Wow, that was a road trip full of potential traps but I got through it. Glad I didn't meet my friends in Berlin the day before, I took the 'safety first' option and went to the concert on the day. Good move, as they had been in Berlin 48 hours and hadn't been back to the hotel yet.
And pearl jam? Well, Berlin was emotional and amazing. Gdynia was a lot of fun with a non-PJ crowd full of youngsters who were having the time of their lives. Glad to be back home for my meeting this morning though, I might need a few this week
we're all going to the same place...
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
Here in The States it's Independence Day.
I'm fortunate to live in freedom on a daily basis since I entered the program. All these things are when I allow them to be. Freedom from fear, freedom from anger, freedom from jealousy, freedom from selfishness, freedom from selfcenteredness.
Thanks to the program I'm free to love another in spite of or BECAUSE of their faults, free to help someone in need, free to give of myself without tooting my own horn.I'm free to do the right thing. I'm free to share my experience , strength, and hope with another so that they may identify with me and seek a better life for themselves.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
interesting and sad at the same time. Woman at tonights meeting. Prior experience with the steps, knows the programs works as promised. With that she seems willing to be a martyr "some have to die, so others may live" As if dying of alcoholism is a right purpose for her. Like , then her life would have meaning.
being where I am now , I cannot fathom that kind of mindset.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
interesting and sad at the same time. Woman at tonights meeting. Prior experience with the steps, knows the programs works as promised. With that she seems willing to be a martyr "some have to die, so others may live" As if dying of alcoholism is a right purpose for her. Like , then her life would have meaning.
being where I am now , I cannot fathom that kind of mindset.
What say you?
She sounds lost and without hope in the future. Not worth fighting battle.. just succumb and be done. Of course, what do i know.
Our meeting moved out of one guy's living room and into a regular meeting spot today.
There was a nice, official feel to that change.
Good meeting and a really nice clubhouse.
It might get a bit thin on membership numbers at times with only 4 of us attending right now, especially as a couple of us will have holidays away in the summer. But, you know, as the literature says 'any two people meeting can called themselves a group'.
A very long time ago, before I realized I had a problem with drugs and alcohol, I went to my first Alanon meeting, because my ex had a bad addiction, and only one guy was there. One of the people who usually attended that meeting was giving an open talk somewhere else and all the members, except this one guy, went to hear her talk. This guy purposely stayed back in case anyone showed up, like me.
He and I had a nice talk. I don't think he'll ever know how much that mattered. This happened about 30 years ago. I went to Alanon for a few years, then my own addiction took off worse and worse. I ended up clean and sober for 11 years, then relapsed for 10 years and now have been sober for 2 years.
That one guy was the beginning of hope for me. So, yeah, any two people can call themselves a group!
interesting and sad at the same time. Woman at tonights meeting. Prior experience with the steps, knows the programs works as promised. With that she seems willing to be a martyr "some have to die, so others may live" As if dying of alcoholism is a right purpose for her. Like , then her life would have meaning.
being where I am now , I cannot fathom that kind of mindset.
What say you?
I guess she needs to hear from someone else that her life matters. Sounds like a cry for help or she wouldn't bother coming to the rooms to share it, she would just drink her life away without wasting the hour on a meeting. She must have "a desire to stop drinking" somewhere inside her and that is what carried her through the doors.
we're all going to the same place...
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
interesting and sad at the same time. Woman at tonights meeting. Prior experience with the steps, knows the programs works as promised. With that she seems willing to be a martyr "some have to die, so others may live" As if dying of alcoholism is a right purpose for her. Like , then her life would have meaning.
being where I am now , I cannot fathom that kind of mindset.
What say you?
I guess she needs to hear from someone else that her life matters. Sounds like a cry for help or she wouldn't bother coming to the rooms to share it, she would just drink her life away without wasting the hour on a meeting. She must have "a desire to stop drinking" somewhere inside her and that is what carried her through the doors.
maybe. She was brought to the meeting by two other women that were trying to be supportive. They are members as well.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
So the father of my daughter's friend apparently asked my daughter to fetch him a beer... then fetch him a bottle opener... then he dared her to lick the beer out of the cap... why do some people think it is funny? I realize it's just a cap, but why bully children to do something they know they shouldn't go near??? Why do it with alcohol? Is he going to offer her money to drink from the bottle next time?
