-off to people (even girls). I can honestly say that had I not stopped when I did, my life would be meaningless and hopeless. This disease is progressive and only gets worse if untreated. I suggest that every alcoholic gives this thing a try. What do they have to loose?

Heatherj43

hollow bottle wrote:

Thanks, I have been having the same thing with my lists... writing the first column and my mind is wandering to the others.
To be honest, I've started to think of the twelve steps as a circle, as I feel like you are never really going to finish any step. A step is something you use to get to the next level then you are done with it but the steps here aren't that way. I've got a sponsor now and I'm doing step one with him. I took step 3 out loud with my wife last night and need to do it again and again. And I'm slowly working on my step 4 lists. I guess I don't feel like I'll ever "finish" one step, you just change your opinion to them and review them as your understanding changes. I'm cool with that though - easy does it.

Something that helped me with step three was that all I needed to do was make a "decision" to turn it over. The work comes later. I was really complicating that step as I thought that I couldn't give up my will at an instant. It doesn't suggest to do that in my interpretation. I really like the word "decision" in that step. Otherwise, it would be something like -- We turned our will over... Now that was how I was interpreting it at first. I hope this helps.[/quote]
What is nice about the steps is you never finish them. So, for those worried about "jumping to the next column", etc., go ahead! You will redo all the steps over and over. Its like peeling back the layers of an onion. Each time, you only go deeper. If we completed each step thoroughly when we do them , then we'd graduate, which we never do.

locked

latest recovery blog from my friend Ellie!

http://onecraftymother.blogspot.com/200 ... t-day.html

Feel free to share!

hollow bottle

The problem with going into column 2 before finishing column 1, in the 4th step, is that I became angry. I was replaying all the horrible things people had done to me. It was a dangerous situation for me as I was new to the program. Instead of healing, I was tearing the scabs off old wounds. By stepping back and talking to my sponsor, I learned that it was much better for me to just keep moving down until finished with a column. That way I wouldn't get caught up and possibly drink. I also think it is important to note that this is not advise from me. It is in "The Big Book". It worked really well for me. It is true that you can always do another 4th step if you weren't honest or it was not thorough. But I found it best to keep moving in order to stay sober. I see too many people getting hung up on certain steps and some drink. Once you get to step 10, you will be handling your inventory regularly and should not need to go back to the 4th.

i shit and i stink

hollow bottle wrote:

The problem with going into column 2 before finishing column 1, in the 4th step, is that I became angry. I was replaying all the horrible things people had done to me. It was a dangerous situation for me as I was new to the program. Instead of healing, I was tearing the scabs off old wounds. By stepping back and talking to my sponsor, I learned that it was much better for me to just keep moving down until finished with a column. That way I wouldn't get caught up and possibly drink. I also think it is important to note that this is not advise from me. It is in "The Big Book". It worked really well for me. It is true that you can always do another 4th step if you weren't honest or it was not thorough. But I found it best to keep moving in order to stay sober. I see too many people getting hung up on certain steps and some drink. Once you get to step 10, you will be handling your inventory regularly and should not need to go back to the 4th.

Okay, so there are 4 lists, as far as I can tell: resentment, fear, sex conduct, harm to others.
Is the idea to do the first column on each list of the four lists, then the second column on each list...etc?
Or do we just to each list in turn working all of the columns on that list and then starting the next list when it is complete?

I had started the 4th step but, to be honest, I've been working, writing a lot in LIM and doing some stuff witha new sponsor, so I feel I need to go back and start step 4 again and do it thoroughly one more time while I'm completely focused on it.

i shit and i stink

"Each week the abuse of alcohol kills on average more than 60 Australians, while 1,500 end up in hospital."

Wow!

mickeyrat

i shit and i stink wrote:

hollow bottle wrote:

The problem with going into column 2 before finishing column 1, in the 4th step, is that I became angry. I was replaying all the horrible things people had done to me. It was a dangerous situation for me as I was new to the program. Instead of healing, I was tearing the scabs off old wounds. By stepping back and talking to my sponsor, I learned that it was much better for me to just keep moving down until finished with a column. That way I wouldn't get caught up and possibly drink. I also think it is important to note that this is not advise from me. It is in "The Big Book". It worked really well for me. It is true that you can always do another 4th step if you weren't honest or it was not thorough. But I found it best to keep moving in order to stay sober. I see too many people getting hung up on certain steps and some drink. Once you get to step 10, you will be handling your inventory regularly and should not need to go back to the 4th.

