Acquaintance Rape

Heineken Helen

sweet adeline wrote:

no means no.

Exactly... whether it's simply 'no you can't kiss me' or 'no you're not welcome in my house anymore', to continue trying is very intimidating when you're on the receiving end. I know it's definitely not the same as rape and very very very far from it... but when you're in that situation, you don't know how far he's going to go when he starts not taking no for an answer.

sweet adeline

Heineken Helen wrote:

Exactly... whether it's simply 'no you can't kiss me' or 'no you're not welcome in my house anymore', to continue trying is very intimidating when you're on the receiving end. I know it's definitely not the same as rape and very very very far from it... but when you're in that situation, you don't know how far he's going to go when he starts not taking no for an answer.

plus, you have to be a giant tool/douche to get shot down and then ask for something else.

Indian Summer

drivingrl wrote:

It's called self-restraint. If a woman says "no," that's the end of the discussion. Period. No matter what she's wearing, no matter what she says, no means no. Any other response is a lack of self-restraint on the man's part.

If I were you, I'd be very careful about saying things like this. It is never the victim's fault.

She wasn't raped! There was no victim! She just had some awkward moments on a date. People throw that term around too loosely.

AllNiteThing

Don't invite sketchy, barely known people over to your place ALONE to 'watch videos' :rolleyes: Pretty simple common sense if you ask me. Sure some people can be random victims and terrible things happen, but you have to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't walk alone in dark, secluded parking lots. Don't stay out late at a bar and walk home alone. And DON'T invite random people over to your house to 'watch videos'! lol...I can't believe this needs to be said?

Heineken Helen

AllNiteThing wrote:

Don't invite sketchy, barely known people over to your place ALONE to 'watch videos' :rolleyes: Pretty simple common sense if you ask me. Sure some people can be random victims and terrible things happen, but you have to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't walk alone in dark, secluded parking lots. Don't stay out late at a bar and walk home alone. And DON'T invite random people over to your house to 'watch videos'! lol...I can't believe this needs to be said?

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

Welcome to 2007 sister!

pjhawks

Heineken Helen wrote:

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

well while I agree with you Helen the poster above does have somewhat of a point. You have to be really careful in your surroundings and who you deal with at all times. Especially if you are a woman. now maybe some attitudes about this are different depending on where your from and the type of area you live in. i know in the city areas of the US you want to be darn sure about who you are with and what you are doing. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad people out there. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I excusing what this guy did or blaming Tish but I think as a general rule you really need to be careful about people. I cringe sometimes when I see women out at a bar or something and how some women so casually leave their friends or let their friends do things with people they barely know. An example of this is the Natalle Holloway story. Why the hell would her friends let her leave with strange men in foreign country? At worse one of them should have went along. I guess that's a post for another time though.

Indian Summer

pjhawks wrote:

well while I agree with you Helen the poster above does have somewhat of a point. You have to be really careful in your surroundings and who you deal with at all times. Especially if you are a woman. now maybe some attitudes about this are different depending on where your from and the type of area you live in. i know in the city areas of the US you want to be darn sure about who you are with and what you are doing. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad people out there. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I excusing what this guy did or blaming Tish but I think as a general rule you really need to be careful about people. I cringe sometimes when I see women out at a bar or something and how some women so casually leave their friends or let their friends do things with people they barely know. An example of this is the Natalle Holloway story. Why the hell would her friends let her leave with strange men in foreign country? At worse one of them should have went along. I guess that's a post for another time though.

exactly!

Heineken Helen

pjhawks wrote:

well while I agree with you Helen the poster above does have somewhat of a point. You have to be really careful in your surroundings and who you deal with at all times. Especially if you are a woman.

Ya know when I said something similar before, people were arguing with me and saying I was going over the top... cos nothing happened, but once something DOES happen or COULD have happened, suddenly it's the girls fault (not saying you, but ya see where i'm coming from). Yes, of course I know you have to be careful, but it doesn't make you at fault if you decide to invite someone you think could be a friend or more around to watch a video.

soulsinging

tish wrote:

Thanks anyways Chadwick. Was sweet of you to offer.