Arggh.. looks like a change in play date arrangements is in order.
So the father of my daughter's friend apparently asked my daughter to fetch him a beer... then fetch him a bottle opener... then he dared her to lick the beer out of the cap... why do some people think it is funny? I realize it's just a cap, but why bully children to do something they know they shouldn't go near??? Why do it with alcohol? Is he going to offer her money to drink from the bottle next time?
Arggh.. looks like a change in play date arrangements is in order.
not cool at all.
on a side note. how did your noncommital answer work out?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
on a side note. how did your noncommital answer work out?
I asked the ten club to delete that thread for me. Result - My tongue hurts from having to bite it so hard. I realize I am so angry about it... and bitter...it's not healthy for me or anyone else. I am probably going to need to find a counselor to help sort through it all. The two positives though are that I didn't start drinking or smoking again because of it. That was incredibly tough. So, we are two weeks removed from the situation and I can say I feel okay that I took the path I did in terms of not risking it all....in the end, dreamofangels...
...the whole world will be different soon, the whole world will be relieved...
this is helping me...I have 12 days today, put myself in treatment....first rehab I was 18 and that was 18 years ago....my family has put me in a few times, and I have left...this time I want it....what sticks with me is it's not for people who want it, need it, but for those who work it...learning alot about myself PAWS....f-ing sucks, ups and downs...I know I have been in a state of denial for a very long time.....the wreckage of my past and what has been done to me---that's about where I am at today, trying to go easy on myself and know I won't be healed overnight...but like my thinking,,,I want it now...doing it for myself this time thanx for this post
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
this is helping me...I have 12 days today, put myself in treatment....first rehab I was 18 and that was 18 years ago....my family has put me in a few times, and I have left...this time I want it....what sticks with me is it's not for people who want it, need it, but for those who work it...learning alot about myself PAWS....f-ing sucks, ups and downs...I know I have been in a state of denial for a very long time.....the wreckage of my past and what has been done to me---that's about where I am at today, trying to go easy on myself and know I won't be healed overnight...but like my thinking,,,I want it now...doing it for myself this time thanx for this post
I have two quick comments:
1. Someone describing me used to say that I want what I want and I want it now. My response then was "yes, and who doesn't?". Immediate gratification - who wouldn't want it? I just didn't get it. I have learned that patience is an incredible thing. When I feel the hint of "I want what I want...now" I have to talk myself into letting go of that "need" and instead I try to find a date in the future where I am allowed to re-evaluate it.
2. ... I often think about hypnotism. No clue if it would work but if it did then it would be the quick zap to save my soul, Right? Next thought though is the reminder that we are who we are based on the experiences we have had and the things we have learned. As terrible as some things are or were, we have been taught good and bad things from those experiences. The key is to learn from them all. Turn the bad experiences into good lessons learned. If we erased the memories or we received the "Jump to Go and collect $200" we wouldn't learn very much in the process and we wouldn't be as resolved to changing the future.
One of my favorite lessons is to not repeat old behaviors that didn't serve me well in the past. If you want it, get it and don't let go!
this is helping me...I have 12 days today, put myself in treatment....first rehab I was 18 and that was 18 years ago....my family has put me in a few times, and I have left...this time I want it....what sticks with me is it's not for people who want it, need it, but for those who work it...learning alot about myself PAWS....f-ing sucks, ups and downs...I know I have been in a state of denial for a very long time.....the wreckage of my past and what has been done to me---that's about where I am at today, trying to go easy on myself and know I won't be healed overnight...but like my thinking,,,I want it now...doing it for myself this time thanx for this post
Good luck and congratulations. 12 days is a good solid base. That is a lot of sober time.