Okay, so there are 4 lists, as far as I can tell: resentment, fear, sex conduct, harm to others.
Is the idea to do the first column on each list of the four lists, then the second column on each list...etc?
Or do we just to each list in turn working all of the columns on that list and then starting the next list when it is complete?

I had started the 4th step but, to be honest, I've been working, writing a lot in LIM and doing some stuff witha new sponsor, so I feel I need to go back and start step 4 again and do it thoroughly one more time while I'm completely focused on it.

Follow your sponsers direction. As for the 4th , each list seperately by column, then move on to the next list.

i shit and i stink

mickeyrat wrote:

Follow your sponsers direction.

Now that is good advice
I know it sounds simple but your comment made me think that I've been trying to control my relationship with this guy because it's pretty new. I'd be better off just to trust what he wants to do and not undermine his efforts by doing my 4th step alone while he's trying to help me out by starting off slowly. When the time is right we'll get there together.

hollow bottle

I would definitely follow your sponsors advice. I'm sure you asked him because you have confidence in him. I was told to have a column for 1. Who I was resentful at. 2. The Cause 3. Affects My 4. Where Was I to Blame and 5. Sex Conduct. I found that my fears were always connected to the 4th column, as shown in the text. I was also told to do the first column, write down who I was resentful at. After doing the first column, than move to the second, and so on. It was a mental problem for me. I was not writing in other columns but I was in column 2 in my head. For example, I resented a previous boss of mine because he told another employee that he smelled alcohol on my breath at work. I should have just put his name down and moved on. Instead, I became angry with the situation and uncomfortable. As I moved on, I was doing the same thing with everyone I was resentful at. As you can imagine, my head was filling up with garbage. It worked for me to just finish the first column without thinking about The Cause at that time. When I read the Big Book closely, it was pretty clear that the first 100 did it that way. It's really amazing that you are doing this step! I am sure it will change your thinking for the better and help you in your relationships. Good luck!

melodious

i shit and i stink wrote:

mickeyrat wrote:

Follow your sponsers direction.

Now that is good advice
I know it sounds simple but your comment made me think that I've been trying to control my relationship with this guy because it's pretty new. I'd be better off just to trust what he wants to do and not undermine his efforts by doing my 4th step alone while he's trying to help me out by starting off slowly. When the time is right we'll get there together.

Letting go and letting "God" is a process too. All of this is a process. I look at the categories and where it says harm to others, I look at myself and think how self-mutilation is manifested in as many forms as human beings are unique.

Thanks again for sharing.

Heatherj43

soulsinging wrote:

i shit and i stink wrote:

I guess there is something in what you say but I still think that someone with an alcohol problem will always find a reason to drink and people to drink with. If not, we drink alone.

Having said that, to agree with your main point, I drunk right through my twenties because "everyone else is". I'm not saying it was the right thing to do though!

So, when it comes to 'tough ages', I can only speak from my own experience of how hard it is to stop. But I can't imagine that it is any easier or more difficult for the young guy whose friends drink or the old geezer who has been drinking for 40 years, or a woman or a man, black or white, intelligent or not so blessed - everyone in AA is equal in my eyes and I can't image that my own struggle is any more or less real than anyone elses. Age is really unimportant if you have had enough, it comes down to something more fundamental once you start stopping.

yeah, i was half joking. i think it's hard regardless, it's just hard for different reasons at different ages. in your 20s, almost all social life revolved around bars and drinking. i didn't make many friends in law school becos i didn't go to the bars (knew i couldn't trust myself) and thus missed out on the prime bonding opportunities the whole way through. before that, i lost almost all my friends when i quit drinking. most of them were coworkers in a restaurant and once i didn't go out to party, i was left. even older, more serious friends saw less of me becos we were doing different things most of the time.

of course, when you're older there are challenges too. it becomes ingrained into your life and habits in a way that it never could in my scattershot, ever-shifting life. you have a lot more tied to it becos you've spent years building a life around it. i think there's a bigger hole to fill in your life if you quit later, but i think the situational pressure to drink is greater when you quit young.

to me, that was a huge value of AA, finding young people in the same boat.