I was not dressed sexy. I will get to know people that I think are neat on neutral/safe turf next time. This experience has taught me to have clear, strong boundaries when inviting men over.

I'm okay with not taking pride in my accomplishments. I'm more honored to be a small part in something good these days.

get to know? so you didnt know him that well? and you invited him to your home? that was unwise. if you were dressed like you were heading to the clubs (you're very dodgy on this point, makes me think you got all decked out to impress but didn't want to impress that much), then im not shocked he figured you wanted to get some.

that said, no excuse for what he did. course, if i were in his shoes id have called you a fucking tease and walked out the second you said no.

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

quit whining. i cant walk alone through the south side of chicago in a red shirt without getting shot. i cant walk through the west side here while counting my money openly. we all have things to do to keep ourselves safe. quit acting like that's sexist.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

quit whining. i cant walk alone through the south side of chicago in a red shirt without getting shot. i cant walk through the west side here while counting my money openly. we all have things to do to keep ourselves safe. quit acting like that's sexist.

when did I say anything about sexism? I'm AS pissed off about the fact that there are certain pubs in Northern Ireland that I will be told to leave because of my accent. I don't think any of that is right. I shouldn't have to look out for a sign on the door saying 'catholics welcome' or 'protestants welcome' or 'everyone welcome'. People shouldn't HAVE to be careful... it's sad when perhaps the biggest danger to some people is other people. Why does it have to be that way?

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

when did I say anything about sexism? I'm AS pissed off about the fact that there are certain pubs in Northern Ireland that I will be told to leave because of my accent. I don't think any of that is right. I shouldn't have to look out for a sign on the door saying 'catholics welcome' or 'protestants welcome' or 'everyone welcome'. People shouldn't HAVE to be careful... it's sad when perhaps the biggest danger to some people is other people. Why does it have to be that way?

cos humans are petty pieces of shit. i figured you'd know by now that the world is not and never will be perfectly fair. tough shit. deal with it.

Heineken Helen

soulsinging wrote:

cos humans are petty pieces of shit. i figured you'd know by now that the world is not and never will be perfectly fair. tough shit. deal with it.

Nope! Cos I just don't get why people HAVE to be like that... they don't is what I'm trying to say. I shouldn't have to change my ways because THEY'RE wankers. None of us should... it's like me walking around throwing stuff at old people

I'm not falling for the whole 'that's the way it is, deal with it' bullshit cos I shouldn't fuckin have to.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

when did I say anything about sexism?

you went off on the whole "why is it always the woman's fault" tangent.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

Nope! Cos I just don't get why people HAVE to be like that... they don't is what I'm trying to say. I shouldn't have to change my ways because THEY'RE wankers. None of us should... it's like me walking around throwing stuff at old people

I'm not falling for the whole 'that's the way it is, deal with it' bullshit cos I shouldn't fuckin have to.

So don't. Then when you get raped/mugged/murdered....you can't be upset, because you didn't change your ways.

Heineken Helen

Indian Summer wrote:

you went off on the whole "why is it always the woman's fault" tangent.

That's not sexism... that's just the topic we're discussing I thought that was pretty clear. The topic is not about things you can and can't do in ALL situations... but you're the one who went off on why it IS the womans fault... I was debating that.

Heineken Helen

Indian Summer wrote:

So don't. Then when you get raped/mugged/murdered....you can't be upset, because you didn't change your ways.

Oh yes, I fucking can be upset. It still does not make it even remotely my fault. This planet belongs to all of us... I'm not letting the bigger and stronger ones have any control over me. Once you start changing your ways, they've won. Hence the fact dark alleyways ARE always so quiet. They'd probably be FULL of people and not dangerous at all if people hadn't changed their ways.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

That's not sexism... that's just the topic we're discussing I thought that was pretty clear. The topic is not about things you can and can't do in ALL situations... but you're the one who went off on why it IS the womans fault... I was debating that.