This song always makes me think of early recovery, the first days and weeks:
I swallowed my words to keep from lying
I swallowed my face just to keep from biting I, I...
I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving, I was diving
I surfaced and all around me was enlightened
I always feel like Ed is saying that through rigorous self-examination and pushing oneself against ones own instincts to lie and cover things up, real enlightenment can be achieved but it takes a few hard knocks to get there. I listened to this song a lot when I was just a few days sober. In fact, I'm still only a short time sober, so I think I'm gonna go listen to it again....!
thank you for your posts...it's 4:35 am, I am the only one who is struggling with sleep....it was the best night for sleep though...did this happen to anyone else in early sobriety?
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
thank you for your posts...it's 4:35 am, I am the only one who is struggling with sleep....it was the best night for sleep though...did this happen to anyone else in early sobriety?
Yes, it did. it will get better in time. there's a running joke in th erooms. If you cant sleep , read the Big Book!!!
In all seriousness though, attend a lot of meetings and find a sponser as soon as you can. One that speaks from the book and more importantly , one whos actions are in line with what they say from the book. we are always here , so post away if you need to. and feel free to PM for more private matters.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
thank you for your posts...it's 4:35 am, I am the only one who is struggling with sleep....it was the best night for sleep though...did this happen to anyone else in early sobriety?
There is a really good AA book called "Living sober" which speaks about this and other things, it especially focuses on how to get through the pangs of early sobriety. It is a real help if you are trying to fill 24 without booze. Written by people who have been there. The chapter about sleeping difficulties helped a fellow of ours here a lot recently. It says that you don't need to panic about it, it is a normal reaction from the body and it will pass with time.
If I can't sleep I try to pray, I often fall asleep talking to my HP. He doesn't seem too offended by it...
thank you for your posts...it's 4:35 am, I am the only one who is struggling with sleep....it was the best night for sleep though...did this happen to anyone else in early sobriety?
There is a really good AA book called "Living sober" which speaks about this and other things, it especially focuses on how to get through the pangs of early sobriety. It is a real help if you are trying to fill 24 without booze. Written by people who have been there. The chapter about sleeping difficulties helped a fellow of ours here a lot recently. It says that you don't need to panic about it, it is a normal reaction from the body and it will pass with time.
If I can't sleep I try to pray, I often fall asleep talking to my HP. He doesn't seem too offended by it...
I have to laugh, when I saw HP, I thought "You talk to your computer (hewlettpackard)or however it is spelled...you mean your Higher Power...gotcha hahahaha!! I'm not all here right now....13 days
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
sorry... didn't read too much of this thread, but I think that the subject definitely encapsulates where I need to be but can't seem to get. As much as music sometimes inspires me to get myself together, I find that the more depressing side of it (not necissarilly in PJ's case) seems to reinforce the negative aspects that are in all of our lives no matter how pure and clean we may (or try) to be....
sorry... didn't read too much of this thread, but I think that the subject definitely encapsulates where I need to be but can't seem to get. As much as music sometimes inspires me to get myself together, I find that the more depressing side of it (not necissarilly in PJ's case) seems to reinforce the negative aspects that are in all of our lives no matter how pure and clean we may (or try) to be....
My life is totally fucked up right now, lost everything....so I put myself in treatment, not everyone has to go to treatment....a 12 step program for what ever it is you are addicted to is a great way to change your life for the better...if you are sick and tired of living the way you are living, find a meeting and just try it out...listen for the similarities....not the differences, guaranteed you will hear something if you want it, ya know?....good luck!! I am very new to this(14 days), but I can finally admit that I am a true alcoholic and all I can say is there is a freedom....it's not easy, but I sure as hell don't want to detox again.....hang tough
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
sorry... didn't read too much of this thread, but I think that the subject definitely encapsulates where I need to be but can't seem to get. As much as music sometimes inspires me to get myself together, I find that the more depressing side of it (not necissarilly in PJ's case) seems to reinforce the negative aspects that are in all of our lives no matter how pure and clean we may (or try) to be....
