Acquaintance Rape

Heineken Helen wrote:

actual criminal... NOT the victim.

hehe, it's like a light bulb started shinging in my head when i re-read those words. you are right, people in this thread started blaming the victim not the criminal.

and as for clothing, i think women can wear whatever they want and not be afraid of leading men on.

to all the men outhere:

some women wear short skirts because that particular skirt is in fashion

or that particular short skirt suits them and they want to look good for themselves.

JordyWordy wrote:

its a perspective thing whether its harsh or not. and its pretty understandable if shes shook up about it. as for safety, yes it was a learning experience and probably an unneccisarily risky thing to do, but i dont think that theres any point trying to excuse anything the guy did here cos the important thing is that she said no. and he kept going. thats just thinking like a horny caveman.

in pretty much any commonlaw system court (ireland, US, canada, aussie, nz, uk) if he touched her afterwards it would count technically as (sexual) assault...so from that point i dont really see how its harsh

I think it's harder for some guys to understand cos they, presumably, are less likely to have been in that situation. I think there's a pretty high percentage of women who have experienced even someone forcing them to kiss them. It's not the kissing that's bad but when they don't stop and you're trying to push them away and there is a split second where you think 'I might be in trouble here' and that's bad enough but the guy's thinking 'it's just a fucking kiss, don't be such a prick teaser'. And yeh, it is just a kiss but she doesn't know where that's leading.

Heineken Helen wrote:

all the talk has been about what she did wrong... but everyone seems to be in agreeance that no means no BUT....... it's often followed by a 'but' and it shouldn't be... no means no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she said the guy respected her "no's" and finally left.

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I agree 100% helen. however, she did put herself in a dangerous situation. I've made that mistake as well and luckily did not have any problems, but after the fact I've been like "shit, I should not have invited that guy I barely know to my house." but live and learn. and luckily, it does not sound like she was really injured in anyway and was finally able to get rid of him. I think the point some people are making which could be taken as "blaming the victim" could be seen as just "next time be more careful because there are scumbags out there!"

Well put. We all make mistakes....and hopefully learn from them as you did.

Indian Summer wrote:

she said the guy respected her "no's" and finally left.

that part makes it sound like he didnt touch her after to be fair, but then again he didnt leave for 15 minutes so its hardly like they were having fun banter for that time.

hey INDIANSUMMER,SOULSINGING and evryother cavemen out there glad you guys don't live anywhere near me or that you don't get to be at the meet up's here in NY ,GET A FUCKINGLIFE .i for one respect the women in my life assholes we all came out of one ........

genie wrote:

what i don't understand is why her thread title is rape. clearly she hasn't been raped.

She probably has realised that she could have been raped, and the facts like she said, dont sound as bad as they were in her head...so the title makes the link for us as to where she thought it couldve gone....i guess?

josevolution wrote:

hey INDIANSUMMER,SOULSINGING and evryother cavemen out there glad you guys don't live anywhere near me or that you don't get to be at the meet up's here in NY ,GET A FUCKINGLIFE .i for one respect the women in my life assholes we all came out of one ........

at least there's one!

It all seems so pointless now!

in_hiding79 wrote:

It's so easy for a girl to cry rape that it just isn't fair to some guys. Seriously, what you wear and how you act wearing it makes a poor guy confused! Geez..

Sick :(

Heineken Helen wrote:

all the talk has been about what she did wrong... but everyone seems to be in agreeance that no means no BUT....... it's often followed by a 'but' and it shouldn't be... no means no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

totally. "No" should be the end of it. like the others said, off home to do whatever it is you need to do, but on your own. or with porn, or with someone who's cool with it. or whatever floats ur boat......