Acquaintance Rape

Heineken Helen wrote:

since when does a date mean you're getting laid though?

And yeh, I blamed the drugs too and not him, that's why I didn't report him... 'the drugs' still raped another girl the following week. Does that make him less responsible? Too many excuses... 'it wasn't his fault, it was the drugs', 'well it was like a date', 'she was dressed sexy'

when are people gonna take responsibilty for THEIR fuck ups?

Well I might be the only one, but when a date consists of going to somebody's house to watch a video, well that's the que

Going out to the theater, maybe you'll get action if you come back to her house or she comes over. Going out to eat, maybe, maybe not. Walk on the beach, more than likely

It just depends on where the "date" or "meeting" takes place. I feel it's implied when going to somebody's house, just the two of you, for longer than, "let me grab my checkbook" or whatever.


And I do agree that his actions were irresponsible and he can't really blame her for what he thought may happen. There isn't an excuse for what he did, but I can see why he was under the impression that he had a chance. He's a jerk for insisting, I don't think anybody disagrees with that. Maybe he had a few drinks in him, I don't feel we have the whole story from tish.


And I have to ask, unless you're really good friends with a guy, do you invite them over or go over to his house? That's looking for trouble unless you know the person is not into you like that. If he's a creep or stalker, then now he knows where you live.

Heineken Helen wrote:

Wow, see I would see that as being too obvious to BE a date. If someone said to me why don't I go over and watch a movie... I would actually presume that was what they meant. Now if they asked me in for 'coffee' at the end of the night, well that's a whole other story.

See again we could be talking about locational differences. We don't really do dating at all over here so someone asks you to their house it isn't even a date. And is it just me or does it seem mostly Americans who can't have opposite gender friends? Us Europeans don't seem to have a clue what the fuck this is all about?

Sure you can have opposite gender friends. I think girls are better than guys to have as friends myself.
You would really think that it was just to watch a movie? Let's say you liked the guy and thought he liked you when he asked you over. Would your thoughts about the night be the same?

Heineken Helen wrote:

I agree with that paragraph. I too can see why he thought he had a CHANCE... but again, nobody should feel like anybody's a sure thing.


But I thought ALL guys are into women like that if this thread's to be believed? So again, going by this thread, if all guys fancy all women well then women are stupid by being alone in a room with any guy.

The case I'm talking about, I was at a party in his house... with several other guys and girls that I worked with at the time. We just happened to be in a room alone.

All men are sex-driven pigs
And women are stupid for letting their guard down because it's common knowledge that men are sex-driven pigs


In your case, things just got out of hand it seems, and the guy was probably sex sober for a while (which is why he moved to another girl the next week) and sex was a high priority. Just a guess from what I read.

Heineken Helen wrote:

Most of MY friends are male and yeh, I'm sure SOME of them wouldn't be opposed to something happening if it did... but there are also some of them who wouldn't even consider it. If I liked him, sure things would be different... but I wouldn't assume he liked me or that we were both thinking the same thing. Surely everyone in each gender has been knocked back enough to avoid making assumptions?

Depends on the person I suppose.

Heineken Helen wrote:

well then aren't men stupid for forgetting that women AREN'T sex driven pigs?

Yes. Inconsiderate and selfish. But it's not our fault, we love sex

Heineken Helen wrote:

No in that case he was just a prick... why must there always be an explanation or an excuse? Not to sound like a bitch but you did ask how I could be IN a situation like that with a guy... I replied... I wasn't looking for your opinion on what happened cos you weren't there but I sure as fuck was. So again sorry for being rude but I made enough excuses for him at the time... I don't need anyone else to do that too. And I didn't TELL you enough for you to judge on what you read.

My apologies then.

Heineken Helen wrote:

I suppose also women have heard the story too many times cos women are more likely to open up to other women about this kinda thing... I too know several women who have been raped/abused/assaulted. I'm willing to guess most women do. I think the percentage is FAR higher than we're lead to believe.

One in four women are raped here in the United States, so that should say something.

Ultimately, my point is, it's nothing short of horrible to say someone is bringing rape or the threat of rape upon herself (or himself). No one ever asks for that. lol

And as far as these judgments for her wanting to have sex with her neighbor... Heaven forbid she have desires! And I understand the guy she invited to her house had desires, too, but he barely knew better to stop pushing her when she said "No."

genie wrote:

Hey, wait a minute there! Blackeyedangel didn't say he dispises men, and he wasn't the one who started talk about "cavemen". he was talking about people...about everyone of us.

I hate rules of the nature, and that we humans still have primitive urges in us. Sure i understand everything you've written in your post, but we shouldn't blame things on nature, we as a society should better ourselves always.
I'm not saying we should aim for some fucking fantasy land, but each person should try and be on their best behaviour and help others.

*edit* For Blackeyedangel
actually once i said unpleasant sarcastic comment to you, and you didn't understand me, and written a good reply to me. so i'm sorry, i was was a bit of a bitch to you for no aparent reason from what i can remember.

Oops, my bad. blackeyedangel certainly came off as a woman.

I agree with you too, you should be able to see that from my post. Of course we shouldn't blame nature, but ignoring it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and it is up to each one of us to behave accordingly in this society if we want to stay out of trouble. Problem is, nature doesn't care if you ignore it or pass laws against it, it always has and always will rear its ugly head now and again. If you're ignorant to that, then you put yourself at risk.

The Champ wrote:

So this is the same chick who is surprised that some dude would have the nerve to hit on her when she invited him over for a cozy cuddly movie escape from the brutally cold but romantic snow filled Winter evening? Give me a fucking break. What a dumb fucking pointless thread...and she hasn't responded to her own dumb thread in days coz she's embarrassed and/or blowing the neighbor..

Bingo!

Heineken Helen wrote:

If someone said to me why don't I go over and watch a movie... I would actually presume that was what they meant

I think this is the difference between you and the majority in this thread. If 'someone' who is not your 'friend' is invited over to watch a movie as described in this scenerio, it's logical to presume that some romantic interlude is expected to occur and/or hope to develop. Doesn't necessarily mean that sex will take place, obviously. But unless both parties are dumb as fucking rocks, they both know full well what's going on. Of course when she says 'no' it should be over, but only because the sparks or what have you did not develop on her end..

soulsinging wrote:

jesus you women... they are not judgments about her being a whore or having desires. they are questions about what REALLY happened. becos adding that old thread into the equation makes me suspect that it is quite possible this was less him pushing her ater she said no than it is a confused dude wondering what the hell this woman wants from him and a little bit frustrated at being lead on. have we all forgotten that 1) she was not raped and 2) she herself said he respected her decision?

It's this quick jump to the victim mentality that gives the REAL victims a bad name. If it weren't for these oversensitive women crying foul everytime a man tries to make a move, there wouldn't be as much skepticism about whether or not someone really is a victim. It's sick.