Something like this came up at our meeting yesterday. I've always focused on the war in the world, the bullies, my misfortunes, diseases, disasters and all that negative shit. I put myself in a 'box of fear' as someone once said. Through the 12 step program people learn to concentrate on the positives instead of drinking and/or drugging through life as an antedote to the fear. Those negative things will always happen but they are not under my control, the only thing I can do is try to be the best version of me. In AA we ask for:
"the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference".
Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.
Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.
Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.
get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.
Above all else , we only need to do this for today.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.
Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.
get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.
Above all else , we only need to do this for today.
thanx, I'm questioning putting my hand out...I try and share my experience with these girls I am living with because they are so much younger. I can only pray for God's will to be done, I know this....just hope for them that they don't have to go through the next 10 to 15 years of hell....the consequences get worse, self esteem is shot, and they already have been through enough shit, but for me I felt I was too young at their age, everyone else was partying....just a fucking state of denial
Music is the universal language
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.
Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.
get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.
Above all else , we only need to do this for today.
thanx, I'm questioning putting my hand out...I try and share my experience with these girls I am living with because they are so much younger. I can only pray for God's will to be done, I know this....just hope for them that they don't have to go through the next 10 to 15 years of hell....the consequences get worse, self esteem is shot, and they already have been through enough shit, but for me I felt I was too young at their age, everyone else was partying....just a fucking state of denial
It takes what it takes for us to reach the point where we say "I give up". the best thing you can do for them is to begin this process. "lead" by example.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
email my brother sent me. not an alky like me thank god.
"Got a cool story to tell you.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you this or not, but a year or two ago you taught me the acronym HALT. Usually for me the hungry and tired part is what sets me off. So now I am more aware and better able to control my temper.
Well, all this week the base is being inspected by higher headquarters. One of the scenarios today is something we call an “Active shooter”. That is basically like the guy at Ft. Hood that shot all those people.
Well the governing regulation says that if there is only one agency involved then that agency establishes an “incident commander”, basically the guy in charge of all agencies and people on scene. It goes on to say any situation with more than one agency involved the fire department will establish an incident commander.
Well today, during this “active shooter” exercise the cops responded to shots fired and held incident command for the first 5-20 minutes. Then they called for an ambulance to treat an exercise victim that had a gunshot wound. When the cops called the ambulance they made this a multiple agency response requiring a firemen to take incident command. My best young incident commander arrived on scene and took command. The hostage negotiator did not want to work with our guy, so the Chief of the cops called my guy and said “we are in charge stay out of it”. My guy says “the regulation is clear, more than one agency the FD is the incident commander”. Chief cop says “if you don’t give command back to the senior cop on-scene, you and I will be in the Wing commanders office this afternoon”. My guy says “please spell my name right”.
I was on-scene of another exercise incident, then I hear about it, I get to his scene to see if my guy is alright. He is doing great and everything was OK. In the back of our command vehicle is a big map, he had written all pertinent info about the incident on there. But, at the bottom of the map in huge letters was the word HALT. I had taught him that last year and he says he uses it all the time, and needed it today to keep his cool while arguing with the chief cop!
Pretty cool how your life influenced mine and that of one of my senior guys!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...
Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.
we're all going to the same place...
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...
Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,872
ok, so work has been a little bit of a roller coaster ride. Recently promoted , during this I was tasked with, as I saw it, forced change to certain aspects of my personality. Given this task by one in the rooms at that!!
Now, I have been somewhat DEmoted to my previous position, along with this I was given what sounds like a reasonale and plausible explaination of why. In addition , I believe I have ample reason, from experience, to not fully trust what has been said.
Which brings me to today. I use a 12 step prayer book published by Hazelden. I like it. todays prayer is this....(changed to reflect my concept)
The Right Road
Dear HP,
I have no idea where I'm going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I am actually doing so.
But I believe this,
I believe the desire to please you(hp) does in fact please you.
I hope I have that desire in everything I do.
I hope I never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead by the right road though I may know nothing about it at the time.
