Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

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  • WildChildRose
    WildChildRose Posts: 568
    I haven't gone through this but I did end an engagement recently and that was really hard. I wish you luck! You'll get through it. I've had some hard hits but somehow life always goes on and I do believe things happen for a reason. Sorry you're going through it... at least you have good friends! That always helps!
    "I'll ride the wave where it takes me.."
  • JordyWordy
    JordyWordy Posts: 2,261
    I have not gone through this either, but hope you all are ok, and use this place when you need support. Great bunch here.
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    JordyWordy wrote:
    I have not gone through this either, but hope you all are ok, and use this place when you need support. Great bunch here.


    you're right....there are a lot of incredible around these parts :-)
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    me:
    together 9 yrs (married 4)
    split almost 3 yrs ago
    separated 1.5 yrs
    STILL not divorced.....
    Been single ever since. Happy some days, miserable others - just like my marriage, just like bein single before I was with my ex, and just like my time with the girl before...'life is what you make it'.

    My split was pretty amicable, but the actual, legal divorce has been a bitch so far...
    I went thru a couple of tough months while adjusting...used another board to vent and found a lot of helpful advice that helped me thru. A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.
    I have to agree with this..... as lame as it sounds.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.


    Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.


    Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)
    I understand, I was like that too... since my ex was my only at the time.

    my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.
    I have to agree with this..... as lame as it sounds.
    yes, it sounds lame...but there aren't many people in the world that are not slaves to their ego...(tho I'm sure many are egotistical enough to claim that they're not ;) )
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.


    Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)

    Don't worry, it's not you....I seem to have that affect on women ;)
  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    Drowned Out wrote:
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    A person on that board told me something that sounded like (out of character for this person) posturing at the time, but in retrospect, was pretty bang on: 'Once you get laid for the first time, things will start looking up'. ;) Not sure if that applies to everyone.


    Ugh...that just made my stomach turn a little bit. :? (Still too soon for me, I guess)

    Don't worry, it's not you....I seem to have that affect on women ;)

    :D
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

    my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.

    If it wasn't for the 'share yourself' part, I'd have said that it doesn't sound like you really agreed with what I said...would've sounded like you're saying 'once you fall in love, things will start looking up'....which would be a little like telling someone with a dead dog to go get a puppy....is 'share yourself with' girl-code for 'someone you've always wanted to fuck'? ;)
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Drowned Out wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

    my suggestion, find the right person.... one you love or want to share yourself with. It makes it easier and you forget all about the ex and only think of who you're with. A lot of people told me to get with a random guy... i wasn't about to do that and I'm glad I didn't.

    If it wasn't for the 'share yourself' part, I'd have said that it doesn't sound like you really agreed with what I said...would've sounded like you're saying 'once you fall in love, things will start looking up'....which would be a little like telling someone with a dead dog to go get a puppy....is 'share yourself with' girl-code for 'someone you've always wanted to fuck'? ;)
    i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
    I know, I'm just being an ass. sorry if I turned your stomach ;)

    Best of luck to the OP...keep yourself busy, don't wait around for time to make things better...these forums can be a lot of help when you're stuck home alone during the tough times...but try to avoid being stuck home alone!
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Drowned Out wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    i'm just saying that you should be comfortable in the situation... not just a random fuck.
    I know, I'm just being an ass. sorry if I turned your stomach ;)

    Best of luck to the OP...keep yourself busy, don't wait around for time to make things better...these forums can be a lot of help when you're stuck home alone during the tough times...but try to avoid being stuck home alone!
    you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again ;)

    we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again ;)

    we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.

    ah, another venus/mars thing....having my sheets graced (that's a new one!) was about the only thing I was ready to accept right away :D
    thanks for rubbing in the 'one year - divorce is final' part :P
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Drowned Out wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    you didn't turn my stomach.... when my ex first left maybe... but now it's been a year and the divorce is final! there's been 'relations' and all is good again ;)

    we were married for 6 years and together for 10 years all together.... it's hard to accept there will be other men gracing your sheets when the split happens.

    ah, another venus/mars thing....having my sheets graced (that's a new one!) was about the only thing I was ready to accept right away :D
    thanks for rubbing in the 'one year - divorce is final' part :P
    can I ask why yours is taking so long?
    once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    can I ask why yours is taking so long?
    once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.

    you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
    ...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(

    it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Drowned Out wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    can I ask why yours is taking so long?
    once the papers were filed here (Pennsylvania) it took about 7 months... it was all paper work no court appearances. but then again it was a no contest divorce.

    you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
    ...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(

    it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3vjN9k-sgM

    Say "we want pre-nup!"
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Drowned Out wrote:

    you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce here.
    ...the separation dragged a bit (no real reason). I was in no hurry to get the divorce done - she was in a relationship by the time we were eligible, so I figured I'd wait it out and see if she would want to remarry...ie: let her pay for the divorce draft, under the assumption it would read the same as the separation papers and I would only need a lawyer for one quick review/signing...she changed a bunch of stuff, I made a tough counter claim, and now it's become a money/custody thing :(

    it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.
    ahhh, yeah it can be expensive. I opted to not change my name just to save the cash... LOL. We didn't argue much about the divorce when it came down to it cause money was so tight and I think we were just done with each other (sad I know). Besides he knew not to make it difficult for me since I had proof of him cheating and drug use during the marriage.

    I'm sorry it's been rough for you DO, where are you that it takes so long? You have kids?
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    soulsinging wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:

    it's the same old shit; we both think we're getting screwed...and we are...by our lawyers.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3vjN9k-sgM

    Say "we want pre-nup!"
    That was like the fucking bat signal :lol: I knew you'd show up...actually a catchy tune ha!
    I don't think it would have mattered?...the money issues are over child maintenance and visitation and the way it's been handled....and no, i'm not a deadbeat dad, and have never been late on a payment...I'm trying hard not to go into too much detail here, nor give a completely biased acount of it all....but let's just say...ya...imho.....catchy tune :lol:

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