What also happens at an older age is the empty nest syndrome, and what once were goals are gone and past,
whether attained or not, and one is living in their future rather than having one. Friends become fewer and fewer, lots of lonliness and time on one's hands occur.

melodious

What also happens at an older age is the empty nest syndrome, and what once were goals are gone and past,
whether attained or not, and one is living in their future rather than having one. Friends become fewer and fewer, lots of lonliness and time on one's hands occur.

So very, very true. Keeping this in mind: that one day so we shall travel in the same boat.

locked

Thirty days, lord and thirty nights
Im comin home on an airplane flight

Mama waitin at the ticket line
Tell me son why do you stand there cryin

It was the needle and the spoon
And a trip to the moon
Took me away, took me away

Ive been feelin so sick and tired
Got to get better, lord before I die

Seven doctors couldnt help my head, they said
You better quit, son before your dead

Quit the needle. quit the spoon
Quit the trip to the moon
We gonna take you away. lord, we gonna take you away

Ive seen a lot of people who thought they were cool
But then again, lord Ive seen a lot of fools

Well, I hope you people, lord can hear what I say
Youll have your chance to hit it some day

Don't mess with the needle or a spoon
Or any trip to the moon
Itll take you away

Lord, their gonna bury you boy
Don't mess with the needle
Now I know, I know, I know...

locked

http://onecraftymother.blogspot.com/200 ... teful.html

Ellie's latest blog, a timely look at gratitude in sobriety!..

mickeyrat

Bit early but, here's wishing you all a safe and sober happy holiday!!!

i shit and i stink

mickeyrat wrote:

Bit early but, here's wishing you all a safe and sober happy holiday!!!

No too early, mate, it's already Christmas Day here.

I'm looking forward to it. The wife's family was a real challenge last year and I pretty much ruined my own Christmas because of resentment - and probably a few other people's too. I'm looking forward to at least attempting to be a part of the family and make amends a little for last year.

Happy holidays everyone.

locked

as an AA buddy of mine said...

Don't let "Christmas" ruin Christmas for you...

and for inspiration, here's a favorite JT song that help me keep it all on the down low in my brain...:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X60qHVqa ... re=related

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
Any fool can do it
There ain't nothing to it
Nobody knows how we got to
The top of the hill
But since we're on our way down
We might as well enjoy the ride

The secret of love is in opening up your heart
It's okay to feel afraid
But don't let that stand in your way
'cause anyone knows that love is the only road
And since we're only here for a while
Might as well show some style
Give us a smile

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
It's just a lovely ride

Now the thing about time is that time
Isn't really real
It's just your point of view
How does it feel for you
Einstein said he could never understand it all
Planets spinning through space
The smile upon your face
Welcome to the human race

Some kind of lovely ride
I'll be sliding down
I'll be gliding down
Try not to try too hard
It's just a lovely ride

Isn't it a lovely ride
Sliding down
Gliding down
Try not to try too hard
It's just a lovely ride

Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time

megatron

I'm in bed right now at a treatment center. Today is my 40th day of sobriety. The longest in 12 years and I am 26 years old. It's amazing how clouded my mind was. Everyday I'm learning to forgive myself. It is tough but exciting. After day 60 I go home. I can't wait.
I'm listening to parting ways right now which is pretty hilarious if you think of the song being about you and your drug of choice.

i shit and i stink

ties em off wrote:

I'm in bed right now at a treatment center. Today is my 40th day of sobriety. The longest in 12 years and I am 26 years old. It's amazing how clouded my mind was. Everyday I'm learning to forgive myself. It is tough but exciting. After day 60 I go home. I can't wait.
I'm listening to parting ways right now which is pretty hilarious if you think of the song being about you and your drug of choice.

Great job! 40 days is a real start.....
and don't listen if anyone says you are too young to do this at 26. The earlier you sort your life out and deal with your illness, the more life you have to enjoy ahead of you. I'm glad I've started this journey at 30, after a 13 year binge, instead of 65 (not that I was likely to live that long)!

In life people say "never too late", in AA I think it should say "never too late and never too early"!

All the best.