Therefore, I will trust you HP, always, for though I may seem to be lost,
and in the shadow of death, I will not be afraid,
because I know you will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Comments
And pearl jam? Well, Berlin was emotional and amazing. Gdynia was a lot of fun with a non-PJ crowd full of youngsters who were having the time of their lives. Glad to be back home for my meeting this morning though, I might need a few this week
I'm fortunate to live in freedom on a daily basis since I entered the program. All these things are when I allow them to be. Freedom from fear, freedom from anger, freedom from jealousy, freedom from selfishness, freedom from selfcenteredness.
Thanks to the program I'm free to love another in spite of or BECAUSE of their faults, free to help someone in need, free to give of myself without tooting my own horn.I'm free to do the right thing. I'm free to share my experience , strength, and hope with another so that they may identify with me and seek a better life for themselves.
I AM FREE.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
being where I am now , I cannot fathom that kind of mindset.
What say you?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
He and I had a nice talk. I don't think he'll ever know how much that mattered. This happened about 30 years ago. I went to Alanon for a few years, then my own addiction took off worse and worse. I ended up clean and sober for 11 years, then relapsed for 10 years and now have been sober for 2 years.
That one guy was the beginning of hope for me. So, yeah, any two people can call themselves a group!
I guess she needs to hear from someone else that her life matters. Sounds like a cry for help or she wouldn't bother coming to the rooms to share it, she would just drink her life away without wasting the hour on a meeting. She must have "a desire to stop drinking" somewhere inside her and that is what carried her through the doors.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Arggh.. looks like a change in play date arrangements is in order.
on a side note. how did your noncommital answer work out?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
...the whole world will be different soon, the whole world will be relieved...
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
1. Someone describing me used to say that I want what I want and I want it now. My response then was "yes, and who doesn't?". Immediate gratification - who wouldn't want it? I just didn't get it. I have learned that patience is an incredible thing. When I feel the hint of "I want what I want...now" I have to talk myself into letting go of that "need" and instead I try to find a date in the future where I am allowed to re-evaluate it.
2. ... I often think about hypnotism. No clue if it would work but if it did then it would be the quick zap to save my soul, Right? Next thought though is the reminder that we are who we are based on the experiences we have had and the things we have learned. As terrible as some things are or were, we have been taught good and bad things from those experiences. The key is to learn from them all. Turn the bad experiences into good lessons learned. If we erased the memories or we received the "Jump to Go and collect $200" we wouldn't learn very much in the process and we wouldn't be as resolved to changing the future.
One of my favorite lessons is to not repeat old behaviors that didn't serve me well in the past. If you want it, get it and don't let go!
Good luck to you.
Good luck and congratulations. 12 days is a good solid base. That is a lot of sober time.
This song always makes me think of early recovery, the first days and weeks:
I swallowed my words to keep from lying
I swallowed my face just to keep from biting I, I...
I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving, I was diving
I surfaced and all around me was enlightened
I always feel like Ed is saying that through rigorous self-examination and pushing oneself against ones own instincts to lie and cover things up, real enlightenment can be achieved but it takes a few hard knocks to get there. I listened to this song a lot when I was just a few days sober. In fact, I'm still only a short time sober, so I think I'm gonna go listen to it again....!
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
In all seriousness though, attend a lot of meetings and find a sponser as soon as you can. One that speaks from the book and more importantly , one whos actions are in line with what they say from the book. we are always here , so post away if you need to. and feel free to PM for more private matters.
Remember , we do this ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
There is a really good AA book called "Living sober" which speaks about this and other things, it especially focuses on how to get through the pangs of early sobriety. It is a real help if you are trying to fill 24 without booze. Written by people who have been there. The chapter about sleeping difficulties helped a fellow of ours here a lot recently. It says that you don't need to panic about it, it is a normal reaction from the body and it will pass with time.
If I can't sleep I try to pray, I often fall asleep talking to my HP. He doesn't seem too offended by it...
