Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

sorry to hear that pearljgirl2010. your beaming smile in your avatar makes me smile whenever i see it. you have lots of virtual friends on here... only 8% of us are robots too. ...but which 8%.

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

PatrickBateman wrote:

My marriage has been heading down that path for awhile....it sucks for sure. but I know a lot of divorced people who eventually are really happy. I have 4 kids with her though which will put me in the poor house for awhile.

I'm sorry :(

it is true... divorce brings happiness for some, especially if you know the marriage isn't right/working.
I wish you happiness PB whichever way that may be.

the worst part is I am trying....wait, not "trying", I AM being a better husband, but now she is using it against me. Seems like she is going to spend the rest of our marriage "making me pay"....I didnt cheat, I have been working on the side as much as I can to save money in case my company goes under and have even refused side jobs to be home. She doesn't like our house, my side of the family, my friends, and the fact that I am taking on side jobs to put money aside. I am not perfect....

thanks CIW, too bad we cant rewind life and do things different. and like our buddy EV once said "some words when spoken, can't be taken back" sorry to hear PJG2010.

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

PatrickBateman wrote:

thanks CIW, too bad we cant rewind life and do things different. and like our buddy EV once said "some words when spoken, can't be taken back" sorry to hear PJG2010.

Honestly, I wouldn't do anything differently. When things were good, they were worth the pain in the end. And that pain got me here... a new beginning with a new outlook.

glad to hear you are at peace with it. We had some great times...it is hard to look at her , remembering the good times and just think "wow, wtf happened?"

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

PatrickBateman wrote:

glad to hear! we had some great times...it is hard to llok at her , remembering the good times and just think "wow, wtf happened?"

I know that feeling/thought!!!

I have all these photos of the good times, and when I see them I think... "Damn who IS that?!" :roll:

these thoughts for us now are like temporary band aids.

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

PatrickBateman wrote:

these thoughts for us now are like temporary band aids.

band aids hurt less when ripped off fast, not slow.

(does that even apply... it's getting late and I'm afraid i'm not making sense now! :? )

our band aids last about 2 weeks before they are ripped off and reapplied. It seems inevitable and it sucks. we were together for 15 years

PatrickBateman wrote:

it is late, I am leaving work now and calling it a night....to be continued? haha
take care

to be continued....

same to you.

night.

i have no advice...never been through it......just want to wish you the very best. i've watched my oldest sister go thorugh it, 2x, and it's definitely not an easy process to say good-bye to someone you loved....even if it's what you want and necessary. i think any long-term committed relationships goes through some very tough spots at times, i know we have....but i cannot truly even imagine what it's like to actually be at the stage you're at. so i wish you peace of mind and to focus on the future when you WILL absolutely be happy again. good luck with it all!




edit - i've just read the other comments in the thread, and to patrickbateman....have you two tried counseling? i know it sounds trite....but it sounds like you DO still want to give it a go, try and salvage your marriage. not saying it is a cure-all, but if either one of you at all hopes to work through it, couseling CAN work wonders for you both, if you both trull go into it with an open attitude. not saying it can *save* your marriage...you'd both still have to do the heavy lifting, but it certainly could arm you with tools to make it possible. and if not, you'll probably both learn a lot about yourselves, your relationship...and still come out ahead, knowing you gave it every shot....and armed with tools to help you in your life, even if seperately.




good luck to all going through difficult times.....no matter how cold the winter, there IS a spring time ahead!

PatrickBateman wrote:

PJG2010 I hope things get better for you soon and I may take you up on that venting someday;)

D2D- we tried the counseling a couple years ago. I took my lumps the first session, listened to everything they had to say and realized that I need to make some changes, no problem. Next session was my turn to say how I feel and the counselor agreed with my points and basically told my wife she also needs to change (compromise). Well, that was the end of counseling because according to my wife, she is perfect and shouldn't have to do anything.

:(
sad to read that.
does she still think she's *perfect*...?
idk, obviously i don't know you...her...your relationship....but i just always hope couples who were once obviously in love, especially a couple like yourself with 4 children.....would truly WANT to work it out, rediscover their love, etc. obviously, as long as it once was there....it CAN be rediscovered, and even BETTER....but absolutely BOTH of you have to truly want it. it is sad when ego gets in the way of healing and growth, especially when it affects others. perhaps if things are *bad* enough, she may reconsider her perfection...new counselor, new shot? otherwise, if things are just status quo, at a standstill.....seems communication and expressing what you want to happen, one way or another, is the only option at some point. well.....wish you the best. sometimes going it alone Is the best option, and i too wish you peace of mind, and much love for your children...

PatrickBateman wrote:

She feels that, yes, she does and has done everything right.

:(
check your PMs.






to pearljgirl and all of you going thru such a difficult time.....i truly wish you strength and peace, and all the best. happiness will come back.