There is no fault....because nothing happened. But she put herself in the perfect situation for "something" to happen. Flirtin with disaster.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

Oh yes, I fucking can be upset. It still does not make it even remotely my fault. This planet belongs to all of us... I'm not letting the bigger and stronger ones have any control over me. Once you start changing your ways, they've won. Hence the fact dark alleyways ARE always so quiet. They'd probably be FULL of people and not dangerous at all if people hadn't changed their ways.

You're so out of touch with reality its scary. Good luck living in your Utopian mind.

The Champ

So I'm confused. What exactly was the plan here? She invited a friend/stranger(which is it?) to watch some fucking Harry Potter and then what? I'd be upset too if I went through all that and didn't get to fuck something ..

soulsinging

Heineken Helen wrote:

Nope! Cos I just don't get why people HAVE to be like that... they don't is what I'm trying to say. I shouldn't have to change my ways because THEY'RE wankers. None of us should... it's like me walking around throwing stuff at old people

I'm not falling for the whole 'that's the way it is, deal with it' bullshit cos I shouldn't fuckin have to.

yes you should fuckin have to. i feel pretty comfortable saying you aint perfect and you've probly been shitty to a few people in your life and done mean things to people yourself. becos human beings are not perfect and sometimes they're selfish and act like nothing matters but what they want. so it is the way it is and it shouldn't be any other way becos it simply cannot be. people DO have to be like that. becos people are flawed and fuck things up.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Indian Summer wrote:

sure it does.....this guy was apparently picking up some sort of signals from you. Sounds like you were being sort of a tease to get behavior like that out of him. I know it still doesn't make it right for him to keep it up after saying "no"...but I feel like you're not painting the whole picture....after all there are two sides to every story.

lol I'll never understand where guys like this come from...

"She was giving off secret signals I tell you!"

::rolls eyes::

Indian Summer

Saturnal wrote:

lol I'll never understand where guys like this come from...

"She was giving off secret signals I tell you!"

::rolls eyes::

Good...obviously you're not a tease like the original poster seems to be. You probably haven't been in a situation like this because you are smarter.

pjhawks

Saturnal wrote:

lol I'll never understand where guys like this come from...

"She was giving off secret signals I tell you!"

::rolls eyes::

guys think any woman that talks to them is a potential sex partner

Riverrunner

josevolution wrote:

hey this is for the caveman who think that if a woman is wearing provacative clothes that she is asking to get raped get a fucking mind or beter yet jump off a building assholes ,an invatation to someones house doesn't translate to "come fuck me" guy's respect your womans words NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO means no .....

I second this motion.

Some of you guys or girls (I have assumed guys) sound like you belong in the 1950's or some right wing fundamentalist church.

Heineken Helen

Indian Summer wrote:

Good...obviously you're not a tease like the original poster seems to be. You probably haven't been in a situation like this because you are smarter.

I'm so glad I don't live in your world... do your women walk 10 steps behind your men too? :eek: I still really really cannot understand this pig ignorant way of thinking.

Indian Summer

Heineken Helen wrote:

I'm so glad I don't live in your world... do your women walk 10 steps behind your men too? :eek: I still really really cannot understand this pig ignorant way of thinking.

you don't understand common sense and personal safety?

genie

pjhawks wrote:

guys think any woman that talks to them is a potential sex partner

true unless they're not physically attracted to her......

hehe, btw i see now why majority of the guys i've met and who have spoken to me on more than two occasions, then started being serious with me

and those that didn't, had a girlfriend probably

Heineken Helen

Indian Summer wrote:

you don't understand common sense and personal safety?

oh yes, I understand completely that I have to wait for the green man when I'm crossing the road. I understand that if I see a snake I probably should not approach it. I know I should wear my seatbelt. Yep, I'm quite common sensical... but don't expect me to take the blame for somebody ELSE being a fuckhead... cos there's no chance in hell that's gonna happen. What I've learned is you can be as safe as you fucking like and it can still happen. You can walk through a dark alley every night and nothing happen. So fuck having to worry about it! In my situation I felt perfectly 100% safe and it never even entered my head that something could happen. He was a friend and I'll be fucked if that means I can't be alone in a room with a guy cos that's just ridiculous... and in my case, that's where I 'went wrong'. That's all I did.