I have to laugh, when I saw HP, I thought "You talk to your computer (hewlettpackard)or however it is spelled...you mean your Higher Power...gotcha hahahaha!! I'm not all here right now....13 days
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
My life is totally fucked up right now, lost everything....so I put myself in treatment, not everyone has to go to treatment....a 12 step program for what ever it is you are addicted to is a great way to change your life for the better...if you are sick and tired of living the way you are living, find a meeting and just try it out...listen for the similarities....not the differences, guaranteed you will hear something if you want it, ya know?....good luck!! I am very new to this(14 days), but I can finally admit that I am a true alcoholic and all I can say is there is a freedom....it's not easy, but I sure as hell don't want to detox again.....hang tough
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
Something like this came up at our meeting yesterday. I've always focused on the war in the world, the bullies, my misfortunes, diseases, disasters and all that negative shit. I put myself in a 'box of fear' as someone once said. Through the 12 step program people learn to concentrate on the positives instead of drinking and/or drugging through life as an antedote to the fear. Those negative things will always happen but they are not under my control, the only thing I can do is try to be the best version of me. In AA we ask for:
"the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference".
Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
Above all else , we only need to do this for today.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
thanx, I'm questioning putting my hand out...I try and share my experience with these girls I am living with because they are so much younger. I can only pray for God's will to be done, I know this....just hope for them that they don't have to go through the next 10 to 15 years of hell....the consequences get worse, self esteem is shot, and they already have been through enough shit, but for me I felt I was too young at their age, everyone else was partying....just a fucking state of denial
What's better than a cigar? Ed with a sitar
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
"Got a cool story to tell you.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you this or not, but a year or two ago you taught me the acronym HALT. Usually for me the hungry and tired part is what sets me off. So now I am more aware and better able to control my temper.
Well, all this week the base is being inspected by higher headquarters. One of the scenarios today is something we call an “Active shooter”. That is basically like the guy at Ft. Hood that shot all those people.
Well the governing regulation says that if there is only one agency involved then that agency establishes an “incident commander”, basically the guy in charge of all agencies and people on scene. It goes on to say any situation with more than one agency involved the fire department will establish an incident commander.
Well today, during this “active shooter” exercise the cops responded to shots fired and held incident command for the first 5-20 minutes. Then they called for an ambulance to treat an exercise victim that had a gunshot wound. When the cops called the ambulance they made this a multiple agency response requiring a firemen to take incident command. My best young incident commander arrived on scene and took command. The hostage negotiator did not want to work with our guy, so the Chief of the cops called my guy and said “we are in charge stay out of it”. My guy says “the regulation is clear, more than one agency the FD is the incident commander”. Chief cop says “if you don’t give command back to the senior cop on-scene, you and I will be in the Wing commanders office this afternoon”. My guy says “please spell my name right”.
I was on-scene of another exercise incident, then I hear about it, I get to his scene to see if my guy is alright. He is doing great and everything was OK. In the back of our command vehicle is a big map, he had written all pertinent info about the incident on there. But, at the bottom of the map in huge letters was the word HALT. I had taught him that last year and he says he uses it all the time, and needed it today to keep his cool while arguing with the chief cop!
Pretty cool how your life influenced mine and that of one of my senior guys!
Love,
JT "
very nice thing to wake up to, let me tell you!!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...
Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Now, I have been somewhat DEmoted to my previous position, along with this I was given what sounds like a reasonale and plausible explaination of why. In addition , I believe I have ample reason, from experience, to not fully trust what has been said.
Which brings me to today. I use a 12 step prayer book published by Hazelden. I like it. todays prayer is this....(changed to reflect my concept)
The Right Road
Dear HP,
I have no idea where I'm going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I am actually doing so.
But I believe this,
I believe the desire to please you(hp) does in fact please you.
I hope I have that desire in everything I do.
I hope I never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead by the right road though I may know nothing about it at the time.
Therefore, I will trust you HP, always, for though I may seem to be lost,
and in the shadow of death, I will not be afraid,
because I know you will never leave me to face my troubles alone.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14